love life

#1 Love Coach: “This Is The Secret To A More Fulfilling Love Life” | Matthew Hussey






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Want to transform your love life?

Whether you want to deepen your connection with your partner, elevate your dating game, avoid toxic relationships, or discover the secrets of building rock-solid confidence, this episode will blow your mind (and your heart) wide open.

I’m joined on the show by Matthew Hussey, an internationally renowned coach who’s transformed thousands of love lives, including those of Hollywood stars like Drew Barrymore — who calls Matthew her “number one recommendation for anyone looking for love”.

In this episode, Matthew is sharing his best-ever dating and relationship advice. Tune in to learn: why adopting new standards in dating can lead you to the love you deserve, how adjusting your relationship goals can prevent common pitfalls, recognizing and dodging red flags in dating before it’s too late, the three levels of inner confidence, how to retrain your brain for better decision-making, the profound power of self-forgiveness, and how to move past personal regrets.

No matter what your relationship status, if you’re seeking more love, connection and fulfillment, then press play now — this episode is for you.

About Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and coach specializing in confidence and relational intelligence. His YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views. He writes a weekly newsletter and is the host of the podcast Love Life With Matthew Hus­sey. Hussey provides monthly coaching to the members of his private community at LoveLifeClub.com. Over the past fifteen years, his proven approach has inspired millions through authentic, insightful, and practical advice that not only enables them to find love but also feel confident and in control of their own happiness. He lives in Los Angeles.

In this episode we chat about:

  • The surprising story of how he became a top love coach and began transforming thousands of lives (3:13)
  • The common ways people unknowingly block themselves from finding true love (5:31)
  • Why our instincts want us to give chase when our love interest pulls away (and how to break this cycle) (7:10)
  • Why being ‘happy enough’ is one of the greatest superpowers in love and life (13:43)
  • The three levels of confidence, PLUS: practical steps to build and strengthen this essential quality (24:30)
  • Is there someone out there for everybody? And what does this mean for your love life? (32:48)

Episode resources:

  • SheLaunch (join here)
  • Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
  • Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
  • Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
  • Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
  • Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What) by Matthew Hussey (book)
  • The Matthew Hussey Live Retreat (website)
  • Love Life Book (website)
  • Matthew Hussey (website)
  • Matthew Hussey (Instagram)
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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

Melissa: [00:00:00] In episode 573 with Matthew Hussey, we are diving deep into all things love. We’re talking about red flags, adopting new standards, being happy enough and what that means, the three different levels of confidence, retraining our instincts, self forgiveness, and so much more. If you are looking for love or you want to upgrade your love, you are going to love this episode.

The Melissa Ambrosini Show. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Melissa bestselling author of Mastering Your Main Girl Open Wide Comparisonitis. And time magic. And I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the board, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in your own life and become the best [00:01:00] version of yourself possible.

Are you ready? Beautiful. Beautiful. Hey, beautiful and welcome back to the show. I’m so excited about this episode because I absolutely love love and I love anything that is going to teach me how to be a better partner. And this episode is exactly that. And for those of you that have never heard of Matthew Hussey, he is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker and coach 5.

And relational intelligence, which we are not taught, but we could all benefit from. Now his YouTube channel is number one in the world for love advice with over half a billion views, billion views. Like that is amazing. He also writes a weekly newsletter and is the host of the podcast. Love life. He also provides monthly coaching to his members of his private community at lovelifeclub.

com. And over the past 15 years, he’s proven approach has inspired millions. Through his authentic, insightful, and [00:02:00] practical advice that not only enables them to find love, but also feel confident and in control of their own happiness. And for everything that we mentioned in today’s episode, you can check out in the show notes and that’s over at MelissaRampersini.

com forward slash five seven three. Now get out your pen and paper, my friends, you are going to love this episode. Let’s dive in.

Matthew, welcome to the show. I’m so excited to have you here, but before we dive in, can you tell us what you had for breakfast this morning? 

Matthew: Oh my God. What did I have for breakfast? I had overnight oats with Greek yogurt and cinnamon and fruit. It was great. And some honey. 

Melissa: I love overnight oats. Mmm.


Matthew: What did you have for breakfast this morning? 

