Deb Sandella

Clear These Emotional Blocks for Ultimate Success | Dr Deb Sandella






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Have you ever wondered what’s really happening inside your brain when you feel overwhelmed or stressed? 

What if you could tap into neuroscience tools to not only manage these feelings, but actually improve your overall quality of life? 

And imagine if there were ways to dissolve the root causes of emotional blocks that hold you back from success and happiness?

Enter Dr. Deb Sandella, a pioneering psychologist and the creator of the revolutionary emotional processing system known as the ‘Regenerating Images in Memory’ (RIM®) Method. 

Deb’s innovative ‘inner technology’ empowers people to tackle emotions at their core, clear hidden blockages and enhance mental health. We are HUGE fans of her method in our business. (We buy all our SheLaunch members a RIM® session — and each and every time, it’s amazing to see the transformation they go through.) So I’m thrilled to be able to sit down with her, share her expertise with you, and allow you to witness the incredible potential of this method for yourself.

Press play to learn: what emotions really are, how they get trapped inside us, the science behind the RIM® Method, why unblocking your emotions can clear the way for massive success, real-life success stories from people who’ve used this method, and proactive steps you can take to ensure emotional wellbeing for yourself and your children.

So if you’re looking to reduce stress, enhance your emotional health, and unlock your true potential, then press play now… This one’s for you.

About Dr Deb Sandella

Deborah Sandella PhD, RN is author of the #1 International Bestseller “Goodbye, Hurt & Pain, 7 Simple Steps to Health, Love and Success.” She is an award-winning psychotherapist, university professor, and the originator of the groundbreaking Regenerating Images in Memory (RIM®) Method, which is a heavily-backed neuroscience tool proven to reduce stress and improve quality of life.

In this episode we chat about:

  • The inspiring story of how she developed this groundbreaking method (3:39)
  • The true nature of emotions and how we process them (7:00)
  • Debunking the most common myths about emotions (8:55)
  • The unexpected ways that emotional blocks can show up (10:29)
  • Why dissolving these blocks can clear the way for unprecedented success (11:29)
  • The simple but powerful process she uses to activate her client’s full potential (12:40)
  • The surprising connection between your emotional wellbeing and your business (18:44)
  •  How a RIM® session works (21:05)
  • The best hacks, rituals and habits to prevent blockages from arising in the first place (26:54)
  • The #1 book that Deb would put in the school curriculum of every high school (39:07)

Episode resources:

  • SheLaunch (join here)
  • Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
  • Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
  • Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
  • Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
  • Dr. Deb Sandella (website)
  • The RIM Institute (website)
  • Goodbye, Hurt & Pain: 7 Simple Steps for Health, Love, and Success by Deborah Sandella (book)
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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

Melissa: [00:00:00] In episode 585 with Deb Sandella, we are talking about how to release emotional blocks from your body. Using a very specific technique called the RIM technique. It is so powerful. You guys are going to love this. It is going to transform your health, your relationships, your career, the amount of money you call into your life, your parenting, everything.

Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Melissa, best selling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide, Comparisonitis, and Time Magic. And I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation, so that you can create epic change in your own world.

And become the best version of yourself [00:01:00] possible. Are you ready? Beautiful. Hey, beautiful. And welcome back to the show. I’m so excited about this conversation because if there is something I know that can rapidly transform all areas of your life, and I don’t share it with you, I feel like I’m doing a diss.

service to you. So I am sharing something that is so powerful and will literally increase the quality of your life when you do it. But let me tell you a little bit about today’s guest before we dive in. Now, for those of you that have never heard of Dr. Deb Sandella, she’s the author of the number one international bestselling book, Goodbye, Hurt and Pain, Seven Simple Steps to Health, Love, and Success.

She is an award winning psychotherapist, university professor, and the originator of the groundbreaking regenerating images in memory, RIM method, which we’re going to be talking about today. [00:02:00] which is a heavily backed neuroscience tool proven to reduce stress and improve the quality of your life. Guys, get ready.

It is a game changer. Now, Deb has been featured in media such as USA Today, CBS, and more. CNN, Fox, Self and Shape. Now she frequently shares the stage with Jack Canfield who’s been on this podcast. He is amazing and is co author of the Awakening Power Meditation Program. Now her numerous professional awards include Outstanding Clinical Specialist, Research Excellence, and an EVVY Best Personal Growth Book Award, which is so awesome.

Now for everything that we mentioned in today’s episode, you can check out in the show notes and that’s over at melissarambrosini. com forward slash five eight five. Now, let’s bring on the incredible Dr. Deb Sandella.[00:03:00] 

Deb, I am so excited to have you here. But before we dive in, can you tell us what you had for breakfast this morning? Oh, goodness. That was 

Deb Sandella: so long ago. What did I have? I had an egg, one egg, scrambled, 

Melissa: very undramatic. Oh, well, I am so pumped to have this conversation with you because You created a revolutionary emotional processing system that can dissolve the root cause of people’s problems.

Now I am so excited to dig into every part of that process with you today, but I would love if we could start by you telling us about your background and how you initially got drawn into this work. How did this all unfold for you and how did you get to where you are today? Oh goodness, it’s a 

Deb Sandella: lot of years there, but my background, first of all, is I have a master’s in psychiatric nursing [00:04:00] and a PhD in human communication.

