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How To Help Your Loved Ones Grow And Evolve







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Let me kick off this post by dropping a big old truth-bomb on you: it’s really easy to see other people’s ‘stuff’… and much, much harder to see our own. When you’ve got the luxury of a little distance — meaning, when you’re not actually bogged down in a situation — it’s much easier to notice patterns, identify solutions, and see what other people ‘should’ be doing. And because we all want our loved ones to be happy, healthy and fist pump their way through life, it’s really easy to start trying to tell them how they should change, or what they should do to ‘fix’ their current circumstances.

I notice this happening a lot in people who have just discovered the wellness or spiritual path. They feel amazing after cutting out gluten or ditching sugar, and want to shout from the rooftops about their newfound ways so that everyone around them can feel just as good. (Full disclosure: I definitely fell into this ‘uber passionate’ category when I first started on my path to wellness!)

But it doesn’t have to be health-related. It could be about someone’s relationship, their life choices, their career, their spiritual path… anything at all, really. It can also crop up a lot if you’re a coach and you’re further along in your journey than your clients, so can see the bigger picture more easily. Basically, if you’ve got experience in a certain area, it’s only natural to want to share your wisdom and help the people around you.

But of course, this usually has the opposite result of what we intend.

The problem is, no one likes to be preached to. No one. As soon as we are told we ‘should’ do something, our inner-toddler stamps their foot, digs their heels in, and walks staunchly in the opposite direction. I often hear my tribe talk about this phenomenon in frustration: they so badly want to help their partner, their parent or their bestie, and feel like they’re beating their heads against a brick wall trying to help them or ‘fix’ them. No matter how much they preach, poke, and prod, nothing seems to work. They just find themselves completely exhausted — and sometimes even alienate their loved one in the process.

Here’s the thing we all need to realise: When it comes to our clients and loved ones, trying to jam our wisdom down their throats ain’t gonna work, sister! Trust me, I’ve tried! We have to take a different approach. One where softness replaces sternness, where ‘walking our walk’ is more important than ‘talking our talk’, and where we lead with our heart, not our head…

Here are three beautiful ways to lead with your heart and help the people around you…

1. Be The Example

Us humans learn best by following along. Just as a child mimics their parents, we do the same as adults. So when you choose to focus on inspiring people and leading by example, they are a million times more likely to follow you than if you simply boss and lecture them. The biggest thing to remember is that in order to inspire someone, you have to genuinely walk your talk and live your message.

But what if you can see someone you love or a client suffering? Is it okay to tell them what to do then?

I know it’s hard to sit back and let that person go through their own journey —  especially when you can see the bigger picture —  but the reality is, we cannot save another. Sure, we can inspire them, but we cannot save them.

Remember: you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.

You have to be the example; the shining light that inspires that other person into their brilliance. That’s all you can do!

This is a toughie for the parents out there because we so desperately want to save and rescue our children when they are in need. I see it all the time. But by doing that you are actually doing them a disservice. Yep, it may sound counter-intuitive but it’s true: Every time you stop someone else from going through whatever it is they need to go through, you are interfering with their soul lesson and growth process. So, by letting them go through whatever they need to go through, you’re actually allowing them to have a true experience. But when we interfere, we stop that process. Same goes for your partner, parents, friends, family, clients, everyone: your job is simply to inspire.

The best way to inspire someone else is by being the living, breathing example.

I do understand that it’s not always easy. Just recently, I could see a very good friend of mine suffering. It broke my heart to see her in pain, but I knew deep down that all I could do was be the light for her, be that example. I let her know I was 10,000% there for her, but I could not interrupt her healing process. So I gently kept reminding her that I loved her, that I was here for her whenever she needed, and that all she had to do was reach out and I would be there.

A few weeks later, when she was ready, she did reach out. Vulnerable, raw and so beautiful. She thanked me for holding space for her and was grateful she got so much growth out of that particular experience.

Remember all you can do is be the light. Be that beautiful, shiny beacon ahead for your clients or loved ones.

