As well as being a health and life coach, I also help a lot of women in their businesses. We work out ways for them to create their dream life with a kick-ass business to match. Yesterday, I was chatting with one of my beautiful clients about her website. I asked her why she doesn’t have a sign-up box anywhere on her site. After some um-ing and ah-ing and tiptoeing around the question, she said “Because what if no one signs up?”
And there they were. Those two little words that underpin so many of our fears…
What if…
My heart melted for this beautiful soul because that is exactly how I felt in 2011 when I launched my own site and business. What if no one signs up, reads my posts or wants to work with me? What if people think I’m an idiot and hate what I write? What if, what if, what if?
I was plagued by these thoughts. They were running on a loop in my head. But here’s the thing: We can’t live our life in a constant state of what ifs. What ifs keep us small. They keep us stuck in a land where our Mean Girl runs the show. They keep us firmly planted in our comfort zone, never daring to live life to the full.
So how on earth do you move past this way of thinking? How do you say screw you to what if?
The secret?
You have to remember who you truly are. Because the truth is, you are an amazing, infinite being. Capable of anything and everything your heart desires. And if you knew how truly magnificent you were, you would never entertain a what if ever again in your life.
I hear it all the time:
What if I get sick again?
What if I can’t afford it or they fire me?
What if he leaves me or breaks my heart?
When you only subscribe to these limiting what ifs, you’re closing yourself off from the boundless potential inside you.
What about the flip-side?
What if you are fine, healthy and strong?
What if the money shows up because you had the balls to follow the feeling?
What if you fall even more madly in love and take each other to depths of intimacy you’ve never been before?
If you want to experience being wildly wealthy, ridiculously healthy and bursting with love, you must let of go of those old what ifs and start opening yourself up to the new ones. Allow yourself to be here and experience this one beautiful, precious moment, the only moment we truly have. Connect in to your core and feel the raw, unbounded possibility that lives in each and every second.
Now, I want to challenge you. What are your what ifs, my darling? What do you keep telling yourself over and over again? What’s keeping you small? Share with me in the comments below. Awareness is key for true transformation, so once we’ve shone a light on our limiting what ifs, we can then choose to let them go. We can then start to consciously move beyond them.
Remember, your comment may be the one spark that truly inspires someone else to take action, so go ahead and leave your story below for our beautiful tribe, and if you liked this post please share it with your loved ones so that they too can start to let go of their limiting what ifs.
Thank you for being so freaking awesome and sharing your heart-fuelled comments — you have touched my soul and many others.
Ok, here I go
(Apologies for the ramble)
My life is again in tatters, rock bottom and again I am trying to put a brave, Zoo Lander showtime face on for my gorgeous 9 year old daughter, so I don’t project my nasties and uncertainties onto her… I’ve had the light bulb moment after a good verbal tongue lashing from my wonderful sister, that I have never loved me… I have never been alone… I have never been my own identity, strong in passion, purpose and focus because I rely solely on someone else being able to make me happy so I can become happy inside… This has now failed 3 times…. so, now it’s time to start learning… my what if’s that I need to break down are:
What if I’m not good enough
What if I can’t do it on my own
What if I can’t afford it, I can’t raise/save the money
What if I don’t get that job
What if my daughter is disappointed in me, and isn’t telling me
What if my daughter turns out like me, where I am now
What if no-one ever loves me
What if people think I’m failure, cause that is what I think
Yep the list goes on right now….
I have told my daughter for so long (and will continue to) that CAN’T is the evillest word in the world because it limits anyone that uses it. I know I need to start listening and believing what I tell her.
I adore you and your Tribe Melissa, you and the tribe are giving me strength to search within and to know I am not alone. The inspiration keeps me going. Your meditations are amazing and I have started doing all of them almost each and every day to just START.
Thank you.
Firstly, well done on doing the meditation Michelle, you go girl!
Secondly, please don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s time to start flexing your self love muscle. Remember the best way your daughter will learn is not by hearing her Mummy tell her things, but by watching her Mummy be the example.
xx
Wonderful post, love! And so in sync with a conversation I had today.
