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Want To Win At Business And Life? Ask Yourself This ONE Question

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The other day my husband Nick and I were at the Farmers’ Market doing our weekly shop for organic veggies, and he stopped at this one stall. He began chatting with the man who owned it — and didn’t stop! Ten minutes goes by, then 20 minutes, then 30 minutes… meanwhile, I had wandered off to check out some other stalls, came back, and they were still chatting. Turns out that Nick — being the serial entrepreneur he is — was giving this man marketing and business advice, which the guy was completely soaking up and was immensely grateful for. They swapped numbers and off we went to the next stall.

The exact same thing happened there, too — 10 minutes of chatting turns into 20 minutes, and Nick is teaching the lady about lucuma and mesquite and giving her crazy-awesome business advice.

We got in the car and I commented on how inspiring he is, and how he always has so much time for people, and how he is so giving, generous, caring and loving. (He is by far one of my biggest inspirations.) We then got chatting about a concept we both read about in one of our fave books, How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. The concept basically states that every single interaction between two human beings is neutral, but you can then either leave them elated or deflated. Nick reminded me that each of those encounters with the two stall owners was an opportunity to leave a beautiful human being elated…

After picking my jaw up off the floor in admiration (and pinching myself that I got to marry this human being!), I thought to myself that I should probably just retire from MA.COM and hand it all over to him to take the reins.

I thanked him for the reminder, and since then, I have been pondering on my most recent interactions with people...

Yesterday at the health food shop, did I leave the young girl behind the counter elated or deflated?

Last week in my taxi, did I leave the man elated or deflated?

This morning at yoga, did I engage in conversation with the new girl in class or did I just put my head down and bum up?

I’ve been paying close attention every time I meet someone or interact with them. Not with judgement, of course — I don’t want to create a feeding frenzy for my Mean Girl! — but with an open, gentle curiosity about myself and how I’m showing up. Essentially, the question that has become my guiding light is this: Did I just give those people energy? Or did I suck the bejesus out of them?

You see, it is OUR responsibility for the energy we bring to every situation and whether you leave someone elated or deflated.

The key to winning at life and business, or at anything, is to leave everyone elated.
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This has now become a conscious goal of mine. When I drive away from the gas station I ask myself, Did I leave the man behind the counter up or down? When I walk out of the post office I ask myself, Did I leave the lady serving me elated or deflated?

Every encounter with every human being is an opportunity to raise their energy and yours.
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But this takes responsibility and a conscious commitment to wanting to make other people happy. Ultimately, we are here to be of service to others, but most of the time we are so bogged down in our own Mean Girl crap that we forget about everyone else. You wanna feel warm and fuzzy inside? Go make someone else’s day. You wanna feel joy? Go make someone else’s day. You wanna feel a deep sense of happiness and contentment? Well, my sweet friend, go make someone else’s day.

Every encounter is an opportunity to leave someone elated or deflated.
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Take a moment now to reflect back on the last two encounters you've had. Did you leave those people elated or deflated? My goal is to leave everyone elated... maybe you can make it yours too?

Now I would love to hear from you, beautiful. What do you think of this concept? And what are you going to do to remind yourself that every single encounter is an opportunity to leave someone else elated? Share with me in the comments below. And remember, so many gorgeous souls come here to seek inspiration, so open your heart and share away.

As always, my darling, thank you so much for being here, for showing up each and every single day for you. You inspire me so much and I love helping you feel elated.

Comments (59)

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    • Tash
      July 14, 2016

      Melissa

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Pleasure angel. Thank you for being here.

    • Kiersten Lopez
      July 14, 2016

      Absolutely loved this Melissa!

      I've been having a rough few weeks with lots of emotional lows; it feels like my Mean Girl is not only knocking on my door, but putting her whole body in the way of me closing it on her!

      I've been really trying to focus on self love, but it didn't occur to me until reading this that I should be intentional about spreading love to others too!

      Definitely going to put extra energy into spreading the warm fuzzies these next few days!

