Most people, in the lead up to their wedding, do a lot of work on themselves. And by that, I mean they hire a personal trainer, flog the shit out of their bodies and go on crazy-restrictive fad diets. But not me.
As soon as I was engaged, I knew I wanted to get myself in shape, but not that sort of shape. I wanted to pump up my inner work, to make sure that when I was walking down that aisle, I was in the best possible spiritual and energetic place I could be.
So, being the total wellness nerd that I am, I committed to seeing an amazing energetic body worker (that title doesn’t even do him justice) named Abrar. He worked with me on releasing my emotional blockages, my leftover baggage, and any lingering beliefs that were weighing me down. So basically, anything that was keeping me stuck in the past and not in the here and now.
I have been doing a lot of work on myself for years now, and have let go of loads of crap already. But I’m not perfect, and it’s always an ongoing process. So I really wanted to delve deeper and make sure that I wasn’t unwittingly bringing any of my old crap into my marriage.
And I’m so glad I did.
Some of the stuff we released, I didn’t even know was there. Generations and generations of pain, hurt and anxiety were lodged deep in my body and energy fields, and I wasn’t even aware of it. Every session was painful yet ecstatic at the same time. I saw Abrar every two weeks in the lead up to the Big Day, and he commented how every time he saw me, my body was opening up more and more.
With each session, I felt myself being pulled apart, cracked open and stripped bare. And each time, a little more pain was released, making space for a little more sacred light to filter in.
My body responded well to the work, and I could really feel the difference. It was like my energy had made a tangible shift and my whole being was lighter and yet more grounded at the same time. In the week before my wedding, at our final session, Abrar said ‘you’re ready to go get married now’.
When you enter a new phase of your life – whether it’s a new relationship, a new job, marriage, whatever – it’s so important that you are free from the shackles of your past. There is no point dragging your outdated junk into this beautiful, fresh, new chapter. That is only going to hold you back and keep you repeating the same old cycles, again and again.
But the problem is, we’re not always aware that we’re even doing it. I see it all the time with my clients and friends, where they keep dragging the same old stuff into each new phase, and then reliving the same old patterns, over and over. Why do we do it? Because it’s easier than looking at our stuff. Because it’s easier than doing the work. Because it’s easier than taking responsibility.
But you know what?
So how can you let go of all that stuff? It’s quite simple, actually. All you have to do is be present.
When you are present, nothing else exists. There’s no past holding you back, no future to worry about, just the infinite potential of the moment.
Doing the inner work is essential for happiness and health.
But of course, there’s a major obstacle on the path to presence – your Mean Girl. She does not want you to be living in the moment because she has no power over you there. So she’ll do her very best to pull you out of it by swirling a million thoughts through your head and making up a billion reasons why you should be doing something else instead.
This is completely normal and doesn’t mean that you’re weak or have no willpower. When you hear her voice in your head, simply take a deep breath, ignore her excuses, and gently but firmly let her know that you are choosing to be present.
I have had the pleasure of witnessing many women release their past and free themselves from years of pain, and as a mega bonus, releasing loads of weight at the same time. Not because they were flogging their bodies, but because excess weight is stored emotions that we are holding on to. Once we let go of the past and unhitch the baggage, the weight simply falls off. And this was no different for me. Whilst losing weight was not my goal, I walked down the aisle the best I’ve ever felt because I literally left my baggage at the door, no personal trainer needed. The only muscle I needed to flex was my self love muscle.
Now I want to hear from you my darling. What are you holding onto from the past that is no longer serving you? What can you let go of right now? Share with me in the comments below. And remember, your comment could ignite massive change within one of your soul sistas. So open that big heart of yours and share away.
As always, thank you for being so open, loving and kind in the comments I honor you.
P.S Abrar only see’s clients, in person, in Sydney’s East. His number is 0415 132 076. Tell him I said, ‘hi’.
I absolutely love your website and all that you stand for and share! My problem is that I know WHAT to do, but I have no clue HOW to do it. I’m stuck and I don’t know how to get unstuck. How do you release all of your emotional baggage? How do you let go of the past, especially when there are many things you don’t even know you are holding on to?
arrh Rachael I have the BEST online program coming soon in late June that will help you with exactly this. I can’t wait to share it with you.
