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Ready to stop caring about stuff that doesn’t matter and start living your best, most authentic life?

In this episode, I’m sitting down with Kat John, authenticity coach, speaker, and author of ‘Authentic: Coming Home to Your True Self’. Kat’s journey from chronic pain and addiction to becoming a leading voice in the authenticity space is nothing short of inspiring.

Together, we unpack her no-BS approach to living authentically, starting with her powerful ‘zerofks’ movement, which encourages people to focus their energy where it truly matters. Kat shares her insights on overcoming the fear of others’ opinions, the unexpected benefits of Internal Family Systems Therapy, and how to align our actions with our true purpose.

Tune in to discover: how to stop caring about what others think in both life and business, how to handle negativity on social media, practical tips for growing your online presence authentically, the surprising truth about step-parenting, and why giving fewer ‘fks’ is actually the key to a fulfilling life.

If you’re ready to let go of societal pressures and step into your true self, then press play now — this episode is for you!

About Kat John

Kat John is an authenticity coach, speaker, and author dedicated to helping people live true to who they are. With a background of overcoming chronic pain, addiction, and an identity crisis, Kat knows firsthand the challenges of breaking free from societal expectations and personal barriers. Her book, ‘Authentic: Coming Home to Your True Self’, has inspired thousands to reconnect with their real selves and live more meaningful lives. Kat also leads the ‘zerofks’ dance movement, encouraging people to place their energy where it truly matters. Known for her direct, relatable, and impactful style, Kat is a sought-after speaker who empowers audiences to embrace their truth and make lasting, positive changes.

In this episode we chat about:

• The inspiring story behind the ‘zerofks’ movement and its empowering message (3:35)
• The truth about vulnerability and showing up authentically (11:32)
• The secret to freeing yourself from others’ opinions — in both business and life (14:50)
• How the Internal Family Systems model can help us reconnect with our true selves (18:17)
• The power of aligning your actions with your true purpose (21:24)
• What nobody talks about when it comes to step-parenting (23:01)
• How to finally let go of the things that are holding you back (28:13)
• Her powerful take on bullying and negativity on social media (34:55)
• Strategies to grow your online presence without compromising your authenticity (39:28)
• Practical steps to help you focus on what matters most (45:16)

Episode resources:

• SheLaunch (join here)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
• Kat John (website)
• REAL, RAW, RELATABLE (podcast)
• Authentic: Coming Home To Your True Self by Kat John (book)
• Why You Need To Be More Full Of Yourself with Glennon Doyle (podcast)
• The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware (book)
• Living A Regret Free Life with Bronnie Ware (podcast)
• Kat John (Instagram)

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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

Melissa: [00:00:00] In episode 633 with Kat John, we are talking all about how to be your true, authentic self. How to stop caring what other people think of you. Step parenting, plus so much more. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini show. I’m your host, Melissa, best selling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide, Comparisonitis, and Time Magic.

And I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week, I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in your own life and become the best version of yourself possible.

Are you ready, beautiful? Hey, beautiful, and welcome back to the show. I’m so excited about this episode because I discovered Kat on Instagram and instantly fell in love with her whole vibe. And just a little [00:01:00] FYI, she is a whole vibe. The whole situation is a vibe. It’s amazing. Now, for those of you that don’t know who she is, she is an authenticity coach, speaker, and author, dedicated to helping people live true to who they are.

With a background of overcoming chronic pain, addiction, and an identity crisis, Kat knows firsthand the challenges of breaking free from societal expectations and personal barriers. Her book, Authentic, Coming Home to Your True Self, along with her No BS approach, has inspired thousands to reconnect with their real selves and live more meaningful lives.

Kat also leads the Zero F s dance movement, encouraging people to place their energy where it truly matters. Known for her direct, relatable, and impactful style, She is a sought after speaker who empowers audiences to embrace their truth and make lasting, positive changes. She is such an inspiration, and you cannot help but fall in love with her when you check out her Instagram.

And for everything that we mentioned in today’s episode, you can [00:02:00] check out in the show notes and that’s over at melissarambrosini. com forward slash six three three. Now without further ado, let’s bring on the incredible Kat John.

Kat, welcome to the show. I’m so excited to have you here, but before we dive in, can you tell us what you had for breakfast this morning? 

Kat: Oh, that’s a good question. I’ve never been asked that before. Two pieces of gluten free toast with. What do I have on the side? I had broccoli and I had cauliflower and I have like shaved vegan cheese on top.

And then on top of my gluten free, I have the avocado, tomato, salt, pepper, lemon squeeze, and red onion. And a spiced cacao almond latte that I make at home. Whoa! Every 

Melissa: morning, Mel, every morning. Babe, I’m coming over for breakfast. 

Kat: Every morning. It just, it looks divine. It really looks divine [00:03:00] and tastes divine.

Melissa: That sounds so yummy. I’m so excited. Yeah, I’m going to try that. I love it. Super yum. Now, like I said, I’m so excited to have you here. I first found you on Instagram, like I’m sure many people do. I had no idea how I came across you. No idea. Maybe someone else re shared something of yours and I came across one of your hilarious dancing videos.

I think it was you and your partner. But when I was watching it, I knew I just had to get you on. I don’t know why I was like, I just have to, I have to speak to this woman. There’s something about you. So before we dive into that, can you tell us how you got here? Like, how did this all unfold for you? Oh, 

Kat: it’s a big, it’s a big question.

So, Before I am doing what I’m doing now, I was a registered nurse and that was my jam. It’s what my mom did. It’s what my grandmother did. It’s what all Filipinos do. Go to nursing school and you [00:04:00] become a nurse. But really what got me here was a pretty gnarly wake up call in my life, which I have no doubt all your listeners and even yourself have experienced across life.

So when I was 18, 19, I hit the party scene. I was studying to be a nurse at that time and really I was a pretty epic people pleaser. I kind of loved to go along with the crowd. I was very popular. I was very likable. I would be what you would have called a chameleon, so I could really. Morph and adapt into who I needed to be based on who I thought others wanted me to be.