Melissa: Well, I had a smoothie bowl. I have a smoothie bowl most mornings. I love it. I can jam pack so much in there. I can hide things in there like spinach and zucchini for [00:03:00] my daughter and she gets in all of that goodness. So I had a smoothie bowl. 

Matthew: Love it.

I like, I’m so glad you asked me that question at a time when I had a healthy answer. 

Melissa: Yeah. Awesome. Now, my friend, Drew Barrymore, as in like the Drew Barrymore, said that you were her number one recommendation for anyone looking for love. I have a few people in my life, some of my closest friends who are looking for love.

So first of all, wow, that’s amazing. And second of all, how did you get here? How did you become a coach who helps people transform their love lives? And who counts some of the biggest names in Hollywood as raving fans. 

Matthew: I started 17 years ago, which is crazy to me now, but I was my first client. Really. I was a shy and introverted person for my whole life until I was an early adult.

And. [00:04:00] What I loved for myself was reading books that could help me be a little braver books that helped me get out of myself, make more of an impact and, and work on my own psychology. And I loved it. I devoured books like that. And then I would start talking about what I’d learned to anyone who had let me.

And eventually I started a YouTube channel and started helping people be braver in their love lives and start to create more opportunities. And I had this kind of idea that if I helped people create more opportunities and create more choice, that they would make better choices in their love lives. And that was partly right.

It did help empowered people, especially women who wanted to get out there and meet people, but I felt were being very passive about the process. They were waiting to be chosen instead of doing the choosing. It helped them do that. Where I was. Not entirely right was that it turned out [00:05:00] even when people created more choice in their love life, they would still gravitate towards people that hurt them, people that weren’t great, people that didn’t really want to commit, treated them like they were disposable.

And so that’s been the journey of the last 10 years of my career is trying to answer the question in what ways might we be getting in our own way in our love life when it comes to finding the kind of healthy love that we say we want. 

Melissa: So what ways are we getting in our own ways? 

Matthew: Well, I think firstly, all of us have some bad instincts when it comes to what we do in our love lives, in our lives in general, but in our love lives, especially we’re taught to trust our instincts.

But the truth is our instincts are what we learned in order to survive. And some of those instincts we learned in childhood or in [00:06:00] early adulthood, we learned in a situation that is no longer relevant to our life today. So, you know, we may have learned that love needed to be earned. And so we spend our lives trying to earn love from people.

We may have learned that we needed to please everyone in order to make people happy. So we go into adult life with the instinct to always please people. We may have learned we can’t trust people. So we have an instinct to never let anyone in. Whatever instincts we learned are still shaping our lives today.

And, you know, I, in this new book, I wrote love life. I wrote an entire chapter called question your instincts. Because a lot of us have instincts that are not serving us in our love life. Like how many people get more interested in a person when that person stops texting them back? That’s a bad instinct.

But it happens to people all the time. How many people, when they feel someone pulling away, have an instinct to try twice as hard? That’s a very common instinct. We [00:07:00] have all sorts of instincts that keep driving us towards pain and what I help people do is figure out what instincts are hurting us and how do we train new instincts that actually bring us the love we want.

Melissa: So what’s going on there that makes us want to lean in when someone else is pulling away? What is going on? 

Matthew: Well, I think there’s a, firstly, there’s a kind of false economics that happens in our brain that tells us that if someone becomes rare, they must be more valuable. And that’s not necessarily true.

They might just be more rare because then emotionally unavailable. They might be more rare. They might be scarce because they don’t want the same things we do, or they might be immature or they might be sleeping with 10 different people. Like you don’t know why you, the fact that someone is hard to get doesn’t make them more valuable.

But in our brain, it feels like if someone’s hard to get, that must make them valuable. And I always talk about it in terms of [00:08:00] diamonds and air. We don’t appreciate the air we breathe because we have it, but diamonds we think are really valuable because they’re rare and they’re expensive, right? But if I take away someone’s diamonds, nothing bad happens in their life.

If I take away their air, they’ll last a few minutes. So air is much more valuable than diamonds, but we value diamonds more because they’re They feel more rare and the same happens in love when someone feels rare, when it feels like they’re hard to get, our brain can start telling us that they’re more valuable.

And that’s a really dangerous thing. I think what we have to start doing in our love lives is prioritizing what is really important to us at the deepest level. What do we really need? Not just what we want. What do we need? And a good way to figure out what you need is to look at the things that have been missing.

