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The Big Secret Behind Getting Exactly What You Want







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Today I’m going to let you in on my secret for a happy, love-filled life.

Are you ready for it?

In order to experience more of anything — whether it’s health, wealth, love, joy, happiness or anything else that lights you up and sets your heart thumping —  you have to be and give more of the thing you want FIRST.

Sound confusing? Or counter-intuitive? Let me explain….

You want more health in your life? Well how can you give more health to yourself first? Are you nourishing your body with the highest quality foods and water possible? Are your daily habits aligned with your goals? Are you honouring your temple? Or are you trashing your bod and treating it like a dumpster?

If you want more health, you must give more health to yourself first. It’s a very simple lesson, but one I took a long time to learn. For years I would flog my body for hours at the gym, madly trying to whip myself into Victoria’s Secret-shape and wondering why the heck I couldn’t shift the weight. It wasn’t until I learned to love myself and nourish my body that my health started to improve and for the first time ever, I experienced genuine vitality. Before that, I didn’t actually know what feeling fabulously healthy really felt like (which is such a stark contrast to where I am today — now, nourishing my temple has become one of the greatest pleasures in my life).

So if you want more health, are you willing to give more to yourself first? Maybe you could head to your local health food store after work and pick up some fresh ingredients to make a delicious dinner tonight. Or instead of going for drinks with the girls, head to your favourite yoga class. Or rather than detouring past the vending machine for your 3 p.m. pick-me-up, go for a walk around the block. The sky’s the limit here, but start with something tangible: what are three things you you can do today to give yourself more health? Write them down now.

You want more wealth in your life? Be and give more wealth. By ‘be’ more wealthy, I mean dial up your internal worthy-o-meter and first become more within yourself. Feel how worthy you are in your cells. Know it in your bones. Let your soul sing with that certainty… Then give more. Give your last dollar, give a smile, give your ears to listen, give your precious time, give your hand to help… give, give, give. It’s super easy to go through life without ever giving back, but I am about to drop a big truth bomb on you: the Universe doesn’t work that way.

Everything is made up of energy and energy flows where your attention goes.

So if you are give-give-giving, you can imagine it like an energetic figure of eight — it will come back to you. That’s how the Universe works, my friends.

Want further proof? Have a guess what the one thing that Warren Buffett, Ray Dalio, Tony Robbins, Richard Branson and Oprah all have in common… That’s right: they all consciously choose to give-give-give… and then give some more.

Your work is a great place to start to give more. For example, I always aim to over-deliver and give as much as I can with everything I write, every product I create, and every word I speak. The intention of ‘How can I serve more?’ is always at the forefront of my mind with everything I do.

There’s an important caveat here that’s worth noting: You should never give to get. Give because your heart wants to, because it makes your soul dance and your spirit soar… not because you have an agenda and want something in return. There’s a big difference. One comes from love and the other from fear. (Don’t let your Mean Girl fool you here!)

You want more love in your life? Give more love! Don’t expect it to be handed to you on a silver platter. First, be love within yourself and then give more love to the people around you. Whenever I am feeling needy within myself (usually leading up to my moon cycle) and want more love, affection or attention from my husband, do you know what I do? I go and give it to him, even if I don’t ‘feel’ like it. I open my heart, pour love from mine to his and because this is precisely how the Universe works, it all comes flooding back to me and we are both surrounded by one giant, squishy love-bomb.

The same applies with your kids. If I want to experience more love with Leo, I must first give him more love. I let go of my expectations and become more. Then — just like magic — the love floodgates open up and wash over both of us like a beautiful, heart-fuelled tsunami.

In essence, whether we’re talking about health, wealth, love or anything in between, all of this boils down to one simple truth: we live in a responsive Universe. When you take a leap of faith by TAKING ACTION and giving of yourself, the Universe can’t help but respond. It follows your lead, and it’s waiting for you to make the first move… Don’t leave it hanging, sista!