And I was out partying one night and this really God awful pain zapped into my back and it wasn’t muscular. It wasn’t like in my joints, I thought this is really uncomfortable. It felt like fire had been lit in my body and being a naive and not wanting to deal with my stuff that I was also running from, might I add, one of my mates just said, just take another [00:05:00] whatever and you’ll be right.

So, year after year, this pain started to spread throughout my body and once I got into hospital nursing, shift work, night shift, p. m. shift, a. m. shift, night shift, all over the place, it really started to exacerbate it because my sleep wasn’t good. So what was an acute onset of pain became chronic pain. And people who here have experienced fibromyalgia or sciatica, that’s what, you know, that’s My whole body was like from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep.

And then five years of that, a lot of prescribed medications starting at Panadine Forte ending up at Oxycodone and pretty dependent upon it. I guess I was reaching my, like I said, my gnarly wake up call. I’d get these flickers in my eyes. I’d walk up the stairs to go to nursing and missteps. And I was, yeah, a little misavoidant back then.

I didn’t want to know what was actually going on, but deep inside I knew something was going on. And really my wake up call was when I [00:06:00] went to walk down a set of stairs and I couldn’t walk. And so that was at age 23. So five years of this chronic pain getting worse, heavier dependence on medication and got an MRI.

Two days later, I’m in a neurosurgeon’s office and he’s like, you’ve got this congenital brain condition that if left untreated, it can slowly turn you into a paraplegic. You need to have brain surgery to correct this. And I was just sitting there with my mom. She was, she was just sitting there praying like the gorgeous little Filipino she is.

And it was a really full on period of time, but also. I was depressed, I was reclusing from life, I was pushing friends away, I wasn’t wanting to go out, I was getting very overweight, and I was not in a good place. So surgery was the, the fix, and it fixed everything structurally, but it didn’t take away the nerve damage which had been worsening over that five year period.

And so, I went to see a, a professor of neurology [00:07:00] because I had. I was trying all these different modalities that just weren’t working and really I was looking for an answer outside of myself. I didn’t want to do the work, I just wanted someone to wave that special magic wand and be like, I can, I can help you, I can fix you.

Before I met the professor of neurology, my surgeon put me on a particular drug. It’s actually an antipsychotic, but it actually blocks pain pathways. And it might have blocked pain pathways, but I think the scariest thing it did, Mel, was that it just blacked out any bit of hope that I might have had left.

And, I was very, that was probably the first time I was so afraid of my thoughts. I was so afraid of my thoughts, I was so afraid to be with myself. I just did, I really didn’t want to be here anymore. I had those thoughts of, have I done something bad in the past life? Have I pissed off the karma gods? Have I, what have I done to deserve this?

And maybe I don’t, I shouldn’t be here because if this is what my life is going to be, then I can’t, I can’t live like this forever. So beautiful [00:08:00] synchronicities took place for me to be in front of this professor of neurology, Professor Jackson. And he said to me, look, there’s no, there’s no doubt you’ve been dealt a shit card.

He said, but I’m going to give you an analogy. And he said, Olympic athletes will train for their gold medal every day. They’ll swim, they’ll eat what they need to eat, they’ll meditate, they’ll follow the regime that they gotta do to have that gold medal pressed up against their chest and standing with the number one underneath them and flooded with all the feelings that they’ve trained for.

And he said to me, I just, I need you to want something as bad as that. And he just said, what is your equivalent of a gold medal? And at this time I was 24. So that was like 15 years ago, a time where this stuff was very new age. I think YouTube only existed back then. And it was Dr. Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra that were the leaders of this.

So I kind of thought he was a little bit nutty and yeah, he just said, what do you want? And my parents were either side of me and he said, just close your [00:09:00] eyes for a second and just feel into it. And when I opened my eyes back up to him, I just looked at him straight in the eyes and I said, I just want to be free.

I want to be free to dance. I want to be free to live my life. I want to be free to engage with my life. I want to be free to be myself because I have not felt like myself for, I don’t know how long. And he said, that’s your gold medal. And he said, I need you to train for that every day by visualizing this.

Visualize what Kat looks like when she’s free, when she’s dancing, when she’s out engaging, when she’s out living her life and what does she look like, what does she sound like? It was the very first introduction to meditation visualization for me. And he said, I’m going to give you an invisible prescription.

And he said, 12 months, come back, do this prescription every day, visualize, feel, and then act in favor of this Kat, do something that’s in favor of this Kat, and then come back to me. And I promise you, I became that Olympic athlete, right, that did things [00:10:00] diligently. And within a 10 month period of visualizing, feeling, doing something in favor, visualizing, feeling, doing something in favor, which seemed at the time like it’s never going to work.

Nothing’s going to happen. This is taking too long. within 10 months that chronic pain was legitimately gone. Not a drop of medication in my body. I had lost the kilos that I had been carrying because I was just like, okay, I’m going to go for that walk. I’m going to go to Zumba class, or I’m going to go to Pilates, even though I’m in pain, even though I’m in pain, I’m not going to not go because I am.

I’m going to go even if I am because He said to me, Kat, you can’t die from going for a walk or from going to the gym or from doing something good for yourself. He said, just see what might happen. And I guess that what might happen was my essence came back to life. And so thereafter, I started to ask myself, well, what other gold medals are inside of me?

And [00:11:00] that was the trajectory to get to where I am today. 

Melissa: Thank you so much for sharing that. What a beautiful man along your journey. Like thank you angels for placing him there. Thank you. What a beautiful man. My husband had fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and he was bedridden for three years. I can totally relate, not personally, but just watching him go through all of that.

So. Wow, hon, wow, that’s so big and I love what you do and I love how honest you are. I think I was trying to find it when I was researching for this episode. I couldn’t find the video, the first video I ever found, but it was you sharing something about how you were really struggling with your mental health.

