(Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeart or TuneIn)

Do you ever feel trapped by your life or business — but aren’t sure how to create the freedom you dream of?

Enter today’s guest: Wall Street Journal bestselling author and the #1 SaaS coach in the world, Dan Martell. From a stint in prison as a teenager to mentoring the world’s top software CEOs, Dan’s story is one of radical transformation, mindset mastery, and unapologetic ownership of his time, energy, and impact.

In this episode, we go deep into the pivotal moments that changed his life, the belief shifts that helped him realize his full potential, and the practical systems that allow him to run multiple companies, train for Ironmans, and still put family first.

Press play to discover: the moment Dan stopped living for others and started living on purpose, how to release the fear of judgment for good, what “buying back your time” actually looks like (even if you’re just starting out), the unexpected ways that burnout can show up (and how to recover from it), the surprising mindset block that keeps entrepreneurs stuck, and the single belief that changed everything for him.

So if you’re ready to shift the way you think about time, success, and what’s truly possible, then press play now — this episode is for you.

About Dan Martell

Dan Martell is the bestselling author of “Buy Back Your Time” and the #1 executive coach for software CEO’s in the world. He was named Forbes Top 10 Business People to Follow on Social Media and is a highly sought-after speaker, including events by Tony Robbins and John Maxwell. He’s a husband and dad of two boys, and when he’s not in family mode, he’s competing in Ironman races and supporting troubled youth.

In this episode we chat about:

• The wild backstory that shaped who he is today — and how he turned rock bottom into rocket fuel (2:20)
• Why chasing approval nearly cost him everything (7:50)
• The surprising way telling his story daily has shifted his relationship with it (10:23)
• His advice for anyone holding back because they’re worried what other people will think (12:15)
• The powerful goal he and his wife wrote together (18:57)
• What to do when your kids are spending time with someone you’re not sure about (21:42)
• When his success really started — and a simple breakdown of what a SaaS company actually is (26:06)
• His personal experience with burnout and the tools he used to come back stronger (30:05)
• Why so many women stay stuck — and the deep-rooted beliefs we need to question (34:33)
• Why all success starts with mindset (43:24)
• The non-negotiable role coaches and mentors have played in his journey (45:57)
• The single most transformational mindset shift he’s ever made (and how it can help you too) (53:14)

Episode resources:

• SheLaunch (join here)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
• Dan Martell (website)
• Dan Martell (Instagram)
• Buy Back Your Time by Dan Martell (book)
• Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill (book) 
• Love Is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influence Friends by Tim Sanders (book)
• A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love by Alan Cohen (book)

Prefer To Read?

The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

Melissa: [00:00:00] This episode with the incredible Dan Martel, he is giving us the best mindset hacks for success in both your business and your personal life. He’s also talking about how to buy back your time so that you are doing. Only the things that you love in your life, in your business, and your personal life.

Plus so much more. The Melissa Amini Show. Welcome to the Melissa Amini Show. I’m your host Melissa bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl Open Wide Comparisonitis. And time magic, and I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in your own life and become the best version of yourself possible.

Are you ready? Beautiful. Beautiful. Hey, [00:01:00] beautiful. Welcome back to the show. I am so excited about this episode because we have the incredible. Dan Martel here with us today. He’s the author of Buy Back Your Time. If you have not read this, do yourself a favor and grab yourself a copy. He was also named Forbes Top 10 Business People to Follow on Social Media, and he is a highly sought after speaker from people like Tony Robbins and John Maxwell.

He’s also a husband and dad of two beautiful boys, and when he is not in family mode or working, he is competing in Ironmans. You know, just for something to do on a lazy afternoon. He is an incredible human being, and I’m so excited for you to listen to this episode. For everything that we mention in today’s episode, you can check out in the show notes and that’s over@melissareini.com slash 6 5 1.

Now, without further ado, let’s get this party started.[00:02:00] 

Dan, so awesome to have you here in Australia, in my home. What a gift it is to have this time with you. Wow. 

Dan: Thank you. This is beautiful. I’m punked. I’m a big fan of your work. 

Melissa: Thank you so much. Now I want you to kind of give us a little bit of a backstory on how you got to where you are today, because people could look at you on Instagram and think, who is this amazing guy?

Successful, beautiful wife, happy marriage, same one. Hmm. You know, thriving family life and thriving business life. But it wasn’t always like that for you. Can you take us back? Tell us how you got here. 

Dan: Yeah, it’s, it’s kind of crazy because the other day I was talking to my dad and he asked me that question.

He goes like, did you ever think? And I’m like, no, dad, like, what are you talking about? I mean. It was growing up in just a lot of chaos. I mean, unfortunately I had addiction in my home with my mom and I [00:03:00] had issues with A DHD and I honestly, growing up, I always felt like there was something wrong with me.

Like I think I got diagnosed when I was 11, put on Ritalin. I didn’t like the way it made me act to the point that I would refuse to take the medication and my parents would hide it and like my breakfast, it was nutty and then started high school, got introduced to drugs and that’s when my life kind of spiraled outta control and just a series of bad decisions got me hanging around with people I shouldn’t have been hanging out with.

And I think because I didn’t feel like I didn’t have a lot of self worth, I was always trying to like get people’s approval. And these were people that were doing bad things that were twice my age. And I ended up in juvenile attention the first time when I was 15. For drug related charges, shoplifting, and then got out, promised I’d clean up my situation and I lasted a day.

Melissa: How long were you in [00:04:00] 

Dan: GV for the first time? The whole summer? Yeah, so for about two months and yeah, right back into it. And the second time was even worse. You know, I was sober for a couple months for the first time in a while, and then things kinda hit a wall when I found myself drunk and high in a high speed chase.

Melissa: How old were you? 

Dan: I was 16. He had a stolen car handgun in a backpack sitting next to me. I remember thinking when I stole the car, if the cops stopped me, I’m just gonna pull the gun and let them take my life for whatever reason. I ended up crashing inside of a house and I went for the gun and when I was pulling out I got stuck.

It’s, it’s kind of crazy thinking about, because none of this life traveling the world with my family or. Writing bestselling books. None of this. Yeah. Somebody, somebody was looking out for me. So, and it wasn’t an easy battle after that. It, it took [00:05:00] 11 months of rehab, ended up going to jail for almost a year, and then released to a rehab center.

That saved my life. That kind of helped rebuild my identity and my self-worth and my belief systems and try to understand kind of how to make sense of some of the abuse. And, and that’s where I fell in love with computer programming of all things. And I was, I was helping the maintenance guy, this guy named Rick, clean out one of the, the rooms and there was this old computer sitting there in a yellow book on Java programming.

Just tap, tap, tap. This is 1997, so it’s been 27 years. 

Melissa: And then what happened from there? 

Dan: Well, it took, I mean, I had one mission, get out, rehab, stay sober. And that was hard. I mean, one of the big things that I. They made us, it was a transition plan. And it’s funny ’cause like looking back, people go, do you regret anything they said?

That’s such a weird thing to think about because I’m so grateful and happy where I’m at today, that if I took any one of those pieces away, I’m not sure I would’ve had [00:06:00] the insight. Right? Like in rehab, I learned about creating a life plan, it’s called the transition plan. It was so that you figured out where are you gonna spend your time and you know, what are you gonna focus on and who are your friends gonna be?

Like positive influences. And even today, like yesterday I was in Byron Bay with my wife building our plan for the year. Something I learned at 17 that I didn’t realize just how powerful it was. So like in many ways that 11 months in rehab center at 17 dealing with my addiction taught me some incredible tools that I brought into my life that allowed me to kind of crawl out of that hole I found myself in.

Yeah, but it, it took another like. Seven or eight years until I ever found any success. I just tried, I just, I just knew I couldn’t work for somebody else. Like, that was the one thing about me. I had an opinion. 

Melissa: Yeah, you don’t strike me as a person who, who’d worked for somebody else. 

Dan: [00:07:00] Nah, I don’t care. It’s kind of, I’m, I’m kind of dangerous ’cause I don’t need anything.

It’s kind of weird. Like even in business, I know what I’m worth. I know the value I bring to something, but I don’t need anybody’s permission. You know, like some people are like, oh, if this person says yes to be on their pod, or if this, this publisher says yes to my book deal or whatever, I’m like, zero need from anybody.

