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Nuggets Of Wisdom On Life, Love And Relationships From Tony Robbins

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Last weekend I curled up on the couch with my love to watch I Am Not Your Guru by Tony Robbins and was blown away. I didn’t think it would bring me to tears, have me shouting ‘hell yeah’, and pumping my fist in the air… but it did.

I have always loved Tony — he was one of the first mentors I discovered many years ago when I embarked on my inward journey of self discovery. But I now have a whole newfound respect for this divine man after watching the movie. Not only that, there were so many nuggets of wisdom I want to share with you because, well to be frank, they are just too good not to share.

So let’s dive in...

Nuggets Of Wisdom On Life

Everyone's Issue In Life Is That They Think They Shouldn’t Have Any Issues

‘Issues’, ‘problems’, ‘challenges’ — whatever you wanna call ‘em, they’re going to happen, I can promise you that. And you can’t do anything about it. Seriously — your loved ones are going to pass on, your car will break down, your kids will lose it in public… s%#t will happen! BUT what you CAN do is change the way you react to the things that happen around you. Stop getting pissed that things are happening ‘to’ you and start to work on the way you react to what is playing out around you.

There is no way in the world I would have been able to deal with my best friend leaving her physical body last year if I didn’t have the tools I have to cope with these sorts of situations. If I had the mentality of ‘Why me, this shouldn’t be happening to me?’, well not only will I feel dumb and doomed, but that’s the quickest way to suffering. So the solution is to stop wishing and thinking you shouldn’t have any ‘issues’, ‘problems’ and ‘challenges’ and use that energy to change the way you react to those things instead. Not only is that a much more joyful and enlightened way to live, you will also experience a lot less suffering. Sign me up for that any day.

The events that unfold in your life are irrelevant, it’s how you react and respond that matters
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Life Is Happening For Us, Not To Us

This point follows on from the above insight. Life is happening for us, for our growth and evolution not to us. I used to play the victim and pull the ‘poor me’ card all the time, until I realised that that was causing a whole lot of unnecessary suffering that I no longer wanted to experience. So I decided to drop it and guess what? The suffering disappeared. Try it!

Progress = Happiness

It’s in our human nature to want to grow, learn and evolve. You don’t just finish high school, stop learning, and never pick up another book again. Your truth wants to continue to grow and evolve its consciousness, and you do that by working on yourself. But not working on yourself out of fear, of course. It’s about working on yourself because you freaking love yourself so bloody much that you want to be the best damn version of you possible. There’s a difference.

So how do you ‘work’ on yourself? You become a student for life. You read inspiring books, you listen to educational talks, you meditate, you do yoga, you listen to podcasts, you go inward and connect with yourself, you do online programs, you go to workshops and live events, you hire a coach, you stop running from yourself and start listening to your intuition and you ask for support. You do whatever makes you feel like you are growing, learning and evolving and being the best version of you… but most importantly, you have fun with it and don’t take it too seriously.

Feel Grateful For The Gift Of Your Heart, Because As Long As It Beats, You Love

Love is the truth of who you are and LOVE is all there is. If you follow me on Instagram Story (@melissaambrosini) you will know I bang on and on about gratitude. That’s because when you express your gratitude, you become a magnet for more things to be grateful for. It’s ain't rocket science, sista! But it is magical...

What you appreciate appreciates.
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Nuggets Of Wisdom On Love And Relationships

Deep Levels Of Authenticity Lead To A Rich Life

When we are truly ourselves and we feel we can be our true self with others, that is when we will feel rich beyond measure. Being someone we are not is exhausting and inauthentic. Remember you are perfect, whole and complete just as you are and you don't need to fix, change or improve anything about yourself. So own that sista, and you will feel wildly wealthy in all areas of your life.

Depth Is What People Are Missing

It’s not a new partner we want; we want deep, real, true, juicy depth and intimacy. We want someone we feel we can be our true self with. That’s what we are all ultimately craving. So how can we get this? We go deep within ourselves first. We be authentic and open OUR heart first. We don’t wait, or hold back the love to “test the waters” and make sure the other person is worthy of our love and going to stick around. Love is infinite my friend, and we need to give it abundantly first. Be a trailblazer and carry the torch of love before our brothers and sisters and you will experience true depth and intimacy like never before.