So it’s a pretty varied hybrid background, but I worked as a mental health professional for over 20 years before all of this new technique started to evolve. And it really kicked in 1995. When I got a call from my brother in the middle of the night that dad was in ICU, that he had a cardiac arrest and they were asking for a no resuscitate because they’d given him all of the meds to keep his blood pressure up and they weren’t working.

And as I was listening to my brother, I started out as a nurse, so I understood all this, but I had something very intuitive start to kick in. And I felt really angry that they were even asking and said, no. And as I hung up and walked away to go back to bed, there was this [00:05:00] spontaneous imagery or vision, if you want to call it, that just popped in really strong where I could see my dad walking off to the horizon and I’m there yelling at him, how I’m not ready for him to leave.

And I’m really upset. That he’s doing, he’s heading out. And all of a sudden in this vision, he turns around and looks at me. And first of all, the look on his face was so serene and different. He was a feisty little Italian. And so it was like, I’d never seen him look like this before. And he said, okay, babe, I didn’t know you felt that way.

And then all of a sudden it was gone and all my anger drained away and I’m like, this is just in my mind, right? I didn’t understand it. But when I went back to bed, I kept holding on to the vision because it felt like I might lose him otherwise. So when I went to the [00:06:00] hospital, flew to Kansas the next morning and went into the hospital and ICU, the nurse said sometime in the middle of the night.

Your dad’s blood pressure started to hold. So he survived that experience and lived five more years that he and my mom said were the best years of their lives because they had a second chance. I was really didn’t understand this at the time I was doing a traditional mental health experience. I was teaching at the university of Colorado, had a private practice, all of that.

But none of that seemed very important in comparison to this experience with him. So that was when everything changed for me and I began to move in this direction to understand what had happened and how to harness it, which now is 30 years later has turned into this technique. Wow. Okay. This is [00:07:00] mind 

Melissa: blowing.

So let’s talk about emotions. Okay. I just want to shift gears for a minute and I want to talk about emotions. Let’s begin with the basics so that we’re all on the same page here. Like what are emotions? Because like you said, you had this anger wash over you and I want to keep talking about your dad in a moment, but I just want to talk about emotions and what they are.

Deb Sandella: Well, I would say that I look at them a little bit differently after all of these experiences over the last 30 years. Scientifically, it’s not different, but the way people think of emotions, I would say it is a little different in that they are transient states of experience or feedback that flow through the body.

And so they give you a body experience as well as a feeling, a subjective feeling. And they’re meant, they’re intended to just bring you [00:08:00] feedback to be felt and received and then to begin expiring, flowing. I talk about it as like a river of emotion that’s flowing through. So it’s meant to go on and flow on down out of your body once you feel it and receive the feedback.

Yeah. So, that’s how I perceive emotions. Like a wave. Yes, like a wave. And it’s very visceral, gut. You feel it all the way through your body. So, it’s not just emotional. It’s actually a body experience. And that’s something that people don’t quite understand. But emotions originate. In the non verbal cellular memory or emotional memory that is stored in the body in the unconscious.

So it’s not verbal. So when it comes in, it’s easy to ignore. Yes, absolutely. 

Melissa: So it seems like the modern world, we’ve gotten it wrong, so much [00:09:00] wrong about emotions. Like what are the top myths about emotions that you wish that you could debunk once and for all? 

Deb Sandella: Well, the primary one is that we can stop emotions from even happening or even once they happen, that we can.

put them aside, ignore them. We don’t have to feel them. But the reality is when those emotions come in the, let’s say a river, and we don’t want them because they have an energy of their own that’s flowing through, then it’s like putting up a dam. And when you put up this dam, all the emotions that you’re trying to get rid of, because you don’t like them, Go underground and they don’t flow on through.

So they get stuck in the body instead of just flowing through. And particularly things that are very strong, like anger and grief or sadness. Those are the ones we have probably the biggest problem with. I would say because sometime long ago, back when [00:10:00] Descartes said, I think, therefore I am, we started to value thinking and to think that feeling anger was non virtuous, that it made us a bad person, that we can get rid of our emotions that we don’t like, like anger and without feeling them.

It’s our desire and our myth. Aristotle and Socrates even wrote articles about war. 

Melissa: Yes, absolutely. Which is just so not true. So can you talk to me about emotional blocks? Like how can they show up? Like, is there such a thing as an emotional block? 

Deb Sandella: Yes. And it’s actually, it’s a cellular memory block.

Because we start to resist. I, when I was talking a minute ago about the river of emotion flowing through, when we start to forget or try to repress what is really our feeling that is coming through, that becomes a [00:11:00] block and it is like a dam. So it stops our emotions from flowing through, which means now we are not really sure how we’re feeling.

When we’re not sure how we’re feeling, we can’t trust ourselves. So, what happens is we get confused. When you don’t know exactly what you’re really feeling beneath everything, then it feels confusing and it’s hard to make decisions and make choices. 

Melissa: Yes. Yep. So why is clearing these blocks so powerful?

Besides being able to make choices, why is it so important? 

Deb Sandella: Well, what I have learned through the last 30 years that I didn’t learn in graduate school, and it really has to do too with all the new neuroscience, is that what is a block becomes a blind spot. That we don’t even know that it’s there and yet it’s [00:12:00] like a, uh, speed bump.