I’m gonna go do the thing. And if that creates an opportunity for us to collaborate game on. But I’m not, I’ve got kind of like this. I just wanna have fun. And if you wanna have fun, let’s do something. But if you make it weird, I’m out. And that’s, that’s kind of even with business or working for somebody else, or even clients.

Like I fire clients all the time. Like if someone comes into my world and they do something weird and I tell ’em and then they do it again. I just, hey, go figure out your journey some other place. Like I’m not your guy. 

Melissa: So you said you had worthiness stuff and then you’re not seeking approval or anything like that from other people.

Like usually people who have worthiness stuff, they are looking [00:08:00] to everyone else to kind of go tell me I’m on the right track or can I get a green light for you? So where did that come in? 

Dan: So it’s interesting and that’s very, most people would not know that. So that tells me a lot about you, that you’ve done the work that you understand.

That’s at a high level. ’cause that’s a very smart question. I think I did a lot of that work in rehab at 17 and then what I did is I translated that into triangulating people’s feedback. So that’s where it’s different for me. I’m a big feedback person. I mean, anytime I do anything it’s always like, Hey, what are the highs and lows?

Give you some highlights and low lights. What could I tweak when I do my one-on-ones with team members? I wanna be a better leader. I mean, there’s a whole section on feedback in my book. ’cause for me. That’s how I get better. So I think maybe some people would think that that’s kind of like, I’m looking for validation, but I actually use it to triangulate because I can’t, like I’m inside the bottle, I can’t see what that label says, and I just know where I want to get going and where I want to go is not who I am [00:09:00] today is not gonna get me there.

So I guess I just, because I’m such a feedback person, I also had to let go of the, Hey, that person isn’t criticizing me. They see me through their lens on the world. I mean, that’s, this is the crazy part. So every day in rehab, I did a cleanup three times a day after every meal and every meal, they make you share your story or listen to the person’s story.

So you do a cleanup with another resident. So for 11 months times, you know that many days, times three times a day, I got to see somebody live their life and hear their story and understand the meaning. They made about things that happened to them. So I was getting like reps around human psychology that I didn’t realize.

So I started in business and I’d be in a meeting and I’d be like, why is that guy upset? Like, that’s so fascinating to me that he all of a sudden that one deal term we’re trying to negotiate that thing. He dug his heels and I’m like, interesting. Well I’ll just go over this way and then he’ll agree to that and then I’ll come [00:10:00] back and get that done and we’ll move forward.

And, and it was just so, like, I just felt like so many people could have benefited of trying to understand what makes people tick. And somebody’s feedback to me is not necessarily a truth about me. It’s a perspective they have. A 

Melissa: hundred percent. It’s like that saying opinions are like, 

Dan: it’s not where they say, yeah, your opinion’s not my business.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, 

Melissa: exactly. So that’s interesting. You have to tell your story. ’cause I, I believe everything that we tell ourselves is a story. There’s positive stories, there’s negative stories like those activated nuts. Good for me, that’s a story. It’s a positive story. Then we tell ourselves negative stories, like, I need this person’s approval.

I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. Who do you think you are writing a book? So we have positive stories and negative stories that we tell ourselves. So you are telling your story three times a day for a long time. Did it get to a point where you’re like, I don’t even believe this about myself anymore?

Dan: Well, I think this is why journaling is such a powerful tool, because as you think about the, [00:11:00] the kid I was when I came in, angry, pissed off, fearful, critical, cynical, oh man, cynical. Like, that’s fold. You know what I mean? Like I would, I was reserved. And then, you know, that those conversations to then three months in, six months in, 10 months in, it was just like, oh, wow.

Yeah, I’m not that person. And, and now I, I see why. So when you journal, what you’re doing is you’re creating space between your thoughts. I think that most people, if they actually, and I think you know, a lot of people do diaries, very good practice. Like just trying to understand that you are not your thoughts.

To come to that realization is one of the most beautiful things. Because if I’m not my thoughts, then somebody else’s feedback about me, they’re not real. And then I don’t need to internalize somebody else’s criticism. Yeah. Or fear of something. They’re not even, like the whole idea of people walking around in their own little world called me Inc.

And they [00:12:00] could care less about your life. And everybody walks around worried about like, what’s this person think of me because I say this or that. It’s like I would just, just get to the place where you’re just doing your thing and if people vibe with that, then game on. If not, that’s, you know, that’s cool.

Melissa: One of the many things I love about you is you don’t strike me as someone who cares what other people think. 

Dan: I love everybody. I care Zero about what they think. 

Melissa: I think like I would like to drink a bit more of that and I know like I work with female coaches. It holds them back so much. They wanna be a coach, they wanna put their work out there and they are like just struck down with caring what their high school friend thinks of them, or their great aunt thinks of them or some random person.

So what advice do you have for those people who are, and I think it’s, maybe it’s a little bit more of a female thing. 

Dan: Yeah, I mean, I coach half my clients are female. My prescription is [00:13:00] create more social media. ’cause if you wanna work on, if you wanna figure out where your little bugaboos live in regards to your personal fears and insecurities, man, the internet will tell you, you know, 18 months ago I decided to go all in.

And what I tell people is I used to have a marketing department and I switched it into a media company and the last 18 months we’ve grown 3 million followers. Last month we did 140 million views on our content. That’s just like Dan Martel content. 

Melissa: Across all platforms 

Dan: predominantly Instagram, YouTube, TikTok.

That’s 

Melissa: amazing. 

Dan: Yeah. In LinkedIn. And guess what? I have never read so many critical, cynical. I mean, just the weirdest things. Like some of these comments are so creative. I kind of do a quiet clap for it. I’m like, wow. Like somebody get this person a writing job on a, on a comedy show or something. I mean, it’s just so creative.

But that for me, out of all the personal development I’ve ever done in my life, is probably the [00:14:00] thing that’s gotten me even more. Like, oh, there’s feedback. There’s no fact or truth in that comment. 

Melissa: That person doesn’t know you. 

Dan: Zero. And, and what I’ve gotten to is this belief that I just gotta be okay leaving people in the reality that they’re living in.

Like actually understand that their reality is not my responsibility. And oftentimes our, our truth will trigger people because we’re just showing them where they’ve been living a lie. They don’t want to hear it. They, they, they go, oh, this person’s full of themself. It’s like, you’re just projecting because you can’t, like, this is, I wish people understood this.

Anything you see that somebody else does is actually feedback for you. Like if some, if you see somebody do anything and it makes you upset, right. I call it like scroll judging. Like some people just, they say, well, I don’t leave mean comments. You do it with your mind, you know, they’re like scrolling social media and then they’re judging this person, I can’t believe she shared her new house and oh my gosh, this and that.

And it’s just like, you’re actually judging and you’re projecting, but it’s a, [00:15:00] it’s your feedback. The world will show you where you’re not free. So like, there’s this constant, I think social media, if you lean into that and you actually like, don’t hide from it, that’ll, that’ll give you just such a, it’s like the dojo.

Just go into the dojo and be okay with like, I. The negativity because man, it, they will, if you, you didn’t even know you had an insecurity about your ears and all of a sudden they’re, you know what I mean? Like, or your voice or, Hey, you forgot to finish a thought or, it’s so, it’s so crazy the, the volume at scale.

But for me, also absolutely beautiful because I, I know who I am, right? And I think if coaches and women are having a hard time, they just, if you can just get to a place where, so part of the year end planning, I just did, we do our kind of 12 power goals for the year. My wife has hers, I have mine. And at the top of my list, I always write this thing because when I review them, I need to re remind, like I [00:16:00] gotta get in the right energy for the review.

And it’s, what if you couldn’t be hurt? Like, see what I’m saying? Like if you just reminded, what if you couldn’t be hurt? ’cause every time you look at a big goal and you start making up all the reasons, the fear. You’re gonna trip. Why am I thinking so big? Do I deserve that? Am I being selfish? What if you couldn’t be hurt?

And I think that’s like, then you get in the energy of saying, why do I even allow this person in my life? Like, why am I not direct with this client? What am I scared of? If I tell them the truth, why do I need them? I think that’s, that’s the, that’s probably the thing I hope I do for my clients the most is just show them that like there’s a different way to live.