In the mean time I would download my book 12 Steps To Wellness and get started by reading that. Have a read and let me know what you think.
xx
Thank you so much! I’m going to go download your book now and can’t wait til June =)
Hi Melissa,
I just love your website and have just purchased your meditation series. Can you please keep me in the loop for this online program? Thanks so much! When is your next speaking event in Brisbane? I would love to attend.
Hi Tahlia,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Enjoy the meditations darling.
If you are signed up to my newsletter you wont miss out on the launch of the program in late June.
At this stage and this may change my next speaking gig in Brisbane is at Utopia Womens Wellness. Check it out >>
http://www.utopiawomenswellness.com/
I hope to meet you there.
xx
Melissa – What a great post and it happened to find me at the most perfect time (don’t they always though?).
Recently my husband and I decided to divorce. It was a decision I knew in my heart was right and I’ve been thinking a lot about what I need to really work on moving forward so I don’t bring old baggage from this relationship into the next when I meet my soulmate.
What kind of energy healer was Abra exactly? I’d love to know more.
Thank you so much for your honesty. Your work in the world is truly beautiful and touches so many loves.
Thank you so much beautiful Amanda and well done for making the first step to releasing your stuff.
Abra’s title is an energetic body worker. Ask around your area or on Facebook for recommendations from other people. That’s usually the best way to find these sorts of special souls.
Good luck and let me know how you go darling.
xx
Thank you thank you! xxoo
Melissa, I absolutely love this. I was really waiting to hear from you, about your experience preparing for your wedding. I’m getting married this August and I can’t wait, but at the same time, I’ve wanted to work on myself on a deeper level. Of course I want to look good (my Mean girl keeps reminding me as well!), but it is more about being fully present and conscious to experience the magic of the day!
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story! It has truly inspired me to access and work on some deeper, inner stuff.
Love, Ariadne x
You’re so welcome beautiful Ariadne.
Congrats on your wedding. How exciting! You’re right it is more about being present and conscious because let me tell you it will fly by if your not.
Keep doing the inner work and tell your Mean Girl to shhh when she pop’s up. Remember you are prefect exactly the way you are 😉
xx
Truly love your post Melissa..so inspiring + authentic. It’s like the universe wanted me to read this because right now, I’m in the process of letting go of my deepest fears. I’m feeling a big shift in me, and I’m hoping that soon I will be free from those fears. I know it’s a life work, and fears can come back at any time, but I’m ready to let them go now for good. My biggest fear is to not be enough, and the consequence is to not love myself fully and completely. This fear has ruled my whole life, and I want it out, I need it out of my skin, my system, my mind, and my heart.
Thank you so much for inspiring me every day, women like you are a true blessing.
Love
Caroline
Thank you so much Caroline.
I think it’s time to let go of the fear of not being enough. Tell your Mean Girl to shh and that you no longer want to hold on to that belief. Remember my darling you have a choice and you can choose to listen to her or not. It’s up to you my darling.
xx
It would be great to know how to find this amazing body worker you recommend.
Hi Adriana,
Abra work’s in Bondi Junction in Sydney and his number is 0415 132 076.
Let me know how you go.
xx
Hi Melissa,
your journey sounds as though it was very raw and emotional, it must feel amazing to have all that weight lifted off your shoulders. Reading your blog is inspiring and motivating but I struggle to know where to begin? How do you know what will work or who you can turn to to help lift that weight?
It’s funny because there are days where I feel on top of it and nothing can or will pull me down. However, working in a place I don’t like, family stuff and my own insecurities, tend to creep back in. I guess reading your blog gives people hope and I too am getting married and it just really resinates with me and definitely makes me realise the work I have and want to do.
Peace and Love,
Sammy.
