30 comments

Supercharge ALL Your Relationships With This One Tool

Continue

Human beings are hardwired for connection and intimacy. We don’t just crave it, we need it! From the earliest days of childhood right through ‘til we’re adults, it’s an essential ingredient if we want to flourish. And on the flip side, when we don’t get it, we tend to go a little cray-cray... which is exactly when the cracks in relationships can start to show..

Over the years, I have loved deepening my connection with myself and researching the divine polarity between the masculine and feminine so that I can understand and experience authentic relationships in all areas of my life.

I have read countless books on relationships and find it fascinating that the deeper I understand myself, the deeper I understand others. Which is why I am so excited to share this article with you today.

A while ago, my husband and I read Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages and we took his Love Language Quiz. We were blown away at the difference understanding (and honouring) our love languages made to our relationship.

In fact, I was so blown away by how powerful these insights were, that I started applying them to all the different relationships in my life — like with my friends, my team members, my parents, and my step son… It’s safe to say that the quality of all my relationships has been radically improved by reading this book and understanding the love languages of the people around me.

Of course, the biggest relationship shifts and aha’s come when you combine deep self-knowledge with a curiosity and respect for others. It’s not enough to just figure out your own love language, then tell your partner and expect them to change (and for your relationship to magically become hunky-dory). Truly divine connections come when we do our best to honour and understand both our own love language and that of our partner — it’s a two-way street; a divine dance. That’s the key to rocking relationships. It will help you understand yourself and them better, as you will be able to see their needs and desires more effectively and hence experience a more harmonious bond.

Understanding your own love language AND those around you is key for rocking relationships.
Tweet this

After reading this book, I was also reminded of the importance and potency of understanding that everyone is on a different operating system — no one is right or wrong, we’re all just different. I might be on IOS Pink and you may be on IOS Yellow, but no one is better than the other. We’re all just.... different!

When you remember that everyone is on a different operating system, together with understanding your own love language, you can communicate this clearly with your loved ones and experience divine interactions. It’s an amazing way to upgrade your relationships and live a life bursting with love.

So what are the 5 love languages? Here’s a brief overview…

Words Of Affirmation

This person loves hearing you say how much you love them: You’re amazing, I love you, thank you so much for helping me out, do you know how much I appreciate you, I am so grateful for you etc. Usually someone who has grown up in a house where words of affirmation were prolific will have this as their top love language.

Acts Of Service

This person loves when their partner does thoughtful things for them. It can be anything —  making dinner so that your love can take a bath, or picking up the kids from school so they can take some time for themselves, even just bringing them a cup of tea while they’re working. These acts of service really hit home for the person who values this. This person may have grown up in an environment where their parents didn’t do everything for them, so when they did it meant the world to them and they really honoured, valued and cherished those gestures.

Receiving And Giving Gifts

This person really values giving and receiving gifts. Maybe this person grew up in an environment where a lot of value was placed on gifts. This type of person loves not only receiving but also giving tokens of love. This person loves when their partner rocks up at the end of the day with a red rose from the garden, or a bouquet of fresh herbs, or a ‘special something’ just because. It’s not about the expense of the gift (in fact, it doesn’t matter what the gift is — after all, everything is energy). So as long as there is an energetic exchange, this person will be over the moon.

Physical Touch

This person will usually have grown up in an environment where they were hugged, kissed, and touched a lot. As a child they may have had a lot of ‘skin on skin’ time with their mama and hence their desire for touch as an adult. This is my number one love language. Growing up, I remember my mom tickling my back and stroking my hair before I fell asleep. I remember sitting on my dad’s lap whilst we watched TV. I remember my parents hugging and kissing us a lot. Hence my strong desire for physical touch now. My soul-sisters will tell you I am a very touchy/feely person. I love it! I love having my back tickled, getting a massage, giving a bear hug, or having my hair played with. I am like this with Leo and Nick also. I love touch and now that Nick knows and understands this, he can act accordingly (just as I do for him) without expectation of course ;)

Quality Time

This person may have grown up in an environment where their parents worked a lot so they didn’t get loads of time together, but when they did they really treasured it. This person loves it when their partner says, Honey I am leaving work early so I can take you out to dinner, or, Honey I have cleared our Saturday afternoon so I can take you on a picnic — just the two of us, or, Honey let’s put away our phones and computers tonight and jump in the bath together.

Pretty interesting stuff, huh?! Most of us are a mixture of all of these different types, but we have a few dominant languages.

So, do you want to know my top love languages? In order, they are:

  1. Physical Touch
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Quality Time
  5. Receiving and Giving Gifts

Want to know something crazy (but actually not so crazy)? My husband and I have the exact same love languages. We both value touch as our number one, then words of affirmation, acts of service, followed by quality time and receiving gifts. When we both took the test we looked at each other and said, ‘Of course’ ;)

I wrote our love language on our bathroom mirror so we can be reminded of them daily. It’s easy to read the book, take the test, and feel inspired for 10 seconds, but real lasting change happens when you take consistent inspired action daily. It happens when you put in the steps every single day.

So take the love language test right now, read the book, and let me know what you think. I am so excited to hear what you discover.

Once you’ve done the test, share your top love languages with me in the comments below. I can’t wait to hear yours!

always, thank you so much for being here. I love you to bits.

 

Comments (30)

+ Leave a comment
    • April 7, 2016

      I love this! Mine are very close to yours. Funny!