That’s a lot. Like, I’m always worried, that’s why I wrote that book specifically about time. But on the mindset part is I just want people to do the thing that lights ’em up the most. And I think they could be 90% there, but that last 10% actually stops them. [00:17:00] But it’s actually, it’s, it’s binary. So they’re not actually in that energy of doing the thing that actually lights ’em up.

The good news is it’s a 10% tweak and then all of a sudden their next call, their next thing, their next event. It’s just like. Whoa. That felt like flow. It’s because you finally just eased into it and said, look, I don’t need anything from you. I love you all. I hope you enjoy yourselves. Your enjoyment iss not my responsibility.

I mean, that’s another thing. Women are such like hosts and they create experiences and, and, and you worry about things and like was, did the things match? You know, why didn’t we set this person this? Like, sometimes it’s just like, Hey, just let, let the thing be and realize, like it’s, it’s on that, like I’m a big fan of putting, like, creating agency and accountability on the individual to get what they need out of an experience.

Melissa: Well then you’re empowering them. You’re totally disempowering them when you 

Dan: take it on. Yeah, it’s not me. Yeah. Like I do this weird thing on my coaching calls where, so there’s a setting in [00:18:00] Zoom where you can default mute everybody. I don’t do that because I have a rule that you need to learn how to mute yourself.

And if you don’t mute yourself and you start talking on a group call, then I remove you from the call and you can come back next week. Oh yeah. You want to talk about accountability? People say I hold my clients accountable. No, you don’t. Have you ever kicked them off a call because they didn’t follow the process?

No, I kicked them off every week. There’s probably five or six people get kicked off the call. But it’s because I’m trying to demonstrate what standards mean. ’cause a lot of people say they have standards. Standards, not what you say. They’re the standards are what you accept. If I say my standards are here and I accept this, these are my standards.

Right. So I don’t know. I have a lot more fun doing it that way. 

Melissa: Well, I can tell you have a lot of fun. You look at your Instagram and you can tell that you are living your purpose and it’s really beautiful. It makes me lean in. And you know what? I watch your stuff and I’m like, I want more of that. I want more of that.

So I’d love for you to share one of your goals that you [00:19:00] wrote down with your wife. Can you share one? 

Dan: One of them. It’s, you know, I always go like different parts of my life and at the top is always the contribution side because I realize like what you desire for other people you will receive. So like I’m always, first and foremost I want to figure out how do I create more value for other people and anybody else in the world, in their world.

So one of them is to, to gift a copy of Think and Grow Rich to every high school kid in my city. 

Melissa: Wow, that’s such a good book. 

Dan: Yeah. Well it’s the book. Like if you ask most wealthy successful people to pick one book, you know, they’ll, most of them will point to Napoleon Hill’s book. I look over my city and go, what would, what would the economic impact, like if I think about leading dominoes that are like force multipliers, what would the impact be if every high school kid got a copy now are they all gonna read it?

No, but I just think like, it’s kind of a neat thought experiment that I’ve turned into like doing and we’re already, like, we already started [00:20:00] last year, but. This is the year I’ve got my whole team on board. I’ve got, I even got like a little mini army of people that are helping me do it and I’m just excited to see what will happen on the back end of that.

But it, it’s not easy. It turns out ’cause we tried to get work through the schools. That’s why I was delayed and I had to pull it forward to this year. Because the schools don’t allow you to insert curriculum into the school. 

Melissa: Couldn’t it be like a extracurricular thing? Like Oh 

Dan: I tried. Yep. No, there’s certain language and terminology they’re not a fan of in the book, so, but then I just host supercar meetups and give books away when the kids come and, and then I have the kids in the school.

Like it’s kind of become a thing. It’s like a movement now. But that’s, that’s a big one that’s near and dear to my heart and a lot of the charity stuff we do. But yeah. 

Melissa: Yeah. I love you do a lot of stuff with kids. 

Dan: Yeah. It’s like everything I learned a long time ago that you’re best equipped to help people.

You once were. Yes. And that, that young Dan, I mean, I know who you He is, I know the crazy thoughts he has. I know the [00:21:00] darkness he’s in and. I know the kind of person you would listen to. And unfortunately when I was a kid, I didn’t have somebody like me showing up 

Melissa: like did, because 

Dan: you don’t 

Melissa: tend to listen to your parents.

Dan: Oh zero, there’s zero. Most kids, and I don’t know if you know this, but like there’s studies around this. When your kids turn 12, 13, they go outside of the home for advice. So as a parent, if you don’t design your peer group of people your kids respect, then they’re gonna find that group. I would like to at least make sure they’re people that I trust.

So that’s why for me it’s like, you know, I do a lot of stuff with recovery, with, you know, kids in programs and, and then we have our King Club program, which is a free youth program. But it is, it is my everything. 

Melissa: I love that. I actually saw, I think it was a real, or maybe it was a story that you did where, or maybe it was a YouTube, you were talking about how, you know, if your kids are hanging out with some questionable people, like you interfere.

And I really like that. 

Dan: Yeah, I mean it’s, it’s, I, I think I have responsibility to my [00:22:00] kids to curate their life until they get outta my house, period. Full stop. I curate what they eat, I curate what they watch. I curate how much they spend on screen, and I curate what homes I think they should be allowed into.

And if I meet one of my kids friends and then I meet their parents, and all that parent says to me is crap about politics, crap about the weather, crap, about the negativity. You know, whatever it is. Like, your buddy can come to our house. You’re not going to their house. And some people had a problem with that.

Again, living your own reality, unfortunately, you can’t split tests. Raising kids like that might be not a winning strategy. My gut tells me that’s a very good strategy, but at the end of the day, I’m not gonna be responsible for something and not at least express my preferences. And I just think that. You know, you like, it’s, it’s a non-negotiable.

Like you should curate the energy and experience your kids going, the world’s gonna put them in positions that they’re gonna have to deal with. I don’t need to like amplify that by not [00:23:00] paying attention to what homes they spend a lot of time in. 

Melissa: How did they respond to that? 

Dan: I don’t think they know. 

Melissa: Yeah.

Okay. So do you just like, strategically be like, come on over to our place. 

Dan: Always. I’m the dad that coordinates the play dates and sleepovers, like nonstop. I’m kind of, it’s kind of weird. Like I know all the moms and I’m like, Hey, no wants to play with Liam. Is he free at three o’clock? I’ll drop him off at say, like, I do, I do that because A, I think that children, well, a selfishly, they’re a lot easier to work.

Like my kids are awesome, but they’re a lot easier when their friends are around. Like when there’s, they’re, they’re, they’re easier and better when there’s more kids. So anytime I got ’em, I’m like, Hey, who are we going to hang out with? 

Melissa: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I love that. And yeah, you’re right. I feel like it is our responsibility to curate.

All of the areas of their life. Until they, until they’re out. 

Dan: Yeah. Like what schools they go to. Those are all my decisions. 

Melissa: Do your kids think you’re super cool? 

Dan: Zero. Super cool. 

Melissa: They don’t, they’re not like, my dad has no so [00:24:00] many fault. Zero. 

Dan: Zero. No. And I, I mean, it’s the same reason my dad still doesn’t know what the heck I do.

Right. And your parents wonder what the hell you do. Trust me, dad’s like, what you want is a recording of somebody going up to your parents and ask them, what does Melissa do? And they’re like, kind of, I mean, she does this thing and I know she has this check 

Melissa: online stuff. Yeah, 

Dan: yeah. So, but, and the reason why is they seen the worst of you.

They seen that crazy rambunctious teenager full of emotions. They seen, you know, when you were a baby, they’re cleaning your diaper. Like this is, you know, I, I actually don’t, I’m not upset that they don’t. I will tell you the thing that was like really tender recently that got me in the heart a little bit was.

Their friends wanted to come to King’s Club. They heard about it and they asked me if their friend could go, ’cause it’s sold out, like it’s a wait list and stuff. And I said Absolutely. And then they said, can I go with them? Like I don’t really wanna listen to my dad when I was a kid. You know what I mean?

So like they [00:25:00] actually came sat in the audience 

Melissa: Oh sweet. And 

Dan: they started wearing my sweater. That’s been the coolest thing. Did you 

Melissa: tear up? 

Dan: I got very emotional and I haven’t said anything ’cause I’m scared I’m gonna scare them away, but only ’cause their friends started wearing it. So, I don’t know. I think, I think that’s, you know, this whole idea of a lighthouse and a tugboat, right?