In other relationships you’ve been in that when they were missing, you were miserable [00:09:00] and this can even be true. It’s especially true in relationships where you really want someone, or you think they’re amazing. Or if I could just get this person to want me back or to show up in the way I want, I would be so happy.

What was missing in that relationship? It could have been loyalty. It could have been consistency. It could have been kindness, empathy. Someone who sees you makes you feel like you can truly be yourself. And if you’re missing some of these fundamental things, then you’re unhappy in that relationship. So what we have to start doing is saying, no matter how charismatic someone is, no matter how sexy they may seem, no matter how eligible they may seem, am I getting the core thing from this person that I know when it was missing in a relationship.

Made me miserable because if I’m not getting that core thing, then nothing else matters. I will [00:10:00] never be happy with someone where that value, that quality, that level of investment isn’t present. 

Melissa: Not many people even take the time to work that out. To sit and go, well, what do I actually need? A lot of people make this list of this dream person, but they don’t add that.

And it’s such an important piece of the puzzle. 

Matthew: We’re good at making lists around, I think we’re good at making lists around things that don’t matter that much. We’re not that good at looking at the small handful of things that matter the most. Often I’ll come across people. I’ve been coaching people for 17 years of my life now.

And I have people come to me and say. You know, my problem is I have really high standards. And then when we really dig into it, I’ll find out that the person that they can’t get off their mind and the person they keep chasing and making time for is someone who they are really attracted to, [00:11:00] but is treating them terribly, is, Disrespectful to them, picks them up and puts them down whenever they want goes, disappears from their life for weeks on end, and then comes back on a Saturday or a Saturday evening when they want something.

So then I have to ask, when you say you have high standards for what do you have high standards? How good looking someone is, how tall they are, how successful they are, how, like what, when you say you have high standards, you don’t have high standards for kindness because this person’s not treating you with any kindness.

You don’t have high standards for the empathy you expect from someone. You certainly don’t have high standards for how much they have to invest in you to continue to take up space in your life. So what I find is that when people say I have really high standards, what they usually mean is I have really high standards for things that don’t matter that much, and I’m ignoring the really low standards I have for the things that matter [00:12:00] the most.

And so much of this is because we date based on ego. We don’t, based on what will make us happy, you know, we date based on who’s going to look good or who’s going to make us feel like we’re good enough by getting them, who’s going to finally make us feel we’re worthy. If I can just get that kind of person, then I’ll feel like I’m enough.

Then I’ll feel like I’ve made it. And meanwhile, we ignore how this person actually makes us feel. We’re not in touch with our feelings. The fact that we feel anxious all the time with this person, that we never feel accepted, that we never feel at home. That we don’t feel like the best version of ourselves, who everyone has a friend is in a relationship or a dating scenario with someone where they think that person is the most important thing in the world.

They’re like, Oh God, I just, you can tell they obsess over how to please this person and how to hold onto them. But what you know is that that person [00:13:00] makes them miserable. That person doesn’t make them happy. That person makes them so deeply unhappy, but they’re so busy trying to get this person that they never stop to check in with themselves.

To realize that this person makes them deeply unhappy. And again, that’s because we date through ego. We don’t date who’s going to make us happy. We date who we think is going to make us feel like we’re enough. And we also of course, date what’s familiar. You know, we don’t, we keep being drawn back to things that feel familiar to us.

And what’s familiar to us might be hurting us, but it’s what we know. And we keep getting drawn back to what we know in our love lives. 

Melissa: You’ve spoken about happiness. Talk to me about being happy enough. You talk about this in your book. What does that mean? And why is it a superpower? 

Matthew: Well, I have sat in the mud with people in their love lives for a long time, and I know the [00:14:00] pain that people experience in being single and not knowing if they’ll ever find happiness.

What they’re looking for and I write about myself in the book that I went through a stage of not knowing if it was ever going to happen for me and not feeling like it’s something wrong with me. You know, I’m either chasing someone who’s not into me or I’m with someone who adores me where I don’t feel certain and I think so many people can relate to those patterns of feeling like I’m just never happy.

I can’t, you know, I’m either chasing exciting people that hurt me. Um, break my heart, or I feel like I’m settling for someone who is safe, but doesn’t make me come alive. Doesn’t, I don’t feel a spark with them. And, and that’s a really scary place to be for a lot of people because it feels like you’re broken.

