When I feel my heart closing down after a fight with my lover, I stop for a moment and say to myself ‘Open Wide’.
When someone cuts me off at the traffic lights, honks his horn and gives me the finger out the window, and my immediate reaction is to flip him the bird right back, I stop, soften and open wide.
When I have just prepared the most delicious dinner with so much love, and I place it in front of Leo and he screws up his face and says ‘Gross, what’s that?’ and in that moment all I want to do is close off and cry, I take a deep breath, soften my heart and open wide.
When my parents trigger me, I soften and open wide.
When my girlfriend forgets my birthday and my Mean Girl tells me to ‘dump her’, I soften and open wide.
When I am mentally running through my to-do list while my lover is kissing my neck, I soften and open wide.
When my nephews want to play and all I want to do is check my emails, I let go, soften and open wide.
When the checkout assistant is going too slowly for my liking, and I feel the frustration building and my blood starts to boil, I soften and open wide.
When I’m in a rush and I run into my sweet elderly neighbour, who dearly wants two minutes of conversation and human contact, and yet my mind is pinging with tasks and reminders…
… you guessed it: I soften, and I open wide.
‘Open Wide’ has become my mantra, my philosophy, my guiding light… And it’s changed everything for me.
For too long, the opposite was my default reaction. Instead of opening wide, I’d shut down and close off — and NOTHING good ever comes from either of those two actions. Nothing! Every time I have shut down and closed myself off, I only end up hurting myself and delaying MY growth and MY evolution.
Of course, the thing is, shutting down is so easy. For many of us, it was the behavior we saw modeled all throughout our childhoods — from our parents, teachers, friends, and neighbors. So we too learned to raise our hackles, don our armor, and deadlock the door to our hearts.
Opening wide — while a powerful, expansive, growth-inducing choice — is something most of us have to actively relearn… I know I definitely did.
Like with most things in life, the path to change — that is, to staying open rather than closing off — begins with conscious awareness, and making a choice.
It might feel tricky at first, but stick with it — GOOD GODDESS is it worth it.
Nowadays I measure a ‘successful day’ by how soft I am in my heart and how open I am to other people and the flow of life. I ask myself, did I shut down today? Did I close myself off? This is my measure of success.
By doing the work, it’s now become my go-to response. So when I feel my Mean Girl start to whisper her fear-based nonsense to me, I say it to myself… Open Wide, Melissa. When expectations barge into my head and block me from the present moment… Open Wide. When shame or fear cause me to contract and shrink… Open Wide. When I’m stuck in my egoic energy and start barking orders at Leo or Nick… Open Wide. When I’m hiding my Truth from Nick (or anyone for that matter), demanding that he somehow read my mind… Open Wide. And when I’m lying in bed in the arms of my man, and all I can think about are the things I didn’t tick off my to-do list… Open Wide.
Choosing to Open Wide when all we want to do is shut down is the key to spiritual growth and conscious evolution.
These two little words have become a powerful catalyst to springboard me back to love (OUR TRUTH), softness, warmth and openness. They soften my sometimes very hard and very prickly edges. They reconnect me with my divine feminine. They melt me into the present moment. They raise me to be the best version of myself and they bring me home to my Truth.
My wish is that these two words become a powerful anchor for you too — a potent, ease-filled tool you can use whenever you catch yourself out of alignment and are desiring a return to Love
When you feel yourself not in your heart, closed off or shutting down, I encourage you to stop for a second, place your hands over your heart, take a few deep breaths, soften, tune in to your inner wisdom, and allow the energy of the present moment to flow through you whilst repeating your new mantra: Open Wide.
For me, whenever I accept this invitation in my own life and allow myself to Open Wide, the insight, wisdom, creativity and energy that follow never fail to instantly change my state, to uplift and inspire me to new levels. I still find myself astonished how such a simple action — consciously opening yourself up to what is — can have such powerful, profound results.
So, beautiful — are you ready to accept this loving invitation for yourself?
Are you ready to take your life, relationships, and lovemaking to new heights?
Are you ready to Open Wide?
If you’re feeling called to take your life and relationships to the next level, I encourage you to put this new mantra into practice. And for all the details, insights and aha’s on how to wholeheartedly embody this philosophy, pre-order my forthcoming book Open Wide: The Radically Real Guide To Deep Love, Rocking Relationships and Soulful Sex now.
P.S. There are some epic bonuses on offer when you pre-order now, so make sure you check ‘em all out!
