melissa ambrosini, health, wealth

Always Waiting For Permission? You Need To Read This!

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It’s really easy to fall into the trap of looking to other people for permission. We do it in all sorts of different circumstances — whether it’s our health, our wealth or our love life — and it’s something us ladies seem particularly prone to. Sometimes we want that external reassurance on big things, sometimes it’s for trivial things, but whatever the size of the permission slip you’re seeking, one thing’s for sure: it’s a stinky habit to fall into. By looking outside of yourself for that rubber stamp of approval, you’re voluntarily choosing to give away your power and live your life according to someone else’s rules…

Not exactly the most enlightened way to live, right?!

I noticed this recently with myself. I knew in my heart that I needed to pull back a little — to step back from work, to slow down, to give myself the time and space I was craving. Yet I felt like I couldn’t actually allow myself that space without someone else giving me permission. I found myself looking to my team, my friends, and my husband for reassurance, wanting them to say ‘It’s okay, Melissa! You can take some time off!’. I was seeking permission from other people, when all I really had to do was grant it to myself.

So why was I so convinced I needed someone else to affirm my decision and say it was okay? Why was I seeking external permission?

The answer is actually surprisingly simple: because in that moment, I didn’t trust myself.

Trust has been a hot topic that has come up for me a lot lately. I’ve always had a lot of trust in myself, but at the start of this year (when my best friend passed over) my world got shaken up and as a result, I lost a little trust… Trust in life, in the Universe, in myself… in everything, really. I felt defeated (still do at times), flat, and found myself wondering what the point of everything was.

So I knew I needed to do a little work on this. (And if I had any doubt, every single angel card I have pulled since then has had the word ‘trust’ plastered all over it — go figure!) I also knew I needed to give myself permission to just be, something that I, as a type A go-getter, struggle with daily.

Living in a society where it is ingrained in us to seek outside approval, it takes a little unlearning to really reprogram this Mean Girl belief. It takes time and commitment, but it’s a challenge I am wholeheartedly dedicated to, and I hope you are too.

So how do we give ourselves full permission to live our truth and to just be our radiant goddess self? Again, it’s a simple enough answer (though not always easy to follow through on) — we have to have our own back.

But after years (maybe even decades) of second-guessing yourself and looking to others for approval and permission, how the heck do we do that?!

We place both our hands over our precious heart and repeat ‘You’ve got this, sister’. You need to feel with every fibre of your being that you have your own back no matter what. I know this might sound silly but it really works. Whenever I feel like I’m seeking acceptance or approval outside of myself, I now place my hands over my heart and say, ‘You’ve got this, beautiful’. Give this a go next time you feel yourself seeking approval from outside of yourself.

You can use this principle to empower others as well. For example, in the MA office, my aim is to inspire my team to make their own decisions. I want to inspire them to not always look to me for the answers, and I don’t want them to be second-guessing their own intuition and expertise. Which is why I consciously choose to lead by example. I want to empower and inspire them to take ownership and to feel confident in their decisions, whatever they may be. Otherwise they will never grow, and never fully thrive in their own unique zone of genius. The same applies when it comes to your kids, partner, friends, clients, family… anyone for that matter. You want to empower them? Inspire them to make their own decisions and to back themselves 150%. You support them by not only inspiring them, but by then letting them know that the outcome is irrelevant as long as they have their own back.

I know how deeply embedded this need for permission can be, so I want to look at two more specific examples here that I see recurring again and again in the women I work with and the beauties who come to my Goddess Group sessions…

First up is food…

Years ago, I used to look for permission to eat certain things. I needed someone else to tell me it was okay to eat the chocolate brownie I was hankering after. In those moments, if it was my truth, it would have been soooo much simpler to just give myself full permission to eat the goddamn brownie with nothing but love in my heart, and peace in my belly. (A little side note: Never eat the brownie if you have guilt, stress or anxiety circulating your body. In order to correctly digest your food and assimilate the nutrients you need to be in a calm and relaxed state.) Instead, what would usually happen would be that I’d completely flip out over the conflict raging inside me — I’d want the brownie, but I wouldn’t let myself have the brownie, and I’d want my then-boyfriend to tell me it was okay to eat it, but he’d be completely oblivious to the Mean Girl dialogue blaring in my ears and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just eat whatever the hell I wanted to eat… Phew! Can you see how tiring it all gets?