      So grateful for you are your soul shares!

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Nice work sista! It really does make such a difference in how we feel. Let me know how you go ;)

    • July 14, 2016

      Love everything you share!! You have been a huge inspiration to me! You're book literally has changed my life!❤️

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Heart explosion for you right now honey ;)

    • July 14, 2016

      Oh Melissa, once again your post and your beautiful words have left me feeling elated! Thank you for this simple and powerful reminder of the importance of our actions in interactions. I know that I am aware of my daily connections with other humans, and generally they are overwhelmingly positive, but it is all too easy to get caught up in your own shiz and allow that to spill over into your interactions.
      Thank you for being here.
      Love Erica x

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Thank YOU for being here honey ;)

    • Maree
      July 14, 2016

      Hi Melissa,
      Loved this post!!
      In general I do my best to leave people elated :)
      After working in customer service for over 26 years you learn to turn it around and see the funny side when people can project negative energy.
      I almost use it as a challenge and most of the time get a smile a chat and a new customer.
      Because of my experience I make sure I chat with the Coles checkout assistant as she scans my groceries, the Australia post staff, my postie and courier etc.
      I think it's important to realise we are all human beings working hard in what ever industry we're in. Keep your feet grounded and your mean girl in check, you never know what that person is dealing with on that day and you might just make theirs. Xx

    • July 14, 2016

      MA..I've been listening to your audible book on repeat..working on bringing 'the old me' back, shutting up my mean girl who has taken over my mind. Over the years of corporate life, not being true to my entrepreneurial calling (which I've been on that journey now for almost 2 years! I'm getting there!) and NOT LISTENING to that, I was part of circumstances that literally PUSHED me to it..I wasn't listening to my intuition...Which I KNOW IS NEVER WRONG!!!

      Now I am so clear career wise and there is nothing- no money, no schedule, NOTHING - that would put me as the employee of someone else again! I love my career, schedule, variety, etc! THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE FOR!

      This message...about your personal affect on others..I have heard for years. I've been told over and over, 'YOU MAKE OR BREAK A ROOM'. I am aware of my power (not a mean, overpowering, bossiness - the power to lift up, inspire, lead, embrace!) and I love the reminder!!! Thank you for the inspiration and reminder to 'check-in' with your fellow human! Be 'that moment'..be that kind word, share your knowledge, uplift where you can!! I love it! And thank you!

      These are all things I think we all know. They get buried in day-to-day, the frustrations of others..I know how much I value those who make me feel special, are open, are giving..I know how good I feel when I do the same! This is the POWER!!! It's so incredible!

      Thank you again for the reminder! Love to you and yours!

    • Gabrielle Thomson
      July 14, 2016

      Good morning Melissa,

      I loved reading this piece as I sip my morning coffee, reflecting on the small and joyful interactions I've already had today....and a reminder to keep it going!! What I loved from your message was the ease and nature of leaving someone elated, rather than deflated. It doesn't have to be the big gestures...rather the authentic moments! So true and a timely reminder for all of us....thank you xx

      Gabrielle x

    • Amelia Milroy
      July 14, 2016

      Melissa,

      I always love reading your posts they are always so possitive and give me the positivity i need to get through the day i love your soul share's and I'm constantly sharing them around the office so i can try to make every ones day happier.

      I love re reading your book mastering your mean girl i keep re reading it.

      love

      Amelia xxx

    • Rhiannon Priestly
      July 14, 2016

      Wow, this is a seriously beautiful concept and something we need more of in this world, not looking just at ourselves but how are we serving others to make their day, which by not being selfish actually ends up making you feel pretty darn good about yourself! It will definitely be a moment to moment interaction that I will need to constantly remind myself of and hopefully turn into a habit one day! Thanks Mel & Husband- amazing! x

    • July 14, 2016

      We consciously apply this approach within our business every day, in every contact with every customer. Thanking them for purchasing our product & supporting our small business... And when we receive thanks from our customers, wonderful feedback through emails and social media, it lights us up!