Hey Sammy,
Start where you are right now. Just make one choice right now that is for your higher good. It’s a moment to moment process my darling. And your job is to practice it in each moment. It’s the little things we do each day that add up to either big results or big consequences.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep choosing love over fear in every moment and you can’t go wrong 😉
xx
I love the idea of seeing an energy healer to turbo charge the work you’re already doing at home around releasing limiting beliefs. Right now I am ready to release the belief that I’m not fun enough. I’ve always been good at having long deep convos with friends but never was one to let loose and have had far too few get togetherness filled with laughter. I’m feeling less self conscious all the time and am exited to nurture this fun loving, laughing part of me that’s been afraid so long.
How beautiful Kirstin! Let’s get the party started I say. It’s time to let your hair down and let out your inner child.
Don’t let your Mean Girl judge you honey. Remember you are perfect exactly the way you are and all you have to do is be YOU!
xx
Hi Melissa,
I recently came across your facebook page and i just loved everything about it. Your posts inspire me in so many ways. I dont know if i am holding on to my past or its the future thats pulling me down. I have trust issues in my relationship. I want to trust but i guess my mean girl and my fear takes over. I get in to arguments because of that. And it hurts me too. I also have guilt issues. I dont know how to accept them.
All you have to do is let go of the guilt and trust issues and be in the here and now. I know easier said than done. But I invite you to let it go. Stop living in the past and allow yourself to just be present. When you are fully present you will be able to have a real experience with your partner, but right now you can’t have a real experience because you are trapped by your past. It’s time to close the door on your Mean Girl and be in this beautiful precious moment my darling.
I hope this helps my love.
xx
Congratulations Melissa. What a great blog.
It is so true – we need to accept our past and forgive.
I am in the final stages on becoming a Mind Detox Practitioner and can’t wait to help many women break free from their limiting beliefs and stop the negative flow that these beliefs have on the rest of their lives.
We can learn from the past but it doesn’t have to pave the path for our future.
Exactly Erin. Well said my darling.
Good luck on supporting women release their past, it’s very rewarding and I wish you all the best.
xx
Hi Mel,
Interested to know what was involved. How is this done?
Do you know of anyone up here in Brisbane that does this kind of work?
Rachelle
Hi Rachelle,
It’s done through touch and massage mostly. It’s awesome!
No sorry I don’t know anyone is Brisbane. Maybe ask around and even on Facebook.
Good luck finding someone sweetie and if I hear of anyone I will let you know.
xx
Mel you have once again explained the healing process so succinctly.
That yes, the Mean Girl and even life will come up; and sometimes it will hurt… but the spiritual light that starts to flow in through the cracks is the deliverance of all our dreams – so the investment in your growth is entirely worth it.
Thank you for sharing your wise words and overall gorgeousness with the world!
Thank you so much beautiful and yes you’re right the investment is totally worth it, because you are worth it 😉
xx
What a coincident for me to read this. One of my dear friends has gifted me a session with a healer as a wedding gift. She said it helped her to cleanse before her own wedding and wanted me to experience the same.
I thanked her, but after reading this I now understand the full value in it. I think all us brides can also agree the lead up and organising that goes into a wedding can at times become stressfull. I want to rid myself of that and let all the planning go so that I can enjoy the day. I don’t want to miss a second of it.
My wedding is on the 16th May. I’m grateful now to have the understanding of the benefits I will gain from my friends gifts.
Thank you Melissa. Xx
Congrats and good luck for your big day darling. It really is such a magical day.
Enjoy the session and remember to stay open and what ever is meant to happen will 😉
Sending you loads of love for your special day.
xx
I wAnt to be consistent!!! I feel like I’m inconsistent in so many areas of my life!! And yes I’m getting married in November!! I have some work to do!!please help!xx
Hey Sonia,
Consistency is key! It’s the little things we do each day that add up to either big results or big consequences. Start by reading my book 12 Steps to Wellness and doing my meditations. Do these daily, be consistent and don’t let your Mean Girl tell you to give up.
I also have a kick ass program coming out in late June that will be perfect for you. Make sure you are signed up to my newsletter so you don’t miss out.
xx
Thanks for such a wonderful article Melissa!! I too am getting married soon and this is one thing that scares me; taking the hurts of the past into my new chapter. I think I need to find a healer like this! Thanks heaps. x
Hi Lisha,
When’s the big day?
