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How To Choose Courage Over Comfort

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I was talking to a friend the other day and she was telling me that she’s ready to call in a soulmate and experience radical, heart-bursting love… but she’s filled with fear, and it’s stopping her from taking action.

My first response was to give her a hug — because we’ve ALL been there, and we all know what fear feels like, and how paralyzing it can feel. 

But my second response? A loving-but-serious, sent-with-love butt kick… straight from my heart to her tushie.

Because here’s the thing: your fear will always want you to stay exactly where you are, doing exactly what you’ve always done.

Always.

But if we do that — if we listen to our inner Mean Girl’s whispers, if we follow our fear instead of our heart… we’ll continue to get what we’ve always gotten, we’ll continue to do what we’ve always done, and we’ll continue to experience the same old results we’ve always experienced before.

The only way to experience something different (say, to call in a soulmate, or to achieve a brand new goal, or to increase your health, or to take a new path in life) is to feel the discomfort that fear brings and then choose to take action anyway.

Even if the fear’s still burbling in your belly. Even if your Mean Girl is shouting for you to stop. Even if you are scared and want nothing more than to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world.

The saying is true: everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Which means: everything you desire requires you to feel the discomfort and then put one foot in front of the other, even while the discomfort might still be raging and swirling inside you.

This requires courage and commitment, but DAMN is it worth it.

Being courageous and brave is how we grow; And it’s how we get where we want to go!
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I really do get how hard it can feel, beautiful. It’s so much easier to choose comfort over courage. But...

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have released two books.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have married Nick.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never walk out on stage.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have started my podcast.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have created Path To Freedom with my hubs.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have created all my online programs, meditations, products and mentorships.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have posted a single thing on social media, like, ever.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have grown my business to where it is today.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have asked for help in my business and hired a team to support me and my vision.

If I chose comfort over courage I would never have asked for help, advice and support when it came to step-parenting — a brand new skill that I have had to learn from scratch.

It takes balls and tenacity to lean into courage, I get it, but it’s when we are stretched that we experience the most evolution.

So where in your life right now can you lean into discomfort?

Where do you need to step outside of your comfort zone and shimmy your way over to courage?

I still get nervous when I sense that unsettling feeling that means I’m inching out of my comfort zone. But I’ve reframed it, so now it also makes me excited because it means I am about to grow, it means I am stretching myself, and it means I am about to become an upgraded version of myself. My operating system is about to get a serious upgrade and that’s something to get excited about.

And because I want to practice what I preach, I am going to lean into courage right now and step out of my comfort zone and ask a favor of you. Even though this makes me feel uncomfortable, I am going to do it anyway…

As you know, my mission in this world is to inspire people to unlock their full potential, step into the full brilliance, and live the life of their dreams and have a business that lights them up. But in order for me to do that, I need to get Open Wide into as many women’s hands as possible which is why I need to ask for your help...

I am loving all the social media photos and posts you tag me in of you with my books and I am so grateful so please keep them coming (I actually screenshot every single one as keepsakes), but another powerful way you can help me spread this message is by leaving a review on Amazon — it really helps people find the book, and it lets Amazon know that it should recommend it to other readers.

So my ‘stretch task’ for today, though it takes me straight out of my comfort zone, is to ask you this: If you feel called and if it feels true for you, would you please leave an honest review for Open Wide on Amazon?

It’s super easy to write a review if you already have an Amazon account and have made purchases before. (And you can still write a review even if you got your copy of Open Wide from somewhere else — as long as you’ve bought something (anything) from Amazon in the past.)

Here’s how to leave a review…

  1. Log in to your Amazon account.
  2. Head to the Open Wide page here.
  3. Scroll down to ‘Customer Review’ and click ‘Write a customer review’.
  4. Share how Open Wide has impacted your life.

Piece of (raw) gluten free chocolate cake!

This means the world to me and your review may be the one thing that sparks massive inspiration deep within someone else. So open your heart and share away, and together let’s inspire women all over the world to Open Wide to deep love, rocking relationships and soulful sex.

Phew! I did it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and leaned into courage. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a review, I am so beyond grateful.

Now tell me in the comments below: where in your life right now can you lean into courage? Where do you need to step out of your comfort zone and shimmy your way over to courage?

As always, I’m so incredibly grateful that you’re here.