So tell me, how can you give more health, wealth or love today? Share with me in the comments below so we can all get inspired and hold each other accountable. Remember, closing the door on your Mean Girl, being brave, and sharing your insights is KEY to taking inspired action and implementing real, sustainable change.

It’s also important not to just ‘think’ about what you are going to do. Write it down in the comments below: it’s way more potent that way.

As always beautiful, thank you so much for being so open and for sharing so lovingly. You guys seriously rock my world and I love reading every single word you share on these posts.

Oh, and don’t forget: your comment could be the one thing someone needed to read to spark massive shifts within their own life. So open that beautiful hearts of yours gorgeous, and share away angel.

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  1. Olivia says:

    Love your insight Melissa. I am trying to create the healing of adrenal fatigue and underactive thyroid that I so desire and sometimes it is so hard to stay above ground in terms of positive thinking and manifesting when you feel like your symptoms are dragging you downwards. But it’s very true, as soon as I decide to feel healthy (vibrant, shiny etc) I do feel different, something in me fires up. Thanks for your amazing posts, they always make my day! Love Olivia xxxxxx

    • Melissa says:

      You’re so welcome Olivia. Thank you for being part of our epic tribe and so willing to be your best self 😉


      • Olivia says:

        thankyou melissa! you truly are my biggest inspiration- i want to move to australia in the future and i will definitely be meeting you, i am determined 😀

      • Melissa says:

        I would LOVE to meet you too Olivia. Let me know when you move to Oz 😉


  2. Fiona O'Neill says:

    Hi Melissa,
    I would absolutely love to go to Rise and Shine but I live in Ireland!! Although I do have Aussie cousins in Sydney!!! 😉

    You must come to Ireland soon…we’d love to have you!

    I’m doing your business course right now and I have to say everything is starting to make sense after years of fumbling…..so thank you from my heart to yours.

    Keep doing the great work because it’s reaching all the way across the world 😉

    Lots of love,


    • Melissa says:

      Thank you so much Fiona. I would LOVE to come to Ireland (one day).

      You could come and visit your cousins in Sydney that way you can come to Rise & Shine… you will LOVE it!

      I am so glad you are loving the bootcamp. Keep me posted with how you go and don’t forget to share your insights.


      • Fiona O'Neill says:

        You’re welcome. My cousins would love it but I don’t think I’ll make it out this time round…maybe next time fingers crossed. I will definitely keep you posted! xx

      • Melissa says:

        Please do beautiful.


  3. Yasmin says:

    I opened my heart to the idea of volunteering for a local company in order to do more purposeful work while working as a barista for my main income – and the possibility for taking up a maternity leave position in community development has opened & they even appraoched me! About a month ago I felt so needy within my relationship so turned within to myself and gave MYSELF love, pretty soon his love followed (and flowed to a non needy, already happy receiver) and we have never been happier. This is a real thing, give more what you would like to receive.. Do unto others as you would have them do you too. Xxx

  4. Amber says:

    Beautiful article Melissa! I’m going to give more love and attention to the women in my life because I want to build up sacred sisterhood. I also want to start donating more money to charities or people close to my heart <3

  5. Steph says:

    Wow. This is just what I needed to read. I’ve been criticizing my husband for not being attentive, being distracted, and not being affectionate. But! I haven’t been as attentive to HIM as I could be. I’ve been distracted, busy, and I haven’t been as affectionate. Thanks for showing me where I need to shift my focus. It’s easy to place blame, but real changes always starts from within, right? If I want more “love” I need to give more love. Thanks Melissa.