I love your mantra that you have shared today.
These 2 words are so powerful and I will take them with me into every day.
Just 30 minutes ago when my son had gone down for his nap I grabbed out my journal as I SO shut down this morning.
This is what I wrote;
The anger rising so quick
The sting of injustice ablaze
My space mercilessly invaded
Climbing, grabbing, tripping
Running, ignoring, falling
NO, screaming, kicking
There is a barrier of resistance here I need to break down
Allow the terrible two’s
Allow the idiot drivers
Suffering is your own choice
I will add as the last line ‘OPEN WIDE’
Again, thank you 🙂
WOW! Super powerful honey. Let me know how you go adding Open Wide. Keep going, I am so proud of you. xx
Thank you for sharing and I am going to consciously practice using this mantra. Love how your measure is did you close off, or shut down. 🙂
This is soooo powerful Mel!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your mantra and inspiring me to ‘open wide’. I love your blog posts, they are always just what I need at the right time! Your words always speak so much truth and have the potential to be truly life changing.
I’ve followed your blog since you first started blogging and am so inspired by you Mel! I never write comments (often too afraid to speak my mind online – how silly!) but today I really wanted to express my gratitude to you and thank you for always being vulnerable with your tribe and speaking so much truth.
Today, I choose to open wide with my lover, my patients, and my community. I can already feel my heart opening up and my body becoming softer 🙂 sticky notes with my new mantra are to be put up on my bathroom mirror!!!
Sending you epic amounts of love and gratitude
Lauren 🙂 xxxxx
Thank you so much for your kind words Lauren and for mastering your Mean Girl enough to write a comment, I am so grateful to you and your kind words. Keep opening wide angel, you can do it. xx
Wow. This really moved me. Even though I know how humble and down to earth you are, I still can’t help but put you on a pedestal as this faultless woman who is always overflowing with love and joy. Reading all those very typical examples of what make you (and the rest of us!) irritated etc made me feel a great sense of relief and connection – we all feel these things! Definitely going to use your mantra! Thank you Melissa xxx
We sure do Alie, we are all one, all the same and ALL feel the same feels. xx
Thank you, just what I needed to read!
So simple yet so true! I’m going to try these words with heart from now on! Thanks
I absolutely love this mantra Melissa! Everything you said in here is so relatable. It sounds like this mantra is a wonderful to bring oneself Bach into the present, and to connect with the people around you. I have been going through ups and downs of turning on and turning off, and I am definitely going to try this mantra out for when o feel myself shutting down and disconnecting. Thank you for your honest, and wonderful suggestion and encouragement!
You’re so very welcome my darling. Thank you for having the willingness to try this new mantra. Keep me posted with how you go. xx
I love this idea Melissa and look forward to your new book. I’m just wondering will it be available as an audio book? I find the message hits harder for me when I hear you say it. You are amazing! Keep shining!
Hey Janine, it sure will be on audio book so keep your eyes open wide. xx
Awesome! Can’t wait. I’ve got tickets to your Melbourne open wide tour too! So exciting! X
WOW I needed to read this article tonight! My partner and I have not been getting along and I have blamed him, but failed to realise that I have been closed off and definitely not open wide. Thank you for your beautiful insight Melissa. Your podcasts and article’s have been a huge part of my evolution. X
Thank YOU for having the courage and willingness to master your Mean Girl and Open Wide, my angel. YOU’RE AMAZING! xx
This is a beautiful articulated and timely reminder for me. Thank you!
Open Wide is such a great mantra Melissa!
Thank you for sharing from your heart!
I had a moment of awe when I read this post today. This morning as I was practicing my yoga nidra my Intention/Sankalpa was “relax and be present”. It felt like such a powerful Mantra as I said it to myself. Later, As I read your post it was so similar and as powerful. I am basking in the afterglow of this delicious moment. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing Melissa, this is exactly what I needed to read! Can’t wait to read your new book, as I loved mastering your mean girl. Thank you for being such a beacon of light xx
Wow ! relatable, readable & practiceable On point, timely & so inspiring Mel in today’s world it’s so easy to race around & be on autopilot & respond in a reactive manner instead of pausing & taking time to tune in & digest the present moment & come from a place of love & commitment Thankyou for recognising importance of opening wide & not closing off as this is where magic unfolds & we are present
It sure is Alicia. Open Wide honey. xx
My best friend has been recommending me to your podcast for what feels like too long now. I finally jumped in the other day, but first had to research and figure out who you were! I’m so glad that I did. The energy of your words are magnetic, as is your obvious love for living in Love. Thank you for sharing your mantra; it’s gorgeous, too, and timeless. Fretting about time (well, the “lack” of it) is a big challenge for me, but I am opening… wide… to receive the life that’s here, always here. When I rush, race, worry, and live anywhere else but here in the present, I am not receiving and giving the life that so wants to flow. Thank you bunches. Love, Jen.