Comments (58)

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    • Michaela
      March 20, 2018

      This is exactly what I needed to hear right now, thanks Melissa! I can step into courage in dealing with my work colleagues. I’ve taken on a new role and it is demanding me to grow Every.Single.Day. in my interactions with others, calling people on their BS and poor behaviour, being strong and remaining calm and professional, not taking things personally. Gosh, so much growth up in here. But I’m old enough to know this now - I know I’m growing and it’s good for me, so I choose to lean in even further :)

      • March 21, 2018

        Nice work Michaela, great attitude and keep going. You totally got this sista. xx

    • Gabrielle smith
      March 20, 2018

      The areas of my life that I need courage to change are: my love life and following my passion to turn it into a career. I'm taking the steps I need to work on my love life. I'm trying to be more open minded, less judgemental and go with the flow more. As for my dream career, I'm finding it nite difficult due to the times constraints of being a full time single parent and working full time. Although, I am finding more time to do what I love on a regular basis. I figure that's a step in the right direction and hopefully the more I do it, the faster the courage will come regarding the next step I take.

      • March 21, 2018

        Keep showing up Gabrielle, keep moving forward, keep taking daily inspired action and keep leaning into courage, you got this sista. And don't let being a full-time single parent stop you. You can do this! Your dream life is waitng for YOU!. xx

    • Grace
      March 20, 2018

      Hi Melissa, I just want to say how much I love both of your books and how grateful I am for your presence in the world and for you shining your light.
      I am a professional dancer at this time in my life (I loved feeling connected with you on this too reading your books!) and I am also recovering from my eating disorder. I would love to hear a podcast with you on your own recovery or the opportunity to learn more about your own recovery from your eating disorder if it ever feels right in your heart to share about it.
      Thank you for inspiring me and for bringing your light and love and divine gifts to the world!

      • March 21, 2018

        Thank you so much for your kind words Grace and I am so glad you loved both Mastering Your Mean Girl and Open Wide. Please do share your biggest takeaways with me. Also, great idea about the podcast I will see what I can do for you. xx

        • Grace
          March 21, 2018

          Hi Melissa, thank you!
          ooh that's a tough question with how much I got out of both books (the first time reading them anyway!) One of the biggest take aways for me was feeling supported to really trust and honour my truth that the relationship I was in wasn't fully aligned, and to surrender to trusting in love's higher plan and letting it go. One of the other things I have taken away is that if you can heal and create a life you truly love, so can I and everyone! (No matter how adamant my mean girl is of the contrary), and also that speaking our own truth really is our greatest gift to the world. Your books have been that evidence for me.
          In love and gratitude! x

        • March 22, 2018

          I am so glad Grace. Thank you so much for sharing I am very grateful and honored. xx

    • tracey
      March 20, 2018

      This is exactly what i needed to read at the perfect time!!!!
      I did a reiki course on the weekend and absolutely loved every second of it, but having a few family members share their opinions made me have a very uncomfortable night sleep with my inner mean girl last night to the point of this morning questioning everything about sticking this out.
      I asked for a sign, and maybe this is it!
      Thank you melissa x

      • March 21, 2018

        This IS it, Tracey! Don't let what other people think stop you from following your heart. Do what feels right for YOU and let go of caring what other people think. Your Mean Girl cares what others think but your soul doesn't! Remember that! xx

    • Amy
      March 20, 2018

      How exactly can I call in my soulmate?

      • March 21, 2018

        Have you read Open Wide yet sista? It's all in there. xx

        • Amy
          March 22, 2018

          Yes I have. I am struggling with what I should be choosing courage over comfort with this though. Any advice?

        • March 22, 2018

          What do you desire in a lover honey? Get crystal clear on that first and keep reading Open Wide angel. xx

    • Susanne
      March 20, 2018

      Divine timing as always. Thank you Melissa! I've been choosing courage over comfort over and over again this past year and it is making a huge difference in my life. Such a game-changer! This year (or more like yesterday!) I want to start my own business as a holistic health coach but keep stalling it out of fear of being seen and feeling like I don't know enough to help others. Like your friend I am also ready and open to call in a soul-mate, and I am already choosing courage over comfort (go me!) but not going all in. Reading your words, seeing how you continue to lean into discomfort & and getting a loving butt kick today, gives me energy and strength to keep choosing courage. Like you said; it is worth it!. Also; ordered Open wide yesterday and can't wait to read it! x