It was something about that and I remember just going, thank you for being so honest because it’s very easy for people to look at you or to look at me and go. They’ve [00:12:00] got it all sorted, they’ve got the perfect life. But people forget that Instagram is the highlight reel, even though everyone says it, it’s the highlight reel, it’s the highlight reel, people still forget that.

So I love how honest you are in everything that you put out on social media and in your book. Is that something you struggle with? Is vulnerability in that way something that you struggle with or does it just come so naturally for you now? 

Kat: Now it does, because in the past, oh my gosh, no, that was just like.

How can I hide as many parts of myself that I deem to be shameful, but that I projected onto others that they would think that, oh, they wouldn’t like that about me. They wouldn’t like this about me. They wouldn’t like that about me. And so in the past I definitely personified like a happy go lucky, free, yeah, I’m cool, I’m sweet, I’m happy, I can go along with whatever and really silenced and muted my needs and my [00:13:00] desires and, and my voice and my self expression or aspects of my self expression because I have this very deep held belief that as I am, I’m not lovable.

And so who do I then have to be to be lovable? And God, I tell you, I spent a good chunk of my life proving that belief right. Because the minute I might have dated someone and I let out a little bit, or I softened a little bit, or I, I don’t know, expressed a need, they would legit run for the hills. You know, and so time and time again, I was reinforced.

I can’t, I can’t be loved for who I am, for all of me. So it really has been this quest of mine to let out these parts that I have shamed and kept hidden and been like, no, you’re not allowed to come out. No, there’s no place for you here. You must be quiet. You must be good. You must be whatever it is, like I said [00:14:00] before, that anyone needs you to be.

And I think like anyone who’s, who’s doing this, this kind of work, you just realize the, the weight of carrying that. And I think we all reach points, certainly I do, where I just go, I’m done with this. I’m so. done with this. I can’t do this one more time. I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore because I just think, who are you?

And I don’t want to look in the mirror anymore and ask, who are you? I want to look in the mirror and go, ha, I see you. I see you. So definitely in the past, yeah, I kept a lot of things hidden and it’s really been since starting my business and probably even just before that, but since, yeah, wanting to share openly and talk, realizing just how many blocks I had around.

Just being myself and being human. 

Melissa: How do you stop caring what other people think in business and in life? How do you move through that? 

Kat: I think that, I’ll give, there was an example there, Steve and I were [00:15:00] on our honeymoon in Fiji just recently and we’re on a cloud nine float and it was a hot day, it was just perfect and I was like, Oh, I really want to just take off my jean shorts.

and dance. No one was dancing, but there was just sick music playing. Like there was a DJ playing and we’re having an awesome time. But I was like, Oh, I’ve got a, my butt and my chunky cellulite and all this kind of stuff. And me still, like this was this year doing this work still like, Oh no, I can’t. And I don’t think it’s that I, because I do, there’s a part of me that very much cares, right?

That ego part of me very much cares that people think, Oh God, she’s got cellulite on her butt. Oh gosh, that seems like a bit of an overshare. Oh gosh, why is she going after that? Oh gosh, who does she think she is? There’s definitely a part of me that, that absolutely cares. But I think what has happened is over, over time, there is another part of me that just matters way more.

Which [00:16:00] is to be myself and to like myself, to even love myself, to be kind and. And I guess in, in doing so, then being an example to others of you can be you too. So yeah, eventually I took my jean shorts off and I’m like, stuff it, I’m just going to dance. And then so many people started to dance. At the very end, the whole front of the boat started dancing.

It was just unbelievable. But yeah, there is that, there is, there is still, like even with my book coming out, you would know this, you are in profile, you do the wonderful things, but in doing the wonderful things, it comes with some like, Oh, what are people going to think? What are people going to say? Are they going to like this book?

Are they going to like what I’ve written? Are they going to have these high expectations and then I’m going to let them down? So I think it’s knowing that there is a part of us that will always care, that will always worry, that will always be concerned with another’s opinion because. We are that pack [00:17:00] animal type that really wants to be part of the gang, part of the group.

And in the same breath, we’re also people that just want to be free to be who we are. So yeah, that’s how I quote unquote don’t care. I act, like I said, I actually do, but there’s a part of me that is far more developed now and has greater space in my life that says, do you really, really want to care about this?

Do you really want to sit on, for example, this boat? And not dance and not feel good in your body and own your body as it is just as it is. And so I talk to myself, I talk to myself and I have these little chats and ask myself these little questions. And I will often ask myself on your deathbed, are you going to, are you going to wish that you were dead on that boat and had an amazing time with those people?

Or are you going to be like, Oh, I’m so glad I didn’t take my jean shorts off because I’ve got cellulite. And sometimes when I just say that to myself, I’m like, Oh my gosh, how [00:18:00] stupid is this? The shorts are off. 

Melissa: Totally. I love that you have that internal conversation with yourself. I have it. Often with my, what I call my inner mean girl.

That’s the voice that says, don’t take the shorts off. That’s that voice. So I love that you do that. And. In internal family systems. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with that type of therapy. 

Kat: I’ve heard of it. Yes. Yeah. 

Melissa: Yeah. But it talks about how we have these different parts within us. So the controller, the protector, the manager, the one that cares what other people think, the one that doesn’t, we’ve all got these parts in us.

And so what I’ve learned over the years is just to listen more to the part that is wanting to express myself authentically, that is wanting to just be my true self and turn down the volume on the parts that are scared and fearful. And also looking at those parts, like, what is [00:19:00] it? Like, why are you scared?

Does it something that happened in your childhood? Like looking at it, addressing it is really important too. 

Kat: Absolutely. Yeah, a lot of people, I guess I see and probably have this typical thought of like, you know, you just tell your ego to go F itself and go take a long walk off a short pier and it’s actually further from the truth.