Pleasure Jen, and thank YOU for being here. Welcome to the tribe. xx
Melissa can you tell me please where you got your green dress in the photo above. My daughter-in-law would really love to wear one to her daughters birthday party. I would be grateful if you could help me out.
Thank you Joy
Hey Joy, It’s Alice McCall. xx
Thank you so much for your reply. I seem to be having trouble tracking the dress down. Did you buy it online or at a shop?
It’s about 5 years old honey so it won’t be available anymore. xx
I only just got the chance to read this blog post and it made me cry. Thank you so much for writing from the heart in every post. I am going through a really difficult time at the moment in my relationship and it is so hard to Open Wide to my true feelings and sit with them. I realised whilst reading your beautiful words that I have been shutting off when I don’t want to feel the sadness any more. But it always comes out in other ways if I don’t let myself feel it – stress, anxiety, disrupted sleep, irritability – so what I need to do is open myself up to each and every feeling and not deny myself that full and sometimes painful experience.
Thank you for the reminder and for your inspiring words. I am currently reading Mastering your Mean Girl and I can already feel that it will change my life.
Lots of love,
Hey Hannah, thank you so much for your kind words and for openness. Keep opening wide angel, you CAN do it! xx
I really enjoy your work! I wonder if you could do a post on comparison-itis (as I like to call it). I suffer from an extreme case of comparison-itis, meaning I can’t help but compare my life, body, work and relationships to other people’s. All my friends are loving life and are living their “best lives”. They graduated college and are off traveling, making money and working at jobs they love. I can’t help but look at their lives and feel mine is lacking. When we were kids I was always the one who dreamed of travel and now I see them living my dreams while I am stuck living at home, 24 years old, broke, single, unemployed and caring for my disabled little brother and my aging mum. I love my friends and I am happy for them and I want them to succeed, but brunch with them is so tiring for me. They talk about all the exiting things in their lives and all the great things coming up for them in the future. When people ask me how my life is going, I can tell them the truth, which is things are hard and I am not happy, or lie and say I am doing just great. I choose to lie because it makes people sad to hear the real details of my life again and again no matter what kind of positive spin I put on it. I feel so stressed about having to hear how their lives are going well and the looks of pity when they hear about mine that I have stopped going out all together. No matter how many mantras, affirmations and I say to try and force myself to accept my life as is and be happy with what I have, it never seems to be enough. I don’t read magazines anymore (because it’s the equivalent of junk food for the mind), but its really hard to escape ads featuring gorgeous thin models with long legs and I can’t help but feel like a short troll in comparison. How do I cure my comparison-itis? should I just buy a cabin in the woods and shut myself off from society to avoid the comparison temptations? Help!
Hey Tina, I know exactly what you mean and I talk a lot about comparison-itis in both my books Mastering Your Mean Girl and Open Wide… have you read those? If not, have a read as there are loads of tips on how to let it go. Running off into the woods is not going to cure your comparison, instead looking it is the best way to grow and evolve. When it comes up, look at it and choose to let it go. Does that make sense? Give that a try for a few weeks and let me know how you go. I can’t wait to hear back from you. xx
Mastering Your Mean Girl has changed my life for the better and I love this mantra! Exactly what I needed to read. Thank you for all the inspiration and positivity, Melissa! 🙂
Your so welcome sista. xx
Melissa, I love this so much and am really trying to be more open and soften some super jagged edges over here. My question is, at what point am I being a pushover? At what point do I need to draw a line or make a boundary and say I cannot be open to you/this anymore?
Hey Angelica, great questions… have you read both my books yet? They are both going to be very supportive for you. But in regards to being a pushover as long as you are standing in your truth and always doing what’s true for you you will not be a pushover. And in regards to boundary’s (which I talk a lot about in Open Wide) we all need healthy boundaries with ourselves and others. So, if I was you I would read Open Wide so you can get crystal clear on your boundaries and start to implement them in your life. xx