We All Get What We Tolerate

We set the standard of how to be treated. If you don’t like what you are currently experiencing in your relationship then it’s time to dial up your worthy-o-meter and start owning who you truly are. We teach people how we desire to be treated, so make sure you are treating yourself with so much love before you expect anyone else to.

To Make Relationships Work It Takes Unbelievable Courage

When you are in a conscious relationship there is nowhere to hide; you are each other's biggest mirrors and that takes unbelievable courage. It can sometimes feel ‘easier’ to run off and hide, to say, ‘This isn’t working for me anymore’, and to leave. But the real courage is standing in front of your partner (your mirror) and facing your fears head on. Not running in the other direction at the first sight of a challenge takes guts.

Relationships Magnify Everything Else

A relationship offers you a perfect opportunity to see your own crap — the stuff you are disowning. Like I mentioned above, your partner is your mirror, and whatever you haven’t owned within yourself will get magnified. There’s nowhere to hide.

Selfishness Will End Your Relationship

As you know, I am the queen of self-love. I am its biggest cheerleader because I believe if you first fill yourself up with love, you will show up to the world as the best version of yourself. But to be clear: self-love is very different to being selfish, and when you commit to being in a relationship you must practice being selfless. Now, this does NOT mean being a people pleaser and always putting your partner's wants or desires before your own. What I am saying here is that if you can practice being selfless with your partner, that loving energy of service will ricochet out to others and to yourself.

Every morning at the end of my meditation, I pray for my husband’s happiness and health. I also pray he has the best day ever. I then ask him, in-person, ‘How can I best support you today? Is there anything I can do to make your day even better?’

Sometimes he will say, ‘You’re the best but I'm all good today, honey’. Other times he will say, ‘I have to leave at 8 a.m. and won’t have time to clean up after myself in the kitchen, would you mind cleaning up for me?’, or ‘Would you mind picking up XYZ for me today?’

To which I always reply, ‘Sure!’ If cleaning up the kitchen or picking up something whilst I am out will make my man’s life that little bit better, then why the heck wouldn’t I do it for him? Not only does it help him out, but I feel awesome in the process because I am helping someone else. It’s a win-win.

Lead With Fear And You Will Fail

Lead with fear (a.k.a. your Mean Girl) and you will end up getting a kick up the butt from the Universe. Choose your heart, always.

‘Stay in your head and you're dead’ @TonyRobbins
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Staying in your head is the same thing as hanging out with your Mean Girl. Don’t do it! Slide on back down into your heart-space and choose love instead. It’s so much nicer in there.

Nuggets Of Wisdom On Wealth

If You Sit At The Table Of Success For Too Long You Will Get Bored

This comes back to what I was saying above about continuing to grow, learn and evolve. It’s when we sit for too long in any one spot that we get bored. Try something new. Change things up. Move. Get up. Pivot. Just keep taking baby steps (or giant steps) forward.

We Grow So We Can Give

One of my biggest motivations and inspirations in life is YOU. I work on myself so I can help YOU. I do the work I do so I can help YOU. I want to be the best version of myself so I can help YOU.

I believe we are here to be the best version of ourselves and to share that with the world.
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Now I would love to hear from you. Answer these two questions in the comments below…

  1. Which nugget/s of wisdom resonate most with you and why?
  2. Which nugget/s of wisdom are you going to implement first?

Remember, loads of souls visit here daily and your words of wisdom might be the exact thing they need to read in order to spark massive shifts deep within them. So stop and take the time to write down your thoughts, open that big beautiful heart of yours, and share from there. Reading inspiration is great, but writing down your insights is even more powerful.

As always my darling, thank you for being here. For doing the work on yourself and wanting to make a difference. I bow down to you.

Comments (54)

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    • Lu
      July 28, 2016

      Beyond grateful for this article Mel. The past few months I feel like I've hit my "bottom", but struggled to turn things around...I can see now it's because I've been choosing to see myself as the victim. Thank you for the reminder to stop partying with my mean girl and take some positive action. Love your work x

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Pleasure angel. And remember you CAN do it!

