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I use to entertain quite a destructive relationship with food (and myself). I hated food. Loathed it! And didn’t really want anything to do with it.

Can you relate?

I saw food as the enemy. I would binge on sugar, alcohol and refined carbohydrates, giving myself minimal nutrition or nourishment. This went on for years until my body finally had enough and nearly carked it. At the time, I didn’t realise it was because of the way I was treating myself, but looking back it’s a complete reflection of my internal battle at that time.

When I lived in London working as an actress and dancer, I use to drink large caramel lattes from Starbucks for breakfast and lunch, then dinner would be grilled tofu with bottled sweet chilli sauce (please don’t try this at home!). I didn’t care about myself and would take drastic measures to stay thin.

Why was food the enemy?

Because I was desperately unhappy and needed something to blame, it was “easier” to blame something externally instead of taking responsibility and looking within. I was miserable and dealing with depression, panic attacks and anxiety and there’s no way in hell that I wanted to be responsible for that. The truth is, I was the one orchestrating all of it. It was my movie and I was playing the lead role.

But it all got too much and my body said no more. When I landed in hospital, I finally turned the mirror around to face myself and took a long, hard look at what was going on. I was sick and tired of feeling the way I did and depriving my body of the vital nutrients it needed, and I was sick of blaming everything and everyone else externally — including my food.

It was time to take responsibility, reclaim my power and own my own shit.

I realised that whenever I felt unhappy, I would turn to sugar, refined carbs, processed foods and foods definitely not made with love. And finally, I’d had enough — I knew it could not go on any longer. Instead, I consciously chose to turn inward and address my emotions and unhappiness. I started to lean towards more high-vibrational foods made with love and care. My body was craving organic, home-cooked and nutritious foods. Now when a client comes to me and shares what they eat, I know this is a direct reflection of their state of being. It tells me a lot about that person.

I now look at food with such love and appreciation. I use it to nourish me and am so grateful I have access to organic fruit and vegetables, grass-fed and grass-finished animals products and wild-caught fish. How beautiful is that? I have all of this on my doorstep.

I have settled into my ideal weight and am able to stay here. No drastic fluctuating, dieting, depriving or limiting myself. No love-hate relationship. I simply eat what my body asks for and needs in order to function at optimal levels. And it feels so friggen good.

So tell me, my darling, are you turning to food rather than dealing with your inner turmoil? Tell me about your relationship with food in the comments below.