Sometimes I do need to tell it to, Hey, just, just sit down and be quiet, please. But most of the time I’m actually befriending it. Because I know it’s so afraid of whatever it is that I’m about to do. And yeah, typically it is due to some younger childhood experience that it’s like, Oh no, there’s embarrassment around that.

There’s shame around that. There’s ridicule around that. There’s whatever it might be around that. And it’s simply doing its job, control or fear or whatever it may be to keep us safe. But yeah, most of the time it is, it’s, it’s tending to it, it’s having a chat, it’s loving it and then [00:20:00] going, all right, cool.

Well, I’m going to have to ask you to take a seat back now cause there’s some cool, cool stuff that I want to do in this, in this world and in this life. So. Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s definitely a more complex approach that takes place internally when it comes to caring, not caring. When it comes to what am I going to make matter here?

What am I going to make more important here? 

Melissa: So yeah, it’s a bit of a dance. Absolutely. Brene Brown, she has in her wallet, five names of people’s opinions that she cares about, and if she puts something out and she gets ridiculed or whatever, she’ll open it, she’s like, nah, That person’s name’s not on there.

Nope. I’m going to let it go. And I just love that so much because, you know, we can get so caught up in, you know, what the one person says to us on social media or whatever, and then there’s so many other beautiful ones. And we really do just have to let it go and remember that [00:21:00] everyone has an opinion and it’s not actually our responsibility to take on everybody’s opinion.

And I just love, like, when I look at you, when I tune into your energy, I just think she owns who she is. She’s unapologetically herself and I love that and I think we need more examples of that in the world. 

Kat: Yeah, couldn’t agree more. 

Melissa: Now, you lead the Zero F s movement, which I just, I think is awesome.

Which is about placing energy where it truly matters. Yeah, which I love. So how can we apply this mindset to stay aligned with our true purpose? 

Kat: The way that I like to look at it is first you think it’s important when we, when we want to develop a more of a zero f ks mindset is I want to give less f ks to what I currently am and give greater time, energy and life force to deeper matters.

I always like to start with, well, what am I giving a f k about [00:22:00] right now that is not working out for me? How much time, energy and my precious life force am I giving to? being overly concerned, worrying, numbing out, plugging out, having a bitch fest or whatever it may be. And is that getting me any closer to finding love, calling in love?

Is that getting me any closer to sharing a message on Instagram? Is that getting me any closer to whatever it may be that, that actually matters? So for example, I’ve got two bonus daughters. They’re now nearly 18 and 15 and wow, that has been a gnarly journey. My golly gosh. 

Melissa: I’m also a bonus mom. Oh, you are too.

Yes. I have an 18 year old bonus son. 

Kat: Yeah. Wow. How old were you when you came into the family? How old was he? Sorry. He was seven. How old were yours? 

Melissa: They were 

Kat: seven 

Melissa: and [00:23:00] nine. Yes. I’m curious, someone asked me this the other day, stepping into that role has probably been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life.

Ever had to do in my life. 

Kat: ever had to do in my life, Mel! Oh my God, like I have been through some shit in my life and this has been the culmination of, well, we’re just gonna amp it up a little bit here and yeah, it has been wellza. 

Melissa: Talk about spiritual growth on steroids, right? And it’s so beautiful and it’s the best and it’s so stretching.

Ha ha 

Kat: ha ha ha ha! Yes! 100 percent the amount of times I have said to Steve, do you know how inconvenient it is to love you? Like seriously, and this is the thing. So coming back to that, that point before in my wonderful part [00:24:00] dysfunctional stuff, I have this really great fantasy of living alone with all the animals in the world and just being self sufficient all by myself, but it’s coming from a place of.

I’m different from everyone, I’m unlovable, and you know what, humans are just way too painful, you can all stay away from me. So I keep what’s safest around me, which are cows, pigs, dogs, chickens, etc. That is my full blown fantasy. However, like being in a blended family and a premade family, they have stretched me unbelievably.

They have stretched my capacity to love fundamentally. That’s what it has been. They have stretched my capacity to love myself and to love them and to trust them. Because I’ve had an experience as a childhood where trust and my personal space was violated. So I again have this story inside of me that’s like people that you’re meant [00:25:00] to trust, you can’t trust, right?

So coming into this family with Steve and then two girls. I’m like, I don’t know, I think I’m just going to have to keep you at arm’s length a little bit. And so that’s something that I gave too many f s to for a little while, right? And so they were wanting to get closer to me. They were wanting me to be, you know, a kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

And I was to some degree, but then I would close up, shut my heart, go, no, no, no, too much. And there was this always like. Open, shut, close, open, shut, close, which is so exhausting and so tiring. And for so many years I did that and again, I reached this point of like, how much longer am I going to give a f k about this?

And can I, can I give my time, my energy and my life force to staying open in my heart to just rather than going open, close, open, close, open, close, what if I expanded 5 [00:26:00] percent and just stayed at 5%? What if I just stayed 5 percent more open? And then what if we kind of started to stretch that to 7 percent more open?

And then that, that’s really what I’ve noticed happen over time. And so now the fucks that I give is more toward, I can see myself wanting to close, I can see myself wanting to shut up shop, but immediately I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no. What matters here? Oh, I always ask that question. What matters here? What matters here is that this home has a warm, safe, wonderful energy about it.

What matters here is that these girls feel love. What matters here is that I can be myself and that all these stories that I have is like, Oh, if I’m too open, then I’m going to get violated. Or if I’m too open, they’re going to step over my boundaries. Or if I’m too open, whatever other story I might have.

And so I’ve been constantly in this, what am I going to give my f ks to mindset? Where that’s just one example in my life, right? [00:27:00] And like I said earlier, it’s about noticing. Just how weighted it is when you look at the current f ks you’re giving and then daring to ask, is there, is there a better way I could be doing this?

And if there is, what does that look like and do I need to get help and do I need to get support? And you bet your bottom dollar I, I’ve gotten support and I’m still getting support and getting external help. Because, yeah, that’s part of the process. So that’s, that’s just, like I said, one example of, of how I delineate where my f s go.