I would 100% commit to letting go of your stuff before you enter this new, fresh beautiful chapter.
Congrats my darling.
xx
Loved this post Melissa. I have been shedding emotional baggage and letting go of what no longer serves me. It feels so freeing and allows me to be present and bring my energy to whats currently surrounding me, instead of what once was.
I think an emotional de-clutter is always a great idea and especially before getting married.
I am also getting married and this has ignited a light within me to go seek out more ways I can shed baggage.
Thanks Melissa. xx
Congrats on getting married honey. When is the big special day?
I would highly recommend letting go of anything that is no longer serving you now. It’s going to do you the world of good my love.
Sending you so much love now and for your magical day.
xx
Mel. I absolutely adore the idea of releasing and letting go before we pour ourself into any new, exciting adventure. So often we enter into something new using our same old toxic patterns and then we wonder why they end in the same way.
I am currently single and am absolutely loving the freedom and growth I am experiencing. But I often get a pang of fear that when I do enter into a new relationship that my old patterns will resurface. YUCK. YUCK. YUCK. But like you said, it simply comes down to staying present and relishing the NOW.
Such a beautiful post.
Big love,
Meg xxx
Soak up single life baby and well done for working on yourself.
The next man in your life is going to be one lucky dude.
xx
Melissa, this is such a refreshing look on marriage! This is exactly what I needed to read today. 🙂
I’ve been doing a lot of inner work over the last year and I feel like the more I let go, the more I gain. The more I let go of old beliefs and hurts, the more amazing experiences I attract. Your stories and articles were a big help in my path to self-love. I still have a way to go, but I know I will get there.
The one thing I can let go of today is the uncertainty of what the future may bring. I’m studying criminology at the moment, but I’m thinking of getting a certificate at the IIN after this. IIN just feels right. I can hear my soul sing at the thought of it. Yet I have so many doubts and fears. What if I’m not successful and unable to provide for myself? Today, I choose to let go of those fears. I know deep in my heart that following my passion is the right thing to do, so how can I not listen?
Exactly honey. If it makes your heart sing then DO IT!. What are you waiting for my love.
Let go of the fear and follow your heart.
xx
Hi Melissa
I love your post, like many of your other readers, I know what to do but not sure how. I have self hatred built up over many many years. I let people affect how I feel about myself and I would love some direction on how to deal with complex people, sometimes intimidating and overpowering people in your life. I want to love myself, I just don’t know where to start when I cannot control what others think, feel, say or do.
I love my finace and I owe it to him to give him my whole self not a scared self.
I hope this makes sense:)
Thanks
Erin
Hi Erin,
Firstly, you need to let go of trying to control what others think, feel, say and do. You have no control over that.
Secondly honey the best place to stay is by forgiving yourself. Let go of anything you are holding on to and be here. Download my guided meditations these will be very supportive for you.
Good luck darling.
xx
Thank you so much for this post Melissa. I always love your honesty and authenticity and am really glad you had such wonderful healing before the big day. Congratulations on your wedding too 🙂 I saw some photos on Instagram and it was beautiful 🙂
I am working to let go of some things that are no longer serving me. The constant negative what ifs, what will people think and avoiding things because what if!? Time to get present as much as I can 🙂 . I am also learning this is a daily and constant work in progress. There is no “I will be present and life will be roses” destination. It is riding the waves and constantly reminding myself to choose love over fear 🙂
Exactly honey!
Also remember that presence is your natural state, you don’t need to ‘be’ present or ‘get’ present you already are. You just need to let go of the junk on top 😉
xx
Thanks Melissa 🙂 xx
Dear Melissa,
Congratulations on your wedding and thank you for sharing such a beautiful blog post. Really looking forward to your online course coming out in June. Think it is time to start conquering my mean girl and get over the fear of letting go!
Thank you xx
I also think it’s time my love.
