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I turned 40 and something shifted. The noise quieted. The opinions of others stopped having so much power over me. And what I found underneath all of that was clarity, freedom, and the most grounded version of myself I have ever known. In this episode I’m sharing the most honest, personal wisdom I’ve gathered across four decades of living, loving, building, and figuring it all out. The lessons that took years to land. The ones that came through hard moments, big wake-up calls, and a lot of inner work. The ones that finally set me free. If you’re craving clarity, confidence, and a deeper connection to yourself, this is for you.

In this episode we chat about:

• The shift that changed everything (3:24)
• The one thing that separates the women who succeed (7:00)
• Why the world needs to hear from you (10:34)
• The foundation most women are missing (12:57)

Episode resources:

• The Iconic Mastermind (Join now)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)

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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

[00:00:00] The Melissa Ambrosini Show. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Melissa bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, open, wide, comparisonitis and Time Magic, and I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in.

Your own life and become the best version of yourself possible. Are you ready? Beautiful. Beautiful.

Hello and welcome back to the show. I’m so excited about this episode because I recently turned 40. 40. Like, what does anyone else in their forties still feel like they’re 28? I feel the [00:01:00] healthiest, the most energized, the most playful that I’ve ever felt. And I actually cannot believe I’m in my forties now.

Like what? Sometimes when I’m driving, does anyone else do this? I am driving. I turn around and I see two car seats in my car, and I’m like, what? Like I have kids. I still feel like a kid myself. Tell me I’m not the only one. Does anyone else feel like that? I’m folding tiny laundry and I’m like, where did these two little socks come from?

What? I’m 40. Anyway, when my parents were turning 40, I thought it was so old. I remember it clearly. They had a dress up party. Someone was wearing an apron. You know those aprons that have like the naked guy on the front? And I remember feeling so uncomfortable. Someone was wearing that. ’cause I had never seen a penis before.

And yeah. Anyway. Did this happen to [00:02:00] anybody else? Please tell me. I’m not the only one anyway. I am 40 and I wanna talk about it not in a polished highlight, real kind of way. In a real way. Because honestly, the six months leading up to this, I was a little uneasy. I’m gonna be honest. I was really uneasy about it.

Turning 40, it sounded big, it sounded scary, and it sounded so much older than I felt. But then something shifted and the closer I got, the more excited I became about turning 40 because. People said, when you turn 40, you stop caring what other people think. And so I thought, wow, that sounds pretty amazing.

So I got really excited about turning 40 and because I realized that 40 doesn’t feel like an ending, it feels like an upgrade. And that has truly been my experience. So today I wanna share the wisdom that I am carrying into this [00:03:00] decade with me. Not a long list, not 40 things, just the real stuff, the wisdom, the things that I now know that I wish I had of known sooner.

The things that have genuinely changed my life. So if you are not driving, take notes because these are the things that are going to change the trajectory of your life. So let’s get into it. So the first thing was I stopped caring what other people think. When I turned 40, it was like a switch just went off.

It’s mind blowing. It’s so good. So let’s start there because this is the biggest one for so many people. Caring what other people think takes up so much time. So much precious energy for many, many women especially. But I am at the point where I don’t care anymore. I don’t give an F what other people think anymore.

And I say that with full awareness of how simple that [00:04:00] sounds because I know so many women are carrying the weight of other people’s opinions. I work with some of these women I know, and I was too for so long that constant. Checking, wondering how you are perceived editing yourself before you open your mouth.

That has shifted so profoundly for me, and it didn’t happen overnight. It was gradual. But stepping into 40, I can feel it clearly and I feel so much more free. And that is delicious. And here’s what I want you to hear now, that freedom. It’s not about being reckless or not caring what other people think in a, I’m just going to be mean and rude and knock people down along the way.

