Over the years, I have struggled with how to deal with my feelings. Whenever sadness, anger, or frustration rose within me, I really didn’t know how to deal with them. So, I simply suppressed them — not the world’s best idea!

I was always searching for the tools to deal with my feelings, but never found anything that clicked. Until one day, I came up with “The Pity Party Dance Off.”

The Pity Party Dance Off allows you to experience feelings fully and then let them go.

Here Is How It Works:

Step 1: Whenever a feeling arises, immediately allow yourself to feel it. Go into a private room:  the bathroom, the stock room at your work, a broom closet, or your home’s pantry. Any private spot will do just fine. Anywhere you will be alone and can fully express yourself.

Step 2: Once you enter the room, put a ten-to-fifteen-minute (depending on the severity of your feelings) timer on your phone.

Step 3: Once the timer starts, allow yourself to express fully exactly how you are feeling in the moment. Maybe you need to cry, scream into a pillow, punch the air vigorously, jump up and down, shake out your entire body, or simply sit in complete stillness and just breathe deeply.

Please note: You will intuitively know exactly what to do in that moment.

Step 4: Fully feel and express yourself until the timer goes off.

Step 5: Once the timer goes off and you have fully allowed yourself to feel exactly what it is you needed to feel, repeat this to yourself:

 [Insert name], I love you and you are safe. You can now let this go and move on. 

Step 6: Then, play your favourite soundtrack on your phone. I love Rihanna’s “Shine Bright Like a Diamond” (it always makes me feel like a superstar!) or Katy Perry‘s “Roar”. Dance your heart out. Bonus points if you sing along as loudly as you possibly can. This will instantly snap you out of your funk.

I personally have found this to be the best technique for allowing myself to quickly move through feelings and not have a week/month-long pity party for myself like I used to. Let’s face it: Shit is always going to come up in our lives. But this technique allows you to fully feel it, shake it off, and then let it go.

So the next time a feeling rises within you, have a Pity Party Dance Off and feel the difference it makes inside you. Tell me in the comments below — Does shaking it all off appeal to you? And what is your favourite track to bust out to?

Thank you so much for sharing your comment. Let’s all help create a kick-ass “Pity Party Dance Off” playlist!

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  1. Amber says:

    I love this idea!!
    Definitely going to use this next time a situation arises!

  2. Karah says:

    This is wonderful. I was in an situation where I wasn’t able to express entirely how I was feeling and I ended up having my 3rd ever panic attack. This strategy would have helped immensely. I’m definitely going to use it next time. Thank you x

  3. Natalie says:

    This advice has saved me xxx Thank You

  4. carmen says:

    I’m not running my best at the moment – i have 3 children and 6 combined with my partner – I have changed from being a sweet, happy, loving (yet slightly too controlling) single mother to a hard, opinionated, frustrated (very frustrated) mother.
    To say the least, I am NOT enjoying myself at the moment!.
    A lot of my feelings I keep to myself as I don’t want people to see the true extent of my emotional decline.
    I have just purchased your workbook and I have 1 week to myself (somewhat) so I am starting – or continuing with my journey back to love – I am going to try this technique – if i can let go at the actual point of frustration it is definatley better than letting it simmer…..maybe it’s the key (or 1 of them) ….
    Thank you Melissa for putting so much into this website – when i first looked at it i honestly thought ‘oh god damn it, what a lot of mushy crap’ and then — at that point i thought ‘I used to be all about this mushy crap – how far removed from being (truly) loving and connected am I???? and then I became scared and thought ‘oh god damn it, I have a lot of work to do’…..let the journey continue

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Hey Carmen,

      You’re a smart little cookie and seem to be well on your path so YAY for you.

      A few things honey … always express how you’re feeling. Make sure you get it out of your body. Journal, speak to someone, scream into a pillow or have a pity party dance off. Do what ever it takes to get it out of your system. Suppressing your feelings erodes your soul.

      Secondly, ask for help. 6 kids holy moly! Have you expressing lovingly to your partner that you are struggling at the moment? Ask friends, neighbours, family, hire a cleaner, do what ever you gotta do to get some extra support.

      You are doing so well. Keep choosing love in every moment and don’t be afraid to be your true self. That is your birth right!

      Sending you so much love my darling.


  5. Alison says:

    WOW! This is fantastic. I was raised to not express emotions, especially not the negative ones and hence have years of built up negative emotions just bursting to come out… but I’ve never been able to work out HOW to get them out. I found this a spectacular relief. As for the song was Gwen Stefani, What You Waiting For.

  6. […] which believe me, I do at times, I allow myself to fully feel it, then I have what I call a ‘pity party dance off’. I know that all emotions — whether they feel ‘good’ or ‘bad’ serve a purpose and have […]

  7. […] allow myself to fully feel whatever it is I need to feel then I allow myself to have what I call a Pity Party Dance Off. This usually motivates me back into my flow, but if it doesn’t I do something from the list […]

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