And that’s actually probably been the most recent. Extended period of time challenge in being a bonus parent. 

Melissa: Yes. Oh yeah, babe. I can totally resonate. And also what you said about getting support. Like I’ve needed support on this journey. Cause I’ve never done it before. I’ve never been a step parent before.

I didn’t know how to do it. [00:28:00] So that’s so important. Like whatever area you need support with, like get support, like ask, reach out to people, other people who have been there or therapists, there’s so many people out there. But what about in business? Let’s talk about business. Cause a lot of people that are listening to this, they have their own businesses.

How do we stop giving in our business about things that are not supporting us? 

Kat: Hmm. 

Melissa: What would be an example? I think one of the biggest ones that I hear in SheLaunch with my company, so many of the women, they are afraid to put themselves out there on social media to share their amazing work that is going to help so many people.

And they care what other people think and it paralyzes them from actually even putting themselves out there. So talk to that. 

Kat: Yeah, absolutely. I remember in the beginning, I was very much like that [00:29:00] too. When I first started my business, which was nearly 10 years ago now. Oh my gosh. Well, let me just, let me just also be real here too.

When I first put myself out there. I thought I had to be a certain way. I was like, all right, I’ve got to be the spiritual chick or I’ve got to be the always positive chick because that way people will think that I’ve got my life together, that I’ve got my shit together, that I’ve got a belt together, I’ve got a whatever together.

And over time, I very quickly realized, well, this is not sustainable. And neither is having this incredible medicine inside of you and not sharing it. Like that is not sustainable because you know what that will do? That’ll haunt you. That’ll haunt you in your dreams. That’ll haunt you when you see someone else succeeding and then you’ll feel jealousy and then you’ll feel envy and then you’ll be like, why can’t I do that?

Well, I can’t do that because my mom’s going to say something about it or my dad’s going to say something about it or my friends are going to have these little bitch fest behind my back or some person from wherever they are on the internet are going to have a different opinion. [00:30:00] And so then we lock ourselves up and like I said, that’s not sustainable because the gifts that we have, they, like I said, they start to become this shadow that haunts us of like, Hey, what are we doing here?

I’ve got things to say, I’ve got things to share. Okay, with the zero f ks mindset and, and movement that, that I talk to, it’s actually, I think a lot of the time what we tend to do is we have our own beliefs and we have our own thoughts and we project that onto other people and be like, I can’t say this because of that person.

I can’t say that because of that person. When really I think it’s a matter of owning actually, okay, well that might also be true, but what are the beliefs that I am really holding? If I stop the projection, it’s like, well, if I, if I share this and get no likes, then how am I going to feel about myself? If I share this and I don’t get it right, how am [00:31:00] I going to feel about myself?

What story am I going to tell, tell myself? What am I going to make it mean? And that’s where I think we can take ourself down to a pretty deep, dark hole. And so a lot of us avoid that black, dark hole. And so therefore we avoid putting out what we want to put out. Because it is, it’s daunting. It’s, it’s saying like, I believe in something and I believe in my work and I believe in my medicine.

Melissa: Myself. 

Kat: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And then there’s like, well, who do you think, who do you think you are is, and is that voice your voice or is that a societal voice that you’ve taken on or is that a parental voice that you’ve. brought in. But yeah, like I said, I think there’s a piece of, okay, cool. There is an aspect of, I care what other people think.

Well then, okay, who are those people? Like Brene Brown has got those five names. Name those people. Cause it’s not, can’t be everyone in the world, right? So if you really get to the nitty gritty, who are those people that you actually care about [00:32:00] and are so called preventing you from, from putting out what you want to put out.

And then secondly, like I said, it’s, it’s, it’s owning that, okay, well, if I remove that and I still don’t want to share, then what am I telling myself? It’s almost like I’m afraid of my own rejection. I’m going to be afraid of my own rejection and where I’m going to take myself when I don’t get what I expected.

Those love hearts, those comments, those DMs that just don’t come through. Like I said, it’s, it’s, we are, we can be our own worst enemy. Like you wrote in your book, Mastering Your Mean Girl, what I talk about with the ego, oh my gosh, it can take you to some dark places and spaces, and I guess. If you can hold yourself there in that place where you put your message out, and okay, you don’t get a like, you don’t get a comment, you don’t get a DM, and that happens again, and that happens again, and that happens again.

If you can hold yourself and [00:33:00] tend to yourself in that bottom of the black hole, With as much kindness, with as much care, holding that younger self that’s like, Oh, I told you I’m a loser. I told you nobody likes me. I told you nobody loves me. I told you you shouldn’t have done that. We can learn to, like I said, tend to that younger part.

And stick to, stick to our heart’s intention, stick to our purpose, stick to this invisible calling, which sometimes makes us think we’re going mad. Do you know how many times I’ve thought of going mad to be like, what am I doing? What am I doing? I always believe in the cumulative effect where when we do things consistently, little by little, like, like habit stacking, when we do things at a continuous pace and a continuous rate.

Sometimes we just never know when that tipping point and that magic is gonna turn for us. But it’s often in when nothing’s [00:34:00] happening, when there’s no feedback coming back, that’s the time we need to learn how to tend to ourselves with great care. So that we can continue to give our in showing up. So that’s certainly how I’ve dealt with it anyway.

Yeah. Yep. My 

Melissa: husband, Nick, he says the most important people’s opinions that I care about is me, my wife and my children. He’s like, if my wife loves me and if my children love me. And they think I’m a good person. And he’s like, I know I’m a good person and I know that I don’t have a malicious or mean bone in my body.

And that’s what really matters. And then your partner and like your children and things like that. So I think we’ve got to really pull it back in our business and in our life and let go of caring what. At Sarah underscore 86 thinks of you. I’m also curious, babe, cause you have like half a million people on Instagram, right?[00:35:00] 

I have a zero tolerance policy for bullying and negativity. So if there is ever that it’s an immediate block from me. I do not engage. I do not try and defend myself. It is just an immediate block gone. So what’s your 

Kat: policy? I definitely do the same thing too. Definitely do the same thing too. And there was a podcast on Glennon Doyle.