  6. Zoe says:

    LOVE this blog!! My favourite so far of yours and that’s saying something cos I love them all! I dropped a lentil stew at my sisters this morning who has a 3wk old baby and is not doing too well at this stage and it felt great being able to help her out and make her life just that little bit easier. I’m going to bring some health to myself by going for a long walk on the beach this afternoon and I’m bringing some wealth of creativity to myself today by starting a creative writing course this morning and I can’t wait!! Love you Melissa and hope you have a splendid day xx

    • Melissa says:

      You are so beautiful Zoe, what a lovely thing to do for your sis and yourself. Your day sounds beautiful. Tag me in your pic’s on social media if you take any on your walk. I would love to see them 😉


  7. Cynthia says:

    I’m writing a guest post on manifesting your perfect partner, one of the points was to GIVE out the kind of energy you want to attract – and this gorgeous post pops up! Beautiful sign from the universe 😉 Thank you Mel.xx

  8. Michelle says:

    Your blog has just inspired me to put my thoughts into action. I am going to take in a Shepherds Pie dinner tomorrow for a colleague at work who’s wife has just broken her leg and he is flat out taking care of her and their three kids. I have been thinking about it for a couple of days, but time to act!
    Oh and that is after a brisk walk around the river and a healthy paleo cauliflower fried rice.

    • Melissa says:

      That all sounds so beautiful Michelle. You’re such a sweetie! P.S. How epic is paleo cauliflower fried rice (YUMO).

  9. Leigh says:

    Wow I really needed to hear this right now! I’ve been frustrated with trying to be healthier and feel more loved in my relationship but this has made me realise I need to look within, not to place the blame on others and to give out the energy I want to receive! How do you remind yourself this every day Melissa? I find if I don’t read awesome articles like this daily I get distracted and forget these important messages. Thanks xx

    • Melissa says:

      Hey Leigh,

      Great question. What works for me is meditation. It allows me to check in with myself and realign. Do you have a meditation or mindfulness practice? If not, I would highly recommend started with one of my guided meditation and going from there. Meditation helps you become more present and mindful which is key to holding yourself accountable and reminding yourself of these truths. Does that make sense honey?

  10. Kimi says:

    Thank you for your wisdom Melissa, this was exactly what I needed to read today. I’m feeling challenged from most areas of my life at the moment and I feel empowered knowing that if I provide for myself what I need most, the universe will respond.
    I’m learning that I need to take more time out for my soul – for example I find when I meditate I place myself in a much better position to go about my day. My thoughts are clearer and my soul energised. I haven’t been making the time lately to do my meditations, but I have to make it a priority. Life is so much more incredible through an open heart and mind.
    I also realise that I need to love with passion and fearlessness. Your points on love really hit home. I seem to always put walls up with my relationship and I end up hating on myself for not being carefree and affectionate. I must learn to let go and enjoy the moments.
    Thanks again for your words 🙂 xx
    P.s. booked my tickets for ‘Rise and Shine’ a couple of days ago! I cannot wait for November!

    • Melissa says:

      Whooo hooo I can’t wait to hug you at Rise & Shine. It’s going to be epic!

      Well done on all the awesome realisations honey and yes you’re right life is SO-MUCH-MORE incredible through an open heart and mind, and life flows a lot more effortlessly. Like magic 😉

      Keep looking forward my darling.


  11. Amazing post which came at just the right time for me. After three years of pairing down my belingings, my debt and my spending on meaningless possessions, I have reached a place where I do want more money flowing into my life, so I can both serve my soul, and others. I want to study and retreat and have more massages, attend more seminars and I want to serve in greater, deeper ways. I want a steady stream of wealth, and its funny because this week I have had the opportunity to serve several people in my life financially, and I knew this was directly related to my desire for more money. Self worth has definitely come into play – I am deserving of abundance, as is everyone else who is willing to allow it into their lives. I find gratitude is also key. I have so much, and I am grateful for it. I just want to show up bigger and brighter and I want to exist in that universal exchange of energy for my work. And so, I am going to give more, show up more and let go of more fear so that the cycle can continue. Thank you!

    • Melissa says:

      Nice work Sarah. Super proud of you. And yes you are deserving of abundance 😉

      Keep up the awesome-ness.