And sometimes that speed bump is maybe so big a trauma that it becomes almost like a little wall, but it either slows us down. It can actually stop us from expressing our full potential so that we start to get, I would say, afraid, doubt. We doubt, we just lack confidence in the same way. As if we’re clear, if we have a clear channel going through of our feelings that we really know ourselves really well.

Does that make sense to you, Melissa? 

Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So we’ve talked about the what and the why. Let’s talk about the how, like how does someone go about clearing these blocks? Like what is the inner technology that you have created? Well, 

Deb Sandella: one of the things that’s really interesting is that there’s a primary [00:13:00] shift in this inner technology because we are collaborating with our natural emotional operating system rather than trying to control it.

And so what I’ve learned is we actually have an EOS as very purposeful. Okay. I’m resilient, but when you start trying to think everything through, it’s turned off because it’s an intuitive system and not a logical system. So I don’t know if you ever heard about two minds, the two minds theory that there’s the reasoning mind and there’s the intuitive mind and the intuitive mind is nonverbal, the reasoning mind is logical and verbal.

And it tends to dominate in our cultures, especially where I am in the United States. I, I lived in Australia for a while and I think y’all are better at not overthinking as much. But what [00:14:00] happens is when we collaborate with that inherent operating system that’s actually We’re born with a hold, but that wholeness gets covered up with all these human experiences that, that register as body memory.

So we have something bad happen early in our childhood or anytime really, where we start to question ourselves and that anchors in emotional memory. And then it, it becomes that speed bump if we don’t actually process it. And so what’s really useful is. To what we call create floodgates so that whatever the experience is can be expressed.

It needs to be expressed, named and expressed. And when you do that, we start creating floodgates where all of that can flow through and not flood us emotionally. One of the reasons we’re afraid of [00:15:00] emotion is we’re afraid of being consumed by our anger. We’re afraid of only feeling sad, those kinds of things, so that.

That stops us from actually expressing our feelings in a safe way. Now, when I say safe, it doesn’t mean necessarily with somebody. Like, if you’re angry, it’s not about expressing it on them or to them. It is about allowing it to be received and felt and expressed so that it’s very safe. Like, you’re not going to do damage.

It’s just for us to process. Cause that’s a little different than I would say we popularly think. And so when you’re in relationship, in my experience, the person that’s easiest to get really angry with is my husband. So that it’s really easy to back away [00:16:00] from expressing it if I’m afraid, anger of his anger because that usually happens.

But if I do some processing on my own. By actually, I’ll, you can express it in a written form, just stream of consciousness writing, or you can do it physically. Some people do big workouts with that intention to shed the angst from the body, because when we do that, there’s much more space. To start understanding what’s happening and then you can talk about it with somebody in a different place, a different way, and not damage the relationship.

Melissa: Yeah. So talk to me about the RIM process. As my husband, Nick and I have had a session, a rim session, and we loved it. And we now actually buy a session for every single member of our program. She launched, which [00:17:00] is our training accelerator for coaches and consultants who want a thriving online business.

So we buy every member, a rim session, every single one, because we realize that the results that people get inside our program are so much faster and easier. Huh? Once they have cleared out their blocks. Now your process is now an integral baked in part of our program, which is so cool. So I was wondering if you could explain to us, why is it that when people dissolve It can translate into something like business and financial success.

Deb Sandella: Right. It’s because the blocks are hidden. We don’t understand how they’re influencing downstream. For instance, I’ll give you an example. So this was a room facilitator out of Boulder, had a client who was a young man who was a filmmaker [00:18:00] and he was having trouble building his business because he didn’t, couldn’t delegate to others.

And so when he had his REM session, he actually, what his EOS brought forth as the root cause of the problem was a six year old experience where he was fishing with his dad and he accidentally lost the fishing rod, a very expensive one in the water, and his dad said, Oh, I have to do everything myself and was very upset with his son and his son was very scared.

And so in that memory, we could regenerate it so that he got the opportunity to actually in that emotional memory, we actually open it up and allow a new component where he gets to tell his dad, Oh, that scared me, dad. And all these things are simple. They’re so [00:19:00] simple. They’re It’s totally innocuous situations that get blocked, which is why consciously trying to work on, uh, doing something in your business.

doesn’t get down to whatever it is, the speed bump that’s slowing it. So what happened after that, Anita, who was doing the session, got about a month later, got an email from the person who had referred him. And he said, what did you do? He is like a totally different person now. That was one session. This is a totally different person now, and he is delegating all over the place.

But at the end of the session, he said, well, I just feel so loved now, but I don’t know what it’s got to do with my business and yet it had everything to do with his business. So it was just forgotten. It was a forgotten [00:20:00] memory. That was the root cause. I think about it as, I don’t know if you remember the, Princess and the Pea Story, where the princess has a pea under all of her mattresses.

Well, it’s like that. We have these little peas or stones in our shoe that we really are very unaware of. And they’re many times just so easy to regenerate into a positive, affirming memory that actually makes us feel stronger and better and loved and more confident. Yeah. So, it’s um, very powerful work.