Ill illuminate my egoist “What-if’s”:
“What if nobody signs up for my yoga retreats that I am pouring all aspects of my heart and being into?”
“What if I never get the amount of clients I want?”
“What if nobody reads the book I’m writing?”
“What if I never move from my hometown?”
“What if I won’t have enough money to travel again?”
It’s brilliant to illuminate these things for our highest selves to clarify the Truth.
What if soo many people sign up for my retreats and buy my book, as it changes their life!
What if this is actually a perfect time to connect with family before I move and travel again?
What if my soul work is creating the opportunity to travel right now?
Yay! Thanks Melissa<3:*
Beautiful honey. I loved how you turned these around to see the Truth. Well done! Keep reminding yourself of the truth when your Mean Girl tries to tell you other wise.
Good luck with the retreat.
xx
Greetings! Very useful advice within this post! It is the little changes that will make the most important changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!
Hi Melissa,
I found your site a few months ago and signed up for emails. Since then I got lost in work and life and didn’t pay too much attention. Probably because I was avoiding what I need to not avoid. I am a 46 year old mother of two. I spent the first 40 years of my life in California. I was married for 18 to a man that was decent, and hard working, but who consistently and quietly etched away at my self-esteem. I finally left him at the age of 40. At 42 I moved myself and my two teenage children to London so that I could pursue my MBA. One sentence cannot sum up all that went into that move, but it took us a year to plan. It wasn’t easy, but we did it. I now have my MBA, and I am incredibly proud. I still live in London and am re-married to a beautiful man that is quietly and consistently trying to re-build my self-esteem. I run my own consulting company, which I started just over a year ago. It’s good and bad. I never want to go back to regular employment, but sometimes the fear of the unknown is hard. I struggle sometimes financially, but I know that given time and hard work it will pay off. I feel it, and I see the potential. This I know, but that mean girl does come into my mind a lot to tell me I’m not good enough. Your blog reminds me that I can do it. It also makes me teary-eyed at times because I KNOW what you say is true. As part of my business I am starting a blog as well. It’s not yet launched, but will be. I hope to make it successful as well. But I do have those “what if” fear thoughts. This post reminds me that I have to get those out of my head. Thank you so much for being in this big space we call the internet. Thank you for having the courage to put your fears aside so that you could help others. You have. I am working to be back on track, and am pouring over your words a lot. My apologies for the long post, but I think I just needed to get it out, and say THANKS! 🙂
Hey Pamela,
Thank you so much for sharing that with me.
Remember to not listen to the what if’s your Mean Girl gives you and keep doing what is true for you. Follow your heart beautiful and remind yourself you are perfect exactly the way you are 😉
xx
Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe that this web site needs far more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the info!
What if I don’t like it (food, study program, work choices)?
What if I go down in a depression if I continue my phD?
What if I miss my real dream as being a doctor in traditional medicine?
What if I chose the wrong path my parents get back on me with the ‘I have told you’?
What if I never overcome binge eating?
What if I never lose that emotional weight?
What if I never get out of depression and binge eating?
What if I can’t change and stay in the same lethargic state and same emotional state of un-empowerment, not self-loving…?
Hey Vanessa,
What if you were wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love?
What if every day you jumped out of bed bursting with love?
Choose to change it around my darling, open your heart and let your light shine out.
You are so worthy of all the love and happiness.
xx
Hey Melissa! I absolutely love this! I don’t have this fear of what if’s because I know that people will come to my site, and that I will attract my tribe. We must have confidence in ourselves that our work IS important enough and that we WILL be a change & inspiration to others! My only concern is that I have NO idea how to even get started connecting emails to my website/blog posts. I am so lost in the world of technology (and I’m only 23 so I should now how to navigate but I’m struggling). What you use to connect emails to your websites? Is it tricky to do on your own or should I hire someone to help me. I am so lost and I think it’s crucial (like you said) to connect people to your site through emails and newsletters. Thanks! xoxo Lindsay
Hi Lindsay,
I actually have a product coming out early next year that is going to help with exactly that. But in the mean time I use Infusionsoft http://www.infusionsoft.com/
Check it out hun.
xx