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melissa ambrosini, health, food

From Enemies To Besties: My Relationship With Food

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I use to entertain quite a destructive relationship with food (and myself). I hated food. Loathed it! And didn’t really want anything to do with it.

Can you relate?

I saw food as the enemy. I would binge on sugar, alcohol and refined carbohydrates, giving myself minimal nutrition or nourishment. This went on for years until my body finally had enough and nearly carked it. At the time, I didn’t realise it was because of the way I was treating myself, but looking back it’s a complete reflection of my internal battle at that time.

When I lived in London working as an actress and dancer, I use to drink large caramel lattes from Starbucks for breakfast and lunch, then dinner would be grilled tofu with bottled sweet chilli sauce (please don’t try this at home!). I didn’t care about myself and would take drastic measures to stay thin.

Why was food the enemy?

Because I was desperately unhappy and needed something to blame, it was “easier” to blame something externally instead of taking responsibility and looking within. I was miserable and dealing with depression, panic attacks and anxiety and there’s no way in hell that I wanted to be responsible for that. The truth is, I was the one orchestrating all of it. It was my movie and I was playing the lead role.

But it all got too much and my body said no more. When I landed in hospital, I finally turned the mirror around to face myself and took a long, hard look at what was going on. I was sick and tired of feeling the way I did and depriving my body of the vital nutrients it needed, and I was sick of blaming everything and everyone else externally — including my food.

It was time to take responsibility, reclaim my power and own my own shit.

I realised that whenever I felt unhappy, I would turn to sugar, refined carbs, processed foods and foods definitely not made with love. And finally, I’d had enough — I knew it could not go on any longer. Instead, I consciously chose to turn inward and address my emotions and unhappiness. I started to lean towards more high-vibrational foods made with love and care. My body was craving organic, home-cooked and nutritious foods. Now when a client comes to me and shares what they eat, I know this is a direct reflection of their state of being. It tells me a lot about that person.

I now look at food with such love and appreciation. I use it to nourish me and am so grateful I have access to organic fruit and vegetables, grass-fed and grass-finished animals products and wild-caught fish. How beautiful is that? I have all of this on my doorstep.

I have settled into my ideal weight and am able to stay here. No drastic fluctuating, dieting, depriving or limiting myself. No love-hate relationship. I simply eat what my body asks for and needs in order to function at optimal levels. And it feels so friggen good.

So tell me, my darling, are you turning to food rather than dealing with your inner turmoil? Tell me about your relationship with food in the comments below.

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  1. Annie says:

    Hi Melissa,

    I myself wasn’t caring too much about what I was doing, then one morning I got up and sad oh crap I’m 11 kilos to heavy, I’m not a big person but I used to be 56 kilos and went to 67.2, feeling very miserable as all my nice clothes didn’t fit. I was in a stressful job which I resigned in late January 2014, I decided no more, so now I’ve given up drinking red wine every night, I’m now eating 5 small meals a day, drinking plenty of water and basically doing a lot better, in one month I have lost 3 kilos and my stomack is going down, I always looked liked a pregnant woman, it’s a long road ahead but I am on the right path, stress is a shocking problem. I’ve read your story and congratulations to you on your new path, well done Melissa.

    Cheers
    Annie

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Hey Annie,

      Thanks for sharing that with me and well done my love.

      Remember stress will make us hold onto weight. Are you meditating?

      Also be conscious of your dialogue ‘it’s a long road ahead’, change that around and say ‘I love and accept myself unconditionally right now’ or ‘I am perfect exactly the way I am’, but don’t just say it, feel it with every cell in your entire body.

      When we love and respect our body it will love and respect us back.

      Look after that beautiful temple of yours my darling.

      xx

  2. Alex says:

    My relationship with food is super confusing! It all started a few years ago. I never really thought much about food and just ate whatever whenever, but now after the tormenting few years i have had dealing with an eating disorder i wish i could go back! I am still struggling a little with the weight side of things but when i get angry and frustrated i take it out with food and just eat! even though everything i eat is always healthy i really dislike the habit of returning to the pantry/fridge for more to make me ffeel better. I would love your help to not do this but it gets super frustrating. :/xx

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      I used to be the same Alex. My suggestion would be instead of reaching for food next time a feeling comes up I would encourage you to sit with the feelings and allow yourself to feel it. Don’t be scared to feel it, remember the truth of who you are is love, and when ever you feel scared remind yourself that you are love.

      I hope this helps my love.

      xx

  3. Jessica says:

    I love good food and living a healthy life, however I have struggled with my body image battle for a while. After leaving to travel the world, I fell into a dark battle of binge eating and purging. The result of this caused me to become very ill and unwell, leaving me no choice but to come back to Australia. Its hard to believe that something like food can totally change your life… yet it can!

    My battle has turned into a happy friendship with food now. I still struggle every now and then but have learned to listen to my body. It took me to look within to realize that my food struggles were related to how I felt about myself, I had to learn to love myself again to be able to live my life to the fullest. Every girl has some kind of inner battle, I’m glad that I have made mine into a victory and have come out with a new perspective and love for who I am.

    Love Jess xx

  4. Laura says:

    I love reading your blogs Melissa. I have struggled with disorted eating, binging, starving and all the rest for 6 years but in the last 12months Of reading your blog posts I have come so far. I still have days of binging on sugar once or twice a week do you have any tips on that? I feel it’s a let down from trying to be ‘perfect’. I truly cannot thank you enough for showing so many of us the right way!