      • March 21, 2018

        You will love Open Wide honey and especially if you want to call in your soul mate Open Wide is going to support you on how to do that. Enjoy it and please let me know your key takeaways once you're done. xx

    • Kate
      March 20, 2018

      Thanks for this post Melissa! It’s the kick up the butt that I needed today. I really want to get a new job and I’m excited about the idea of leaving the job I’ve been in for many many years to do something new but every time I need to take action I get really overwhelmed and something stops me. I make up excuses and find other things to do to distract me. I needed the reminder that this is always just my fear pullling me back into line to stay where I am, which is why I have been here doing the same thing for so many years. Thank you!

      • March 21, 2018

        Pleasure Kate, remember your Mean Girl (aka fear) want's you to stay in your comfort zone, but we don't / can't grow there. It's time to master her and grow! You got this sista. xx

    • Melissa
      March 20, 2018

      This is very fitting for me to read tonight as I just leaned into courage by accepting a new job. It's a slightly different role which I'm going to have to push myself but I have to come back to my why. My big goal this year was to get a new higher paying job and I did! And I can't wait to dive in!

      • March 21, 2018

        Well done on manifesting that job Melissa you should be so proud, but please do be mindful of your story 'I am going to have to push myself', maybe change that story to 'I am open to learning and growing'. Our stories create our reality remember that sista. xx

    • Courtney
      March 20, 2018

      I am a recent breast cancer survivor and I am hosting a giant party for family and friends on May 19th. That date commemorates two years exactly since my diagnosis. During my long fight, I recognized that I was missing music in my life, and there are so many songs I want to share! I am working on stepping out of my comfort zone to learn these songs and get up on stage by myself to present them. I have a lot to do in the next two months, and my mean girl is constantly saying "It's not enough time!!" But, I am going to do it!! I am going to learn these songs and share them, because they mean so much to me!! And by pushing fear aside and moving forward, I know that I will grow even stronger and not let fear rule my world. Thank you, Melissa, for helping me and so many others recognize that mean girl inside of her. It has taken some time, and will be a constant battle, but I now know how to tell her to hush ;) and I know that doing things I'm afraid of will only make me grow! XO

      • March 21, 2018

        WOW, Courtney, I am so proud of you! This is very exciting and you are going to crush it. Please do be mindful of your story 'it will be a constant battle' if that is the story you are telling yourself that is what you will create. Remember there is time, so master that Mean Girl and do it anyway. Have fun in the process and especially when you are busting out your songs. All the best sista. xx

    • Tracie Roozendaal
      March 20, 2018

      Just left an awesome review for you on Amazon- you so deserve it. I wanted you to know as well I used the Kikki K voucher I got as part of my Open Wide bonuses and I got this beautiful scented candle which says “Shoot for the Stars”. Everyone time I light it I think of your beautiful words and inspiration. Shine bright lovely and continue your amazing work. You are truely inspirational ❤️

      • March 21, 2018

        Thank you SO MUCH Tracie, I am so grateful for your kind words and review and so glad you loved Open Wide. I can't wait to read your review. xx

    • March 20, 2018

      Mel I haven't bought your book yet but when I do I will certaintly leave a review. MYMG was brilliant and I have no doubt OW will be the same!

      Also I heard a lovely quote just this morning:

      "The opposite if of fear is not non-fear; it is courage. You don't teach someone not to have fears - you teach them to act with courage, and in that process the fears start to dissipate."

      I love it.

      And the timing of that combined with this post seems to be a solid nudge about something in my own life...! x

      • March 21, 2018

        I LOVE that quote honey, thanks for sharing and yes the Universe is giving you a nice little message it seems. xx

    • Kellie
      March 20, 2018

      I'm a vet, and I've been wanting to do an internship at a veterinary specialist centre for years now. I've stepped out of my comfort zone a couple of times in the past 8 years since graduation, but each time I retreated back to that comfort zone if things became uncomfortable (read: fear took over). But, as we speak, I'm completing my application for a 2019 internship at a specialist centre close by. Even though it's gonna make me hell uncomfortable, I'm determined to see it through. I no longer want my fears to keep running the show.

