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As a fresh new year rolls on in, we are inundated with people sharing their goals, intentions, desires, words and resolutions all over social media and the web. It’s really beautiful and inspiring however I wonder how many of these goals are really heart centred or just something your Mean Girl wants you to tick off your bucket list?

The thing is when you set goals from the right place they are most likely to manifest. When they are not from the right place they will just cause more overwhelm and stress. Well that’s the case for me anyways.

Yesterday morning, as I sat at the beach with my good friend and meditation teacher Tom Cronin, I shared with him how I have struggled to be present over the Christmas and New Year break. I confessed that my meditations had been very shallow and scattered, and that I’d been in my head and feeling overwhelmed. Heck, I even put a down payment on a penthouse in Fear Town.

Watching the endless waves crash before us, and listening to his wise words, I finally got the perspective and aha that had been eluding me. All my New Year’s angst was because I’d been witnessing others set goals, choose words, and create lists as long as the Thames of what they’re going to achieve this year, and I let it all creep into my head and sow the seeds of fear.

You can probably guess the sort of stuff my inner Mean Girl had been saying…

“Everyone else has such impressive, exciting goals — if you don’t come up with ones that are bigger and better, you’re going to be left behind.”

In years past, I’ve set myself all sorts of crazy long lists of goals in order to feel ‘worthy’, and completely stressed myself out in the process.

This year, however, I am rebelling.

I am not setting a long list of personal goals. All I want to do is be present. Live in the moment. I want to belly laugh every day with my boys and have at least one dance off in the kitchen (costumes optional). I want to be free from the limitations I place on myself by listening to what my Mean Girl wants me to achieve and then beating myself up if it doesn’t happen. I will not subscribe to this.

Instead I just want to be here. Fully. Right now, in this precious magical moment — the only moment we truly have.

The trick is to not worry about what everyone else is doing, my sweet friend. Make sure your goals are from the right place and they are your truth and not just what everyone else is doing.

Every moment is a new moment. A clean slate. A fresh start. Just choose to be here. It’s perfect! It always is.

How do you know if the goals you’re setting are your truth?

Ask yourself this, ‘Does this goal make me expand?’ When you think about what you want to achieve, do you feel your shoulders pull back, your heart open up and your soul tingle?

You have to really want what you’re going after with all your heart and soul.

Or does is make you contract? Do your shoulders slouch forward, your heart close off a little and your head feel heavy?

If it’s the latter, then it’s fair to say it’s not your truth.

And let it be said: You didn’t come here to suffer or buy the penthouse in Fear Town. You are here to play. To be love. To be your unique self and to be of service.

So pay attention. Notice when you are hanging out in Fear Town and head on back to Love City. Call yourself out on it. Call your partner, friends, family and clients on it (with love, of course!).

How To Set Heart-Centered Goals

When you are goal setting make sure they are coming from the right place — that they’re truly heart-centered and pump passion through your veins. Make sure it’s your truth and something that you actually truly desire.

For example, last year I had a friend who set the intention to quit sugar. She killed it in January, but fell off the bandwagon in February and was totally beating herself up. I asked her if she really wanted to quit sugar and she said, ‘Well no, not really; I kind of started doing it because everyone else is.’ I loved her honesty, but of course, her goal was never going to happen because she didn’t really want it.

Do you see the difference?

So set goals and intentions from your heart or don’t set any at all. Because you, my sweet friend, are here to be your unique authentic self and share that with the world. That is your mission — don’t forget it!

Now I want to hear from you. Have you set heart-centered goals for yourself this year? If so, please share them in the comments below — I would love to hear them.

Thank you so much for sharing your love and light in the comments. Thousands of people all over the world come here for daily inspiration, so thank you for sharing your wisdom; you are making a difference.

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  1. Thank you so much for this honest post, Melissa! Sometimes it seems that everybody else is thriving, while we have this feeling of being left behind, which is absolutely not true. It feels so good to know, that you have ups and downs as well, that it is completely normal to feel this way. This makes me less insist on being perfect. This is something I am working on right now.
    And I am going to be open about my needs and feelings because they have their place just as anybody elses.
    I would love to know your advice on this: I often feel intimidated and not as worthy as other women. My mean girl tells me things like she is more beautiful, smarter, whatever.. How can I overcome those thoughts and feelings, Melissa?
    Sending you lots of love, Teresa Valentina

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Hi Teresa,

      I know exactly how you are feeling because that is exactly how I used to feel.

      I feel you would get a lot out of my program Get Your Glow On. It is all about glowing from the inside out and really owning and knowing your worth.