And when you start to see [00:15:00] friends pairing off and you see yourself being left behind, you start to worry that it’s never going to happen for you. What if I am the person that ends up. Alone. And it’s especially scary for people when they want a family and they want their own biological family and they haven’t found a person for that.

You know, they don’t have a partner or they’re seeing someone and that person doesn’t want the same things as them. And they’re looking at their trajectory of their life going, God, one of my life dreams is to have a child. And my life’s not on track for that right now. And in many cases, people feel my window is closing and I’ve sat with people for many years as they grieve the, you know, that window having closed and never having that thing that they deeply wanted.

And all of this is to say, Melissa, that when we’re in that state of what is chronic emotional pain of loneliness, fear, [00:16:00] anxiety, sadness, that we deeply want to find. These things in life, and we haven’t found them. It can take us to a place where we really live with this deep sense of unhappiness. And one of the things I do in this book is I talk about a physical chronic pain that I experienced for many years and how that pain stopped me from enjoying my life for a long time.

It took me out of my life, even the parts that should have been fun. I felt like I wasn’t connected to because. I was just, all I ever thought about was my pain and that’s analogous to what so many people feel in their love lives, which is that I just keep going home at night and thinking about the fact that I want to meet someone and I haven’t found someone.

So in this book, there’s a chapter called happy enough, where I talk about the more modest goal, not of being [00:17:00] blissfully happy before you meet someone, of finding the state of happy enough while you’re still single. Because happy enough is a superpower when you’re happy enough, you can say no to the wrong people because you can continue to hold when you’re happy enough, when the right person comes along, you don’t change for them in ways that, you know, you shouldn’t, you are able to stay true to who you are, because even though you really like this person.

You’re able to bring yourself to it and not fear that if you lost them that your life would be over. Happy enough is what allows you to truly step into your power. And that was something through chronic pain. I learned because I had to discover tools that allowed me to manage my relationship with my pain.

And I offer these tools to people as a way for them to manage the, what can be very difficult emotions of wanting to find love, but not having found it yet. [00:18:00] And those tools for me were life changing and I’m excited because I think they’re going to be life changing for the people that read this book as well.

Melissa: Yeah, that’s a really powerful thing because I think, especially in the conscious, more spiritual environments, a lot of people say you’ve got to be so happy before you meet your lover. You’ve got to be so content. You’ve got to be wholeheartedly happy. But what you’re saying is you’ve just got to be happy enough.

Matthew: Yeah, I’m calling bullshit on that. I think that is so intimidating for so many people because life isn’t perfect and there are things that we want in life. There are ways where we’ve arrived at in our life isn’t where we thought we’d be by now. We thought we’d be somewhere else. We thought we’d have a person by now.

We thought, We’d have a family by now, or at least we’d be on the way to it. And we don’t always experience that in life in the way that we thought and [00:19:00] telling people that they have to be in this ultimate state of happiness before they found that thing that they really want it. I think it just scares people.

It just makes them feel it’s just another way that people get made to feel inadequate for. The pains that they feel in their life, often very privately because they feel ashamed to speak it out loud. They feel ashamed to tell everyone how lonely they feel. They feel ashamed to talk about how much, how deep their yearning for love is and how they really want to find love.

We have a society that shames people for looking for love as if there’s something wrong with it. But it’s the, it’s like the worst kept secret in the world that all of us deeply want to find love. But we have to go around pretending like we don’t and we’re chill and we don’t care. And now when it happens, you know, it’s like 99 percent of people don’t feel like that.

They want to find this. They’re just afraid to admit how much, because they get shamed for it. And so there’s nothing wrong with you. If you feel lonely, there’s nothing wrong with you. If [00:20:00] you feel sad at times that you feel like you have all this love to give and you don’t have anywhere to give it right now, it is sad.

Sometimes it is hard and loneliness is real. It doesn’t have to be your only reality right now. And it doesn’t have to be the truth of your life. 24 hours a day. You can get to a place of happy enough, which is a much more achievable goal. And from happy enough, like I said, you, you have the power to kind of create magic again.

When you’re not happy enough, that’s when you know who we really are and our beauty and our magic doesn’t, we no longer convey it because. That darkness and that sadness we feel becomes our truth. And it becomes, you know, the only truth of our life, which is a tremendous shame because there’s, you just never know where your life is going to be.