    • Danielle
      July 28, 2016

      This is a brilliant post and I most certainly needed to read this today.

      "We all get what we tolerate"

      I need to work on improving my self worth and to better teach people how I want to be treated

      Thankyou xoxox

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Time to dial up your worthy-o-meter sista ;) Have you done my worthiness meditation? Or re-read the worthy-o-meter chapter in my book. You will love it.

    • Renee
      July 28, 2016

      Thanks Melissa,

      Becoming a student of life has really resonated with me today. In the past I have occasionally picked up some personal development books, had a binge read and then put them aside. I finished reading Mastering your Mean Girl last night after a binge read but now I'm going back through it and working on each activity with mindfulness and really taking them all on board. You have inspired me to do this.

      The other nugget that has resonated with me was where you mentioned what you do each morning for your relationship: praying for your husband’s happiness and health. Praying he has the best day ever. Then asking him, in-person, ‘How can I best support you today? Is there anything I can do to make your day even better?’ This is something I am going to put into place immediately and do each day. Not only for my partner but also for my teenage son. I love them both dearly and want them to experience to inner happiness that I am.

      Again thank you. You have been a true blessing to my life.

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Thank you so much Renee, that means so much to me. What a beautiful idea to do it for your little boy too. Let me know how you go ;)

    • July 28, 2016

      Perfect timing Mel. I sat down with my house mates and watched this last night. The one thing that really hit me was loving unconditionally. It was a slap in the face and made me realise I have not been loving, especially my family, unconditionally. I had been putting so much judgement and expectations on them. I was such a great sense of release (and follow up from your video on relationships the other week)! Thank you x

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Nice realisations sista! Well done ;)

    • July 28, 2016

      Hi Mel,
      As always this was exactly what I needed to read. I loved all the nuggets of wisdom, but especially the one about depth and giving love first (without holding back). I think I tend to keep my true self at bay when I first meet people out of fear that they won't accept me/will think I am a weird hippy chick or something like that. After reading this post I am going to practice opening my heart FIRST.
      Love always,
      Erica x

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Nice work sista! It's always so rewarding when you are the one who opens up first. Give it a go and let me know how you feel ;)

    • Kate Williamson
      July 28, 2016

      "Everyone's issue in life is they think they shouldn't have issues" BOOM!! So freaking true. We need to stop trying to fix ourselves, that suggests we are broken, that something is wrong with us in comparison to others. We all have past hurts, pain, guilt etc. When we aknowledge those issues but don't let them define or control us, because we truely love and accept ourselves, that's when the magic happens!!!!!
      Great article. You're all glitter and sparkles and rainbows Melissa, thanks for sharing it with the world!

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Thank YOU for having the courage to think differently and master your Mean Girl, I bow down to you sista!

    • July 28, 2016

      'Everyone's issue in life is that they think they shouldn’t have any issues.' I've known this for a while, but it's something that I need to remind myself daily! The universe is always working in our favour. It's on our side :)
      Loved the doco and love your book! Thank you! Xx

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        It sure is sista! The Universe has your back ;)

    • milena
      July 28, 2016

      Thank you Melissa. I am on on my own growth and spiritual journey and you are my biggest help and inspiration. Thank you for your light and wisdom, it always resonates with me and reach me just when i need it. You are truly a gift to this world and I am beyond grateful for all the work you do <3
      Peace, love and light xx
      Milena

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Thank you so much Milena that means the world to me. You're such an angel and I am beyond grateful to have you part of the tribe. Sending you loads of love.

        xx

    • July 28, 2016

      The very first nugget was the one that caught my attention the most. It's so true that we think we shouldn't be having problems or issues, but there's no way to avoid them. It kinda goes with how we are told we have to be perfect. It felt good to read that it's okay to have issues and mishaps. I just have to remember to react positively to them, and not flip the crap out.