      Start there my darling.

      xx

  2. Alex says:

    Wow…thank you so much for sharing this. I can completley relate because For the past weeks, (okay maybe even months !) , I have been so out of tune with myself. I have been immersed in other people’s lives through social media, and I seemed to care more about what “so and so ” was up to and doing, than myself!! Then I read this article, and man what a wake up call. I find it hard to tune other people’s lives out..but I guess it just takes time. Cheers to being more present, more belly laughs, and expanding. :))

  3. Sandra says:

    Spot on love!!! All this I have come to know in the last two months but could never get it down Logically on paper. This year I will live a simple life because it’s ok. A simple life without the gadgets is freeing! Being at peace with myself and the world is enough. You and Bhava Ram helped me to see that. Namaste

  4. Cherie says:

    Haha I love this!! Too much stress, too much ickness. My intention this year is also to be present. I’m going to be damned happy and to do that I need to be present. To enjoy the moments, to decide not to do something if it makes me ick!
    I want to laugh until I cry, giggle stupidly, to actually stop and appreciate moments as they happen, to actively find things that bring me joy and make me light. Because you know what, we all friggen deserve it!!

    Love
    Cherie x

  5. Laure says:

    Hi Melissa! Thank you for this great post. My only resolution this year is to do something that is fun to me everyday.
    My sister gave me for Christmas this beautiful homemade painting of a tree with 365 blank leaves, left for me to color. She said I could use it to reflect how far I got with my business, my life, or what I wanted. At first I felt a bit intimidated by the big tree, afraid it would reflect time passed and awaken my Mean Girl ‘You have done nothing yet, do yo see how many leaves are wasted?’ But then I realized that I was having tons of fun since the 1st of January, and decided the leaves would just represent great times and finding fun and delight in every day.
    It works and it makes for a proud tree (and a proud sister!)

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      That sounds amazing honey. I love this idea. I have a little book where I write everything I am grateful for for the day then at the end of the year you have over 365 things to reflect back on. It’s really beautiful to re read.

      xx

  6. Kate says:

    As a mamma of two beautiful girls I’ve set the intention to be my best version of me – with the leeway to know that it’s not going to be easy, sometimes I’ll get it wrong and it’s going to take work. I’m working on daily meditations, my gratitude journal and repeating “only love today” before responding to anything that shows up in my life. So far so good – I really want this for myself and as an example to my girls. I’m all in!

  7. Stephanie says:

    To be truly open to receiving Affluence in my thoughts and in my life, to move towards my Soul Purpose, and to have Desire and love in my life daily.

  8. Bridgette says:

    My goal for 2015 is to complete the a Small Business Management certificate program. This is one step in my life goal of owning my own business. When I turned 25 this past May I decided to make it my best year yet – and so far I have done pretty well! I’m so excited to finally be taking steps forward towards this dream. 2015’s goal is very important so I hope my mean girl does not join me on the journey!

  9. Bree says:

    LOVE this post Melissa! It came exactly when I needed it. Thank you beautiful! xx

  10. Caroline says:

    Love this beautiful post Melissa, it totally resonated with me and what I’ve been thinking for the past few years. I don’t want to follow other people’s choices or dreams, I want to follow mine, and only mine. I didn’t set any goals for this new year, I just want to be happy and continue to learn and grow. xxx

  11. Hi Melissa!

    Thank you so much for this post. I needed to read it and felt so lost with the whole “New Years Resolution” concept. I felt the same confusion and frustration that you did because I saw so many of my family members and close friends making these grand plans and goals. I started to retract.

    The truth is, we shouldn’t make new years resolutions just because everyone else is. As you said, you have to look at the source of where these intentions and goals are coming from. As I was reading through this post, I could not help but think of the video you did a couple of months ago…Love > fear

    I asked myself, “Sarah…are these goals and intentions coming from a place of LOVE? Or fear?

    Most of them weren’t. Almost all of them weren’t actually. So I came up with a very special goal for myself…and that is to be more present in the moment as well. The more present we are, the more conscious are living becomes.

    I just want to laugh more, and be incandescently happy and do things from a place of love…not fear.

    Much aloha from maui xo 🙂

    Sarah Faith

  12. Angela says:

    Great post – it totally resonates with me this year. My goal for the new year is DO LESS – CUT EVERYTHING AWAY so I can enjoy my kids and life as it is so perfect and passing me by as I frantically try to keep up with my many businesses.

    The only specific goal I set it to sell my organic health and beauty business and quit my VA role by Jan 30 – the clock is ticking!! We then set out for 3 months of doing nothing on the beach in Mexico with our young kids….it will be a life changing year for us all!