She spoke about that whenever typically a woman puts something out into the world, the haters are going to attack certain things. One being the way she looks. So her body or her face. Her age, her intelligence, like, so if someone’s speaking and they’re like, Oh, you can’t even use appropriate pronunciation of a word, or you can’t even speak good English, whatever at Sarah underscore 86 has to say, or I might listen to you if you were 10 years [00:36:00] younger, or I might listen to you if you weren’t however many kilos they’re, they’re riding in it.

And so I think that it’s, it’s, it’s important to note that yes, as. Again, this is, this is her speaking as a woman. As women, when we do put things out, we are up for, we can be up for scrutiny. We can be. I must say that I’ve been pretty blessed that it seems like my community are pretty epic. In terms of my community epic, when a reel of mine might go stupid, crazy viral, which a few of them have.

And there’s a ridiculous amount of comments. The best thing is when it’s like that, I just can’t be bothered reading them. I can’t be bothered reading them or checking them or, or seeing what’s there. So almost in an interesting way, the more my following has grown, the less f s I’ve given. Because in terms of, like I said, what I’m reading or checking the comments or making sure that there’s no bad reviews, definitely in the beginning, I would do that.

I would [00:37:00] absolutely do that. I would check it. And in the beginning, whenever I would see something that was like a challenge for me or someone was being just not kind, it hurt. it really hurt. I would take it personally. And then I said this to myself, which I think my husband said to me, he said, Kat, do you like everyone in the world?

Do you, do you agree with everyone in the world? I said, no. And he said, you know, it’s okay that people don’t have to like you too. And that people don’t have to agree with you too. I’m like, shut up you and your logic. But it’s true that that statement helped me because it, it, it helped me to realize like, yeah, it’s true.

I don’t agree with everyone. I don’t agree with everyone’s standpoint. But I, I’m someone that doesn’t feel the need to comment and, and put a comment below. But if someone does do that, and if someone is disrespectful, absolutely, it’s an immediate delete block. I just want to stand for it. 

Melissa: And I think the person’s opinion that we need.

Care most about is our own. Like, are we showing up with a kind heart? [00:38:00] Are we being the best version of ourselves? Can we put our head on our pillow at night and go, I did good. Like I did really good today. Like that’s the most important thing. Do we like ourselves? 

Kat: Yeah, definitely. And I think the thing too, is that.

When people do have a message to share and, and medicine inside of them that they want to offer into the world. I think in terms of social media and it, and it, look, it is, it is a, an advertising platform. You can share who you are and people can go, I jam with them or I don’t. I think it can be really easy to, like I have done in the past, think, Oh, who should I be to get more likes?

Who should I be to get more likes? More views on this reel. And of course, like more views on the reel, then yes, possibly more work that might come in, but I guess over my years, I’ve just, like what you just said, I would way prefer to have my heart in integrity and [00:39:00] to not choose a trending audio and instead dance to a song that my body’s like, God, I want to dance to this today.

I want to dance to this today and I’m like, let’s rock and roll. I want to know that what my message is that I want to share and, and honor that as opposed to looking to the outer before I look to hang on. I believe in this work. I believe in myself. I believe in my medicine. So I think that’s another point to, to share too.

Melissa: I want to pick your brain strategy wise. You have grown to half a million people on Instagram. And that’s no small feat, that’s amazing. Do you have any strategies, tips, tools, tricks on how to grow your account authentically? 

Kat: Yeah, I think, you know what I really believe served me well? So with the Zero F s movement, it’s, it’s every Tuesday since 2018.

[00:40:00] And this is when Instagram was no reels. It was a photo based app. I had to like, play boasts. Music next to the phone. So I would pick up the music. But every Tuesday I would show up and people could rely on the fact that I’d be there, that I would be expressing myself and expressing a message and it, and it coming back to the ZeroFux message.

And. That, what are we in now, 2024, so that’s been six years, six years of, of that taking place where every single Tuesday, like I said earlier about the cumulative effect, when you do something consistently and regularly, there’s going to be some kind of tipping point, some kind of shift that takes place.

And so when I first came online with the Zero F s movement, it was just meant to be like a one off thing. I was just, I videoed myself dancing and I thought, Oh, should I put this up? Should I not put this up? [00:41:00] That’s actually how the Zero F s movement birthed. Cause I’m like, Oh my God, stop giving a f about this.

Just share it. And so I shared it and had a little bit of a cheeky hashtag with it. And then people were like, Oh my gosh, I wish I could do this. I wish I had the confidence to dance like that. Can’t wait till next Tuesday. So I came up next Tuesday and the following Tuesday and within sort of six to eight weeks people came on board and they were sharing their dances and then it became, it actually really did become a very big movement, which then shifted when Reels came about because then dancing online was normal.

It wasn’t this, you know, anomaly. And there were times where I thought, maybe this is dead. Maybe this is over. But I was like, no, just because people aren’t joining in doesn’t mean that this is dead because there is a message here and there is a message that I believe in. And it’s a message that resonates with my community.

And I think, like I said, the, the, the cumulative effect, it was just right time, right place, right person, right audio, right [00:42:00] thing where just took off. It absolutely took off and it went. viral and then the next one did the same thing and the next one did the same thing. And literally within a four month period, my community was 30, 000 on Instagram.

And like sometimes within an hour, it was going up by 10, 000. Crazy, like absolutely crazy, which is kind of rare. You know, I think when you like a real, you can like a real, but you sort of typically don’t follow the person. But this was like, like, follow, share, like, follow, share on absolute steroids, like crazy 

Melissa: steroids.

Just from sharing you dancing in your most authentic way. Beautiful. 

Kat: And so that’s been, I’d been doing that for six years, and I also think what happened was that people then who were the, the, the new people that were coming on board had a shit ton of content to binge and there was a consistent message.