The dress rehearsal is over, your time is NOW!

All because we don’t trust our own bodies enough to tell us what they want, and then give them full permission to follow that instinct…

The other big area where we seem to want a big, giant permission slip is when it comes to following our dreams…

I see so many women looking for permission to follow their heart’s desires and chase after their dreams. But they get so bogged down in the Mean Girl chatter telling them that they HAVE to do things a certain way (like thinking they ‘have to’ go to uni, or study a particular subject, or take over the family business) that it literally feels rebellious — even irresponsible — to actually do what their heart wants them to do. Which is exactly why they’re so desperate to have someone else to tell them it’s okay…

If this sounds like you, then I am granting you full permission right now. Stop waiting for the green light, or for someone to say ‘Go for it’. Your time is now! You aren’t getting any younger, and if there is something that you have been bursting to do, create, start, launch or make, then trust me my sweet friend, you need to go do it! The dress rehearsal is over. The show has started. And it’s your time on the stage. You will never, ever get this moment back (or this one, or this one) ever, ever again. It’s gone forever! It’s in the past and now no longer exists. It’s just a figment of your imagination and now all that matters is this moment right here…

So beautiful, whether you find yourself looking for permission in your work, your career, your food choices, your health, your relationship, or anything else, the end result is always the same: by doing so, you’re dimming your own light and keeping yourself small.

And I know that’s not what any of us want.

So let’s all make a pact to have our own backs. Let’s all commit to giving ourselves permission to live our truth. To be our full-blown authentic goddess self. To shine our light so damn brightly, the world’s gonna need some freaking Ray-Bans to cope with our love-fuelled luminosity.

It’s a simple promise, but it has far-reaching ramifications. And when you commit to living this way, the most beautiful ripple effect occurs and you end up inspiring all the women around you to do the same. By you simply shining you give them permission and liberate them to do the same. It’s truly magnificent to watch!

So sweetheart, I want to hear from you. What do you need to give yourself permission for? What do you need to grant yourself right now? And are you ready to make this pact with yourself? Share with me in the comments below to really help hold yourself accountable.

Thank you so much for being here and sharing so openly and honestly in the comments below. Thousands of beautiful souls come here every single day and your comment might be the one thing that sparks massive inspiration in someone else’s life. So as always, share from your heart.

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  1. Sacha Marie Curtis says:

    So much in me resonated YES! with this. After being a decisive child, I became a little indecisive in my teens and ever since then have sought permission for certain things from my family and partner. The reassurance of approval can become very addictive. Next time I’m gonna tell myself “I got this.” xx

  2. Alison says:

    Today I felt like I need permission for it to be OK to have the night off work to rest and recharge. I work shift work and working a lot with limited days off in a row. I also have PCOS and got my period today so I am feeling emotional. I needed this day to ‘recharge’ but am feeling guilty for taking my shift off today. I feel a little better after reading this and less like I need to explain myself.

    • Melissa says:

      Place your hands over your heart Alison and repeat the mantra. Gently close the door on your Mean Girl and return back to love. Let go of any Mean Girl thoughts and come back to the present moment. This is all we can ever do.

      P.S. I am so proud of you for tuning in and listening to your body… well done!

      xx

  3. Jocelyne says:

    Thank you so much for this article Melissa! This is the most difficult challenge in my life right now. I’m always seeking for permission. Permission to do a language exchange course, permission to loosing weight, permission to be “ME”. This is so difficult but its doable. The only problem I have is lack of self love, number one enemy in my head..

    Thank you so much for sharing your content!

    Love
    Jocelyne

    • Melissa says:

      Hey Jocelyne,

      I can totally relate, but once I learned how to master my Mean Girl everything changed for me. Make sure you gently close the door on her when she pops up and return back to love. I know it’s not always easy, but it’s oh-so worth it 😉

      Let me know how you go darling.

      xx

  4. Lottie says:

    Hi Melissa, I really needed to hear this. I have been waiting for permission to quit my gym membership. I have been going over and over it for months asking people’s opinions etc. I want to run, go for walks outside, do yoga at home etc but my mean girl says to me I’ll get fat, stay at the gym, you will never motivate yourself, you have a good rate at the gym and a friend to go with too etc. I am over paying for it and not getting there. So thank you so much xxx

    • Melissa says:

      You’re so welcome Lottie.