That is not what I’m talking about. It’s about knowing yourself so deeply, loving yourself so deeply that other people’s opinions stop having power over you and [00:05:00] over your own inner knowing. If you are a kind good human and you can put your head on your pillow every night and you say, I showed up. I was kind, I did my best, then there is no reason for you to stress, worry, agonize over what other people think of you, and this is what confidence is.

It’s not arrogance. It’s not indifference. Just a solid, quiet knowing of who you are. Like I know that when I put my head on my pillow every night that I am a good human. I am always trying to be the most kind, most loving, the best version of myself. Everywhere I go, every room I enter, I want to leave the people in that room elevated.

I want to bless everyone that I meet. I want to make everyone feel like the [00:06:00] most important person in the world. That is my intention. And when I go to bed at night, I know that I know that hand on my heart. So wasting my precious time caring about what so-and-so thinks of me on social media, like what a waste of time.

When you have that. Certainty. You stop shrinking, you stop over explaining, you stop asking for permission, and that’s the gift of this decade so far, and I am just getting started. And you don’t have to be 40 to have this realization. You don’t have to be 40 to stop caring what other people think.

Wherever you are in your life, this is your permission slip to show up as the best, kindest, most loving version of you. And let go of caring what other people think. Stop wasting your precious time and energy on that. Can we please all do that? Can we? That would be lovely. So that is the first one. [00:07:00] The second piece of wisdom, the second thing that I’m taking into this decade is the reminder that our mindset is everything.

I have been doing mindset work for 16 years, and I will never stop saying this. Your thoughts become your reality. This is not a woo woo concept as an actual lived truth that I have watched play out in my own life and the lives of the women that I work with over and over again. The thoughts that you are thinking right now are shaping what you are building, what you believe is possible for yourself.

The ceilings that things get set on, and what you actually create are all a reflection of your thoughts this decade. I am upping the mindset work. I am reminding myself that my thoughts create my [00:08:00] reality. I’m gonna tattoo that onto my forehead. No, I’m not really, but I thought about getting a tattoo. I had a moment actually where I was like, I’m gonna get a tattoo.

No, I’m just kidding. I did not, but I did get my ears pierced if you saw on my Instagram. And for those that know me, that is really huge. So I already had one hole, but I never wore earrings, and I decided to get my seconds, and then I got one up the top. And this was so rebellious for me and so much fun.

So I absolutely loved it. So if you saw that that video on Instagram has gone viral, I’ll link to it in the show notes and you can watch it. But this decade is all about mastering my mind, doing the inner work every single day. And as a byproduct of that, confidence gets built. Here’s what I now know.

After 40 years of being in this earth suit, confidence is [00:09:00] not something that you either have or you don’t have. It is something that you build every single day, and I like to think of it like a confidence bank, and this is what I teach my clients. Every time you say that you’re gonna do something and you do it, you make a deposit into your confidence bank.

For example, if you said you’re gonna go to the gym and you went. You deposit into your confidence bank. If you said you’re gonna reach out to that person and you did a deposit goes in. If you committed to showing up in your business consistently or online and you did it, a deposit goes in and every time you don’t follow through the balance in your confidence bank, it goes down.

Not dramatically, not forever, but it does go down. So the women that I see who are most stuck and are not stuck because they lack talent or intelligence or even strategy, they’re stuck because of the inner work, the self-doubt, the perfectionism, the internal patterns in their nervous system, like the fear of being seen, all of those things.[00:10:00] 

That is the work, and it is the most important work that you will ever do, and this is the work that we do. As well as all the strategy, but this is the work that we do inside the Iconic Mastermind. The doors are open right now and you can head to melissa ambrosini.com/iconic to join. So that is something else that I’m taking into this decade.

Depositing more into my confidence bank. Every single day when I say I’m gonna do something, do it, deposit goes in. So that is something I’m gonna be taking. The next thing I wish I knew earlier that I’m going to be focusing on in this next decade is building my personal brand even more. So let’s talk about this.