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Totally sista! Keep up the awesome work ;)

    • Heidi Lampard
      July 14, 2016

      Such a beautiful reminder gorgeous Melissa, so grateful for your clarity and wisdom in my life. So much love for you beautiful girl! x

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Right back at you sista! ;)

    • KarenCooper
      July 14, 2016

      Such true words Melissa. I often watch people in the supermarket, restaurants, etc...........you see them going about their day, not interacting at all with the people around them, sometimes not even making eye contact with the people providing them with a service. I feel sad for them. You can receive great joy and a boost to an otherwise bad day just by interacting in a positive way. I always try to do this and will now use the idea of 'leaving them elated' as additional energy to make this happen. PS: I loved your book and leave it out always to just grab and remind myself of something inportant.

    • Vish
      July 14, 2016

      What an inspiration both you and your husband are! I had read Dale Carnegie's book about 10 years ago and had completely forgotten about this concept:) I will now surely be more conscious during every interaction with my friends, family, clients and complete strangers. Thank you once again Melissa for shining your light and reminding us of these universal truths xx

    • July 14, 2016

      This post definitely leaves me feeling elated, Melissa! It's been a while since I've had such a lovely reminder that it's as simple as this - do your best to make others feel joy, elation and happiness and you'll radiate love into the world wherever you go. I love it :) Definitely going to bear this in mind for today and the coming weekend which is filled with opportunities to make others feel elated. It's amazing how even the desire to make others feel this way leaves me also feeling really happy! Thank you x

    • Isabella Andueza
      July 14, 2016

      This is awesome (expected hehe)
      You're book and goddess group on demand sessions have truly been a saviour for me. I am working my way out of such a deep dark place and i am so so grateful for you and your work.
      And I am so grateful for this part of my journey, just want to say thankyou, you've allowed me to save myself and continue to inspire me every day.
      love always xxx

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Goosebumps honey. Pleasure and THANK YOU for being here ;)

    • Louisa Holland
      July 14, 2016

      I've been having a rough few weeks switching medications for anxiety and I have been WAY too stuck in my head. Thanks for the reminder to reach out to others in a positive way. I think that this concept will help me focus on my energies on a positive thing. :)

    • Elisha
      July 14, 2016

      Wow what an amazing concept!! i love this!! thank you for sharing and making me now think about this when i am talking to others :) i so look forward to your blogs and this is the first time i am commenting on one! yay! Thank you again for the always inspiring read! lots of love and positive vibes

      Elisha :) xx

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        YAY to your first ever comment honey ;) SOOOO proud of you.

    • July 14, 2016

      Great article! I think it's a great intention to have when interacting with anyone. I also think it's wise to ask ourselves the same question within conversations, Is this person making me elated or deflated? Is this friendship making me feel elated or deflated? Is this arrangement making me elated or deflated? Because the truth is, we can only give to others when our cup is full.

    • Kristen
      July 14, 2016

      Wow ! Melissa. This is so true. I'm going to be really aware of this from now on as our mood effects everyone. Thank you for this valuable piece of information.

      • Melissa
        July 14, 2016

        Pleasure treasure ;)

    • July 14, 2016

      Thank you for sharing this - such a simple yet effective concept. Will keep it at the front of my mind moving forward. :)

    • July 14, 2016

      I definitely agree! I try to always leave people elated. I love Carnegie's book also! We all need more positivity in our lives, and it's great when you can make someone happier. Thanks for this post

    • Carol S
      July 14, 2016

      It's been a week of "those kind of" challenges. Things that should have gone smoothly, did not. People that should have been efficient, were not. Projects that were promised, were canceled. Yet for some reason I chose my outer demeanor to be cheerful and accepting. Which really helped calm the inside wanting to lash out. Yesterday was no different. Yet as I was heading home, I felt sad and wanted to cry about me. Not so much out of frustration, but because I felt like I should be a better person at coping with the detours. I wanted to be that light not only on the outside, but on the inside too. That's the part that needs work. It's still so much about "me" in my desires to get through any given situation. Needs to be more about the "other" I am with at any given time. Really hard to balance when we get so much outside stimulation to pursue ourselves first.