      Remember to always listen to your heart not your Mean Girl and to really trust and believe in your intuition. It always knows best 😉

      xx

      • Lottie says:

        Thank you so much. I’m going to remind myself of that every time I have to make a decision. It’s very freeing. Thank you so much for replying to my message. I would love to grow and expand in this area.

  5. Kate says:

    Melissa, I feel like you are speaking directly to me, I had to go back and re read some of the sections! Thank you for giving me the permission to believe that I can do it and the time is now. Xx

  6. Melissa my love, it’s almost like you jumped right inside my head and read my thoughts.

    I’ve been having so much trouble lately being ok with following what I want for my life. As you say, it’s not a dress rehearsal! We are adults, but nobody really teaches you that it’s ok to do whatever the heck you like when you leave school and that it doesn’t have to look a certain way.

    Follow your heart, beautiful and I’ll be waiting (wearing RayBans!)!

    xxx

    • Melissa says:

      hehehe you’re too sweet angel. I will be wearing RayBans for you my love.

      P.S. Imagine if we were taught this in school, it’s my mission to make that happen 😉

      xx

  7. At the beginning of this year, I really wanted to call in some new mentors and teachers, and in February I found you! I’m so grateful for you, Melissa! I loved this article and it resonated with me so much. I recently had a big life transition and moved across the country for grad school and I’m also starting a business. I haven’t been able to give myself permission to just marinate in what is instead of pushing and grinding. I’m loving the Goddess Group On Demand (I watch it while I eat breakfast!) and the new MA Business Bootcamp!

    • Melissa says:

      Hey beautiful,

      I am so glad you love the bootcamp and the Goddess Group On Demand as much as I LOVE creating them for you. Don’t forget to share your insights with me in the comments, I would LOVE to hear them.

      xx

  8. Fran says:

    This is such a beautiful message Melissa – and so beautifully written. I wish I had read this a year ago when I was first introduced to intuitive eating and struggling to trust myself around food. It’s always in those moments that challenge us most that we need to have that trust the most.
    Thanks for sharing lovely x

    • Melissa says:

      It sure is Fran. It’s always in those moments we need to practice what we know and really trust. They are often the hardest but the times we really need it.

      Keep up the awesome work honey.

      xx

  9. Marcella says:

    Hello everybody! And thank you, Melissa. I must start by sharing my appreciation (as well as) relief at reading your posts. Melissa, your energy is contagious and your honest and open heart is inspiring. I guess the heart is ALWAYS honest, but you’re right, by you letting yours rise to the surface and lead you serves as a good and essential reminder. I don’t know if we can ever be reminded of the importance of doing this enough!
    As per usual, your post came at the perfect time – and it has been dawning on me just how much permission I seem to seek from the outside world. And yet it’s so subtle that I almost do not realise I’m operating in this way. It’s crazy, it’s that horrid feeling that something isn’t sitting right, and I think it could be my heart (my essence) feeling jolly well betrayed when I’m not honouring it!
    I’m spending time with myself 100% of the time so why wouldn’t I make that relationship a top priority?! Golly gee it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling guilty or labelling ourselves as selfish / treating selfishness as a monstrous trait.
    And trust, well, I could go on forever so . . . I shall leave it there for now. But thank you!
    Love,
    Marcella

  10. I need to give myself permission to sleep in when I’m being pulled to do so without the guilt. Sometimes my body needs the extra rest and it may even be preventing illness! I’d much rather sleep in and choose wellness! Thanks Melissa and everyone else for sharing your permission slips 🙂

  11. Tara Tucker says:

    So I’ve always always been stuck in past stories where I really have had no power. Since breaking free of those drama filled stories I’ve always run. I’m left feeling a little lost. It’s like a huge part of me is missing and although I know that there is more for me now, my path is still unclear.

    It’s almost like I await approval of someone to say to me “you’ve done well. You can step into you now. You can do this” Even though I understand “I got this” I don’t trust myself that I do….. yet.

    Thank you for encouraging me to just trust me. Have the confidence to embrace all I am. Follow my heart even if I’m not sure where it’s going just yet. And just flow with my intuition.