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Exactly honey and to also see them as opportunity's for growth ;)

      • Melissa
        July 28, 2016

        Exactly honey and to see them as opportunities for growth instead ;)

    • July 28, 2016

      Hi Melissa - I had been thinking of watching this show on Netflix you just gave me the kick I needed and thank you for always being so upbeat, kind and positive - the world needs more self love right now. Michelle

    • Victoria Dillon
      July 28, 2016

      This article has given me such a deeper sence of understanding of all that I have achieved this year. I was living and breathing the 'Lead with fear and you will fail' and 'The events that unfold in your life are irrelevant, it's how you respond to them that matters most' and it was soul destroying! I'm just so incredibly grateful that I got the chance to see you and thank you in person on Saturday. What I have learnt from you I hold so close, and now i'm a living and breathing LOVE machine. Life is so breathtakingly beautiful and I'm so happy that you gave me the tools to wake up to it. Big big love Melissa. X

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        This is music to my ear honey. Big love to you too sista!

    • Grace
      July 28, 2016

      The best nugget for me is the first one - life is working for you and it's up to us how we deal with it.
      Going through a rollercoaster ride of life at the moment and most of the time I can smile and say - it's OK we will make it through. Other days I have to look so hard to see what could be a valuable lesson. I believe the universe keeps giving you the lesson again and again and till you learn it. I am currently studying to be a life coach and am looking forward to being able to help others in a similar way to how you have and continue to help me Melissa. xx

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        So excited for you honey. We need more people out there like you helping others. Keep going sista!

    • Eliza
      July 28, 2016

      Thanks for this awesome share Melissa! I'm sitting here in the sun after an amazing workout and just filling up more on inspiration and motivation :) xx

    • Simone Turner
      July 28, 2016

      SISTAH!!! I looked at that over the weekend and I just keep going back to it. So many clarifying things that happened to me watching that! Such a great documentary.

    • Skye
      July 28, 2016

      Hey Melissa,

      I would like to be a testimony to this advice. After doing a lot of study and self study I can say that these principals are a big part of how I live my life. Especially in the conscious relationship section I must say that I have been truly blessed to have the most amazing relationship with a man who loves and supports me to be exactly who I am. A big part of this is because we take responsibility for our own s**t and I have set up the standards for how I would like to be treated and haven't settled for anything else. I left other relationships that despite being madly in love with the other person were damaging to us both. Accepting the fear of being alone and having clear boundaries is the best thing I ever did because now I have a partner who just get's it and who is also doing a lot of study and self study. We both understand all of these concepts and work together to help one another grow.
      So thanks and yes this advice is sound! Almost the best advice you could give anyone. X

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        So awesome sista! I am so glad you found each other ;)

    • July 28, 2016

      Excited to watch this on Netflix!!!!

      My favourite is: we get what we tolerate. A beautiful way of saying what you put up with you end up with.

      I've used it to deal with people who were holding me back and it's such a liberating and insightful tool.

      I love it so much I'm starting with that one to build myself a new work schedule that allows me to make space for pockets of self-care during each day rather than letting the day run me!

      Thank you for sharing Mel.xx

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        I love the idea of pockets of self-care, how amazing. Keep up the awesome work sista!

    • Dominika
      July 28, 2016

      Hey Mel,
      Im loving this blog... so much of it resonates with me, im in so much need to get as much knowledge as i can on self love and self development, changing my mideset and loving myself i am in such need of, i definietly give give give wayyyy to much to everyone around me but always forget about myself and then put myself down because of something i dnt like or havent done :( i am def going to try and implement alot of what u have mentioned in this blog especially focusing on self love, just still trying to figure it all out #overwhelming. I am probably half way through reading ur book so im sure that will give me some guidance! Loving ur work and ur snaps r definitely motivating!!!
      Xxxx

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        Hi angel,

        Overwhelm occurs when you are in your head and letting your Mean Girl run the show. Come back into the present moment and into your heart. That will help! Also, keep going with the book. You will love it and get so much out of it. I can't wait to hear your insights once you are done ;) Don't forget to share them with me.

        xx

        • Dominika
          July 29, 2016

          Ohh i wish the mean girl would not run the show so much im still learning so much on how to MUTE her!!!! Thanks so much for the advice i will def let u no about my insights into the book :) thanks so much for ur inspiration! Xxx

    • Carol S
      July 28, 2016

      I believe we are here to be the best version of ourselves and to share that with the world.

