Hi, my name is Melissa and I am a recovering control freak.

You see, I (like many women) used to love things to go my way. ‘My way’ means that my Mean Girl feels safe, my expectations get met, and no one gets hurt (just kidding!). But of course, the downside to being a control freak is that fear is your guiding force and your Mean Girl is always centre stage. The truth of who you are isn’t allowed to flourish (but trust me, it’s always there — striving to live in a more loving state, even when you’re Mean Girl tries to cover it up and drown it out).

I used to love having things my way, and if things didn’t go according to my plan and my rulebook, I would lose it. I liked to control everything, and I know I am not alone in that mindset. I see so many women who struggle with letting go of control. Whether it’s with their business, their children, their relationships or their finances. But unfortunately, when we try to control every area of our life, we close ourselves off to things unfolding organically. Holding on with a white knuckle grip to how we ‘think’ we want things to happen shuts down the sacred spontaneity of how things could magically manifest.

We try to control things because of what we think might happen — even if it’s unlikely, even if we’ve got no evidence for it, even if it’s completely based in fear. Despite all that, we let our Mean Girl run the show and we suffer the consequences as a result.

Some things in life you can’t control include…

What Other People Say About You

As much as you might like only nice things to be said about you, you cannot control what comes out of other people’s mouths. So it’s time to get over it and move on, sister. Let’s stop wasting your precious time and energy on this one, please.

How Others Behave Toward You

Like the point above, you can’t control how other people show up, but you can control how you react in relation to that. Be mindful of this next time someone goes to drop a negativity-bomb on you. (Remember, the choice is always yours, and yes there’s always a choice.)

The Weather

It’s crazy to me how people worry and obsess over the weather! Mama Nature is one of our greatest teachers, and when it comes to the weather, there ain’t nothing we can do about it! Instead of raging against it (or endlessly complaining), choose to see the beauty in every season, and even if the sky is not playing along with your preference, don’t let it affect you, your mood or your day.

If Your Flight, Train Or Bus Is Delayed.

Delays are going to happen so there’s no need to be the crazy person in the line at the airport unleashing a can of whoop-ass on the staff member (we’ve all seen it!). Save yourself the public humiliation and use that time wisely. Read, listen to an inspiring podcast, breathe deeply, or chat to the stranger next to you. You might just meet a new friend, a great business contact, or even your soul mate.

The Traffic

I used to get sooo fired up in traffic, and have even been known to drop a few ‘f’ bombs when feeling particularly feisty. But I now look forward to driving and my time in the car. I use it to listen to podcasts, do some deep belly breaths, repeat affirmations and practice mindfulness. Again, don’t be the crazy person weaving in and out of traffic and flipping everyone the bird. It’s not nice, people! (And it hurts you more than anyone else.)

Being a control freak is the express train to unhappy land.

These are just a few examples of things that can’t be controlled by you. But here’s the good news: you can control how you are showing up and your response to those situations. You can choose to lose it or you can remind yourself that everything is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to… But easier said than done, right?! I get it, I really do. Just last week I decided to postpone my live tour, Rise & Shine. Now, I couldn’t control how other people were going to react to this information, but I could control how I reacted to them. See the difference? Knowing this truth made it so much easier to gently close the door on my Mean Girl whenever she decided to pipe up with her fears.

The flipside to all of this is that even though there are LOADS of things you can’t control, there are actually also a bunch of things you can, such as…

What You Put In Your Mouth And How You Choose To Nourish Your Temple

No one is holding a gun to your head and telling you to eat that chocolate brownie covered in ice cream. Everything that enters your mouth is a choice you make. So own it! Take back the power and know that you have the control and choice to either nourish or pollute that beautiful temple of yours. Your health is your responsibility, no one else’s.

Who You Choose To Surround Yourself With

Most likely you will have two types of people in your life: the Negative Nancy’s (who suck the bejesus out of you) and the beautiful souls who light you up. I am going to let you in on a little secret to happiness… start spending more time and energy with the people who light you up and start to limit the time and energy you give to the Negative Nancy’s. The more space you create in your life, the better. But if there is no space (because you are filling it up with negativity), then there’s no room for inspiration and divine synchronicities to come a’knocking. You need to create the space first.

The Work You Do

We all have the right to choose a career path that we love. Yep, that includes you — no one is more special than anyone else, and we are all equally deserving to live our purpose. That being said, I realise some people are in situations right now that they don’t necessarily love and where it might currently be impractical to make drastic shifts. If that’s the case, you can still choose to change your attitude toward your circumstances. You can choose to find the love and purpose in what you’re doing. You can choose to start creating more space for what inspires you. And you can choose to bravely and persistently make tiny shifts towards doing what you love.

The Way You Move Your Body

You can choose to sit on the couch, eat another block of chocolate, and blame everyone else for your health and unhappiness. Or you can take some serious inspired action and move your body every day in a loving way. You have to decide; no one else is going to do it for you — you’re the one in the driver’s seat controlling how you move your body and how you feel.

How You Are Reacting In Relation To Others

How you respond to others is totally in your control. When someone ‘wrongs’ you (and remember, that in itself is a judgement) you can choose the way you react and respond. Whether you decide on a cool, calm breath or a short, sharp word… Well, you know the drill by now — the choice is always yours.

It’s all very interesting to think about, isn’t it — the areas of our lives beyond our control (where we need to practice allowing and letting go), and those areas that are firmly in our wheelhouse (where we might need to step up to the plate and start steering our own course a bit more)…

So tell me, beautiful — where in your life right now are you trying to control things, but need to let go? Maybe it’s with a certain person at work, or how your children show up, or even just an internal struggle with the weather this morning? And where can you take back some control? Is it with your health, exercise, stress management, or perhaps how you are reacting to a particular person?

Remember, when it comes to personal development and living your best life, awareness is key! And writing things down makes them so much more potent and powerful, so I’d love for you to take a moment now to think about your answers then share them with our epic tribe in the comments below.

As always, thank you so much for being here. Having you as part of the tribe seriously light me up. I love you so much.