You will love my program. I can’t wait to share it with you.
xx
This is exactly what I needed to read and I fully intend on joining in on whatever you have planned for June. I need help. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years back in November and at the time I was very happy with my decision. I felt like he was holding me back from life, that he wasn’t the right guy for me and I was sick of being his last priority for the last year of our relationship (regardless of the multiple conversations we had about this) It’s unfortunate that when I did break up with him he realised what he had lost and showed every single possible emotion he had inside of him. He showed me all the love he had inside of him for me. At that point I had already given him many chances before that and I had given up on him and I was determined to end things and move on. For the past 2 months I have started to regret my decision of leaving him even though I know he has become a completely different person (unfortunately he changed in a bad way) and he still isn’t right the guy for me. He made contact with me for the first time about a month ago and told me he still missed me and I admitted that I still missed him etc. We almost got back together until he completely screwed me over and now I’m really struggling to get past this. I want to move on. I know that going back to him would be like taking a step back in my life. I only want to move forward. I feel like my mean girl is stopping me from doing this. She tells me constantly that I will never be good enough for another person and that I’m probably going to be alone forever. I know that is ridiculous but the thing is though, I’m quite content in being single. I really enjoy it. In fact, I’m not looking for a relationship at all and I won’t be for a long time. I believe I will meet the right person when the universe thinks I am ready. I am enjoying being able to focus on myself, However, when I do eventually meet someone new, I want to be the best version of myself. I want have moved on from my ex, I want to be able to control my mean girl and I want to be able to love myself. How can someone else love you when you can’t love yourself right?
Sorry for the life story, but I seriously can’t wait for June. I think I need whatever it is you have planned.
You will love it honey. I can’t wait to share it with you.
Make sure you keep and eye out.
xx
Isabella, Hey nice to meet you. I just had to reply to this post as I feel like I can totally relate. Just know that your intuition will always have your best interests at heart. Secondly, you now know this for sure because you challenged it 🙂 Whenever I feel stuck I just remember there in no use staying connected to a situation that doesn’t serve me anymore and it seems your intuition has been telling you this for a while! I always do an internal jump for joy when I remember that my intuition ALWAYS has my back – isn’t it just amazing how intelligent you already are! build that self-love by trusting yourself x
I love all you posts! Your just frickin amazing haha x Another awesome read <3 I know I need to work on stop comparing myself to others. Its hard though with dance in particular cause you always want more and dont realise everything you can already do, it is also such a competitive sport! Thanks for being awesome xx
Don’t forget how amazing you are Cayla 😉
xx
Hi Mel!
I’d love to do some work with Abra, can you let me know a way to contact him? I’m in Sydney.
Thanks xx
Here you go sweetie pie 0415 132 076
Let me know what you think.
xx
Hey Mel,
LOVE this post! It is so powerful to shed limiting beliefs especially ones that come from outside of ourselves! I did the same thing leading into my wedding and along with getting ready for married life I also found the courage to quit my job, study kinesiology, start my own business and get pregnant! Haha life changing to say the least 🙂 x
Hi Melissa,
Its so great to read this as someone who is engaged and currently planning for a wedding in two years time. I have recently decided to work on my self love muscle and rid myself of baggage in order to clear a path into my new life ! I recently wrote letters to two of my exes I had experienced pain with and wrote to them explaining this pain and why things happened and why I reacted how I did, apologizing for my side of things and wishing them the best in their future. It was one of the best things I have done ! Another is your meditation audios and also journaling.
But I love your idea of getting someone in to help you heal some areas too, I was looking into perhaps some crystal healing or reki.
Hey Jess,
That sounds amazing. I would 100% reach out and get some support.
Good luck for your wedding my darling.
xx
Hi Melissa
How did you come across Abra and what is his background ie what modalities has he studied / trained in? Thanks so much. I’m really keen!
Hey Sue,
Thanks for your comment.
A friend recommended him to me and I am not sure of his training…all I know is he is freaking awesome.
xx
Hey Mel
What a gorgeous post! I really resonated with the “releasing stored emotions” part. I watched a fantastic movie not long ago on Vimeo called E-Motion the Movie, which delves deeply into this notion of negative, stored emotions be the leading cause of physical pain and disease. Fascinating! If you haven’t seen it already, it is right up your alley. Check it out 🙂
Loving your work, as always Bella.