  12. Cherie Thorburn says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. Your words are incredibly heartfelt, honest & inspiring. Certainly a timely reminder of what I needed to hear right now xxx

  13. Jenna says:

    Great great post Mel! I’ve definitely seen myself doing what you described – holding back, sitting in a place of “unsure” when really its about listening to my sneaky ego saying “you need someone else’s permission”. You’re totally right, I’ve got my own back, I don’t need permission to be me! Thankyou for sharing, as always x

  14. Katie says:

    YES! this is one of my biggest problems! I always do it, from small things like cutting my hair to bigger things like uni/career. I always seem to need permission from someone else before I make a decision. Such a terrible and disempowering habit. After a good chat about my future career plans etc with my hubby the other day he said to me ‘ honey, it seems to me like you really just need to start backing yourself and see yourself the way I see you’. After reading this post I know it is something I need to work on, so I make a pact with myself now that I will have my own back more and get out of my own way so I can live my truth and let myself shine!
    Thank you Melissa xx

    • Melissa says:

      Virtual high fives to that Katie.

      Keep me posted with how you go.

      You got this girlfriend 😉

      xx

  15. Aimee says:

    Wow.. What a huge heart opening moment!! I have always asked for permission about my talent. Asking if this song was good enough, if this poem resonated with people, is my voice good enough. I give permission to myself to be the unique glistening bright spark that I know I have always been. No longer will I stand on the sidelines, living a half life.
    Thank you Melissa!
    Huge love
    Aimee

  16. Thorey Thormar says:

    Thank you for your inspiring word, they really do touch the heart and speak the truth.
    I´ve been in the same job for years, alongside having my girls and getting my masters degree. When I came back from my maternity leave I didn´t feel the same way about my job and for months now I´ve been really depressed and not feeling the passion, which I once had. So I decided to take a leap and quit my job, even though I don´t know what I´ll be doing next. But I would rather deliver the mail than stay in a job that is not fulfilling anymore and believe me I would be the happiest postman 😀 But I trust in the universe and I´m being optimistic, and I know something great will come my way 🙂
    Thank you for being you and reminding us of the goddess we all have inside!!

    Best wishes,
    Þórey from Iceland

    • Melissa says:

      WOW! Well done Thorey for taking the leap. I know it’s not easy and your Mena Girl can become very loud so high fives for following your heart. I am like you, I would rather not do something if my heart is not in it. It feels soul-less! Stay open and keep doing things that light you up to create way for the magic to unfold.

      Keep me posted with your journey.

      xx

  17. Sandra says:

    Mel, thank you so much for this post – it’s so inspiring and so so so good to know that others go through similar dilemmas and I’m not alone. I love the honesty you share, things that most people probably experience but have a hard time even putting into words! This really really resonated with me as I’ve been seeking approval externally to take a massive chance with my career and even though I’ve been getting lots of external disapproval, there was one person who really supported me and let me know that it’s ok and now I’ve convinced myself that it’s ok – I don’t need to seek permission from anyone. But at the same time it’s good to know I also have a support system, I really think it’s important in addition to not seeking permission from anyone that you also surround yourself with people who will support you no matter what. Thank you again, Mel!

    • Melissa says:

      Absolutely Sandra! I totally agree with you. Surrounding yourself with supportive people is essential. Also having a solid support network of 1-3 people that you trust and can call on is paramount. But we always need to have our own back first and foremost 😉

      xx

  18. Heba says:

    Dear Melissa, I read this in the exact moment I needed to. The last year has been a rollercoaster ride for me, and now (in the midst of moon cycle tears) I feel myself calming and gathering myself up and feeling love flood my system again after a day of mean girl-rule. I’ve felt so much guilt and shame for disappearing from my online presence + new coaching business while adrenal fatigue, quitting my job, preparing to move took over my life instead. While recovering it’s been very hard for me to feel okay with how this has all panned out. Disappearing brought up so much shame and guilt (losing about 80 likes on my page – although I try not to – makes me feel like I have let so many people down) – but my cup was emptied and I needed to physically recover in order to be able to serve again. I too had feelings of ‘what’s the point of it all?’ which triggered my heart strings when I read you did, too, through your own experience. I am now in the process of forgiving myself for these thoughts and everything else that my down-time is giving me a chance to bring up to heal. It’s not easy at all but I look forward to using these experiences to help others choose love over fear too – even when it feels impossible and pointless. I know this is just temporary and joy is around the corner… Thank you for being a shining part of my love posse – I owe you and your light so much Melissa. So much love and gratitude. xo Heba (ray ban time.. coming up)

    • Melissa says:

      Heba this is your time to fill yourself up. Gently close the door on your Mean Girl and take this time for you. We can not serve if our cup is empty or even half full. We need to be overflowing to be of full services (as you know).