      • Melissa
        July 15, 2016

        Honey don't judge or be so hard on yourself, you are doing your best and that's all that matter. Cry if you need to cry, that's perfectly ok angel. And remember you can choose love in the next breath. It's only ever a breath away ;)

    • Sanne
      July 15, 2016

      I also just started reading the Dale Carnegie book that you are referencing above. I truly struggle to deal with people that are just straight up 'jerks'. Someone's cutting you off in traffic, is rude in public, mistreats others, abuses animals, etc. It just makes by blood boil! I'm also dealing with a lot of anger & anxiety - a friend's suicide, my dog's sudden death, watching daily news of shootings, things not going well at work, etc.... Truly looking for a big change in my life. Thanks for being inspiring - although a lot of it seems unachievable to me, unfortunately ;)

      • Melissa
        July 15, 2016

        Hey Sanne,

        Nothing is unachievable, you first have to believe that it IS achievable... that's the FIRST step, honey.

    • Simone Turner
      July 15, 2016

      I love this. So much to honor in these words of enlightenment! Thanks for sharing Melissa. You always give such great perspectives about life and how we choose to interact with others. I am so happy that you have your hubby to inspire you with a post such as this and that we all get to benefit from his wisdom as well as your own! Hugs sista!! :)

      • Melissa
        July 15, 2016

        He is pretty amazing right! ;)

    • July 15, 2016

      Absolutely!! This is one of my favourite topics!

      I have just read the celestine prophecy and my oh my what a book!

      I am so incredibly mindful of how I am heaving people after an interaction ❤️ It's a wonderful way to live and I constantly have amusing chats with people because of it!
      Lady in the chemist just then gave me an amazing recipe for osso Bucco! And cauliflower rice! So I made it and took the time to go back and tell her how it went! We are now friends. I love human being and I love life so much

      • Melissa
        July 15, 2016

        What a beautiful thing to do honey. You're an angel!

        P.S. I wish I got to share your osso bucco with you ;)

    • Katie
      July 15, 2016

      Dear Melissa,

      Thank you for your beautiful and thought provoking writing.

      I've recently left my husband and moved into a little unit with our two children which has been an emotional roller coaster, on reflection during the transition and even now I've left others feeling deflated with my negative energy from the situation I've found myself in:(

      Your post also left me thinking about the people in my life who always leave me feeling elated with a smile and hope that all will be well, and I realised that outside of my friends those who leave me feeling happy are two rather special people who I see on a very regular basis, I don't really know them that well and they certainly never get a "thank you you've just made my day" Which lead me to stop at the florist then pop into my local butcher and one of my favouritr barisstas with a rose and to say "thank you, I always leave your shop with a smile and I appreciate it so very much"

      I shall now be a lot more mindful of my energy and aim to leave those I encounter very much eleated.

      Thank you Melissa for your wonderful work, this post has left me feeling very much elated and we are all blessed that you are so passionate towards helping others and share your beautiful thoughts with the world.

      Much love
      Katie

      • Melissa
        July 15, 2016

        You are so beautiful Katie. Thank you for sharing this, you have inspired me ;)

    • Serena
      July 15, 2016

      It makes my heart sing making other people's day. Thank you for this simple reminder. xx

    • Catherine
      July 15, 2016

      I think this is one of the most powerful and effective posts I've read in a long time , thank you x

      • Melissa
        July 16, 2016

        Glad you love it honey ;)

    • July 16, 2016

      Hi Melissa,

      what an absolutely beautiful post that I believe all of us can benefit from reading. I do a lot of travel and often exercise the smiling activity- which is simply smiling at every single person I make eye contact with. It's so interesting how surprised some people respond with almost a little hidden thank you behind the responding smile. I think we can all benefit from putting a little more energy toward leaving others feeling elated in social encounters. We never know what each of us are going through and being positive and kind may just make one anothers day or week. All of your writing, your snap chats, your social media outlets and of course your book are so incredibly inspiring, empowering and authentic so I thank you for all that you do.