You don’t know where you’re going to be a year from now. You don’t know who’s going to be in your life a year from now. You’ve, you definitely don’t have any idea where your life’s going to be five years from now or what [00:21:00] relationship you could have. What amazing love could be in your life. It’s different from anything you’ve ever experienced.

You just don’t know what I do know is that in order for that energy to come into your life, there has to be a kind of curiosity that we take into our life, an openness to possibilities. And. When we’re not happy enough, we’re not open to possibilities in that way. And we’re not curious. And so it’s really hard for those many stories that could take place in your life for you to see them or for them to find you 

Melissa: so good.

This is so good. I feel like a collective weight has been lifted off a lot of women’s shoulders by you just saying that like, okay, I don’t have to be perfectly happy. I just have to be happy enough and feel that within myself. I just feel like this collective sigh just happened. Oh, [00:22:00] okay. Gives me permission, you know?

Matthew: And Melissa, you can even admit, this is where I think it gets, it’s got so wrong. You can even admit, if I met the love of my life, if I found my person. I might be happier. Like you could admit that there’s nothing wrong with that. It does not stop you from being happy enough today. When I had my chronic physical pain, I still have tinnitus, which is a ringing in my ears that never goes away.

I still have that. But the, when I had all sorts of other physical symptoms in my head and my ear, and people will read about that in the book, I got to a point where I thought, yes, I would like this to go away. I certainly would find it easier to be happy if it went away, but if it never goes away, I’m okay.

I’m actually okay. Those two truths don’t have to be mutually exclusive. You can [00:23:00] both want something else and also know that if life stayed like this, I’m okay, I’m happy enough. That’s a, that’s not us being passive. It’s not us throwing in the towel. It’s a strong foundation from which to go out and live.

Because when you’re happy enough, you have nothing to lose. And when you have nothing to lose, That’s when you go and take big swings in life because you know that I can like, I’m happy enough, for example, with my organization, the way it is today. I love it. I love the work we do. I love the people I get to work with.

I love all the people that we get to help in life. I’m happy enough with it. The way it is today, that’s not at odds with me going and taking big swings out there in the world. In fact, me being happy enough with it. The way it is today is what allows me to go and take big swings because I don’t go [00:24:00] out every day going.

If this initiative doesn’t work, it’s all going to come crashing down or I’ll never recover. I go, no, it can all this, I can go and take a risk today and it can fail. I can do this podcast and completely blow it. It doesn’t matter. I’m happy enough with the way things are right now. It’s not, that’s not going to have an impact on my life in a way that’s going to rob me of my happiness.

So it’s a very powerful place to be. 

Melissa: I love it. It’s beautiful. Talk to me about confidence and the three different levels of confidence and how we can build and strengthen our core confidence, because I can feel how this is going to help every area of your life. 

Matthew: This is literally, I think, whether you’re listening to this and you’re in a relationship or you’re single, this is a part of the book that is going to appeal to absolutely everybody because confidence is a very misunderstood thing.

Um, and in the book, I’ve been teaching a model for years. Well, [00:25:00] predominantly at my retreat, I have a yearly retreat that I do for people. And I’ve always taught this three models of confidence that I now have put in this book, whereby I say there are three levels, the surface level, the identity level of confidence, and the core, the surface level is how we come across.

It’s what we project into the world. The identity level is the things in life that give us confidence. So it might be your job, your. Hobbies that you do. It might be that you stay in shape. It might be that you speak three languages. It might be the books you’ve read or the friend circle you have. There are lots of things that give us a sense of confidence.

It could be your relationship, but we need a level that’s even deeper than the identity level because the identity level is still deeper than the surface. The problem with the identity level is that it can go away. We can lose jobs, we can lose relationships, we can move away from friends, we [00:26:00] can get injured, and we can’t work out anymore, our brain can deteriorate, we can lose all sorts of things on the identity level.

So where does your confidence come from when you lose things? If you lost everything, where would your confidence come from? That’s the core. And the core is, Beneath it all, beneath all the things that give you confidence and validation and a sense of identity in this life, what is your relationship with yourself?