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Thank you so much Laura for sharing that and being part of our beautiful tribe.

      I would start with self love. Make sure you are flexing your self love muscle every day and in those moments where you want to binge ask yourself, ‘am I being loving toward myself right now?’

      Sending you bucket loads of love my darling.

      xx

  5. Milagros says:

    Hi Melissa, i was wondering if your bokk it`s only for Mac? It`s an e-book right? Thans for helping me.

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Hi Milagros,

      You can download my book on any device it doesn’t have to be a mac.

      Enjoy 12 Steps to Wellness.

      xx

  6. Bella says:

    I have a relationship with food that doesn’t really serve me. I feel bad for eating food in general. I am constantly confused as too whether I can have raw chocolate, homemade whenever I want because it is healthy or not. I am in high-school and feel so pressured to be skinny. I don’t know what is wrong internally though. How did you label the internal chattering inside of you? How can I have a healthy relationship with my body? I sometimes think maybe a caramelo is better to have as a lunch because I don’t feel full afterwards and it’s less calories then a salad with meat and it also satisfies chocolate cravings. I am so confused 🙁

  7. Dani says:

    I’m on a journey to fix my relationship with food, it’s been a cycle of healthy foods but deprivation and not giving my body the love and nutrition it deserves- it’s a long journey ahead but I am determined! I just wondered how long it took you to fix your relationship with food, what sort of healthy carbohydrates do you include in your diet (and how often), and if it’s not too personal did you have an eating disorder? Thank you so much you are a true inspiration and your reply would be thoroughly appreciated, Dani x

    • Hi Dani,

      Yes, I did have an eating disorder in my early twenties and I share all about that in my book. I also share my personal food philosophy in there too. Have you read it yet? Have a read, I know you will get a lot out of it.

      You can also check out The Glow Kitchen which dives even deeper into health. You will love it.

      xx

  8. Ali says:

    Hi Melissa, thanks always for your beautiful posts. This question is way later than your post, but was wondering if you have advice on the following. What do you do at events (such as a birthday dinner at restaurant) when there is no food available that you feel is a good, nurturing option? Do you ever skip events? I find myself in difficult social situations where there isn’t an option that aligns with my beliefs. Do you have advice on how to handle this gracefully? Thank you! Sending love from NYC

    • Hey Ali,

      Great questions! To be honest I hardly ever eat out and when I do I ‘art direct’ the menu if I can. I always eat before I go to events so I am not hungry and often even take my own food. I don’t do dinner out with my friends instead I invite people over to my place for dinner or we do potluck dinners where everyone brings a dish. It’s so much fun.

      Does that help sweetie?

  9. Alex says:

    Hi Melissa,
    I was scrolling through your blog again, and reading through the comments, only to find a comment from myself 4 years ago…
    reading the comment got me so shocked that it was so long ago and that i still struggle to this day.
    I have come a long way but i still eat too much food and have a constant battle going on in my head around food and my body.
    I have read your books and listen to your podcasts often, however i still feel stuck.
    How did you finally overcome everything? (you are an inspiration Xx)
    With love,
    Alex xx

  10. Dear Melissa,

    I am a fan of your podcast and your book (Silencing your Inner Mean Girl). As I type to you I am tearing because this is really hard. I have been struggling with anxiety for most of my life. For the past 20 years it has manifested itself into an eating disorder. I have been binging and restricting for over twenty years.

    Over the seven years I have had some intense life events. I went through a divorce and was hospitalized for anorexia. I have been struggling with normalizing my eating for over a year now. Unfortunately I am struggling. I am binging and baking most of the time and am beating myself up for the ten pound weight gain. I feel like crap inside and out. After listening to your podcast and reading your book I am reaching for help.

    I am embarking on a new adventure with my fiancé and I love him so much. I feel like my anxiety is taking over and I am losing all of the control in y life and I want to be better so we can live our lives together.

    I am reaching for help, and advice other than to go on medication because while it helps initially always stops working over time. I want to love my body even if it isn’t a size two. But I look in the mirror and I am disgusted by what I see. Help the pain is real and intense.

    whatif Im not naturally as skinny as you at my set point

    Alex

    • Hey angel, firstly I just want to remind you that you are so beautiful and worthy. Secondly, I would love for you to re-read Mastering Your Mean Girl and start a meditation and gratitude practice. Start there honey and commit daily and keep me posted with how you go. Also, I would look into speaking with someone maybe a therapist or coach to support you whilst you move through this stuff honey, but remember this too shall pass and you will move through it, I know you will angel. xx

  11. Alana says:

    Oh Melissa,
    I really appreciate you for sharing this. It’s fabulous and so empowering. I too struggled with an eating disorder and although healed, I still struggle with overeating clean dessert maybe once every 1-2 months. Generally I’m okay with it and don’t beat myself up about it as sometimes I acknowledge that my body needs the extra energy. However, I would love to hear what you do to not over eat dessert. Ie cookies and cake (despite being made of oats, sunflower seeds, coconut oil, maple syrup and vegan chocolate).

    Ps I generally do it when I have no one to share it with or if I’m procrastinating from self love or doing a job.

    Much love Alana Xx

    • Hey honey, firstly ask yourself why you do it and look at that. I still sometimes overeat dessert but I enjoy it, I don’t beat myself up and I have fun with it. The biggest key is to be kind to yourself always. xx

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