2. Let Them Know That You Are 100% There For Them

When we are processing something, we can feel extremely isolated. So simply letting them know you are truly there for them can be incredibly powerful. Sometimes they might not want to hear it, but keep letting them know that you are there whenever they need. I do this by sending text messages, soul shares, ‘just thinking of you’ emails, or by simply sending them love at the end of my meditation. You don’t want to be too over the top with this — know your limits and don’t be annoying. Use your intuition and gauge when enough is enough with both your loved ones and clients.

3. Stay Soft

I know it can sometimes feel heart-wrenching and frustrating watching someone struggling, but the last thing they need is you barking down their neck. Stay soft and anchored in your heart — they are more likely going to turn to you when you are in your heart space.

Also, I firmly believe that ‘when the student is ready, the teacher appears’. When I first started on my spiritual path, I got so excited by this way of being that I wanted to teach everyone in my life how to meditate, do yoga and practice self-love. But after exhausting myself (and getting nowhere) I remembered that on my own journey, I had to reach a state of readiness in myself before I was able to make change. Then once I was ready, the teachers and wisdom I needed seemed to appear as if by magic. Remember this when it comes to your loved ones — when they are ready, the Universe will send them what they need.

Now I want to hear from you, beautiful. Do you have any tips on how to lead by example and hold space for your loved ones or clients? Please share with us in the comments below.

Remember, thousands of people visit this site every day and your comment might be the one thing they need to read to spark massive shifts deep within them.

Thank you so much for being here. Here’s to stepping up as the luminous shiny light for the people in our lives.


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  1. Fran says:

    Melissa, this is so perfect. You’re so right about being overenthusiastic and actually putting people off. So often I find that I want to give people a short cut but it’s just not possible, other than to show them that there is a way through and that I’ll be there to support them. Thanks for sharing honey, this really clarified my thinking on this topic.
    Fran x

  2. Julie says:

    Thank you for the beautiful post Melissa…

    I was wondering what you can do when someone close to you I.e my partner, is trying to change you, or tell you how you can better live your life? Rather than allowing you to make your insights and mistakes in your own journey? and if you feel they are not accepting of you UNTIL you change Xyz? Thank you so much for being such a positive influence xx

    • Melissa says:

      Great questions Julie.

      If I was in your shoes I would sit my partner down and have a heart to heart talk. I would share with him exactly how I am feeling and how he can best support me as my lover. Try not to speak to him until you are both in your heart. Otherwise you will get an egoic response. You want to make sure you are both in your heart space first.

      Does that make sense honey?

  3. kirsty says:

    I think you wrote this for me! thank you for the reminder 🙂
    This is my mantra just now, so helpful. x

  4. Cayla says:

    Your loving energy has helped me to choose loving behaviours. Your ability to be there for anyone when they are in need it beautiful. Love you xx Cayla

  5. Georgia says:

    I just love this Melissa!
    I forget sometimes that it’s about their journey – as heartbreaking as it can be to watch someone go through their pain and difficulties. And yes, I’m guilty of having been over enthusiastic about sharing my message too 🙂
    Sharing this, its gold.
    G x

  6. Erica says:

    Once again a beautiful post that hit the nail on the head! I know I was definitely the over-enthusiastic, passionate person when I started on my journey to true health and wellness. However, I came to the same realisation that forcing my ideas and beliefs down other’s throats wasn’t going to get people anywhere. Now I tell people about my beliefs and lifestyle if they ask, and when they are ready to learn or want to know more they do ask. And it’s so rewarding to be able to help them!

    Thank you, Melissa, for every beautiful, relevant post that reminds me how to live my best and most abundant life. I look forward to every email that arrives in my inbox telling about your latest post!