And your relationship with yourself is the deepest level of confidence. And it’s, people struggle with this more than anything else. It’s why when people are given the advice to love themselves, it sounds great, but most people have no idea how to apply that advice. And I struggled for years to apply the advice of self love because I was like, well, okay, fine.

I need to love myself. But on what basis do I love myself? Like I would ask [00:27:00] audiences this every year I would stand up on stage in front of my retreat audience. And I would say, does everyone think it’s important to love themselves? And everyone would say, yes. I’d say, okay, why should you love yourself?

That was an answer that people didn’t have. So readily people would go quiet. And I’d say, Why should you love yourself? And people would, some people would say, well, because we deserve it. And I’d say, okay, but why? It still doesn’t answer the question. Why do we deserve it? And then someone would say something like, well, because I am very loving.

I’m very kind. I do so much for my family. I wake up every day and I work really hard. I, and people would start listing all of these traits and values that they had. That essentially amounted to look what a great person I am. Therefore I deserve love. When I listened to that, all I saw was [00:28:00] another trap and another reason why we don’t love ourselves.

Because it’s the equivalent of saying to a child, you get an A when you do well at school. And when you get an A, I’m going to give you love. We do that with ourselves in life. When we say, oh, I deserve love because I’m kind, I’m ambitious. I am good to people. What we’re really saying is I deserve love when I’m getting an A in life.

But what about the times when you say something unkind, which we all do at times, what about the times when you’re lazy, which we all are at times? What about when you procrastinate something important past the deadline and you blow it? What about the time when. You screw up. These are moments where we find it the most difficult to love ourselves precisely because our love is predicated on us doing all these things right all the time.

And when we’re doing things wrong, that’s exactly the time we need self love the [00:29:00] most. So I started saying. We can’t base our self love on how well we’re doing in life or how many good qualities we’re exhibiting right now. Our love has to be based on something even deeper than that. So what is that? Well, it’s a simple truth that you are one of 8 billion people.

Now you don’t have to believe that you’re special. That I think is the trap. We all go, I need to try and convince myself I’m special. I don’t think I’m truly Melissa. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I really don’t think I’m that special. I don’t look at myself in the mirror and go, Matthew, you’re special.

I don’t, that’s not where my confidence comes from because if that’s true, then any day that I feel like I underperform, I’m like, I’m not that special and therefore I don’t deserve love. I base it on something deeper, which is this of the 8 billion people on earth. And I’m saying this to all of [00:30:00] you out there listening or watching this right now.

You are the only person who is responsible for the human being that is you. No one else on earth was given the job of taking care of this human being but you. Now, when you were growing up, someone had the job of keeping you alive and raising you. Some of our parents or caregivers did that well, others didn’t.

But at a certain point, the responsibility was handed back to you. And you took on full custody of this human being, and you don’t get to exchange this human being for another one. So comparison with other people is completely pointless. You just have this one human being. Your job is not to judge that human being or to worry about what they don’t have or worry about where they’re insufficient.

Your job is simple. Take care of this human being, nurture this human being, stand up for this human being, [00:31:00] Encourage this human being and give this human being the best life you can possibly give them the same way that a parent thinks about a child. When you ask a parent, why do you love your child? A parent doesn’t list off a bunch of attributes of the child.

When you ask a parent why they love their child, most parents will say, what are you talking about? Because they’re my child. They’re mine. Well, imagine someone saying to you, why do you love yourself? And you having this strange look on your face and saying to them, what are you talking about? I’m mine. I’m my human.

You don’t need a reason to love yourself other than one simple one, which is that it’s your job. It’s your job to love yourself. It’s your job to take care of yourself. And when you look at confidence through that lens. What you realize is you don’t even need to like yourself right now. In order to love yourself, loving yourself is your job.

And that’s the job that we have to start doing. Well, loving [00:32:00] yourself is an approach. It’s not a feeling. And the reason I think so many of us are failing is because we’re trying to get this feeling of love towards ourselves. Instead of waking up and asking ourselves the question, how would I treat myself today?

What would I do today? What decisions would I make today if I was trying to give my human the best life I could give her or him? So that’s why I talk about in the book, that’s the model for confidence. And in the book I go into way more detail. I know that people will having that model on hand is something that will serve people forever.

And that’s one of the big reasons I’m excited for people to get this book. 

Melissa: Oh, my goodness. It sounds amazing. And I’m going to link to it in the show notes. One last question before I let you go. Do you believe that there is someone out there for everybody? 