      • March 21, 2018

        WHOOO HOOOO Kellie, I am so proud of you for mastering that Mean Girl and doing it anyway. You got this sista. Go for it and have fun along the journey. xx

    • Colleen
      March 20, 2018

      I listened to audio books and Mastering your Mean Girl was so inspiring. Can't wait to listen to Open Wide.
      You are an incredible woman . Love your energy!

      • March 21, 2018

        Right back at cha sista. So glad you loved MYMG and can't wait for you to read Open Wide. Please let me know your key takeaways once you're done. xx

    • Casey
      March 21, 2018

      Melissa the least I can do is leave a MUCH DESERVED review on Amazon for open wide, you changed the way im living my life and I’m thankful for you living your purpose and pushing me to dive into mine, I’m so thankful for you and all the women doing/inspiring people everyday ❤️

      • March 22, 2018

        Thank you SO MUCH Casey, I am so honored and grateful and can't wait to read your review. xx

    • Paulina
      March 21, 2018

      Hi Melissa! It was so inspiring to read your post today. I recently quit my 5 year job to pursue a life I´m excited about. Today is my first day at home and I have been feeling really anxious and my mean girl really got to me with questions and doubts about my decision. Reading your post reaffirmed to me that I made the right decision! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for being brave. I really enjoy your podcast and books! I will be sure to leave a review! You have been one of the people that has inspired me to work for a better life. Thank you, thank you!

      • March 22, 2018

        Pleasure Pauline and thank YOU for sharing your kind words. I am so grateful and honored and I can't wait to read your review. xx

    • March 21, 2018

      OMG! Loved this so much and I can relate to it so incredibly well! Thank you, Melissa.
      I've been so afraid of taking the plunge back into the dating game, but after reading Open Wide, it inspired me that it is possible to call in & create an amazing relationship.
      I had a 'first date' yesterday - seriously the best first date I've had in a very long time - it felt like when you meet an old friend that you haven't seen in years (who also happens to be hot ;)) It was relaxed, fun and so easy - both of us were grinning like idiots the entire time!
      The day before, the usual feelings of not being good enough came up, but I got out my journal and asked myself two questions - what am I looking for in a partner and who do I want to be in a relationship? These two things changed my perspective so much - I stopped thinking of the 'dream man' as someone who's 6' tall, dark and handsome to someone who's open, honest, heart centered & kind and that's EXACTLY what I got yesterday - so amazing!!
      So, thank you so much for this post at just the right time and of course, Open Wide - it's really made such a big difference for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

      • March 22, 2018

        WOW Shelley, well done! You're amazing and such a powerful manifestor. GO YOU! And have fun on your next date. xx

    • Amy
      March 21, 2018

      Hi

      This week my company has asked us to work on Saturdays which will be 6 days a week with only 1 day off. I have done these hours four years for them and i consciously decided last year to work mon to friday and start living my life on the weekends. This week theyve decided i need to go back to saturdays. My Gut feeling is , I'm over with this job anyway, ive outgrown it and its not my truth to continue working here , especially 6 days. I have no clue what job i want to do .... my plans for buying a house this year and going back to study next year will be on hold completely if i leave and il also be putting pressure on my partner to be the single income provider until i find a new job. All this is my fear of going into the discomfort zone. Help lol

      • March 22, 2018

        What's more uncomfortable honey, sitting in the fear or not going after your dreams?

    • Nicole
      March 21, 2018

      Absolutely loved this, thank you so much for sharing.
      I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone every single day at the moment while I start a new business venture.
      When it comes to my love life, I thought I had manifested a beautiful soulmate (it still feels like he is it), however, things suddenly died down.
      He has explained why, and I totally understand, but I can't help by feel he is throwing away a potentially wonderful relationship because it is just something he is not used to,
      I have semi told him how I feel - that I have feelings for him and loved where our relationship was headed, but that I also understood why he felt he couldn't continue.
      I am now torn between this urge to completely open up and throw all of my feelings out there, and potentially irritating him by making him feel as though I didn't full listen to him.
      Any advice on how to navigate this tug of war going on in my head? xx
      Also, LOVING Open Wide. It is beautiful.