      I love this. Fits right in with something attributed to Pope John XXIII. "I believe that, when I stand before God, God will simply ask me, HOW DID YOU USE the GIFT OF LIFE I gave you?"

      Need to watch the movie. Thanks so much for the inspiration.

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        Love this Carol. Thanks for sharing and enjoy the movie. You will LOVE it!

    • Edita
      July 28, 2016

      Life is happening for us, not to us. --> This one resonates with me so much. A few days ago I had experience where I saw that I look to the life from "good" or "bad" judgment. For me "good" ends very quick and "bad" stays too long. I have a tendency to depression (no medication needed, but numbness would stop me from being happy and experiencing the life fully). As you wrote I felt victim. But maybe there is no "good" or "bad". This is only the life, which helps by guiding without any judgment. He does what is needed to wake me up.... Thank you very much for your wisdom and inspiration!

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        What amazing insights angel. Super proud of you for being so aware. Keep going darling, you got this ;)

    • Holly
      July 29, 2016

      Oh boy, isn't this man just amazing! It's been a Tony-Robbins-a-thon in our household for the past week. And what a pleasure to read your insights from his film, you received the nuggets in a slightly different way to me, and now I feel like I got a double present!

      The most powerful for me was 'We all get what we tolerate' -- oh man, i've been questioning down to the tiniest nuance "What circumstances in my own life am I just tolerating" ....life is pretty fun already, but thanks to this it's about to become a whole lot juicier!

      As always, thx for sharing!
      Hx

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        Nice one sista! Super proud of you. Keeep going ;)

    • July 29, 2016

      The " relationships magnify everything" thing, that's so true! I've been with my partner for a year now, he (without knowing it) challenges me in every single thing related to self-love. He is my mirror, so when i'm not so sure about him, i go back to myself, and the "thing" that i dont like about him is always something that i dont like about me.
      When we first met, i inmidiately felt that i already knew him in a soul level, it was so strange. So i knew that he came to me to teach me and i came to his life to teach him too.
      I try to be at service for everyone, but especially to him, we try to be the kindest to each other.
      Another two words that are so important in relationships are saying thank you and please. Leting know the other person that your greatful for his/her presence in your life is so important. Sooooooo...
      Thank you Mel for being in this world, and being such an inspiration.
      A big big hug from Argetina!!! Sending you tons of love
      Eve
      Ps: Sorry for my english haha ;)

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        You're so right Evelyn, something so simple like saying please and thank you can make a MASSIVE difference. I going to be way more mindful of it from now of too. Thanks for the inspiration ;)

    • Charis T
      July 31, 2016

      Hello Melissa,

      My name is Charis and i am a reader from Malaysia. Found this piece of article interesting and the nugget which resonates most with me is "Progress = happiness", and that i agree that "life", is a subject which we should learn and improve continuously. Life is all about "balancing": balancing work, family, health and etc. I was once a working professional who worked so hard, until my health issue rang me a bell. i then quit the job and got a 9-6 job, which enables me to have more time in discovering myself! i am doing good currently, and i am happy and grateful for who i am :D

      I have been reading your website for some times and you truly inspire me. Hope that you can continue to inspire us through your articles!

      Thank you, Melissa!

      • Melissa
        August 1, 2016

        Hey Charis, welcome to the tribe. We are super glad you are here and can't wait to support you on your journey. Reach out if you have any questions. I am here for you angel ;)

    • August 1, 2016

      I watched this tucked up in bed with my love on Saturday night and my, oh my - absolutely blow away! I particularly loved Dawn's story because of the HUGE amount of strength and love that she showed in the most tragic of circumstances. What a brave young woman x

      • Melissa
        August 1, 2016

        Oh she was AMAZING!!! Loved her so much.