We also do intergenerational work, generational healing, which is extremely powerful as well. So and I love that, that you’re doing that, Melissa. I actually didn’t realize that. I was wondering how we connected. So I am aware of several programs. There are several programs that are doing [00:21:00] that and I love it.

And it’s all because it works. It works for success. 

Melissa: So can you talk us through how a session looks and how it works so people can get an understanding of what to expect in a RIM session? 

Deb Sandella: Right. Well, I would say that what we tell clients is you can’t do this wrong and you have control. So anything that doesn’t feel right, you tell us.

And whatever wants to happen, you’ll, you will be in charge of that. Because what we’re doing is we’re, there’s no resistance to whatever shows up that we’re not trying to direct. We’re actually trying to follow each individual person’s EOS because that naturally takes us to the root cause. And we have skills to keep it safe.[00:22:00] 

And to bring in, like, options that weren’t available. They weren’t in the awareness, like, of a six year old. He did not feel safe enough or strong enough to confront his dad. He just so much wanted his dad’s approval as that six year old little boy. I’ll give you another example of a session of a businessman.

So he was wanting to get this business that he was interviewing for coming up in a week because he had gone on his own. He had just started his own business in manufacturing consulting and he’d been in house before. And so there was, he was very nervous about it. And so what happened in his session is his mother, who had passed about a, a year earlier, showed up and, and in his being with her and facing her, he realized he had a very Catholic family [00:23:00] and he was concerned that his parents, Would think he was being greedy and not generous as a good Catholic boy would be.

And so, but of course, in talking to her, she said, are you kidding? You’re my little boy. I want you to be successful. Of course not. You do whatever you need, you go for it. And so it really changed how he, what I would say, aggressive he was with getting his new consulting business going. Yeah. And he got that, he did get the job a week later.

And we say the how, when you talk about how, because it’s non linear, it’s very hard to say what it is, but we dip down beneath logic, and then we see what’s there through imagination and body awareness. And given what shows up, then we regenerate it [00:24:00] into a safe and confident form. But the safety makes a huge difference.

Like, emotional safety is an inner job. It’s not from feedback of others that happens. We all know that in our own experiences. Uh, it has to be felt in our bodies. That we can be safe, we can trust ourselves to be safe, that we can feel confident to take risk. Because when we’re not confident, we don’t take the risk that you need in order to be more successful.

And risk is always involved in being more successful. To step out and do things that you’ve never done before. So that when we dip down below and these images show up, we actually follow. So if somebody says, Oh, I don’t know, it’s not a problem because then we follow the, I don’t know. [00:25:00] So we’re, it’s not directed.

It’s fo we’re following the client rather than directing the client. And that’s what makes it revolutionary, because most techniques are directed, like the expert is gonna show you the way, and instead, in RIM, it’s shared power between the client and the facilitator. Would you from your, so can I ask you a question?

Is that okay? Yeah. Yes. Go for it. I was just going to say from your own experience, how would you describe what it was being in a session was like? Cause I think the personal experience is something that is so important. 

Melissa: Yeah, well, definitely it’s that shared power. It’s not the therapist is not telling you what to do or they are subtly guiding, It’s very much shared and that was really beautiful.

Like I [00:26:00] had no idea what to expect, no idea. Cause I not really heard much about it. A friend referred me and said, you got to try this. And I’m like a student for life and just always open to this stuff. So I was like, absolutely. I’ll dive in. I had no expectation, no idea what was going to come up and what came up was very fascinating.

Very fascinating. I won’t share because it’s personal, but the situation I feel completely neutral about that situation, completely neutral. And I didn’t feel like that before I went in, there was still an emotional charge, there was still some anger, there was still some grief and I feel completely neutral and it’s just amazing.

So, so many people have. Multiple things that this could [00:27:00] support with many, many blocks, many things that we aren’t even aware of those road bumps. And that’s why this work is just so powerful. I want to know though, are there any specific habits, rituals, or hacks that you recommend to promote emotional wellbeing and to stop emotions from getting blocked in the first place?

I have a daughter. She’s just turned three and like all of us, we’re born into this world, clean slates, and I’m like constantly thinking about this, what specific habits or rituals can I do for myself and for her to stop emotions getting blocked in the first place so we don’t have to do all this work when we’re older.

Deb Sandella: Right, right. And children are the perfect example of how our EOS works naturally. Because they don’t try to control their [00:28:00] feelings. But at 2, 3, 2 they say is our most authentic time. And because we’re just not editing at all, or trying to plead most of the time. And so a big thing is to allow ourselves, like the child part of us, to be known.

Because the child will cry. The child in us will cry. We don’t cry. It’s now where we have control. We’ve been civilized. We’ve been tamed in a way, but we’ve been over tamed, is what I would say. And we need more of our authentic, emotional experience to be received as it is. without blocking it or not wanting to mess with it.

So by allowing it, so every time, the more you can check in, even each several times a day, but particularly if your [00:29:00] body, you start to feel something like something’s not right, or I’m getting angry, I’m getting impatience. I’m getting irritable is to pause. And to really close your eyes, tune into the body because the body knows, the body keeps the score as one of the books, one of the experts tells us.

And then when you know what it is, like, let’s say, so there’s a very simple REM process you can do yourself, we call it self REM, where you just, what’s the feeling just that pops in first in my mind of where I am right now. And let’s say it’s scared or tense or whatever, that then to, first of all, absolutely feel it as best as you can in that moment.