      Georgia xx

      • Melissa
        July 16, 2016

        Thank YOU so much for your kind words darling, you are so precious. THANK YOU!

    • July 18, 2016

      Beautiful post as always xxxx

    • Kelly Hensley
      July 19, 2016

      Love this Mel!!!!! Such a good reminder to be present, responsible & take action. Dont hand the MA.com reigns over to Nock just yet ;) Xx

      • Kelly Hensley
        July 19, 2016

        Nick even! lol

    • Natalie
      July 26, 2016

      I have ordered this book :) thank you Melissa for your constant words of encouragement.
      You are a dream to have found xxx

      • Melissa
        July 27, 2016

        Thanks angel, you're such a sweetie. Enjoy the book.

        xx

    • July 28, 2016

      Hi there,

      Thanks again for your insights in living. I just love your book and am taking it slowly through each chapter. It is a little like my living lifeline of becoming the best version of me possible for me and others. When I finish it, I want to start it all over again and this time write the inspo action bits!

      I particularly like this concept of how we leave people, elated or deflated... I'm going to try harder in making others elated after spending time with me. Such a beautiful gift we can give each other!

      • Melissa
        July 29, 2016

        Absolutely honey, I agree. It's my mission with every interaction. Keep me posted with how you go ;)

    • Elizabeth
      July 29, 2016

      Love this. This is something I crave- making every interaction I have a positive one to fill my (and others') days with more joy. But I struggle with this because I was born with a minor hearing loss. I look and sound like a completely normal person without a disability, yet I hear about 50% of a person's conversation when they're not directly facing me. So in a taxi, or a office space, a restaurant, or friend's house; I am constantly fighting to hear to what they say. If I really focus, sometimes I can hear. Otherwise I have to ask them to repeat themselves, usually more than once. My inner self is someone who loves talking to people and hearing about their days, but I close myself off so that I don't bother them, constantly having to say "I'm sorry, what?." My family always tells me I have to explain that I'm hearing impaired to each person I meet. But how exhausting is that? And to have everyone you know, think of you as the 'deaf girl.' I struggle with this. Is there anything you would suggest? I know this isn't anyone's expertise but I'm running out of ways to lift myself up.

      • Melissa
        July 30, 2016

        Hey honey,

        If I was you I would use it as a way to practice being super present. As you said you have to listen very carefully so that you don't miss a thing, so use it as a way to practice presence. Remember your words are very powerful so if I was you I would listen intently, ask people to repeat themselves if you need, master your Mean Girl and stop being so hard on yourself. As long as you are doing your best in every moment that's all you can do ;) You got this sista! I hope that helps angel.

        Let me know how you go.

        xx

    • Isabelle
      September 11, 2017

      Hi Melissa,
      Thanks for this post. It is great to read your posts and be reminded not to get caught up in my own head! There are so many people struggling out in this world and by leaving them elated can make their day and give them a little pic me up! All it takes is a smile or a "thank you, have a wonderful day" comment. So thanks for the reminder
      XX

      • September 12, 2017

        Exactly honey, that's all it takes and can make the world of difference to someone else. Keep up the awesome work sista. xx

    • Patricia
      November 17, 2017

      Every time you leave me elated with your Amazing articles! Love this concept !! Truly inspirational. Thank you.

    • Sara
      December 13, 2017

      I was feeling particularly down today, and started re-listening to Mastering Your Mean Girl. Had the urge to look on your Twitter and found this blog post. I'm going to implement this into my life the best that I can. Thank you for all that you do.

      • December 14, 2017

        Pleasure Sara, and thank you for having the courage to master your inner Mean Girl. Keep going angel. xx

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