    • Kellie
      August 2, 2016

      Dear Melissa, Thank you so much for showing up in my life by the incredible work that you do.
      I couldn't agree with you more' especially on how Relationships magnify everything else. As much as I am taking these baby steps' I find I am falling a little behind in the program. It makes me feel guilty to myself because I know I am doing this because of what it gives me. As I read your ricocheting encouraging words from Tony Robins I am hit with a brick right upside my heart. For years I have lived far away from family here in little Denmark and through it all I have been incredibly strong. It's taken me years to begin to try & have a normal relationship with my family especially my mom' I am still struggling. So' today I learn, today I became aware I am willing to own the part in me I am disowning in her...I am just having a hard time putting a word on what it is. Neediness' she has never been here for me, terrible economy, I have never asked her for anything. I just broke down & told my husband after reading this article I feel like my sister & I are the girl in Reba McEntire's song; " Fancy dont let me down." because of what I am capable of giving her these days when for the past 23 years she was never there. How do I give with out bitterness, how do I give unconditionally to a woman who would rather have my middle sister stay in a broken marriage so she can have a side income to lean on when things get rough rather than divorce and find peace? I don't know how to own these aspects of her in myself? But I am willing!
      PS: I know awareness is the first step' today is progress because I have never before today seen what I haven't been able to own in my relationship with her. It's like I was meant to read this post today. Thank you Melissa

      • Melissa
        August 2, 2016

        Thanks for sharing Kellie. Comes back to love, love is all there is. Love is your truth.

        "How do I give without bitterness, how do I give unconditionally?"

        You give from a place of love. You let go of the story. Let go of fear and come back into your heart. Your Mean Girl won't want you to, but do it anyway. Do it because you love yourself so much that you want to free yourself and let go of this suffering you are holding onto. Does that make sense honey?

        • Kellie
          August 3, 2016

          Thank you Melissa,
          Yes' it makes clear sense. I was so moved by this awareness I had to share it with my sister and even she was touched. I don't want to hide from this.
          I am so grateful. The strangest thing happened this morning my mom out of know where asked me to call her and was sharing with me how she doesn't want my sister to stay in an unhappy marriage. I tried telling her we had always heard other whys but her message seemed more genuine today and to think its the way the universe functions. Who would have known? She new nothing about my post on this sight.
          I am letting go of the suffering!

        • Melissa
          August 4, 2016

          The Universe works is magical ways sista!

    • Karissa
      August 3, 2016

      I have been struggling this past week with moodiness and self pity, and after spending 10 minutes flicking back through Mastering your Mean Girl and reading over some of your posts, I feel like I've given myself the kick in the pants I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and getting on with celebrating my life. Thanks for always supporting me, even when you have no idea you're doing it xxx

      • Melissa
        August 4, 2016

        I got your back sista! ;)

    • August 25, 2016

      The four things in this post, that resonate most with me are: Life is happening for us, not to us; Progress=Happiness, but don't take it too seriously; To make relationships work it takes unbelievable courage; and Relationships Magnify Everything else.

      I am currently going through the process of taking "space" in my long-term partnership. I lost myself and disowned many things in my relationship and it's been clear for about a year now that I am not going down the right path. Luckily, I have been blessed with a partner who is supportive and encouraging and takes full responsibility for his own path, decisions, and actions/reactions that have helped get us to this point.

      Where I am right now, is struggling through the pain and fear of relationship loss, insecurity, and the pain and suffering of unfilled expectations. Perhaps there is a hint of selfishness and a dash of neediness.

      What I hope to implement first is process=happiness but not taking it too seriously. I very seriously work on myself and often feel like I am not making progress. That I am not good enough, courageous enough. And what I am finding right now is that I simply want to love and enjoy myself. I have been there before, but this time I want it to stick. I want to own my authentic self, be okay with the flaws, rock my strengths and be a role model.

      Thank you for writing such a powerful post. I am inspired and encouraged by finding your website and your work. I look forward to reading you book. Best of luck to all the women working on this transition.

    • jen
      November 28, 2017

      We all get what we tolerate. Sometimes the people and its environment that makes us different for the way they allow them on how they treat us.
      Sadly, some people are heartless and cruel on how they abuse and treat other people so badly.
      But as it goes, we can change this things with positive response.

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