And since where is the energy of it in your body? And then to welcome and move into that [00:30:00] energy and allow it to be received so that what happens is, see, we’ve grown very impatient, so we want to just move through everything very fast, and we lost our tolerance for sitting in a feeling, even if it’s just a few minutes.

We want to move through it immediately. But if we sit in the feeling for a few minutes, it automatically starts to dissipate. And if there is a really big block that needs to be worked with, then that’ll show up. Like you were saying, there can be residue. So it doesn’t totally go away, but the peak of it will go away.

And then you can, if you want to do deeper work, then you find a way to do that through the, through a book or like I have a book out there or through a session, but just on a daily basis to allow that. And what I would say about [00:31:00] raising children, because my children are now one’s 30 and one’s 40. That so I’ve really seen what it was like the outcome already and that allowing them to have their feelings without trying the to what it is, uh, try and have them feel happier.

Let them have their feelings. And experience them and feel them. I know I remember when I was growing up and that when I would get mad, my dad would go, Oh, and he would tickle me to make me, you’re going to crack a smile. But that was really bad because he did it because he loved me. So it wasn’t, he was trying to harm me by any means.

But what happened as I got into my twenties and I was dating, I was so confused because I didn’t. Feel comfortable getting angry. So I was confused all the time. Is this somebody I want us to continue to see or not? I didn’t have a [00:32:00] discernment. So I had to develop that in my twenties, which was really important.

I’m now I’ve been married 44 years, so it’s very important to be able to develop all of that. But I think that’s the main thing is to allow our children to be angry. And it doesn’t mean we have a fight with them. So, it can be okay, you can be angry, you just get to have your feelings. But they can’t tear up things, there has to be some limits.

You don’t act your anger out by destroying something or hitting people or that kind of thing. But they can talk about their feelings. And so, so tell me what you’re really mad about. And then when my son was a teen, he was more like me, so he was a little more challenging for me as a teen. And so I remember when he was 11, he was taller than I was.

It was a little intimidating, but he really started to [00:33:00] defy me there in the conversation and started yelling. And I said, well, you can totally be angry and you can go to your room and get your yelling out. And when you’re ready to talk about it, then we’ll talk. So you can let me know when you’re ready for that.

And it worked really well, I would say, because he got to be angry, but I didn’t have to be the object of his yelling. Because that’s not a particularly good thing when he’s taller than I am, and trying out his own power now. So, I don’t know if that, is that helpful to you, Melissa? I’m curious. 

Melissa: Yes, absolutely, because I think so many parents When our children are upset or feeling big emotions, the first thing we, like, my parents were the same.

It was like, Oh, stop crying. It was like, pick yourself up. Off you go. Like, that’s what I was taught. Stop crying. You’ll be okay. Being told how I [00:34:00] feel. And that is like one of the most frustrating things. And even with my daughter, I sometimes notice within me that instinct to want to go and save her and help her.

And I know it’s coming from like a loving place and it’s coming from my conditioning, my programming that I grew up with. And so for me, I have to take a breath. And allow her to fully express. And for a lot of people, that’s really uncomfortable. Like when your children are screaming or having a tantrum or a meltdown, it’s very uncomfortable for a lot of people.

And it takes a well regulated adults to hold space for that. And so for me, most of the time I can do that. I just get down on her level. And I might hold her or I’ll just be next to her and I’ll have my hand on her leg or [00:35:00] whatever. I feel into the situation. If for some reason I can’t do it, like if I’m extremely tired or I’ve got my own stuff going on, This is when like, I’ll like give him this look, I got to tap out and you got to come in.

I don’t feel like I can do this to the best of my ability. So like we’ll kind of swap and I’ll like tap out and then go have a breath and come back. And I think the more we can just allow our children, whatever age they are, to express how they want to express, never tell them, Oh, you’re okay. Like my dad used to say that to me.

I love my dad so much. And I’m like, Are you me? Are you in my body? Like you’re not in my body. Don’t tell me how I am. You know what I mean? And so I think this is just such a beautiful reminder to do this for our children and do this for ourselves. Do this for ourselves too. And do some [00:36:00] self rim when you need it.

And if you need a session, get a session too. But it’s such a powerful tool that we have to help us release these energetic, emotional blocks. 

Deb Sandella: Right. Because they are cumulative if you don’t. And that’s where you get a deeper, bigger block. It’s when you haven’t done it over time, then that can happen. But it sounds like you’re doing a beautiful job with your daughter.

Cause that’s all the things you mentioned, I think are very important, particularly with children that are young, the touch is very important. When the boys get older, it’s, you have to be careful on the touching. Give them space so that it’s just that girls and boys are I found were different at different stages.

And of course, each child is unique to it’s not all gender. So that’s exactly right. And we all have that ability. We all have the ability. [00:37:00] If we learn to develop the tolerance and do our own work. So you’re exactly right. Doing our own work with our emotional blocks really helps us be able. To be there and hold the space for them.

That’s really important. And when we were tired or whatever, I agreed being able to bounce back and forth with each other is really helpful. The other thing is it’s okay to get in your car and scream or scream into a pillow just for a release. So that you’re not disrupting anyone. But again, it is a body experience.