Matthew: Yes, I do, but I don’t think we’re entitled [00:33:00] to that person.

I think we have to go out there with an openness and a curiosity and even, even if we’ve been knocked down a lot in life, even if we’ve experienced some really difficult experiences, the price that we pay for love or the price of love is openness. It’s we have to make space for love and we have to actually invite it in.

It’s not anyone’s job to come and knock on our door and spend weeks or months getting past some difficult outer shell in order to learn who we truly are and how amazing we truly are and what a lovely person we are to be around once we feel safe. It’s our job to help ourselves feel safe so that we can then go and express ourselves, our authentic selves with [00:34:00] another person.

And I believe if we do that, then there’s absolutely someone out there for everyone. 

Melissa: Beautiful. Another sigh of relief. I can feel from the audience, Matthew Hussey, love life. Go and get it right now. You are amazing. Thank you for all this incredible work that you are doing in the world. You are helping, you are serving, you are supporting so many people.

So I want to know how I and the listeners can give back and serve you today. 

Matthew: Oh, well, I honestly, the greatest gift anyone could ever give me is just grabbing a copy of the book because it’s my passion. I’ve worked for four and a half years of my life on this. It’s been a labor of love. I’m very proud of it.

And I know it’s going to help a lot of people. And so when anyone gets a copy of this book, they’re not just helping themselves. They’re helping me get the message of this book out there to the world, which is one that I believe can bring people an enormous amount [00:35:00] of relief. It can make people feel like, Oh, I’m not broken.

And it can help them raise their standards. And we all know people in our lives who. are getting hurt right now because they don’t have the right standards and boundaries for the kind of love they let in. And this book can help us not only stop the wrong kind of love getting in, but also attract a beautiful kind of love that we all deserve.

The book is called Love Life, how to raise your standards, find your person and live happily no matter what. And there’s a place that. Once you get the book, go to lovelifebook. com. In fact, you can even go to this link to get the book, but lovelifebook. com, you can buy the book there from whatever retailer you want.

And if you’re international, you can, there’s international links on that page as well. But also you can use your receipt to get a free ticket to an event I’m doing on May the 4th, which is a virtual event [00:36:00] called find your person, where we’re going to take the ideas from the book. And build them into a practical roadmap for your life this year.

If finding your person is something you want for yourself. So when you go to lovelifebook. com, you can get a copy of the book, but you can also use your receipt number on that page to get a free ticket to that event. And that event’s just for book buyers. So we’re going to have a big party with everyone who got the book all across the world that day.

Melissa: Oh, so fun. That sounds awesome. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for all the work that you do. Thank you for this incredible book. You are amazing. It’s been such a delight to have you on the show. Love, life, everybody go and grab it. 

Matthew: Thank you so much for having me, Melissa. I’ve loved the conversation.

Melissa: Pleasure.

I am definitely going to be sending this episode to so many of my single friends, cause I feel like they will get so much out of it. I got so much out of it and I’m in a relationship and I’m always wanting [00:37:00] to be better in my relationship. So I hope you got a lot out of it. And if you did, please subscribe to the show and leave me a review on Apple podcasts because that means that we can inspire and educate even more people together.

And it also means that all of my episodes will just pop up in your feed so you never have to go searching for a new episode. Come and tell me on Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini what you got from this episode. I love connecting with you and I love hearing from you. So jump on over there. And before I go, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here, for wanting to be the best, the healthiest, and the happiest version of yourself, and for showing up today for you.

You rock. Now, if there’s someone in your life that you can think of that would really benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now. You can take a screenshot, share it on your social media, email it to them, text it to them, do whatever you’ve got to do to get this in their ears. And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty [00:38:00] word.

Thank you so much for listening. I’m so honored that you’re here and would be SO grateful if you could leave me a review on Apple podcasts, that way we can inspire and educate even more people together.

P.S. If you’re looking for a high-impact marketing opportunity for your business and are interested in becoming a sponsor for The Melissa Ambrosini Show podcast, please email pr@melissaambrosini.com for more information.

P.P.S. Please seek advice from a qualified holistic practitioner before starting any new health practice.

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Hi Gorgeous, I'm Melissa.

Multiple bestselling author, #1 podcast host and TEDx speaker.



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