  12. Erin Ramsay says:

    Your words are so powerful and beautiful Melissa… Like everyone this post came at a time when I needed to see it (there are no mistakes!) I think it’s so interesting that you say money is also an energy in which you can vote with your dollar and also give more… It re-aligned my perspective of my finances currently, in that I could think about giving my money with love instead of fear. I always always remind myself to give love to my amazing boyfriend as well and being a part of your amazing tribe is a way to bring love back to myself too… The amount that I have been able to recognise my mean girl and halt her in her tracks since discovering you and your work is incredible! So much love and gratitude to you Melissa, thank you from my heart


    • Melissa says:

      Well done my darling. I am so proud of you. The more and more you bring your awareness to it the more you can catch her.

      Keep going my darling. You got this!


  13. Katrin says:

    Thank you Melissa.
    I love when your emails pop into my inbox…they always provide such perspective.
    Thanks for reminding me to never stop giving of myself! Doing so makes my heart and soul sing and you are so right…it comes back in spades…sometimes making me feel vulnerable and overwhelmed. However when I feel that way I know I am living with my heart on my sleeve…and I know no other way.

    There’s one more thing that I find has helped me when I’m feeling the need for more love, health or wealth is gratitude. Focusing on all the good and simple things in life and being thankful just shifts my perspective. Sometimes it reminds me that actually what I am and what I have is enough.

    Love and light,

    • Melissa says:

      Thank you so much for mentioning that Katrin. You’re SO right! Gratitude is super powerful and an awesome perspective shifter. I practice it daily and love it. It makes a massive difference to how my day unfolds. Keep up the awesome work honey.


  14. Sandra says:

    I so needed this reminder right now! I’m a mother to 4 boys and they have all been so out of control this past year. I’ve lost myself in the hustle and bustle of life and have a hard time controlling MY emotions!! No wonder they r acting crazy…they are feeding off of me!
    I will be giving my love and patience to my kids so they can have a more peaceful life!
    Thank you!

    • Melissa says:

      Great realisation Sandra. It always comes back to us. I ask myself, ‘how am I showing up, and how am I contributing to this’, these two questions really help me take responsibility to show up fully.

      Keep me posted with how you go.


  15. Andrea ioannou says:

    Ok so here I go!!

    Melissa I really love reading your blogs as they arrive in my email box, I remember that they are there and I coma back to them to read when I have a spare moment!! You feel me with such hope and encouragement in my life but I feel like I can’t make it stay! I have been in an awful lying relationship for two years and although it’s over it still lingers and I can’t seem to break myself from the thought of what was compared to what it brutally is. It stops me in my day, during my life and I feel myself becoming almost depressed over it as if I’ve lost? I am extremely healthy, have some wonderful people in my life and I’m extremely into fitness as it pre occupies my mind but I honestly miss the person I was so very in love with and the heartbreak won’t leave me or I’m not letting it leave. I feel like I wasn’t good enough and every other woman seams to be and it’s not the way I want to live but I just can’t seem to find happiness again. So as I am unsure what to do so I’m writing this random comment on this page which I have never done before as a last resort that someone can tell me something that will make me think I’m not losing my mind!

    Regardless if that happens or not, Thankyou for doing what you do!! You are truly a wonderful woman xx

    • Melissa says:

      Hi Andrea,

      I can totally relate. This is exactly how I felt when my boyfriend left me many years ago. How I moved through it was by mastering my Mean Girl and self-love. Have you done my program Get Your Glow On? I think you would LOVE it as it sounds like it would be perfect for where you are at right now. In the mean time if I was you I would start by letting go of your Mean Girl thoughts and start flexing your self-love muscle again. Give that a go for 2 weeks and let me know how you feel.

      Sending you massive love sweetie.


  16. Erika says:

    Hi Melissa!

    Beautiful post<3 'Give to the world, then give more' is one of my absolute favorite quotes. I'm going to start giving to myself by giving my body more attention. Listening to what it needs and treating it with a little more love than I have been lately. And thank you for the reminder to always be of service.


    • Melissa says:

      I LOVE this quote Erika. I am going to write it out on a post-it and stick in on my computer. Do you know who said it?

      I think we can all give ourselves and our bodies a little more love. How are you going to do that? I would love to hear.


  17. Julia says:

    Dear Melissa,

    I very much enjoyed reading this article. Thank you for these words and the reminder to be responsible for our thoughts and the generative effect that they have on the Universe.