Intense emotion is a body experience, so we have to allow our bodies to clear, and we do that on our own. It’s not with somebody else. Yes, 

Melissa: absolutely. And I can see how having this awareness is so powerful in business as well. A lot of people [00:38:00] listening have their own businesses. And when you can hold space for maybe people who work for you in your team, this is such a beautiful thing.

Like you would for a child, you can hold space for them to express, to release if they need to and get back to their center. And I think it all comes back to doing our own. Work like regulating our own nervous system, making sure that we are calm and grounded and centered and doing our own work. Like if everybody just did that, we would be in a very different state of the world.

Deb Sandella: Absolutely. Absolutely. In fact, I have one of our intentions is to eliminate unnecessary suffering and that it, when we actually, if we could have everybody heal their own inner wars, then I think we would have peace in the world. [00:39:00] So I agree with you, it’d be a different world. It’s, it’s a good vision to hold.


Melissa: Now, I’d love to hear if you had a magic wand and you could put one book in the school curriculum of every high school around the world. Besides your books, let’s presume they’re already in the curriculum because they absolutely should be. Actually, there should be like a whole subject on dealing with your emotions and processing your emotions.

I truly believe that. Techniques like RIM that help people do that. I wish we were taught this stuff in schools. They would just set people up for such a different life. Like mental health issues now are just through the roof. And if we had more tools like RIM. that we’d learned earlier on. Oh my goodness, we’d be in such a different state.

So besides your books, let’s pretend [00:40:00] they’re in there. What is one other book you would choose? Now this could be on any topic. Could be on mindset, could be on emotions, whatever. But what’s the first book that comes to your mind? 

Deb Sandella: I’m not sure of specifics at this point. It’s like there’s so many, but there are many books for younger children that gives permission.

In fact, we have a school program that we’ve been doing research with RIM and some schools. I’m actually have a meeting tomorrow about another grant to take RIM into schools like RIM sessions for faculty and students. But there are so many books that just say, it’s okay to have your feelings and it has children demonstrating anger and sadness and grief and making it all normal because every feeling in the whole spectrum is our friend.

Because every [00:41:00] feeling is bringing us some kind of feedback about what is safe, what we’re questioning, what we’re curious about, how we’re thinking, how we’re feeling, but also who’s around us, how we’re approaching that as adults. I’m talking primarily so that we learn to trust ourselves when as children, we can feel our feelings because that gives us.

Immediate, a feeling of control. Like I know who I am. I know what I’m feeling and it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t get refined as we grow, but to trust that. Is really supporting us having self esteem and trusting ourselves as people. So we don’t have to question ourselves so much, which happens so much now.

There’s so much self doubt that goes around that is really unnecessary. I would say, so that I would just look on the shelves for that [00:42:00] area of emotion. There’s a lot that’s out there right now for the different ages, I would say more for younger. I would say we’re a little behind on the teenage applying it there cause it gets more serious.

That’s where you can get more serious issues, but that’s something, yeah, I guess we need to write that, Melissa, we need to write that book. 

Melissa: Absolutely. Because there’s so many books that are like. It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel this. And they teach that, but they don’t necessarily teach the children what to do with that energy.

It just says, it’s okay. It’s okay. And it is okay. And how do they process that? How can we teach them how to process that for that age? And then it’s different when they’re teenagers, like giving them more tools, things like that. So I think, please write that book. That would be wonderful. 

Deb Sandella: Yeah. It’s been interesting because I actually [00:43:00] did used to do REM sessions with my children and very simple ones.

They were so powerful because kids have imagination that is so vivid. It’s so right there. So they can, may not know what the feeling is, but they might see an image of what that face looks like. That’s them, you know, what they’re feeling. And that’s actually something that’s really good. There are some posters.

That have faces of children, different, diverse faces of children with all kinds of emotion. And the child can look and say, that’s how I feel. And then you can give them the word and it’s like, then begin to just really be curious with them. And how does that feel? What’s that like to be angry? And it’s okay to be angry with me.

Who are you most [00:44:00] chambered with right now? What are you upset about? And I think that sometimes we, people, parents shy away from even asking because they feel like, oh, I have to know more, but you don’t. It’s really simple. Like you are experiencing with your three year old daughter. This is not. Rocket science.

It’s very organic, actually. It’s very organic to care about how they’re feeling so that they can feel safe to express how they’re feeling. 

Melissa: Mm hmm. Absolutely. And then in my program, SheLaunch, I see so many blocks for women really being able to call in the income and the impact that they desire. There’s so many worthiness blocks, there’s so much stuff.

And so this really helps them rapidly transform that to start seeing [00:45:00] results really fast, which is just amazing. Amazing. One of my clients had a rim session and she had so many blocks to selling her program. And after one session, she had sold three high ticket spots almost the next day. And she was blown away.

Because it has that power. Once you remove that block, you’re like, Oh, okay. I’m just going to keep moving forward. It’s so powerful. 

Deb Sandella: Yes. Yes, you’re exactly right. So that it’s nonlinear. So you don’t know what the work is you need to do in order to sell the high programs, but RIM will guide you there. And that’s, what’s really just amazing about it.