A lot of people go through the world trying to be a tugboat to their family members, to their friends and criticize ’em and tell ’em what they should do. And they, they mean well. They just come off as like high and mighty on their horse. When I’m a big fan of the lighthouse, you know, I was just at the Byron Bay Lighthouse, which is the most eastern point in the whole country.

I think it’s the first sunrise or one of the earliest ones in the world. It reminded me of that philosophy of just being the example of what not to do and where there’s danger. And then allow the people that, you know, need to avoid stuff they, they see. So I’m just, I don’t tell my kids what to do, but I am the example, so I don’t tell ’em to eat.

Right. They watch the amount of protein I eat and they go, Hey, how can I get some more protein? I’m like, good question. So yeah, lighthouse is way [00:26:00] easier to be in a tugboat, you know, running around, bumping into people, trying to get them in the right direction. 

Melissa: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so going back, you were following this guy, you got into computer programming.

When did all of the success come for you from that? And I want you to explain what a SaaS company is for people. 

Dan: Yeah. So I started building software when I gotta rehab, and I just built stuff for myself 

Melissa: When you were 16, 

Dan: 17. 

Melissa: 17. Yeah. I 

Dan: got out 17. Yeah. I just, I built tools. I, and this is, you know, this small thing called the internet just launched 1997.

So like, perfect timing. So I got into online stuff and I just started building apps. I mean, I had a first digital camera, so I built a, a website for my friends to share our photos. But every company, I started a vacation rental company. It was very much like VRBO or Airbnb back in 2000. So, you know, and that’s why people were like, oh my gosh, you could have been big like Airbnb.

It’s like you, it’s, [00:27:00] it’s not the idea, it’s timing, right? Like certain ideas require certain infrastructure and time and market. And like back then you couldn’t even take payments. You needed to go to your bank, apply, put $50,000, like, you know what I mean? You can’t to to sign up for a Stripe account and just start taking credit card payments.

Zero happened in 2000. You had to like literally have a $50,000 deposit in a bank account just in case there was some nefarious stuff on your account. So yeah, I tried and failed and tried and failed and I went almost seven years. Just building stuff and wandering and consulting and freelancing. And then, so SaaS stands for software as a service.

So it’s the things you pay for every month as a small business owners. It’s the Dropbox, the Slack, et cetera. And it is my world. I’ve been doing it for 27 years. I still, I’m biased software company every month. Right now I incubate companies. I have the largest coaching organization for software CEOs that I own.

I don’t even coach anymore called SaaS [00:28:00] Academy. It is, it is my everything. And I taught myself to code and build, you know, and then my first company, I was successful. The reason why is ’cause I finally read a business book. It’s kind of bananas. Like I went my whole life just reading computer books and trying to start businesses and not working, and then realize maybe I should spend some of this reading time on the business side.

Melissa: What business book was it? 

Dan: The first book I ever read was called Love is a Killer app by a guy named Tim Sanders. And I was so not a reader ’cause of my A DHD that I bought the CDs and I listened to it. Yeah. So this is the first thing and the reason why is ’cause he was the chief innovation officer at Yahoo.

So I was like, Hey, I’m a tech guy, he’s the Yahoo guy, you know, I’ll read it or I’ll listen to it. And I, I, I remember that day I bought it, I started listening to it and then I just was like, I’m not stopping. I just kept walking around listening to it and it changed my life. ’cause that book was kind of similar to thinking Grow Rich and, and the argument of like, you know, be a good [00:29:00] person.

The more people you help, the more you’ll get backed read for other people. So it wasn’t even read books, it was read for your customers. That was really like, wow. Here I was trying to read for myself and I was like, I’m not, I’m being pretty selfish. Like, what if I tried to read so I could be a trusted authority for the people that I was selling to.

And then also just like who, you know, right? The, the whole adage of your network is your net worth. And like today I’ve taken it to be, it’s not even like who do you know? It’s who knows you? And that’s the media landscape that’s changed that a lot of people don’t see today. So that was one of the best first books I could have ever read to like set the foundation.

And then after that I hired a business coach and that business coach helped me do almost a million in my first year after failing twice for seven years. 

Melissa: Amazing. 

Dan: Yeah, 

Melissa: so good. So we have a SaaS company called She Leads. 

Dan: Yeah. 

Melissa: So it is for our coaches. So we work with female coaches, [00:30:00] consultants, and service providers and we created that for them.

So we get it. So where did this come into play? Because like did you burn out? Were you completely exhausted and then you’re like, I need to buy back my time myself? 

Dan: Yeah. I mean, did I burn out several times? It’s kind of funny ’cause like. People go, what? What’s the moment? And I know they, I know it makes for a great story.

So I, I have the moment, but it’s like, life is like the ocean, right? It comes, it’s phasing. Like there, there are these like points where you hit rock bottom, right? Like when I got in that, that crash and almost took my life, that was a moment, right? But it wasn’t like the next day, oh my gosh, I’m successful.

No, it was, it was almost another decade of trying. But the company that I finally made my first million and eventually became a multimillionaire after I sold it, that company at 20, so I started at 24, sold it when I was 28. That thing almost killed me, just emotionally, physically. It, it ate my [00:31:00] relationship.

It was because I didn’t know how to win. And all of a sudden I was like making money and I was just so worried that it was gonna stop, that I just did what I knew I could do, which is just work harder. A hundred hour weeks just got crazy. So after I sold that, I almost decided to like not start anything ever again.

Like it was that traumatic. And then I, I met some mentors. I moved to San Francisco to kind of like be in the tech scene and started doing some angel investing and whatnot. And that’s when I saw these 26-year-old kids that had just raised a hundred million dollars and like, oh, this is a, there’s a different playbook.

Like the way they think about scaling companies is totally different than the rest of the world, most entrepreneurs, freelancers, coaches, for sure. And that was when I started applying the ideas of the buyback principle. I just called it the buyback principle. Other people call it leverage, but it’s really the idea of valuing your time.

’cause if you don’t value your time, nobody else will. [00:32:00] It starts with you. And, and it’s, it’s a math equation, right? Essentially, whatever you wanna generate per year in revenue, you can just divide it by 2000 and that’s what you have to believe your hours worth. Because if you don’t fight for that hour to generate the potential of that money coming true, then you just don’t have enough hours in a week to be able to make it happen.

So that was like as a software left brain kind of systems thinker. Like I started to put together the pieces and then I just took it and put it on Hyperdrive. So like everything I’ve built in my life, like today, I have a hundred million dollars holding company where we, we buy software companies. I’ve got, you know, a company that’s on path to be a billion dollars in the next three years on the software side.

You know, my coaching companies do like multiple eight figures a year and profitable, like crazy profitable. All of that was because of that book. So when people ask me how I did it, I would teach ’em the buyback loop and then I would teach ’em the replacement. Like I would teach ’em the [00:33:00] frameworks, but it’s like, it’s, it’s like it’s all in pieces.

And one day my buddy Ron called me up and he says, you need a book? And I said, no, I don’t. He says, yes, you do. I said. No, I don’t. Life’s pretty great. I don’t know. Don’t see why a book would change my life much. And he goes, I thought you said that you were billed by books. ’cause every time kids ask me, you know, they see me in one of my cars and they go, what do you do?

I say, well, it’s not what I do it, it’s not what I do for work, it’s what I do. And I read books. So he got me. So I said, and it’s funny, is at the very end of the book, I, I kind of talk about how I wrote the book, but the first person I hired was Ron to be the book, CE. And that’s a com. Like my philosophy on how to scale.

Most people don’t, they don’t even consider it. They don’t even know it’s a thing. They’ve never looked at it through that lens. My leadership style, very different. You know, I think when you’re at a hundred thousand in revenue and you wanna scale to a million, the strategy’s pretty simple. Most people don’t get it.

But this is the [00:34:00] strategy. One product, one channel, one conversion tool, one market one year. You do all those five for one year and you focus, you’ll get to a million in revenue. The reason most people don’t is they do too many things. They don’t have enough resources in the company to do it, and then they’re always kind of falling on each other.

So that’s how you get to a million. But to really scale past that, then you gotta, you gotta understand what your time’s worth and you gotta understand what you need to let go of. It’s a game of letting go. And as you know, women have the hardest time letting go. I know. 