    Melissa, I am having some difficulty in my life at the moment forgiving some people who have hurt me. I was wondering if you could please provide some recommended readings, exercises or any advice on how to let go of thoughts that recreate cycles of troubled relationships and pain from the past.

    Thanks in advance and kindest wishes.

    • Melissa says:

      Hi Julia,

      My book Mastering Your Mean Girl (in stores December 2015) covers this so I can’t wait for you to read it. However, in the meantime have you done my forgiveness meditation? This has really helped me let go of the past and come back to the present moment. Give it a go a let me know how you feel. Or have you read any of these books. You Can Heal Your Life, Conversations with God, Dying To Be Me, Warrior Pose and The Gifts of Imperfections in particual.


      • Julia says:

        Thank you so much Melissa. I will get that Meditations series two package as the first one was very beneficial for me. I am currently working on a simple Breath Meditation with one of my health team but have reverted just to simple observation and feeling the sensations of the body. The spinoffs of the stress layers as they have been breaking down have been too turbulent so my doctor wants me to take a step back. Having said that, I find guided meditations very helpful as they keep the mind focused.
        Thank you so much also for the book recommendations. One page of reading Conversations of God can transform my inner and outer body and I have returned to this book many times. I have bought You Can Heal Your Life a number of times but keep giving it away as Louise is so wonderful. I will definitely get this book and the others recommended. Brene Brown is one of my favourite researchers and speaks with so much conviction and empathy.
        Thanks for these very thorough and helpful resources- I will write them up on my whiteboard to keep them at the front of my mind.

        Kind wishes.
        Julia x

  18. Nyssa says:

    Hi Ladies,

    I couldn’t help but think of Wayne Dyer’s words in his movie ‘The Shift’ (If you havent seen it yet 😉 (http://www.drwaynedyer.com/the-shift-movie) It helps bring to visualisation exactly what Melissa is saying here. It’s so true and I will be sure to do more and not be afraid to with all my heart, let love conquer fear I 😉

    Thanks for all your pearls of wisdom Melissa and ingraining again all these little things I’ve learnt I the past and the new ah ha moments that havent truly owned yet. Thank you for brining me back on track.

    Have a lovely night/day ladies

    Nyssa x

  19. Nyssa says:

    Hi Ladies,
    I couldn’t help but think of Wayne Dyer’s words in his movie ‘The Shift’ (If you havent seen it yet

    • Melissa says:

      You’re are most welcome Nyssa, but you need to acknowledge and thank your beautiful self, you’re the one showing up angel. So, well done and keep going 😉


  20. Theresia says:

    Hi Melissa!
    When is it time to move on? I feel like I do not have what I deserve. My boyfriend is happy with what we have I want more. We have two small kinds and I dont want to leave them but I dont think we can change. Everything is so hard!!!
    Please help )-: xo

    • Melissa says:

      Hi Theresia,

      For me personally I have always known it’s time to move on by listening to my heart (it always knows the way). What does your heart say?

  21. Jade says:

    After reading this article, I ask myself, how do you find a nice amount of generosity in your work? I want to give SO much, but I also need to make a profit….

    • Melissa says:

      Hey Jade,

      I totally get what you mean but you can never give too much, and you will never run out.

      I once read that you could give 80% and ask 20%. How does that sit with you?

  22. Jodie says:

    Right on! “How can I serve more?” is my mantra for the month!

    I realised that of late, I’ve stagnated a little with my offerings in my business, particularly with my writing (it can be so vulnerable creating content and putting ourselves out there!). And not surprisingly, I’ve seen a slow down in my business. It’s time to break through the blocks and just get back to giving my heart and offerings freely. So I’m dedicating today to creating those articles I’ve had floating around in my head for MONTHS. And giving them.

    Thanks Melissa!

  23. Mikki Oehl says:

    Fantastic site. Lots of helpful information here. I am sending it to some pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And of course, thank you on your effort!

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Hi Gorgeous, I'm Melissa.

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