      Keep me posted with how you go darling.

      xx

  19. Chris says:

    Such great advice Melissa…thank you. I’ve been stuck for quite some time, but my problem is HOW to figure out what it is I need to do with my life and then to allow myself to move on it. I will continue to read, pray and try to figure it out. You are a blessing to us all!!

    • Melissa says:

      Hey Chris,

      Thank you so much for your kind words.

      Maybe stop trying so hard to figure it all out and let it unfold. Just keep showing up and putting one foot in front of the other. I’ve found that when I get out of my head and let go of the ‘trying’ to figure it all out that it unfolds perfectly in front of me.

      Give it a go and let me know how you feel.

      xx

  20. Katrin says:

    From the bottom of my heart: thank you Melissa.

    Thank you for your beautiful article and for doing what you do every day.

    I love seeing your little light shine! xox

    I, too have been having an issue with trust – but your reminder to have my own back and trust in myself was timely.

    I will be placing my hands over my heart and reminding myself gently (but firmly) that, “yes…I’ve got this.”

    And what a gift to pass on to my loved ones – that they too can trust in themselves and learn to have their own backs every day.

    Katrin

  21. Lisa says:

    This is so true for me. I’m always looking for answers and reassurance in other people. I feel like I’m not certain about a decision until someone agrees with me. At the moment I just finished studying to be a health coach and trying to get myself out there. But it doesn’t seem to be happening. I actually feel like a need to take 6 months off from everything, life has been a struggle and challenging. I feel like a need the space and rest but I question myself if I’m quitting or giving up because I feel like I’m receiving a lot of negativity and no support for me living my dream to be a health coach

    • Melissa says:

      Hey Lisa,

      It sounds like there is a lot of fear and doubt however you don’t have to let it win. You can choose to listen to your Mean Girl, or you can gently close the door on her and reconnect with those feelings you get when you think about being a health coach and having your own business.

      It’s always super powerful to look in the mirror and ask yourself, where am I being negativity and not supporting myself right now?

      Maybe journal it out and see what comes up honey. Let me know how you go.

      xx

  22. Annabelle says:

    Oh darling Melissa, you always hit that darn nail right on it’s darn head! Only last night did I journal for pages and pages about my external seeking of permission and appreciation. Talk about synchronicity! This search of permission is a lifelong flaw/habit/whatever you want to call it of mine, and only during the last few years have I noticed that a lack of self love has resulted in constant yearning for this approval from others, whether it be work/relationships/travel destinations/exercise choices – the list goes on!!! Realising this has been beautiful and I am continually reminding myself that to overcome it I must continue the journey of nourishing self love, and enjoy plentiful realisations, learnings and ebbs and flows along the way. Thank you for always filling up my heart with faith. Loads of love xxx

    • Melissa says:

      You’re exactly right Annabelle, it’s a continual/ daily/ moment to moment journey of nourishing thy self with bucket loads of love and filling ourselves up so that we don’t seek external acceptance, appreciate or approval. It’s a process but an extremely rewarding one.

      Keep me posted with how you go honey.

      xx

  23. Rebecca says:

    Ah this is gorgeous and sooooo perfectly timed. I just chose (yes chose!) to give up a well paid and to the outside world ‘amazing’ corporate job in order to focus full time on being a health coach. I graduate from IIN in Aug and am already starting to work with women in London to help them get healthy and truly well. Thank you Melissa. xxxx

    • Melissa says:

      WOW Rebecca massive shifts… This is very exciting and I can’t wait to watch you shine. Please keep me updated with your journey.

      xx

  24. Samara says:

    I opened this at just the right time! You write in such a beautiful way and I come back to your blog articles and re-read them probably every month. Whenever I need inspiration I type in your name and it gives me that little kick up the bum I need! I have been feeling more vulnerable lately and today I received my first negative feedback on my blog. Actually it was 2 negative comments from different people at the same time. It really hit me and has me questioning my purpose and the purpose of my blog. I am feeling confused at the moment, looking outside for answers, hoping to hear wisdom and the go ahead from other people when I know I should be looking within. Only I feel so much turmoil and confusion that I am putting off meditating and sitting with myself and my feelings. This reminded me that I need to have my own back, I need to stick to my truth and be my own best friend. Thank you beautiful Melissa xxx

    • Melissa says:

      Exactly right Samara. I remember the first time someone wrote something nasty on my site, I cried. I was so devastated. But now I remind myself that everyone has an opinion, but the opinion that matters most is mine.