  13. Marcella says:

    Thanks for this, Melissa. It’s a relief to hear honesty surrounding the setting of goals & resolutions. Sometimes I find myself shying away from setting goals for fear I may only disappoint myself if I fall short of “achieving” them. However, recently I’ve been trying to re-angle my goal-setting to reflect what you’ve just laid out here in this post. Goals which I feel are within my own power & non-reliant on what others around me are doing. Truth and authenticity feel like they’re a big one this year & I wonder if this is the case for many, many people this year – getting in touch with our individual essences. I used to think I needed to be nice all the time in order to be a “good person” but I feel that being REAL is more my cup of tea, these days. Also, being nice doesn’t mean you’re giving love, necessarily, does it?
    I always enjoy your blog posts. Thank you for all that you offer! Bisous

  14. Maria says:

    Thanks for the inspiration Melissa! I’ve been working towards a clutter-free life the past few years now (long process) and I feel that 2015 is the year of completion. I feel it in my heart and soul after reading your post – thank you!! Xo

  15. Katie says:

    Melissa, this post is such a gift! As I was reading, I literally felt the tension leave my shoulders…I placed some pretty high expectations on myself for the new year, two of which have been causing me significant anxiety since the new year began to the point where I cannot even start these projects for fear of failing and not doing it perfectly. Your words made me realize I was pursuing these goals from a place of fear to begin with!! I still plan on pursuing these dreams, but I must approach them wih love or I realize they will never be accomplished! And you are so right…there are other New Years resolutions others have been posting and friends have been talking about that have made me feel anxious and have even caused me to add to my own resolution list! I am going to reset my intentions for the new year thanks to you Melissa, my beautiful soul sister! I to just want to be present, soak up each wonderful second. Thanks for the reminder that we have to choose love in ALL areas of our lives, that we are all on our own journey, and that each second is a new fresh opportunity to start over 🙂 xoxo

  16. Charmaine says:

    Hi Melissa
    Beautifully timed post thankyou!
    I have set my core desired feelings for 2015… Pleasure, abundance, creativity, joy, empowered:)
    I have a goal I’m holding onto but the last few years I have hesitated to make it clear & a “goal” out of fear. I worry that this means im not really asking the universe for it… I have been the owner of a hair salon for 14 years. With much success, difficult times, long term illness, 2 children. I love it. But I want it to be abundant I want to make an “amazing” income…. Mel do I set the goal? Would be most greatful for your thoughts thankyou xxx

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Instead of setting a goal to be abundant why don’t you work on having an abundant mindset. Now this is going to take work. Every time you are not thinking abundantly you have to catch yourself and turn it around to an abundant thought.

      There is a deep ingrained belief that you don’t believe you can experience abundance so that is something you need to look at. Remember you are worthy of all the abundance in the world. You just have to believe it.

      Does that help honey?

      • Charmaine says:

        Oh this helps immensely!! Thankyou!!
        I am away on holiday & was just sitting with with my journel trying to make my desire of abundance feel better. I was stuck so I went to your blog and as often happens the answer was certainly here. This is wonderful! Thankyou! ! Yes I do need to look at my worthiness and I am willing to do the work:) I love your suggestion as its so much more focused on doing rather than just the end result. Do you have any books etc you could recommend? Thankyou for your time, this will stay with me always and is a great start to 2015. Much love xx

      • Melissa Ambrosini says:

        No worries beautiful girl.

        Here are 15 books that have changed my life

        xx

  17. Claire Baker says:

    You’ve taken the words right out of my mouth babe! I love setting intentions and words and I had a hoot of a time doing my vision board last week. But above all of that, the words STAY SIMPLE, STAY TRUE are pinned to my heart this year. Stuff of magic, hey? xo

  18. Ruth says:

    This year I made the goal to live according to what I truly feel, not what I think. In that place I can really flow through life reading my next step when I feel it, not by pushing it. Quite a practice for a thinky think person!! xx

  19. Anita says:

    Hi Melissa,
    Thank you for being so honest with your feelings and your ‘aha’ moment.
    So often social media, websites etc give the impression of perfect lives and fist-pumping achievements. By sharing honestly with your tribe, as you always do, you show us real life and the way to experience the ups and downs it brings, work through it, be kind to yourself and sustain a sense of being ‘enough’ just as we are.
    That is the special gift you give your tribe by being real.
    Thank you Melissa x

  20. Charlotte says:

    Hi Melissa

    One more time, as always, it is an amazing article

    I think most of us setting goal just to setting goal and know that we will no really achieve it.

    I though about that during the past few weeks. I though about what I really want it. And the aswer is: be healthy. I vizualise myself in one year from now and want see me totaly smile, confident and proud of my body. I really struggle with being healthy even if it is something I really want. My mean gril always take the power on me.
    So the first step is shutting down my Mean girl.

    And I know I will achieve it because of your amazing program Get your Glow.