      • March 22, 2018

        Hey Nicole, give it your whole heart then at least you can walk away saying you showed up fully and with your whole heart. Then let go of the outcome and trust that whatever will be will be. Don't get attached to the outcome and trust that everything is always unfolding exactly the way it's meant to. ALWAYS! xx

    • Rylie
      March 22, 2018

      I left my lovely partner because something was missing and now I’m trying to move into a new flat, living by myself for the first time, committing to this new chapter. Wish me luck xx

    • March 23, 2018

      This is exactly what I needed to read today. I've made huge changes in the past couple of years - moved to a different country, turned my passion into a job. Every time I stepped out of my comfort zone and took a risk, it paid off big time. Yet, every time I seem to settle comfortably into my new comfort zone. This is just the kick I needed to make the changes I need to take my career to the next level.

      I'm itching to read Open Wide! I'm based in the UK so I had to wait for it to be released here and now it's temporarily out of stock at Amazon. Will try again sooner.

      • March 23, 2018

        I can't wait for you to read it honey. Check all the bookstores as it was out in the UK on the 22nd of March. xx

    • Montse
      March 27, 2018

      Thanks so much Mel. You inspire me so much and you know what? I'm ready!!! Oh yes! Im so excited for what is coming. Kiss

    • Phoebe
      March 28, 2018

      Thank you thank you thank you!
      Exactly what I needed to hear and read today. I listened to your podcast yesterday and had to come to read the blog so it could sink in even more and it has.
      Starting something exciting and new this weekend and boy am I feeling nervous and uncomfortable but as you said...I know this is exactly what I need to do to grow and upgrade myself!

      Thanks beauty!

      Big love xo

    • March 31, 2018

      Done! Melissa. Review on Mastering your mean girl on Amazon. You do deserve all the positive comments you can get. Thanks a lot for being that girl that everyday comes to you with positive things and thoughs, and tools! Open wide, my next read.
      xxxxx
      Raquel

    • September 23, 2018

      Love this beautiful!! Moving way outside my comfort zone at the moment, and this was such a lovely read x

    • October 15, 2018

      I absolutely love this Melissa and completely agree on the importance of choosing courage over comfort to help create and inspire our goals and dreams. Ultimately it all comes down to fear, wouldn’t you agree? Stepping into fear allows us to astronomically expand beyond our belief grow into our power! Something that I have realised recently through my own personal self-reflection is that fear, the fear that most of us feel in our relatively safe and comfortable lives, is only a valuable emotion when existing in the present. Through feeling fear in absolute presence our body protects us against whatever is causing us danger, but outside of that, fear is the lack of presence. It is our mind projecting into the future something that is currently outside of our control. It is us stressing about something that we cannot change in this current moment, therefore relatively invaluable in our lives. In my work though, people still struggle with stepping into that fear because of the emotional sensations they may be feeling like physical discomfort through anxiety. How would you suggest that people move through those emotions when choosing courage over comfort?

      • October 25, 2018

        Great question honey. I actually did a podcast on it which you could listen to here. Have a listen as I explain how to move through those emotions in it. Let me know what you think once you're done. xx

    • Jodie
      October 28, 2018

      Hi, what an incredible article ! So Speaking to me ! I am learning to get out of my confort zone un my new job and love this, even if sometimes it’s really hard and that I want to let go everything. I have such a supportive team, whitout it would not be the same.
      But where I struggle the most is my health, my relationship with food. I have no control, I had periods while it was healthy, balanced, a way that keep me happy and good in my body, but some changes on my lifestyle brought me back to my old habits, I am overweight (about 10-15kgs over)... and I Know what I should do, but it so easy to just listen my cravings or listen to my emotions...

      Love

      • November 1, 2018

        Honey have you read Women, Food And God? It’s an amazing book that will support you with your relationship with your body and food. Check it out! xx

        • Jodie
          November 4, 2018

          I don’t know this book, but I am on my way to read it ! ❤️

        • November 7, 2018

          Nice work honey. Please let me know what you think once you're done. xx

      • November 2, 2018

        Hey honey, I can soooo relate... I was in a war with my body and relationship with food for most of my teens and early twenties. Years on and I have a relationship with my body I only ever dreamed of; love, respect and mutual understanding of how amazing we both are ;) I've written about my story and journey to loving my body over on my blog, there are some epic resources included there - just in case it helps!! Sending you MASSIVE love beautiful woman. I so see you xoxo

        • November 7, 2018

          This is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing honey pie. xx

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