There was a, Oh, okay, cool. This chick really does embody who she is. I [00:43:00] guess true with the dancing, I do that to embody the message of whatever message it is that I want to say. I choose the song that’s going to embody that message. That’s why not all of them, unless it’s a sick trending audio, I’m like, I definitely want to dance to that song.

And I’ve got a message to that, but typically it’s a, Oh, this is the message I want to share today. I’m going to choose that song that matches that. And then I’m going to bring in this message of the zero f ks. Mindset. And it’s just been this beautiful combination that has really worked. And yeah, the, the community has stayed.

It’s not like they came on, liked, and then they all disappeared. They have had reliable content and messaging for a long time. Like social media or Instagram is definitely my main outlet. And I’d say that, so every Tuesday I always post something, I post a video once a week that’s like three journaling prompts for X, Y, or [00:44:00] Z.

And then there’s typically another one where it might be a snippet of my podcast or it might be. me gathering content from previous years. And I talk about bonus parenting, or I talk about my relationship with Steve, or I talk about my relationship with money. And there’s the pieces of vulnerability in there.

There’s the pieces of authenticity in there and it all blends together. So that’s typically how often I would post three times a week. And then I just jam with my community on stories, typically maybe every second day, sometimes every third day, but it’s been consistent and that’s what I would say. Yeah, a hundred percent.

Melissa: And I teach this inside SheLaunch. Like consistency is key, like continuously showing up, not just showing up once and then ghosting for like a month because you’ve got a vulnerability hangover and you’re scared. It’s like you keep showing up, same with me. Like I have showed up consistently from the moment I got on the platform with my podcast.

I’ve been doing this for so many years now and I have produced an [00:45:00] episode every single week. Blogging was the same back in the day. You just consistently keep showing up. That is how you will grow in your business and grow in life as well. So I love so much what you do and what you teach. For someone who is really wanting to stop giving zero f ks right now about something, what is your piece of advice?

Where can they start? 

Kat: Mm. 

Melissa: So, I guess, 

Kat: yeah, it’s, it’s, it really is. It’s like, okay, what are you, what are you giving a f k about right now? And what impact is that having on your psyche, on your heart, on your dream? even like put a, put a kilogram to it. Like how weighty is it? How heavy is it? And, and sometimes we need to just bring all of our attention to just how much this that we are giving is [00:46:00] absolutely wasteful.

I think it’s so important that we reach this level of, Oh my God, I’m so done. I’m so done. And that, because when we’re done. We just surrender. We’re on our knees. We’ve put the bag of f ks down. We’ve put the weight down and we hand ourself over to another way. That, that level of doneness, that level of like, Oh, I just cannot, I cannot.

It comes with anger. It comes with frustration. It comes with exhaustion and it comes, like I said, with surrender and a handing over of like, all right, all right, what have I got to do? You know, what is, What is my true next best step? Because when we’re giving a f k about something that, that really, really, really fundamentally doesn’t matter, we’re giving all these micro steps, well, not toward whatever it is that we really care about, whatever that really, really matters.

And [00:47:00] if we can, like I said, be done, surrender, and then be open to a new way and ask, okay, well, what’s my next best step here? And you know what? I’m going to show up to this. Whether I feel shame, shame, you know what, come, whether I feel fear, fear, come, whether I feel concern, concern, come. If anyone has watched Inside Out 1 and 2, 2 is the best, that it’s a welcoming of all these parts of us.

And I think it, when we, when we give too many f ks, we’re like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can’t do this, can’t do that. And we become these like. octopuses of blocking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, can’t, can’t, nah, couldn’t, no, no way, shouldn’t, no, no, no. And then it’s like, oh my God, I’m so, I’m so exhausted of my own self.

But you can just feel the exhaustion of it. And yeah, a new way can then come in when we [00:48:00] that game with ourself. 

Melissa: Yeah. Beautiful. I love that so much. So beautiful. Let’s pretend now you have a magic wand and you could put one book in the school curriculum of every high school around the world. Now besides your book, which absolutely should be in the curriculum, what is one other book you would choose?

Kat: Wow. Beautiful. Okay, school curriculum, high school, young school, any school? 

Melissa: Yes, high school, like let’s talk 15, 16, 17, male and female. Could be on any topic.

Kat: Wow. Okay. I don’t know why this has come up, but the it will take time. It will take time to discover who you are. It will take time. To discover who you’re not, it will take time to discover your real purpose in [00:49:00] life. It will take time to create your true version of success. Because I guess what I see with, with the youngins of today, having two teenagers, it’s this nowness.

And if it’s not now, then like my, my eldest bonus daughter, she looks at what I do and she’s like, well, if I put a post out, how come I haven’t got this and how come my followers are like that? I’m like, oh my gosh, bro, this has been 10 years, 10, 10, 10 years, it will take time. And that is. Okay, because I think for me, I certainly learned the difficult way.

I also wanted things to happen overnight when it came to my business and in life, everything in life. I wanted to find the love of my life ASAP. I wanted to be rich ASAP. I wanted to be whatever ASAP and it’s like, hang on, why, why, why, why, why? And what am I missing out on by trying to rush everything and have the everything now?[00:50:00] 

I don’t know. That’s, 

Melissa: that’s, that’s the first thing that came up. And is there a book in particular on that or that’s just your message? Oh, that’s just my message. Oh, you mean an actual book? Yes. Like an actual book besides yours, which should be in there, but I love that message, so powerful. Okay. Now I understand 

Kat: the question.

I would say there’s a really great book that I just read. First, it’s actually the first one that came to mind. It’s the top five regrets of the dying. 

Melissa: Yes. I’ve had Bronnie Ware on the podcast. She’s amazing. That book is amazing. It’s so amazing because it just reverses everything. 

Kat: For youngins to read that and go, Oh, all right.