    Thank you so much

    Much love

    Charlotte

  21. elsa says:

    hi mel. your such a inspiration and happy 2015!
    my goal this year is to be more grateful & not to overthink.. I always overthink and it leaves me with alot of sleepless nights about my health, career and future.. also noticed that I get upset quite quickly now and I really hate it, even the bf has noticed. what advice could u give or what do u do on a regularly to keep balanced.. I tried meditating but it’s not going so well haha!
    sending u plenty of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Hey Elsa,

      Meditation is the BEST tool to stay balanced. Keep at it my love. Have you tried my guided meditations yet?

  22. Kirstin says:

    Yes! I set a big goal that wasn’t feeling quite right when I did your exercise (to be fully self employed by the end of 2015). The deadline felt icky- and felt like I was tetling the universe HOW and WHEN too much. When I switched it to just, :I want to be fully self employed in my awesome coaching business.” It felt fantastic. Like I know where I am headed and it feels so right, but I’m trusting that the timing is better left to the universe. Thanks Mel <3

  23. Aimee says:

    Hi Melissa, I loved this post and I really related. I’ve set myself the goal of trying paleo eating this year. I used to be a big party girl in my early 20’s and I ate a lot of junk food. Earlier this year after a long-term relationship ended I was trying to recapture the fun I had when I was younger by drinking, partying and generally not taking great care of myself, except I’ve changed (maybe gotten older and wiser) and it doesn’t resonate with me anymore or feel right. I know my body deserves better and so I’m prioritising my health and self-care in 2015 because I deserve it! 🙂 xx

  24. Sarah Kate says:

    What a fresh perspective to read! Thank you for sharing your own experience with this, Melissa. The best way for me to set heart-centred goals is to step away from the social media influx and get really quiet and still. Then, listen to my heart and it always points me in the right direction. Such a challenge to stop “doing” and sit in silence, but boy, is it worth it!

  25. Jess says:

    All I want to do is be present as well. I want to love each moment for what it is. Thanks Melissa for the inspiration. Happy 2015! 🙂

  26. Natalie says:

    Hi Melissa,

    What a fantastic post. It is so great to hear that you are rebelling against the norm and doing what your need to do for your soul!
    I had a conversation a few days into the new year with my mother and younger sister about new years resolutions. When I asked my younger sister what her resolutions were, they took me by surprise. They seemed more like an action she would do everyday regardless whether it was the new year or not, but listening to you speak of new years resolutions in this light has made me wonder whether she too felt the pressure to have specific goals for 2015.

    Speaking to my mother however, I was not so surprised. She does not make new years resolutions and never has. When I re-worded it and asked if there were any intentions she would like to keep on the front of her mind going into the future, she did give it considerable thought. She really liked the way that changing the phrase did somewhat change the expectation. For example, instead of a standard new years resolution to loose weight she shifted her thought process into things like smiling at strangers in the street. Isn’t it wonderful that that changing the perception can really change insight.

    Whilst I don’t believe in new years resolutions, I do believe it is a wonderful time to take a step back, evaluate our lives, take note of where we want to be and work towards our dreams.

  27. Sirisha says:

    You managed to put what was exactly going on with me into such inspiring words. I sometimes get attacked by nasty cases of FOMO and question myself repeatedly if what I am doing daily is enough. But I’ve decided that at the end of the day, it is upto me to decide how well I lived in the present and whether it made me happy or not. It’s a short life. Might as well live it up( MY WAY )!!!! 🙂

  28. Ruth B says:

    Hello darling Mel,
    This is a wonderful post, thank you beautiful i too did not feel present over the holidays and most of the end of last year, i let everything i have learnt and all my self love practice slip away a bit, living in fear town after getting set to launch my business i panicked and have been really caught up in my own head! I loved this and after seeing you the other day your words you said – don’t worry about what anyone else is doing…it was perfect divine timing and has really brought me back to me. As always big love to you xoxo

  29. Pippa says:

    My Heart Centred Goal is to Start, Enjoy, Soak Up, Put into Practice and Love my Get Your Glow On Course which I have put off since October…… I have been waiting for the ‘right time’ to do it when I felt better, clearer headed, had more time. Now I am going to make the time, prioritise this and myself to give myself the best chance to be happy, find myself and live the life I deserve and want with Love not Fear 🙂
    Wish me luck…….xo

    • Melissa Ambrosini says:

      Hey Pippa,

      It’s so easy to put off doing what we love and what lights us up. It’s ultimately what our Mean Girl want’s to keep us in fear. But you and I both know that when we fill ourselves up we can then show up as the fullest, brightest version of ourselves. This is our birth right. Don’t wait for the right time. Now is the time and Get Your Glow On is the first step. Priorities YOU my darling. You deserve it and you are worthy of feeling your absolute best.

      Please reach out in the GYGO members area if you need any help darling. I am hear from you 100%.

      xx

  30. […] ∞  How to set more heart centred goals. […]

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