It’s amazing about it. We don’t have to know. We just don’t have to know, but it’s so important because you’re right, women are vulnerable to that. We still have that, where there’s still some [00:46:00] inequity and some of us growing up have had experiences that challenged our own confidence and self esteem. So, and I would say that women are so open to the process.

That it’s a, it has a gentle feminine energy to it. The process does. And so really both men and women, I would say, feel comfortable in it. Sometimes what I found in, when I have worked in the past with like middle aged men, that I will do it over the phone instead of zoom, because. They then can sob and they’re not being watched.

They are not being visible. And it, it’s like every time when they are on the phone, it’s like they will absolutely sob. And it’s like for a man to sob, who’s, and they were actually successful. And [00:47:00] yet still, there were some issues that were showing up. They were successful men. And so there’s something.

there that makes it harder to be vulnerable in front of people. And so it was. Just having that privacy was so powerful for them because then as a facilitator, I’m not really another person. I’m a voice on the phone just for them. That’s just for them. And that is very empowering that there’s, and that’s one of the things I would say in becoming a REM facilitator is very humbling.

We’re really sharing power and. Acknowledging that we’re not doing it. Yes, we’ll walk beside them. We’re partners and we will support them in this journey and they’re doing the work. And so when clients do the own work, they own it. They know they have done it. They earned [00:48:00] this. They have done the work that needed to be done and seen it, which I think that’s a huge part of RIM, really.

Yes, that’s 

Melissa: beautiful. Is there anything else about the session, the technique or anything else that you think would be beneficial? We know. 

Deb Sandella: I think, yes, the main thing is you in an interim session, what you experience is that you do have a purposeful and resourced EOS, emotional operating system within you that we’re working with.

And for us to start acknowledging that. Publicly could change things a lot because right now in the medical, I came from a medical model in my education and that is talking about being damaged or broken and we’re not, we’re not, we just have [00:49:00] emotional memories, some more traumatic than others, but they don’t have to be traumatic.

That are seeing those images in our mind. We can still see those images in our mind from this emotional memory, where we weren’t confident, where we didn’t do something right, or that we didn’t succeed or got criticized or whatever it is that to be able to really know that we have an EOS that’s resourced and purposeful, everybody does, we’re born with it, it’s inherent.

And it just gets covered over with emotional memory. So when we clear the emotional memory or the emotional block, we fall right back down into our wholeness, our organic wholeness, where peace, love and joy are natural. That’s just the natural state of being. We’re in our own wholeness. The way children, you can see it in newborns, [00:50:00] that they have those feelings.

Spontaneously, unless they’re uncomfortable for some reason, but then as soon as they’re comfortable again, they’re back there and that we’re still like that. We just haven’t thought about it that way. 

Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. So good. I really want to encourage everyone to check out your books, maybe do a rim session with a facilitator, try it on yourself and see how you feel.

I absolutely love it. I love it so much that We now buy every single girl inside SheLaunch a session, so that’s how much we love it. But before we wrap up, I would love to do a quick rapid fire with you if that’s okay. Sure. Okay, let’s dive in. What is one thing that we can do today for our health? I would say 

Deb Sandella: check in with our bodies, that I would do it morning and night, every day.

So today’s a good day to [00:51:00] start. And that’s really by just closing your eyes and sensing your body. Because our body does tell the truth to us. Uh, even though our logical mind will make up stories, it likes to rationalize. And give stories to it, but our body will be is cannot lie. It’s very clear. It’ll say there’s something here.

You’re tense and just ask what am I feeling right now? Now, this is an activity that you can do anytime is just like go into your heart and ask what feeling am I having right now? And it just pop in. It’ll just pop in like that one word. And then feel it, and then do that three times in a row, and allowing time to feel each feeling.

Because what happens is our emotional system changes from moment to moment. So you’ll have three different words. We think we’re the same, but we’re not. So our system, [00:52:00] our emotions are so dynamic. So that’s one thing people could do morning and night. That would be very easy. 

Melissa: Yeah. Beautiful. I love that.

Okay, what is one thing that we can do for more wealth in our life? Well, I would say, 

Deb Sandella: really listen to things you say. Because whatever we say, who’s listening the most is our own body, which is our unconscious. And it is going to go about intuitively creating what we’re saying. And if you have, catch yourself.

Saying things that are limiting, like, Oh, that always happens. Oh, I always run into this problem. Then that’s like creating a future affirmation that you’ll continue to run into this financial problem, those kinds of statements. And so in the moment, pause in your own mind, it doesn’t have to be with the people are there, that’s fine too.

Just pause and [00:53:00] rewind that. And then intentionally re speak it in a positive way. Like something like I used to do this, now I’m open to something different. So it’s not like an affirmation. It’s a little, it’s in between like, uh, dis not believing or a disbelief and an affirmation because it’s, you know, it’s every day I’m growing more able to make cold calls.

Or whatever it is that we’re wanting to implement and move toward, or every, I love things that are every day. I grow just more of something that’s in the direction of what I’m seeking. And so with money or wealth, it would be every day. I feel more and more empowered about how much [00:54:00] capacity I have for wealth.

Oh, one that’s really good was money. Is every day I grow more and more able to receive more income, because we oftentimes have beliefs, unconscious beliefs that limit how much we’ll receive. And so then it doesn’t come. That’s a really big one in terms of income. 