Melissa: So like literally yesterday my husband was saying, we need more help in the house.

’cause you are not just talking about like fine back your time in your business. You do it in your phone. Personal and 

Dan: professional. I tra, I mean I’m here traveling with two team members. Like I travel. Like I think actually personal’s easier, quicker, and probably more cost effective at first, a 

Melissa: hundred percent.

Dan: But most people don’t even consider why they don’t think they’re worth it. 

Melissa: I [00:35:00] know. So this is the thing. So we’re in the kitchen. We’ve just had a baby, as you know, and we have a nanny five days a week. She comes for four hours a day and she looks after our three and a half year old and they go and do adventures.

And I was like, now that we’ve got a three week old, I’m like, I feel like we need a little bit more support. And Nick said this and I was like, oh, I can cook, I can clean. I can run my business, I can do it. And I was like, why am I holding on? Like what am I trying to prove to myself? Like why do I need to do these things?

And I was like sitting with it last night when I got into bed and I was like, am I trying to prove something to myself that like I can be a successful entrepreneur and be a successful mom? Like what is this? Why? Where does this come from? And I’m like, this actually isn’t even mine. This is not mine. And so I was like, okay, we can get some months in the house, but I saw a reel that you did that was like, if you are owning over a hundred thousand a year.[00:36:00] 

And you don’t have an assistant. 

Dan: You’re silly. 

Melissa: Yeah. 

Dan: Yeah. I might use a different word, but yes. 

Melissa: I think you did use a different word. Oh, for sure. I 

Dan: did. I mean, here, here’s, here’s a big idea. ’cause I, I, I work with, again, really successful women. And, and, and I love it because I actually think helping women be wealthy will do more good for the world than men, period.

And that’s, that’s statistics and research. That’s not my idea. Yeah. And, and yet they can have these eight figure businesses and still hold onto these really interesting parts of their life because of some beliefs. And I remember one time I was coaching a woman and I said, what if you just, you know, she wanted to make a hundred million dollars.

I said, what if somebody just gave you a hundred million? How would you feel? And she goes, well, I wouldn’t feel like I deserved it. Okay. What would you need to do to deserve it to feel like you deserved? 

Melissa: Oof, what did she say? 

Dan: She went on this long [00:37:00] story about working for 20 years, her butt off and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, 

Melissa: burning out.

Dan: I said, interesting. I said, if somebody wants to gimme a billion dollars, I’m gonna say thank you. No problem with ease. Here’s my bank account. Thank you. I would encourage you to get to that place because what happens is we make up the stories of what needs to be true for us to receive. If you think about it, the things that people want, the 3D things, they actually don’t want the 3D thing.

They want the experience and the feeling that they feel they’re gonna get with that. And the coolest part about that is they can get that right. Now, there was another lady I was coaching and she said to me, ’cause I was, I was asking, okay, what are we gonna do? Right? We’re working together for a year. I need something like, you know, that’s always my first session with them is to get really clear on the outcome.

And she goes, I wanna sell my company. I said, cool. How much? She goes, a hundred million. I said, awesome. I said, why a hundred? She gets [00:38:00] quiet and she goes, so then I could tell ’em, fuck you. Who are these people? And she kind of got emotional and she started just being like any, every person never believed in me.

And I said, where are you at now? I think she was only like seven or 8 million in four or five years. I said, do you know what percentage of women founded companies in five years get to 7 million in revenue? It’s like, wow. I mean probably like five to 10%. I said, Google it, 0.01%. Who are you waiting to tell?

Fuck you two, you Superwoman. You know what I’m saying? And I said, you’re allowed to feel that way right now. And she got in tears and kind of broke down. And I said, now from this place we create. Because creating from a place of that [00:39:00] dark energy is actually really hard and blocks you because people feel it.

And I’m telling you, what I saw happen over the next three to four months was like, the other funny part is on the second call we always start off on saying, you know, that list you gave me? She’s like, yeah. I said, that’s just a list of things you made up to tell you that you’re enough. So let’s talk about the enoughness.

’cause this will never, no amount of this is gonna get you here, but from this place, that stuff will feel small. And I just think that’s like this whole, you know, allowing yourself to receive the support. Like you’re so lucky to have somebody in your life that wants that for you. ’cause some women don’t that right.

Where they’re begging for help. And I think like that’s impressive. That like. I think women should focus on the impressive part, receding, like allowing and not needing to like [00:40:00] be the whatever language. There’s all this like language, just like you’re allowed to be wildly successful and not work that hard.

Melissa: Like let that sink in. You’re allowed to be wildly successful and not 

Dan: work that hard, 

Melissa: but there’s, it’s so deeply ingrained. It’s so deep. But I love that. I want everyone to like tattoo that on their forehead, write it on a post-it note, stick it on their bathroom mirror, read that, like embody that because it’s our birthright.

And what I’ve noticed with some clients when they first come to me, they can’t even ask for what they want, let alone receive. And then they kind of will be like, okay, well I can start asking. And they get better at asking, but then they still can’t receive. But it’s like you’ve gotta have both of those pieces.

You’ve gotta be able to ask for what you want in business and in your personal life. Get super clear on what it is and then actually [00:41:00] receive it. Like open yourself up to receiving it and don’t just like have these stories going round and round your head that you’re not worthy or you gotta people please sure you don’t deserve it.

’cause we all do. 

Dan: You came into this world, complete Prince is complete. When I met my two sons, it was so like, uh, oh, I forgot. Pure zero blockage, zero. 

Melissa: They have enough worthiness issues, 

Dan: zero. They’re like, Hey, I’m hungry. Feed me. Hey, I need attention. Give it to me like zero part of asking. But even when you mention about like the assistant stuff that I, the one of the main reasons in, in the framework I teach people when they feel overwhelmed is to start there is because.

It’ll, it’s a low, it’s like a low tightrope to walk with, low consequence to learn how to do this. ’cause even me, one of the skills or the, the, [00:42:00] the character traits I had to learn, ’cause I’m willing to do the work, was to ask, and I’m talking ask, this is the hardest part. Ask from somebody that could easily say no.

’cause it’s easy to ask when you pay somebody. It’s harder when you ask somebody that could say no for a podcast interview to speak on a stage, to collaborate, to affiliate for you. You know what I mean? And like, that’s why like my process that I teach in my book to work with an assistant, it is so, it’s not the how to, most people don’t know what they, they need to give up.

Right? And that’s why like, if anybody wants my playbook, just message me on Instagram EA and just put Melissa. And then I don’t know, you listen to this. I’ll send it to them. It’s my like literally 40 page document. Because if you don’t know what to ask for help, then you’ll always feel stuck. But even if you do it [00:43:00] and you don’t deal with the emotional side mechanically, you could do it.

You can go through this document and like mechanically give up your inbox or calendar, set up the meetings, but then you have this like angst and it wreaks havoc on people. Like that’s the part, a lot of business strategy, it’s not the strategy, it’s the emotional shrapnel that’s created when you’re, when you’re in it 

Melissa: a hundred percent.

I say it all the time to my, my clients. It’s like 80% of success is mindset. 20% is the tools and the strategy. I can teach you all of that. I can teach you how to create an amazing offer. I can teach you how to do marketing and social media and things like that. But 80% is the internal work. Gotta look at that.

That is such a big block and such a big barrier for so many people. And I love that you’ve done so much of the mindset stuff accidentally, you know, you did it didn’t 

Dan: know. 

Melissa: Yeah. 

Dan: Thought I was getting sober. It turned out I was working on Dan. 

Melissa: Totally, 

Dan: yeah. Doing personal development. It’s never stopped. I [00:44:00] mean, the last four years all I’ve done is read mindset books.

Four years. I took Think and Grow Rich and I went and referenced every book that was ever mentioned in that book and did a recursive search. I got a list of 300 books and it went everything from religion to philosophy to poetry, to, you know, new thought to psychology. And it’s ’cause like that is, you know, again, I, I already know how to do the business.

I remember I was working with my coach and she said to me, she goes, when you snowboard, do you like sit there and thinking about, do you think about snowboarding? Like heal toe, lean back. I go, no. She goes like, you just rip down the mountain through the trees and just get in a float. And she goes. I think he’d been businessing long enough.