Liz xx
Hi Liz,
One of my friends was actually the DOP on that film. It’s great isn’t it.
xx
I just want to mention I am very new to blogging and certainly enjoyed you’re blog. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your website . You really have amazing well written articles. Many thanks for sharing with us your website page.
Hey beautiful girl,
I loved this post. I am getting married in September… I am loving every second of being engaged, it’s such a beautiful experience.
I would love to work with someone like Abrar in the lead up to our big day. Do you have any recommendations for someone who does that work in Brisbane?
Much Love
Nic
xx
Hi Nicole,
How good is being engaged…I loved get’s EVEN better.
I don’t know anyone is Brisbane honey I am sorry. But I will keep and ear out.
All the best.
xx
Hi! If anyone can recommend something like this in Melbourne I would love to know! I don’t even know if / what I need to let go – but I’m sure it’s in there. Would love to explore and like the idea of not having to articulate – just finding a healer like this who gets it and knows what to do!
I will keep an ear out also Fi.
Best thing to do is ask around. Ask everyone from friends, people on Facebook, in health food stores and other naturopaths and healers. They will surely know.
xx
Thanks! xo
Hi Mel!
Do you know of any energetic healers worthy of checking out in Queensland? I am based on the Gold Coast and feel this is exactly what I have been looking for. x
Hi Sarah,
I don’t sorry but best to ask around, even on facebook maybe? I will keep an ear out for you darling.
xx
Hi Melissa!!
I have been reading your posts and feel myself being filled with such wonderful positive feelings, and this one in paticular made my heart hurt. I feel like there is so much pain and hurt in my being that I just can’t let go of, no matter how content i am in my life and how blessed i feel.
I am getting married next March, and am so scared that I will never be free of these negative, insecure, burdening thoughts and feelings in my head and in my heart.
I really connect with what you write and I would love some insight or guidance in any way.
thank you so much for being such a light 🙂
Lauren
Hi Melissa
Isn’t it funny how you find these things just when you need them most! I read this when you first posted it, and I read and re-read it – something really resonated for me, something kept drawing me back to read it again. I am a someone who takes everything personally and have never known how to release it, until I stumbled across this post – I just made sense! Thank you! I am not in Sydney, but I have been fortunate enough to find a wonderful place that does just this. I took a leap of faith and started my journey in June. I now meditate regularly and attend weekly classes, I have also started emotional body release work. It is just as you describe – painful, tips you upside down, brings up a lot of old baggage to let go of, gives you confidence – such an important part of being able to understand yourself and move forward without the past holding you back. Thank you again for sharing your journey and giving us something else to think about! Much love and gratitude! xx
I there, I am getting married in 7 months and would love to see someone like abrar on the run up to it! I think I’d really benefit from it, the only catch is I’m a kiwi living in London. Do you by chance know someone who offers the same thing in london or could you give me his job title please so I can look for someone similar here? Thanks so much X
Hi Amanda,
Congrats on your wedding. How exciting!
Unfortunately I don’t know anyone is London but you could ask at your local yoga school or health food store. He doesn’t really have a title because what he does is honestly magic. But if I was to call him something I would say he does energetic body release work.
Good luck finding someone and let me know how you go.
xx
I there, I am getting married in 7 months and would love to see someone like abrar on the run up to it! I think I’d really benefit from it, the only catch is I’m a kiwi living in London. Do you by chance know someone who offers the same thing in london or could you give me his job title please so I can look for someone similar here? Thanks so much x Amanda
Hey Amanda,
Sorry I don’t know anyone in London but you could ask at your local yoga school or health food store, I am sure loads of people will know someone.
He does energetic body release work… it’s AMAZING!
If you find someone please let us know and share their details here for all our London tribe.
xx
Hi Melissa,
As you can see i have delved quite far back on your blog posts.
I was just wondering if you knew of anyone or anywhere on the gold coast you would suggest i could get some energy/chakra work done that you trust.
Kind regards, Chloe
Hi honey, I don’t, but you could ask one of my bestie’s Tara Bliss. She may know as she lives there. Let me know how you go and if you find anyone great. xx