Let’s talk about money, gorgeous.
How is your relationship with money right now?
Be really honest with yourself. Does it make you feel tight and wound up? Do you constantly feel like you don’t have enough? Or maybe you’re frivolous, spending up big-time, and letting it slip all-too-easily through your fingers?
Be really honest with yourself and write it down.
I [insert your full name] am very ……………… with money.
I’ll kick off with mine…
I, Melissa Ambrosini, no longer put a lot of power in money. I believe money will always show up for that which is true for me. I believe the only limitation is in my mind and I believe I will always be supported. I believe that when I have fear around money, I am not coming from a place of love.
Now, I haven’t always thought this way. In fact, I used to have a toxic relationship with money. I was convinced that it was hard to come by, that there wasn’t enough to go around, and that if I wasn’t careful, I would run out and end up with nothing. Hello, scarcity mentality! So from the age of 15, I scrimped and saved every cent I could. And though my bank balance began to grow, I hung on to those pennies with a white-knuckled grip. Basically, I was so focused on all that saving that I didn’t live my life. I became a tight-ass, and acted like I had no money out of fear of losing it all.
The thing is, I wasn’t born with this scarcity mentality. Like every belief, it was something I learned. Picked up along the way. But from where?
Both my parents came from not a lot of money. They worked incredibly hard to allow my brother, sister and I to grow up with a different experience to what they had. My Dad migrated to Australia from Italy when he was 6 and couldn’t speak a word of English. He worked really hard to learn the language, and left school in year 10 to start working in order to ‘make a living’.
My Mumma studied nursing. She was knee-deep in her studies when she fell pregnant with my sister, and completed her final exams just months after giving birth. Until my sister was three years old, they all lived with my Nonna in her tiny little house, till they could afford to move out on their own.
They both worked their butts off. Wholeheartedly and selflessly. I credit my drive and entrepreneurial passion to them.
So, how did this background affect my relationship with money?
Deep down, underneath all their hustling and hard work, my parents were scared that they would not have enough money and would not be able to provide for us. Unconsciously, I felt this fear and took it on myself. It became embedded in the way I viewed my money and finances. So all my life, I carried around the belief that I too might run out of money at any moment and not have enough to survive.
Things only changed 4 years ago, at age 24. I had started my journey to wellness, and was aware that my underlying beliefs affected my health, my spirituality, my relationships, my emotions… It occurred to me that maybe I had some less-than-great beliefs around money too. When I took a big breath and started to look inward, I realised that the attitudes I had weren’t actually my truth. I was carrying around their fear.
So what was my truth? What was right for me? When I sat with it, and sought the answer from that deep-down place inside, a totally different philosophy bubbled up:
I believe we are abundant beings and can create whatever our heart desires.
I believe that money will always show up for that which is true for you.
I believe we are only limited in our minds.
This is what rang true for me. This was what I actually believed in my bones. But simply realising this wasn’t enough. I had to reprogram my money mindset — in the same way that I had reprogrammed my beliefs on health and wellness.
So I began to consciously embrace these heart-fuelled truths. Every time a limiting thought would rear its ugly head — you can’t afford that, you don’t deserve wealth, you’ll never have as much as everyone else has — I had to stop it, return to my centre, and let it go. It’s hard work when you’ve had 24 years of conditioning ingrained into you. But it does get easier, and the more you practise catching those limiting beliefs in their tracks, the easier it becomes. It’s like a muscle that gets strengthened with use.
You see, the truth is, your relationship with money is a reflection of all the other areas in your life. It’s a great barometer for how you’re going as a whole. So if you’re a tight-ass with money, you’ll be tight and restrictive in other areas of your life too, like your relationships with others and your attitudes to self-care.
And if you’re someone who just ignores their money, and tries to bury their head in the sand, that’s likely the same way you’re approaching your health and your relationships.
So let’s dig deep here…
What are your beliefs around money right now? Are they even yours, or are they someone else’s — like your parents’, partner’s, or school teacher’s? Check in and be honest with yourself.
And then the next important step: if it’s not your belief, then what do you believe in, my darling? What is your truth?
Take a moment now to write this down.
I [insert your full name] believe that ……………….
This can be a really great exercise to do with your partner too, so that you both know where each other stands. With all the financial decisions that you have to make together, it can be very difficult to grow as a couple if your views aren’t aligned.
Once you’ve unearthed your actual beliefs, I want you to stick them up on your fridge as a constant reminder to replace those lousy old thinking patterns that no longer serve you. You can take it a step further too — call your partner out when they entertain their old belief, and get them to do the same for you.
We have to take action to break the cycle.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because once I shifted my relationship with money, things started to flow a whole lot more effortlessly for me. Suddenly, opportunities and abundance presented themselves in ways that I could never have imagined before. And I want the same for you. But in order to find this ease and flow, you have to first take the big, bold step of getting honest with yourself. Then with your partner too. Even though digging in to this stuff may take you outside of your comfort zone, I promise you: the results will be oh-so-worth it.
And if your partner (or anyone else for that matter) tries to instil their financial fears into you, gently thank them for their concern, then lovingly (but firmly) remind them of your beliefs about money. What’s true for you is actually none of anyone else’s business. (And if you wanna get your sass on, remember this: opinions are like assholes; everybody’s got ‘em.)
If you steer by your heart, you’ll always be going in the right direction. Whenever you’re in doubt, simply look within.
So, my darling, I really hope this post helps you and your relationship with money. I am itching to hear from you and start a beautiful, open conversation — what is your relationship with money like? What do you choose to believe for the future? Share with me in the comments below.
Let’s recognise where we are playing small so that we can step it up and start to play big.