It’s time to just do. I was like, what do you mean? She’s like, you know, I read your book this whole like no agenda, no attend. Stuff. Like, okay, Dan, next meeting I challenge you to just show up with a pure intention of being of service with [00:45:00] no structure as a person that likes structure. That was a crazy idea.

Turned out she was right that I think kind of like most of us come into this world pure and we experience things that kind of taint our perspective and then we go on a journey hopefully to kind of come back to that awareness, the wholeness, the enoughness in many ways in in business. If you’ve been in it for a while, the next step is actually to stop doing it and then just start being it.

And my whole life kind of expanded when I just started focusing on the beingness part. Less doing and it just turns out people wanna work with people that are fun and productive. Like, it doesn’t mean I don’t have the year to get shit done, but it does mean I don’t have to be critical or I don’t have to be so abrasive in my decisions.

Melissa: I love that. Talk to me about your mentors, your coaches. [00:46:00] Like how important do you think that is for people? ’cause you know, I have coaches and mentors in all different areas of my life. I’ve got parenting people that I go to, I’ve got spiritual, I’ve got business, health, fitness, all sorts of things. So talk to us about the role of them in your life.

Dan: I mean, I can tell you my beliefs that got me to a place where I have an unlimited budget for it. ’cause to me, my mind and my health. Unlimited budget. Why would I, if I’ve got the resources, that seems silly for me to slow things down. If I want to improve my relationship, how I show up as a parent, my health, my business strategy, media, I’m gonna find the best in the world.

And I mean, my last coach, I wired him money ’cause he doesn’t coach people. And I got somebody to send him a message and said, Dan considers this either a donation to the charity of your choice, or it’d be really great if you got on a call once in a while with him. And it was a multiple six figure wire.

’cause I thought to myself, what would I want? Like if somebody wanted to get my [00:47:00] attention that I did not know and I didn’t coach what would need to be true for me to be like, okay, that’s cool. So that’s what I did. And he luckily took the money and now we talk. So, but, uh, my coaches are, are like, you know, my, my last coach I’ve talked publicly about is Ed Millet, who’s like one of the best in the world.

Ed helped me build the media side of my life. Like I hired him specifically for that and, you know, talk about and with, I was just chatting with him yesterday about just like 20, 25. But you know, I have the privilege, like I speak at Business Mastery at Tony Robbins event. So like I’m around these incredible individuals, but I’m also like, I do have a spiritual coach and a family coach and a fitness coach Allen, and like, just again, if I wanna move fast and somebody else has the blueprint, then paying for speed just is a good trade.

You know, at the end of the day I’m always trying to buy back my time and then with that new time, invest in myself so I can become more because, and this is like [00:48:00] the big idea that I hope people understand. If you were the person today, you needed to be, you’d already have that thing. You want that empire, that 10 million in your bank, whatever the thing is, a million bucks in your bank, a hundred thousand bank if that’s what you want.

You are not that person yet. It’s just facts because trust me, once you get to that place and then you realize who you are there, you’ll laugh at who you weren’t and that’ll be easy. And then you’ll be like, oh, now I wanna go to this next level. And it just requires you to develop these and it’s in the margin.

It’s not like these people are like, but I like who I am. I’m not talking about like a full revamp, I’m talking about discipline. 80% of success would come on the backside of just being disciplined, like consistent. It’s a foundation. You don’t have discipline. Why are we even talking about being successful?

Because like how do you install a new marketing strategy or sales process or a leadership? Like how do you install the new thing if you [00:49:00] don’t have the foundation of being consistent for long periods of time? That to me is the whole point and and from a, why do I invest in coaching? There’s a part of it that I also think that when we pay for things, we value them.

I know like when I hired Ed, the transformation I was after to go all in on me and media happened at the transaction when I, when I wired that money over and he calls me his civilian because he only coaches, athletes and, and famous people, celebrities. So I was his civilian. So when I wired that money over in many ways I just made a commitment to me.

I honestly, like, I love Ed and he, and it was game changing for me, but I think even without ever doing a call, the fact that I was willing to do that was worth it 

Melissa: a hundred percent. And going back to the discipline, like Nick always says discipline is freedom. He’s always said [00:50:00] that. And that’s like instilled within me.

Dan: But most people think it’s not. They think freedom is doing whatever I want whenever I want with whatever I want. Okay, go figure that one out. That’s not freedom. ’cause. Fulfillment comes from feeling useful and doing what you want whenever you want, with whoever you want. That’s not being, you’re not creating anything.

You’re not, you’re not developing and growing like, you know what I mean? No friction. There’s no like, no pressure named diamonds. You cannot grow unless you’re facing challenges. And the freedom thing is such a weird, like the con, I think constraints breeds creativity. Every time, every time I’m like asking somebody on one of my companies, I’m like, Hey, how do we do this without, how do you double your YouTube views without doubling your budget?

See, adding the without actually is the answer to the question because now it creates some kind of constraint. I think discipline is the same [00:51:00] thing. The constraint of having to have discipline earns the freedom. And guess what? The thing that makes it valuable that is that it’s hard. Isn’t that crazy?

Like the reason why a Ferrari is valuable is ’cause it’s so fricking expensive. And to have that kind of money is rare. ’cause what you’d have to do to get that money, that’s what makes it valuable, is that it’s hard. And a lot of people don’t want to do hard. They don’t want to be disciplined. They’re like, I like my freedom.

Okay, cool Then, then take the goals and drop ’em down. These big goals and visions and dreams you have for your life, bring ’em down. ’cause they’re connected. There’s zero person you admire that does things at the highest level that doesn’t have discipline. It’s impossible. 

Melissa: I agree. And I feel like if you are disciplined in one area, it kind of like puls to all the areas.

That’s the coolest 

Dan: part about it. Yeah. And that’s where a lot of people think, man, I know where I’m at today and where I want to go is gonna require me to kill a lot of these bad abbot, these vices. And the truth is, if you deal with one, [00:52:00] it just naturally starts overflowing into other areas of your life.

You do one, then you do two, and then all of a sudden you wake up in a year and you can’t recognize yourself, but it requires you to do it. Because it’s, it’s hard at first, but eventually it just becomes who you are. I always tell people, you know, that they don’t understand. I go, how many times did you think to yourself in the last week to not stop to buy cigarettes on the way home?

Never. Why? Because they don’t smoke. Cool. When you get your health in check, not going to the gym will be just as weird as like you stopping and buying a pack of cigarettes, not going to the gym because that’ll be who you are. And it’s just like once you get into that mindset not to, what are you doing toasting nuts.

What is it we’re doing here? 

Melissa: Activating nuts. Yeah. So we’re activating nuts over here. Okay. So 

Dan: like you not activating nuts is probably be really weird, right? ’cause it’s who you are. It’s identity. And I think like that’s, once you do it enough times you see, you’re like, oh, I just gotta install that new thing, that new belief.

And then once I get the belief, it’s a habit. It’s [00:53:00] not hard, but at first it’s hard. ’cause it’s weird. But it’s supposed to be. ’cause if it wasn’t, then everybody would be doing it. It’s not valuable anymore. 

Melissa: Yeah. It’s like brushing your teeth. I always say this. You know? 

Dan: Yep. 

Melissa: It will become like that. You don’t even think about it.

Dan: So good. 

Melissa: Mm, so good. Okay. Any other big mindset hacks or shifts that you’ve made that have really been transformational for you along your journey? 

Dan: I got so many. I’m just thinking of your audience. I’ll share a few. The world that we see, this beautiful world we’re living in right here, because this is an incredible view, isn’t as it is.

It’s as we are. ’cause unfortunately, there’s another person out there that if we took off the street and brought them into this space, their experience of this space would be the opposite of ours. They’d be sitting here and going, how does somebody live in a place like this? How, how much is this place? I could [00:54:00] never, you know what I mean?

Their physical experience of being in this space would be the opposite of ours. Why? Because the world isn’t as it is, it’s as you are. It could be raining and one person could be like in pure bliss because they have a garden and somebody else could be absolutely angry and frustrated because their soccer game got canceled.

And I remind myself that belief probably five or six times a day, that anytime I’m not in the place I wanna be, there’s no other external factors that has to change. I have to reconnect. I gotta recenter, I gotta go, Hey, what belief would I have to believe for this to be absolutely incredible? 