    Love Erica x

  7. ruth says:

    This is such a great topic, and great post. Its a skill to be there for others while not interrupting their journey. I have found if I find myself in conversations (which happens all the time) on ‘stuff’ people are going through I always ask what response I can give them from my heart. Even the truth when said from there is open and loving, and those around you will be more open to hearing it. Talking about our journeys and troubles is always a conversation, not a sermon. When my close friends and I chat from that place, we come away feeling inspired, open and insightful. Knowing we have each others back no matter what. As opposed to feeling like you have been hit over the head with judgement!
    Thanks again for a wonderful topic, much love xx

    • Melissa says:

      Exactly honey! You’re so right. We must always come from a place of love. When we speak from our heart we reach the other persons heart. But if we speak from our head we get an egoic response. Always best to come from love 😉

  8. Veronica says:

    Hi Melissa,

    i completely agree with you!

    Just yesterday (it’s 9 am italian time) i was thinking about this topic, can i help my loved ones? how far can i help my loved ones?

    I’ve always known my sister was not happy.

    Yesterday she asked me a consultation about her gut problems. I know that her body problems are a reflection of her emotions, so i began to let her choose the Australian bush flower essences card, and then i tested her limiting beliefs. She unconsciously believes she does not deserve to be happy! And this belief started when she lost a friend she loved (he died in an accident) at the age of 11 (now she’s 27).

    I taught her to practise EFT about this belief and she started crying deeply and deeply, and i was really heartbroken to see her in that way. She cried all the day and last night, but i know she can’t move forward until she releases all these emotions withheld.

    (Can you imagine? 15 years with those emotions inside her!!)

    So, at the end, i agree with you, but i think also that when one of our loved ones is ready, he/she asks our support, indeed just a little bit, maybe the bare essential that help to make a breakthrough!

    Thank you for your post, it helped me to reflect more about this, and it’s been a perfect divine time!


  9. CIARA says:

    Thank you so much Melissa ❤️ I love this post.
    This is something I definitely struggle with especially, with my family. I would constantly wish they would make all of the changes that I have implemented and now!

    I have finally come to realize that this was not helping and that simply by living my truth and spending time doing things I believe in, I inspire them to do the same.

    So beautiful

    Love Ciara

  10. Jane says:

    So true, and what a gorgeous reminder this is to myself. Thank you.

  11. claire says:

    Hi Melissa – thanks for this truly heartfelt post. I have had these exact experiences over the past year and your insights reflect this beautifully.Last year I married a wonderful man, but the day after the wedding our parents had a huge argument which we were pulled into. It has been a whirlwind of a year with so many emotions; my Mum had an emotional breakdown and I tried desperately to pick up the pieces. I tried using logic to fix the problems which didn’t work…….. only when I dropped into my heart, fully grounded myself and spoke from a place of utter love did things begin to turnaround. I had to get out of my place of pain and ego and stop trying to control the situation, I was trying too hard to help others to see that there was another way to look at things. Only by giving space and love have the wounds begun to heal.
    Thanks for being so filled with love and light :0)

    • Melissa says:

      Beautiful honey. I’m so happy for you.

      Keep staying in that beautiful heart of yours 😉


  12. Maxine says:

    This really resonates with me right now! Just being an authentic loving example can be so powerful in helping others and ultimately ourselves on our own path. X

  13. Jenn says:

    Melissa darling you are so on point with this. So many times we just jump in, head first, and only because we want the best for our tribe. But it can backfire and lead down many different roads. The one thing that I know absolutely certain is…that unless that person wants to change from their heart and mind, it will not happen, no matter how much we encourage them, show them, talk to them. But the three things you mentioned to do, I completely agree. And that is all that we can do.


    • Melissa says:

      Exactly Jenn, the other person has to be willing and if not that is totally fine and perfect as always.

      Thanks for sharing.


  14. Nina says:

    Thank you. Beautifully written and your message sinks in “soft” and clear 😉 x

  15. Carissa says:

    Thanks Melissa. This is something I struggle with especially with my mum. It really doesn’t help her. she gets annoyed and just thinks I’m a know it all… being softer and the silent example is where I will put my work. Xx

  16. Jo-Anne says:

    Thanks Melissa! Today you were my teacher!

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Hi Gorgeous, I'm Melissa.

Multiple bestselling author, #1 podcast host and TEDx speaker.



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