If so many of the elderly regret working too hard, what does balance look like for me? If so many of the elderly regretted not living a life true to them, what would a life true to me look like? So reversing the questioning, that’s, that’s the book. 

Melissa: Yeah, I love that so [00:51:00] much. Talk us through a quote unquote typical day in your life, all of your little rituals and routines.

You’ve shared your breakfast, but like, do you meditate, like talk us through a quick day in your life. 

Kat: Yeah. So in the morning I, so I wake up, I make sure I don’t touch my phone until 8am. So that’s my rule, phone, no phone until eight. Sometimes it’s even later. So I’ll wake up, I’ll cuddle my dogs and I’ll cuddle Steve.

What I do is I grab my journal out and I write one page of whatever I want to write. It’s kind of like Julia Cameron’s morning pages. And often what I end up writing is blessed be my life. That’s always the thing that I write. And then I write about the ways in which my life is blessed. And then what I will do after that page is I will close it.

I’ll lie on my back and I’ll take 10 deep breaths as I listen to the birds and I listen to Daisy sleeping on my head and snoring a little bit and I actually really feel the blessedness. [00:52:00] So then after I do that, take the dogs for a walk down the beach with Steve and we have our little chats for a bit and then I go into the sand and play with the dogs.

Then I’ll go to either Pilates or like a gym fitness workout, come back and I’ll make my epic breakfast. And then that’s when I check my, I’ll check to see if my assistant’s written anything. I’ll check a little bit of emails and then I would get to my laptop typically at 10 a. m. So after my breakfast, I’ll put everything away, potter around, set my room up really nice, put the smells on and all that kind of jazz.

And then, yeah, I’ll start tending to my work and really throughout my work day, I tend to work that is intentional work. So I’m not there from like 10 till five. It’s okay. What’s neat, what needs to be focused upon today and that’s, that’s what I make important. That’s what I make matter. Whether that be seeing clients, whether that be whatever it may be, I take a walk throughout the middle of the day with the dogs [00:53:00] and dinner, I’ll make my dinner.

And then at nighttime, Steve and I take the dogs around the canals of Elwood. And then we snuggle up to bed and I read a book and my phone’s off at 8pm. So that’s me. I love 

Melissa: it. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. So lovely. I’ve got three rapid fire questions for you now. Are you ready? Okay. Okay. What is one thing we can do today for our health?

Kat: Mmm. Spend three good minutes doing something. Something that is beautiful in the sun, feet in the dirt, foot in a puddle, whatever it may be. Three good minutes of pure presence. I love that. Beautiful. 

Melissa: And it’s free as well. And it’s free. Okay, next one. What is one thing that we can do today for our wealth?

Kat: Mmm, do your numbers. Know your numbers. Have a consistent time each week where you meet your numbers and you, you look at them, you face them, you address them with as much ik [00:54:00] or uh as whatever possible, but you, you be with your numbers. 

Melissa: Yeah, 

Kat: I 

Melissa: love that. And what is one thing we can do for more love in our life?

Kat: Mmm, I would actually say to cultivate gratitude. Because I know certainly that when I am intentionally grateful and I notice what Steve, not just does, but who he is, when I notice that and I let him know that through a love note or through, you know, practicing that gratitude, yeah, my, my love just oozes out and I’m like, I love him.

And then I give that love to him. And then. He feels loved and then that love reciprocates. So yeah, practice of gratitude. 

Melissa: Yeah. And those little acts of like, last night I got into bed and on my side of the bed, there was a post it note that just said, I love you so much. And I hope you have a beautiful sleep.

Like, so sweet. So sweet. Right? It takes what [00:55:00] four seconds and it’s free and it’s just like these little random acts of gratitude and kindness. They go such a long way. So I love that. That’s such a beautiful tip. So thank you for sharing. You are helping, you are serving, you are inspiring, you are supporting so many people all over the world.

So I want to know what I and the listeners can do to give back and serve you today. That’s so kind. I 

Kat: guess really it’s, it’s whoever you feel should listen to this episode. Or if there’s a reel or if there’s a episode of my podcast, or if you read my book and you’re like, God, this, this friend of mine or this cousin needs to read this, it’s really just, it’s passing on the baton.

Whatever you have listened to, whatever you have digested, whatever you have taken in that has served you. And if you think of just one person where you, where that would serve them. That’s the greatest way you could serve [00:56:00] me and then ultimately humanity. 

Melissa: So yeah. Beautiful. I love that so much. You are a delight.

My goal is for us to dance together in real life one day. 

Kat: Oh, yes. 

Melissa: So let’s make that happen because I love dancing as well. And you know, your soul, your pure essence just radiates out every cell of your body. And we’ll see. It’s so beautiful to witness. Like I look at your page, you just glow and you’re just doing such beautiful work in the world.

So I want to thank you for being here, for sharing, for all the work that you do, and I cannot wait for our dance party in person one day. 

Kat: Oh, yes, me too. I take that in and I appreciate it. And I also reflect that back to you too. Oh, thank you so much.

Melissa: I hope you feel so inspired after this episode. [00:57:00] Definitely go check her out. Have a little dance and boogie along with her on her Instagram. You will feel instantly better when you do. And if you loved this conversation, please subscribe and follow the show. And if you haven’t already leave me a review on Apple podcasts, I would be so grateful and you can send a screenshot of your review to helloatmelissarambrosini.

com or to my Instagram. And I will send you my wildly wealthy meditation as a thank you for taking the time to leave me a review. And now come and tell me on Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini, what you got from this episode. I love connecting with you and I love hearing your biggest key takeaways. From the episode.

So come and share them with me. And before I go, I just wanted to say, thank you so much for being here, for wanting to be the best, the healthiest, and the happiest version of yourself. And for showing up today for you, you rock. Now, if there’s someone in your life that you can think of that would really benefit from this episode, pretty much everyone will, but please share it with them right now, you can take a screenshot, share it on your social [00:58:00] media, email it to them, text it to them, do whatever you’ve got to do to get this in their ears.

And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

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