      Don’t let your Mean Girl run off with the story. Keep coming back home (to you) and have you’re own back.

      You got this sister!

      xx

  25. Tan says:

    Thank you so much Melissa 🙂 I came across this post at a particular time.
    A time when I needed to have such an advice. By the way I look forward to the launching of your book in 2016 🙂 <3

    • Melissa says:

      You’re so welcome Tan, I can’t wait for you to read it 😉

      xx

      • Tan says:

        I’m so excited that I already added it to my wishlist <3
        It feels good to have a guide in life 🙂 Reading good advice and having inspiration makes me want to improve myself and be less worried and just be happy <3

  26. Ashlea says:

    Right now I am working on giving myself permission to change my mind, so thank you so much for sharing this Mel.
    After saying since I was 7 years old that I wanted to be a lawyer, I have finally gotten here…and you know what, it is SO not for me! I want to be a soulpreneur that empowers women through my writing, speaking and coaching to choose peace, love and light and live the best version of their life. I am so passionate about this but I am definitely struggling with being OK with changing my mind.
    Thank you Thank you!! xo

    • Melissa says:

      Hey Ashlea,

      WOW! What a massive realisation. I’m so excited for you and for the next chapter.

      I invite you to let go of what ever your Mean Girl is telling you and stay connected to that feeling you get when you think about being a soulpreneur and empowering women.

      Stay deeply connected to that feeling my darling and don’t let your Mean Girl creep in.

      xx

  27. Niamh says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this, I’m so glad I read it! I recently moved towns and started a new job, and I’m finding it hard to get back into my routine in this new environment. I’ve found myself looking to friends and family for permission to work out and go for runs, things I normally really enjoy doing. I know that in order to ever start feeling at home here, I have to do the things that make me, me! So next time i feel like this, I’m going to remember… I’ve got this! xxx

  28. braun says:

    This is just a beautiful post that I needed to read.Everything in it is inspiring and helps me moving forward.I feel less “alone ” in being stuck,I feel so much better.
    Thank you for writing this

  29. Annie says:

    Always felt like I needed permission to loose weight and look attractive. So I constantly sabotage my weight loss.

  30. SIAN DOYLE says:

    I have never read anything like this before in my life that literally describes mine to the “T”.

    Over the years I have found myself starting to always ask permission from people and still do to this day thinking that maybe one day someone won’t judge my decisions in life but I set myself up to fail each and every time and that little spark of self confidence I have withers away each time.

    I thank you so so much for this as it’s opened my eyes to what I really need to start doing for myself so I thank you so much Melissa. Xx

  31. Nadja D says:

    Thank you! I hadn’t realized until this moment permission is what I’ve been yearning for. Blaming and shaming others for my own sense of unworthiness and “lack of creation-ness” has bogged down my current relationship. I recognized this wasn’t the truth and looked inward – come to find out, I’ve been waiting for another to encourage me to find my truth, to live me truth, to embody my True Goddess…I’ve been waiting for someone to make space for me to show up fully as I am, and feel slighted (deeply) when that space isn’t created. I’m selling myself short and relying on others to do my work for me. If I am lucky enough to have people in my life to support me no matter what I’m yearning to do, it is MY responsibility to show up, suit up, & begin. I can embody myself fully NOW. If my fears come true and another (those closest to me) do not like the results, they can kindly go elsewhere. I am WILLING and EXCITED to embody the inspired truth within me calling to be expressed! Thank you! Xoxo All Goddesses out there, go for it!!

  32. Thank you so much goddess for this medicine! I am so grateful to have you as a care bear light-blasting cheerleader Melissa : )

    I am giving myself permission to create my business and start writing my book even though my mean girl wants to keep me small by replaying the story ‘ your an undergrad college student’. My intuition is yelling on top of her sweet lungs NOW and I am going to unapologetically answer the call. Thank you. I love you.