Melissa: And do you just do that?

Like do you sit, do you meditate or do you just like catch I talk to myself. Catch yourself. Yeah. 

Dan: So Hamilton Island, I told you we were just there. Beautiful. When I travel, I like things a certain way. Okay. 

Melissa: Gimme an example. What do you mean? Well, 

Dan: I’ll, I’ll tell you because this is what happened. I like when we go out on [00:55:00] a boat to go snorkeling, to charter a boat and have the freedom to come and you know what I mean?

And if I wanna lay on the back end. Not a public tour. 

Melissa: Yeah, thanks. 

Dan: Well, my incredible assistant, Anne also has an assistant. She’s amazing. But she got the request through Anne and she didn’t know, so she booked a snorkeling, but she booked us on a public tour. And I didn’t know, I met at the dock at 7:30 AM and I look out and all of a sudden there’s 45 other people standing there with their cousins or whatever you guys call ’em, cozy, and they’re ready to go out.

And I’m going, oh shit. Is this our boat? And it’s a 1965 catamaran that was barely maintained taking us out. And I was like, wow. There I go. I actually got really curious here I am in one of the most beautiful places in Australia with people I adore about to go do something that they’re super excited.

The, the snorkeling is the same snorkeling. [00:56:00] And I was in my head about it. I just sat there and talked to myself about it and I, I literally asked myself questions like, what would need to be true for me to absolutely be in pure bliss right now? And I said, I should probably talk to somebody, or I can go lay down in the hammock.

I can enjoy the sun, or I can, I can tell everybody how incredible this is. See that even that’s a ninja move when you’re in your head about something not being great. Let’s say you show up to your venue, you’re hosting an event and it’s not what you expected. For you to actually have the maturity to pause and go to, I’m not gonna tell anybody.

I can feel this and then turn to my team and go, you guys, this is incredible. Do you guys stay up till like one last night, this tablecloth and the names and the seat assignment all, do you see the difference? 

Melissa: A hundred percent. And your energy, like it is contagious. 

Dan: That’s our job as leaders. 

Melissa: I know you’re 

Dan: not a leader if you don’t have followers and if you have followers, they’re, they’re always, they’re calibrating.

They’ll go work and they’ll look at you. So it’s that [00:57:00] kind of stuff. So that was, that was recent, but I mean, it can happen all the time. I’m so human. I’m not perfect. I’m always trying to figure out like where that is, but that belief of the world isn’t as it is, the world is as I am, and I get to choose that experience.

And I don’t need any 3D version of anything to decide to feel the feelings. I would’ve. And I just got back of how would I feel if I was laying on the bat of the yacht and not here? And how could I feel that way here because I don’t need the thing. So good. So that’s a big one. That’s a big one. 

Melissa: It’s just not in, you know, business life.

Like this trip feeds out into your personal life. Like I feel like my energy in the company, like everyone feels it. And if I’m flat, if I’m negative, it ripples out. And same in the home. Like Nick said to me yesterday, he’s like, the kids are picking up on your energy. Like you are the heartbeat of the home.

And it’s my responsibility to make sure that. I am not projectile vomiting all of my stuff onto everyone else in the house. Here’s a 

Dan: big idea. [00:58:00] What if you are allowed to do that? And Nick has to not react? 

Melissa: Ooh, 

Dan: that’s the work. 

Melissa: Yeah. That’s 

Dan: where I’ve gotten to. My wife can be a hot mess, a beautiful, just feminine whirlwind and I can see myself reacting and I just gotta go.

It’s all good. And you know what happens? She adjusts. It’s, it’s fascinating. As a man, it’s fascinating ’cause like, trust me, I’ve done the work and I can only speak as a biological man and my energy and with my wife. And it is interesting to watch that she, she can come in with annoyance and I can either react to that or I could sit back and, and just almost like allow it, like we just drove three and a half hours and trust me, there were some like moments where she said stuff about my driving, which I’m a fucking amazing driver.

She doesn’t see it that way. I am driving on the opposite side, like all the rules are backwards and the blinkers and the, they’re all different. And I, [00:59:00] I remember she said something because I came into a roundabout too quick and I was about to, and I thought myself. I was like, nice work, Dan. Yeah. I was like, good.

Melissa: Have you read David Dieter’s work? 

Dan: I’ve read everything. I’m, I’m like 1700 books in right now and I’ve read every book. I mean, I continue to read books. The boot, if the Buddha was married the while I just finished, it was just a beautiful book. But they all, you know, when you, when you read let’s say 50 books on a topic, you’ll see Blueprint.

So Adidas stuff and others and Yeah. But again, it’s, the world will show you where you’re not free and, and the person you marry is the perfect person for you. 

Melissa: A hundred percent. That’s 

Dan: the coolest part. They’re literally the most beautiful, perfect person for you to do the work. 

Melissa: I know they’re your mirror.

How long have you guys been together? 

Dan: Almost the exact same as you guys. 

Melissa: How do you know? 

Dan: I know. Everything I get, I get a little. 

Melissa: Wow, okay. Yeah. But yeah, 10, 

Dan: 10, 11 years. 

Melissa: It was [01:00:00] 11 in November, so yeah, just 11. But do you know we got engaged after two weeks. 

Dan: I didn’t know that part. 

Melissa: And married five and a half months later.

Dan: Did not know. 

Melissa: Yeah, well like when you know, you know, and so like he proposed to me after two weeks and I was like, yeah, okay. And he was like, it was the most choiceless easy thing I’ve ever done. And that was 11 years ago. But yeah, we always say like, this is where the real work happens. 

Dan: Yeah, that’s how I like the whole idea of like the honeymoon phase and all that stuff.

It’s, you know, yesterday I did a live with my wife ’cause we were, we did our quarterly plan, we call ’em couples retreat. We do four a year and kind of plan. This one was a big one for planning the year and we did a live, when we went out for a walk, just answering questions about relationship. ’cause I usually, it’s just me, so having Renee there, but it was like, ooh, we got questions for her anyways.

But a lot of them was. How do you know if you found the one? And I’m like, I don’t know if there’s the one. I think there’s people. And then you got to then do the work to make it the one, because that’s, that’s actually what it [01:01:00] is. Who decides? Yeah. Your team members are the perfect team member for you to learn to grow at this stage.

Like everything is actually perfect, 

Melissa: a hundred percent. And everyone comes into your life, both in business and in your personal life at the exact moment that you need them. And I really believe in that like season, reason and lifetime. And you know, that’s been so big for me as a female. You know, when friendships dissolve and friendships come and they dissolve and things like that, I used to get so attached, be like, but what we had was so beautiful.

But I’m like, that season is over or that reason we came together is over. And so letting go of attachment has been really big for me. 

Dan: Have you noticed your business grow? The more you let go? 

Melissa: A hundred percent. 

Dan: See that’s the other part. People, it’s like the money is on the backside of letting go. A hundred percent.

That’s why most people can’t get past a hundred Ks ’cause they have to do everything. Delegating is so scary. [01:02:00] Somebody can mess it up. They could cost money, they could cost ’em my whole business. So they don’t, so they like, hold on. And a hundred K is your ceiling. 

Melissa: Yeah, a hundred percent. I’ve become really good at delegating since having children.

Yeah, because you have no choice. 

Dan: Forcing function, 

Melissa: you literally have no choice. So I’m like, okay. And I wanna, for me, I wanna stay in like my zone of genius. What I really love doing, where I’m lit up the most. Podcasting, coaching, speaking on stages, you know, I love that sort of stuff and it has to be so good to take me away from my children.

Dan: Yeah, 

Melissa: I remember with my daughter, she’s three and a half. I’d come back off maternity leave with her and I’m sitting in an hour long Facebook ads meeting. And I got off this meeting and I just cried and I was like, I just wasted an hour of my life an hour away from my daughter and I didn’t even need to be there and I wasn’t enjoying it.

So for me, that was like such a pivotal moment for me, like when it comes to being a working mother, like it has to [01:03:00] be so good to take me away from my kids. 

Dan: I actually, you know, like you, you’re probably doing this with the kids, right? Like one of my favorite parts about having kids is using them as a reason to get home early.

Yes. It’s like my, it was one of my, no, I mean, obviously there’s other things I, I love my boys. Yeah. ’cause we gotta bed 

Melissa: early too. 