Melissa: Absolutely. I see it so clearly. Much with some of my clients, they have huge money blocks, and this is where RIM can really support them.

And once they are aware, I think awareness is absolutely key for all inner transformation. Once you are aware, you’ve shone light on maybe a belief that isn’t serving you. You can then change it. You can then choose a different belief. So I love this so much and our beliefs around money, around. Clients, all of those things are very important.[00:55:00] 

Let’s go to the last rapid fire. What is one thing that we can do for more love in our life? 

Deb Sandella: Ah, yes, gratitude to really focus on the, what I love about my life, what I love about my husband, what I love about myself, that the, these really, it works very fast. Gratitude does. To be thankful for the parts because we’re not all perfect and not we don’t love everything and yet As everything has something about it that we love the things that are important Anyway to us and I think the research also supports that the minute you start focusing on What is it you really appreciate or are grateful for?

Then it really shifts To a abundance mode and shifts [00:56:00] out of. Lack into abundance. 

Melissa: Absolutely. I think having a daily gratitude practice is one of the simplest, yet most impactful things that we can do each day that is going to infinitely make our life better. So I have a journal beside my bed every morning, I just dot point down.

I say I’m grateful for, and I just do dot points until I can’t write anymore. And then the same thing at night. There are repeated things on there every time, every single time. And that’s okay. It’s just about actively expressing the abundance that you have in your life. The universe recognizes that and will give you more.

It’s very simple. Be grateful for the one client that you have, then be grateful for the two that you have, the three, and it just grows and grows. So. If you are listening and you don’t have a [00:57:00] regular gratitude practice, this is your nudge to start one today. It’s so impactful. 

Deb Sandella: Yes, I totally agree. And one of the things that really deepens that practice, Is to allow yourself to feel it so much that you feel teary because that means your body is really there.

And that kind of intensifies the magnetic ability to draw that abundance to us so that if in the morning that’s usually where I will when I will meditate and it’s like be grateful and some of that is so touching that it does cause us to be. A little, it’s just softens us such that it opens up the heart and we feel the love.


Melissa: just feel that love. Absolutely. This has been so amazing. I’ve [00:58:00] absolutely loved chatting with you today. I’m so grateful for this amazing technique and that it is out there for people to use. So I absolutely love it. It will benefit your health. It will benefit your career. It will benefit your relationships.

It’ll benefit your parenting. So check it out. It’s absolutely amazing. You are serving so many, you are helping so many people. I want to know how I and the listeners can give back and serve you today. 

Deb Sandella: Oh, goodness. You give me goosebumps. Thank you. That’s very nice. Very kind. That it thrills me just to hear what you’re saying and that you’re, you are utilizing the technique for, with your clients, you’re giving them these free sessions.

That I guess it’s what would serve me is for people to really begin to learn more about it, to check it out [00:59:00] and to take care of themselves, to apply it in whatever way I think of it, not just as a technique, but also as a movement. That it’s a movement towards a new way of thinking about ourselves emotionally because we’re so much more resourced than we think we are.

We’re not nearly as fragile as we think we are, but we have to experience that to trust it. To trust that we’re not fragile. And so sessions do really help that any kind of activities that people do. I’m all about creating a better energy in the world. So if people help themselves, then I’m very grateful about that.

And if people want to check us out on the website, I would love it. That would be 

Melissa: great. Absolutely. And I’ll link to. Your website, I’ll link to your books. I’ll link to everything in the show notes for everybody to go and check out. But thank you so much, Deb. This has been. So insightful. I’ve absolutely loved it.

I’m excited to [01:00:00] dive deeper into your work. I’m excited to do some self rim, which I haven’t done yet. So thank you so much for being here and sharing this incredible technique with us today. So grateful. Oh, thank you 

Deb Sandella: so much, Melissa. Thank you so much for having me. I very much appreciate it.

Melissa: My friends, I hope you are so inspired to have a session. To read her book, to learn how to do self rim, but to really just dive deeper into this for yourself, because this is going to improve. Every area of your life. I’m so excited for you to have this tool at your fingertips for you, for your clients, for your children, for everyone in your life.

And if you loved this conversation and got a lot out of it, please subscribe to the show and leave me a review on Apple podcasts, because that means that we can inspire and educate even more people together. And it also means that [01:01:00] all of my episodes will just pop up in your feed. So you never have to go searching for a new episode.

Now, come and tell me on Instagram at Melissa Rambrosini what you got from this episode. I absolutely love connecting with you and love hearing your biggest key takeaways. So please come and share them with me. And before I go, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here, for wanting to be the best, the healthiest and the happiest version of yourself and for showing up today for you.

You rock. Now, if there’s someone in your life that you can think of that would really benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now. You can take a screenshot, share it on your social media, email it to them, text it to them, do whatever you’ve got to do to get this in their ears. And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

Thank you so much for listening. I’m so honored that you’re here and would be SO grateful if you could leave me a review on Apple podcasts, that way we can inspire and educate even more people together.

P.S. If you’re looking for a high-impact marketing opportunity for your business and are interested in becoming a sponsor for The Melissa Ambrosini Show podcast, please email pr@melissaambrosini.com for more information.

P.P.S. Please seek advice from a qualified holistic practitioner before starting any new health practice.

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