  33. Abby says:

    I have been working through my need for permission from others, particularly my boyfriend. I look to him for a lot of guidance because he’s had so much life experience, has an amazing heart, and always supports my best interests. He’s helped me become who I am today and I trust his judgment on everything. But, I have to give myself that same support and trust in my own experience/intuition as well. I’ll get too caught up in that inner conflict if I should listen to myself or just ask my bf. I have a beautiful life waiting to be loved if I just trust myself and act on what I truly want.

    And so today I was trying something new I wanted to do, and before I did it, I said to myself “you got this,” and I ended up doing a great job! It gave me lots of confidence. I’m definitely using this technique as I continue working on giving myself permission.

  34. Pilar says:

    I love this. I’ve been wanting to write a novel for so long and don’t seem able to start I realised today that I’m sort of waiting for someone ( and I don’t even know who!) to tell me, ‘yes, you can. Go, become a writer’. I loved what you said about trusting yourself. Clearly, that’s the key. Thank you so much for writing this! X

  35. Pia says:

    Hi Melissa! I have always needed permission from my parents to follow any idea or dream i wanted for me. And i realised it this year. I am 25 now.
    When i was a child i thought there were limitations because of the money, so I never said what was in my mind, i have always accepted what my parents chose for me and never asked for anything else.
    I began having troubles when choosing my major after high school, but still chose what my parents said because i did not have a clear of what i wanted to do, so it made me sad but i did not refuse to them.
    Now that i am grown up and graduated as an Architect, i am struggling figuring out what is next. I am trying to hear my inner voice and taking very VERY little baby steps. But it feels like i need to do something else. Something big. But i do not figure out what.

  36. Brandon says:

    Hey, Melissa!!!

    I’m very grateful you decided to put pen to paper and unleash your thoughts to the world in this way. I hope you know that what you do is really making an impactful punch in people’s lives. Sure did mine!!!

    I know I’m probably not quite the demographic you were looking for when ya wrote your article (I chucked quite a bit when I said to myself, “You got this, sister”) but the impact of your words have been just as powerful on a 20 y/o guy!

    Permission has been a plague on the game, girl, and I knew I needed a way out. What really did it for me was when you said, “- the outcome is irrelevant as long as you have your own back.”

    I feel that too often we fear what could happen if we make a decision and fail. But failure leads us to our greatest lessons, and by knowing that the outcome is irrelevant we can truly begin to act w/o fear of what could happen.

    One last time, thank you for taking the time to write this article. You have truly changed my life <3

    • Brandon, I’m so glad it resonated and that you could still receive the information even though I say ‘sister’. I’m so proud of you and excited for you go continue on your journey. xx

  37. Elodie says:

    Wouah as soon as I came to the word trust at the beginning of the reading, my heart and eyes felt side open. Simply the word I needed to be reminder of, when for des weeks now I’ve been in the company of someone suggesting day after day to doubt myself. And I know Well about responsability and my part and all, though being in that environnement no matter how much I come back To myself, I can see how it has rubbed on me. Time To take it all back here and now. Thank you!

  38. Kathy says:

    My husband and I are empty nesters. We have wanted to move to Idaho from California since 2017. We were slated to build a house there in 2017 but I found out I was going to be a grandma and my parents health was declining. We backed out of our purchase.
    Since then, it’s all we talk about. My son and his family are open to moving up there too. My daughter goes to the University there. We actually bought a small house there that sits vacant because I can’t give myself permission to just go for it. The thing holding me back is my parents. They are now in a Board and Care facility here in California near me. If I move I would have to leave them behind. I feel like I’m abandoning them. Their Drs are all here and they couldn’t make the move. I do have a sister here that helps in the decision making for them and she is pissed at me for wanting to move yet she is leaving tomorrow to meet with a realtor in Idaho…No I don’t want her to move near me but that’s another story.
    I can’t get passed this feeling and needing permission. I’m miserable.
    Thanks for reading.
    Kathy.

    • Hey Kathy, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. Is there any way your parents can move with you? That would be the ideal situation, OR is there somewhere closer to them you can move that you still love that isn’t too far away from them. What I know for sure is that life is precious and sacred and we don’t know how long we are here for, and we need to make the most of it and spend it with the people we love. We recently moved because we wanted to be closer to our parents and because we love it here and it’s been one of the best decisions. Do what your heart is saying and follow that 100% honey. I hope that helps. xx

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