Dan: Yeah. So it’s like, I’m at a person’s dinner party and I’m like, oh, babysitter gotta go. And they’re like, oh, sorry, you gotta go home so early. I’m like, I know we’re at home at 9:00 PM I’m just like, this is so good.

But I will say in that same vein, to your point, people should use their kids as the reason to let go. More to say no. I mean, I, I told somebody the other day, they were like. Trying to make a key hire. And I said, the challenge with hiring is most people rush it and they don’t realize that when you make a bad hire, you take it out on your kids.

You got that one, eh. And she had the same response. I said, ’cause you’re gonna be on the phone, on vacation, pacing next to the pool, dealing with that [01:04:00] person. The downside, the person screwing up the, and it’s like every decision we make in our business, our family is on the receiving end. And when we shortcut or we don’t learn to let go.

Like for example, a month ago I was on a meeting there was I eight, half our lawyers, half our accountants doing a big deal. My team asked ’em to come prepared. Within four minutes I realized they weren’t. I got off the call, it was an hour long meeting. I said, Hey guys, I appreciate you guys doing all this work.

You missed the boat. You’s reschedule, or you can stay here with the rest of the team. I’m out. I don’t do that. Like, I think people should give themselves permission that if they realize in the first five minutes that the meeting isn’t right or it’s not, they don’t need to be there because I don’t, and I didn’t, it’s not like I had something, I, I didn’t have my kids waiting outside my door, but I pretend I do.

Melissa: Yeah, same. 

Dan: Yeah. Like I was, I, I [01:05:00] look at my time, like, if I’m here with you, I could also be with my kids and I need to act that way so that I keep leveling up. Just kind of where I invest my time. Because if I don’t, again, if I don’t take my time seriously, nobody else will. And I wasn’t trying, and I wasn’t rude at all about it.

I’m sure some of the junior people on the other team have never met me. Go, wow, damn, God’s weird. I can’t believe you just did that, but maybe I hope my, my, my heart goes, I hope I taught them to do that. I hope I taught them that. Maybe they should have read the email, come prepared because I literally had the team say, answer these questions we got on the call.

That’s all I wanna know. I don’t need a whole 36 minute presentation. So, yeah. I love using my kids as a, a reason to not do stuff I don’t wanna do 

Melissa: Same. We do it all the time. Yeah. And because our time is so precious, you know, this book and the book Time Magic that Nick and I wrote together, reclaim your time, reclaim your Life.

It is about that. It is about remembering that your time is so precious [01:06:00] because it is, we only get one life. We don’t know how long we are here for. We have no idea what’s gonna happen tomorrow. And we need to stop people pleasing. We need to do what lights us up. Remember the truth of who we are, which is, we are pure.

We are worthy. We can have whatever we want in this lifetime. And so for me, it’s like, I think about that every day. My life is so precious and you know, having kids, it reminds you of that so much. They’re just these little present, pure, beautiful beings. And they remind you to come back to the moment, which I love.

Now this book is so amazing. You’ve read so many books. If you could put one book in the school curriculum of every high school around the world. Well, 

Dan: me Thinking Grow Rich. So let’s say Other than Thinking Grow Rich, other than that 

Melissa: and this other than this. 

Dan: No, I actually never my book, it’s funny, I do have it in the front of all my cars if somebody wants it.

But geez, there’s so many great ones. I’m gonna put a A Course in Miracle Made [01:07:00] Simple. It’s good. Yes, yes. Is it Jason Cohen? It’s not A Course in Miracle. Great book I think Made Simple was a better read for me. And 

Melissa: because it’s long, it’s like a brick. 

Dan: Yeah. And it’s just a language is a little too religiousy and And I think that sometimes people miss the The essence of it.

Yeah. ’cause like if you get Think and Grow riches, which is success, and then you get a course in Miracle, which is spirit. Kind of a winning proposition. 

Melissa: A hundred percent. I love it. Yeah. Good ones. I’ll link to them in the show notes as well as your amazing book. Thank 

Dan: you. 

Melissa: Any last parting words of wisdom that you want us to walk away with?

It could be about business, it could be about mindset, whatever’s coming through. 

Dan: The big thing that I would invite people to consider, because like the work stuff will take care of itself. Every, any, anybody listening to this, like, I have so much admiration for them because like, they might be, you know, because I watched my wife do it, she’s listening [01:08:00] to podcasts while she’s getting ready in the bathroom.

So like, you know, if you’re listening to that, you, you wanna win. You wouldn’t be listening to this unless you didn’t have a desire. And I would say that life that truly is fulfilled, not happy. ’cause happy is a fleeting moment, but like a life of fulfillment comes on the backside of two things. The first one.

Is waking up every day to strive to be the 10.0 version of yourself. And I have a structure what those 10 are, but just think about like the best moments, the most empowered, the most graceful, the most direct, the most, the funniest. Like all the, if you took all your best moments throughout your whole life and stack those up in a day and live that way for the rest of your life, I would say you’re, you’re living in that potential.

Because, I mean, in many ways that’s what, you know, people have said, like, we’re here to become the person we need the most in our darkest days. That’s the 10.0 version. Right? And that’s all I’m trying to do every day, and I’m not there and I, I work out it. The second part to that is to share [01:09:00] that person with the world like you do, like Nick does.

And I think that’s the part that some people hold back on. That was the part for me, that was the marketing department, not the media company. And the moment I decided to die empty. Truly anything that I’ve ever learned that’s been valuable to me, I’m gonna share with other people. That’s where the Tony Robbin invite comes from.

That’s where the John Maxwell, the, the Chris Williamson podcast, like everything that’s happened to me in the last year came on the backside of that to go all in. And I think it’s because the word calling, which is what we’re here to find, we’ll find in the center of that word all in. And when we decide to go all in and share ourselves with the world, I think just fulfillment will be the the experience.

Melissa: So beautiful. You’re amazing. 

Dan: Thanks. So are you. That 

Melissa: was so much fun. I just love that I’ve been a year since you [01:10:00] decided to go all in and look at what you’ve created in a year. It’s 

Dan: bananas. Especially Australians. I will tell you, I, I was stopped several times in my, it’s crazy. I saw Love it. I some people coming up.

I love it. 

Melissa: That’s amazing. But yeah, you are such an inspiration. I love how unapologetic you just show up as your true, authentic self. I just love that. It’s really inspiring. I’m 

Dan: really good at being me, so that’s good news. 

Melissa: And there’s so much fun and play and everyone wants more of that. I want more of that.

Like, I’m like, how can I not be so serious the time 

Dan: I used to be that person? 

Melissa: Yeah. I’m a little bit serious sometimes. I need a bit more play. 

Dan: Nick looks like he is a lot more fun. 

Melissa: Yeah, he is really fun. 

Dan: That’s good. 

Melissa: He is. So thank you for being here. This is amazing. It’s an honorate. You’re incredible.

Dan: You’re the one that, oh, thank you. 

Melissa: Thank you so much. Everyone get this book. So good. Thank you. 

Dan: You’re so sweet.[01:11:00] 

Melissa: That was incredible. I absolutely love that conversation. I could have spoken to him four hours. And if you love this conversation as much as I did, please subscribe and follow the show and leave me a review on Apple Podcasts because it means I can keep getting on amazing guests like Dan for you. And it also means all of my episodes will pop up in your feed so you never have to go searching for a new episode.

Now come and tell me on Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini, what you got from this episode. What was your biggest key takeaway? I would love to hear and connect with you. And before I go, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here. For wanting to be the best, the healthiest, and the happiest version of yourself.

I absolutely am so grateful and so honored that you’ve taken the time to be here with us today. Now, if there is someone in your life that you can think of that would really benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now. You can text it to them, email it to them, do whatever you’ve gotta do to get this in their [01:12:00] ears.

And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy. Healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

---

Thank you so much for listening. I’m so honored that you’re here and would be SO grateful if you could leave me a review on Apple podcasts, that way we can inspire and educate even more people together.

P.S. If you’re looking for a high-impact marketing opportunity for your business and are interested in becoming a sponsor for The Melissa Ambrosini Show podcast, please email pr@melissaambrosini.com for more information.

P.P.S. Please seek advice from a qualified holistic practitioner before starting any new health practice.