Let’s talk about business, because if I go back and I give my 20-year-old self one piece of advice, it would be this. Well, there’d be lots of things, but this would be one of them. When it comes to business, build your [00:11:00] personal brand. Own your uniqueness and let that be the thing that differentiates your personal brand because there is so much noise out there.

And in a world full of AI content, the only thing that is truly irreplaceable is you. Your perspective, your story, your voice. That’s what people are loyal to, not a product, not a funnel. You, I talk about this so much inside the iconic Mastermind. I actually give you the iconic pillar method, which will help you get crystal clear on your brand pillars, your messaging, and how to build a body of work that is unmistakably yours.

So I’ll link to it in the show notes. You can go and check that out and join. Now, beyond that, here’s what I would tell myself. In business terms, I would say build your personal brand. Know your brand pillars, build your email list. Build on one platform and go all in. Like pick a platform, say it’s Instagram, go all [00:12:00] in on that.

Start with one core offer. Get that really good. Get that to where you want it to get to financially. If you wanna make a million dollars a year with that one offer, get it there, and then move on to other offers. Then build your office suite. Have a low ticket entry point, have a high ticket offer, and a funnel that actually works.

This is what I would tell my 20-year-old self, maybe even younger. And I would also say never ever separate the inner work from the outer strategy because the most beautifully structured business in the world will not grow if the woman running it doesn’t believe she is worthy of the success she is building.

The inner work and the outer work go hand in hand always, always in always. So that is my business wisdom I would share with my 20-year-old self and that I’m taking into this decade. The next piece of wisdom that I’m gonna be taking [00:13:00] is that your spiritual connection is non-negotiable, and this one is so close to my heart.

I believe deeply that having a connection to something greater than yourself is one of the most stabilizing, grounding, and expansive things. That you can cultivate. Now, whether that is God or the universe or whatever you believe, what matters most is the relationship that you have to something higher, greater than yourself.

Because when you have that connection, you are not alone. You are never alone. You have a place to return to. When things feel scary and uncertain, you have a source of guidance that is beyond. What your logical mind can access, and I have come to trust that more and more as I have gone up in the age scale, the quiet moments, the stillness, the sense that there is a bigger [00:14:00] plan, a bigger intelligence at work.

This has been a game changer for me and my relationship has just deepened and deepened and deepened over the years. And I’m so grateful. So grateful. And here’s what I know. The women who are most grounded, most clear, most resilient, they are almost always the ones who have cultivated some form of spiritual practice.

Not perfectly, not rigidly, but consistently, whether that is prayer. Whether that is meditation, journaling, time and nature, whatever it is that connects you to yourself, back to yourself and to something higher, larger. Don’t outsource that to busyness. Don’t let the noise crowded out. That connection is the [00:15:00] foundation.

Everything else gets built on. My connection to myself and my connection to the creator have only deepened over the past couple of years, and I’m so excited for the next decade for them to deepen even more. And I want you to come on this journey with me. Let’s deepen our connection even more to ourselves and to the creator.

So those are some of the things that I am taking into my forties. Freedom from other people’s opinions. A deep commitment to the mindset and inner work. A clear, confident, personal brand. I’m gonna keep depositing into my confidence bank and a spiritual connection that anchors everything. And if any of this resonated, I would love for you to share this episode with a woman in your life who needs to hear it.

And if you are ready to [00:16:00] do the deep inner work, dissolving the seven patterns that are running in your nervous system that once unlocked will allow you to step into a level of visibility that you never knew possible. And if you are ready. To have the business of your dreams, with the income of your dreams, with the impact of your dreams.

I want you to come and join the Iconic Mastermind. The doors are open right now. They close May 8th, and you can head to melissa abrini.com/iconic to join. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for all of your beautiful birthday wishes. Come and tell me on Instagram what you got out of this episode if you are 40 as well.

I wanna know your big realizations, your big nuggets of wisdom when you hit 40. I love you. I believe in you. Thank you for being here, and I’ll see you next [00:17:00] time.

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