      1. Physical Touch
      2. Words of Affirmation
      3. Quality Time
      4. Acts of Service
      5. Receiving Gifts

      xoxo,
      Lula

    • Jasmine Cooper
      April 7, 2016

      oh I love the love languages so much too! How lovely you and your parter have the same :) you give and receive exactly what you need :)

      It's such a great way to understand how to show others you love them and ask for what you need. I loved it so much I gave a presentation on the topic to some high school students. I link it to Stephen Covey's emotional bank account, and used the analogy of paying people in their love language currency. You fill their emotional bank account with the currency they can use. If you show love in a way that isn't meaningful to them they don't see the worth in it.

      My love language is acts of service then quality time :) nothing says I love you to me like someone cleaning my house haha!

      Thanks for the reminder lovely!

      • Melissa
        April 7, 2016

        hehehehe that's hilarious honey. I love it when someone cleans my house too :)

        I love the idea of an emotional bank account. It makes so much sense... if you don't pay someone in their love language they won't see it or maybe even value it. Such a great analogy. Thanks for sharing angel ;)

    • April 7, 2016

      These are great relationship tips! I think that it's important to have a nonverbal sense of mutual communication. If you can't be yourself around this person, then you cannot spend your whole life with this person either. It's been proven that in human psychology, we are destined to need a sense of intimacy and physical contact with other beings, but we have to let it come to us rather than chasing it mindlessly!

      • Melissa
        April 7, 2016

        I agree chasing it ain't gonna work sista ;0

    • Helen
      April 7, 2016

      Both my husband and I have read the book and it is an amazing! I wish that I had gotten a hold of it years ago!
      Mine top 5 are
      1.Acts of Service
      2.Quality Time
      3.Words of Affirmation
      4.Physical Touch
      5. Receiving and giving gifts.
      And my top 5 are totally different to my husbands! ( His are actually the same as your Melissa). We both had WOW moments when we took the test.
      A big plus to know each others love language to deepen your relationship, well worth the read. xx

    • April 7, 2016

      This is a fabulous read Melissa & Gary has done a wonderful interview with Oprah which I highly recommend listening too.

      I also love Gary's 5 love languages for children, it's a wonderful read for parents & helped me to further understand my children's love languages, apply them to our every day life & has made it so much easier to connect with them on a daily basis.

      The Conscious Parent by Dr Shefali Tsabary will blow your mind too!

      xxxxx

      • Melissa
        April 7, 2016

        Thanks for the suggestions honey I will check them both out ;)

    • Erica
      April 7, 2016

      Absolutely loved doing this, mine is not surprising to me!
      1. Words of Affirmation
      2. Physical Touch
      3. Quality Time
      4. Acts of Service
      5. Receiving Gifts
      Erica x

    • Jules
      April 7, 2016

      This was such an eye opener and has helped me in understanding myself and my partner and children better.
      I have read your book and am rereading it again.
      Ive also bought it for my cousin and have told probably 5 people to read it as your book has changed my life.
      Thankyou from the bottom of my heart thankyou xx

      • Melissa
        April 7, 2016

        You're so welcome angel <3

    • Nina
      April 7, 2016

      I've already took this test a while ago when I read a blog post where you already talked about it. I took it again because I forget about it!
      1-words of affirmations
      2-quality time
      3-acts of service
      4-physical touch
      5-receiving gifts

      I've never been very physical (in a non sexual way)....I've alreadu knew about it! but I love to talk, and I love hearing other people (especially loved ones) talk!

    • April 7, 2016

      Mine are the same as yours babe! Touch all the way! Such a good book for both people in the relationship. Thanks for bring it to my attention again xx

    • Andrea Arron
      April 9, 2016

      There is no surprise for me. I have been craving quality time with my husband and physical touch.

      9 Quality Time
      8 Physical Touch
      7 Acts of Service
      5 Words of Affirmation
      1 Receiving Gifts

      I am in the process of reading your book and have already adapted coming from a more loving place with my husband and it has made a big difference for both of us. I am looking forward to adapting other things I learn and creating a truly wonderful life for myself.

      • Melissa
        April 10, 2016

        Nice honey. Keep me posted with how you go.

    • April 11, 2016

      Hi Melissa
      I read this book years ago and found it so spot on! Your post has inspired me to read it again as our relationships can always do with an infusion of love. Thank you x
      Kelly

    • Silje
      April 11, 2016

      I thought my top love language would be something else, but this opened my eyes and makes more sense. Thank you for writing about this and bringing this to my attention :)
      1- Quality time
      2- Physical touch
      3- Words of affirmation
      4- Receiving gifts
      5- Acts of service
      The funny thing is that my husband had no top love language as his score was equal in all categories. And then he said that no matter what I do he appreciates it and feels loved <3

      • Melissa
        April 11, 2016

        What a sweetie pie <3 What did you think yours would be?

        • Silje Astrid Myrvold
          April 11, 2016

          I thought it would be Words of affirmation, but now I think that was because of my insecurities and that I think a lot about what other people think of me and not what actually makes me feel most loved. But I want to really thank you so so much because after I found your site and joined the Goddess group it has helped me so much! I love everything you "send out" :) and I really hope I get to attend a session some day when I visit Australia again! :) xx

        • Melissa
          April 12, 2016

          I am so glad honey, thank you so much for your kind words ;) And yes I hope I get to hug you in person one day. Where do you live?

        • Silje Astrid Myrvold
          April 15, 2016

          That would be lovely :) I live in Norway, so it's quite far away, but I visited Australia with a friend a few years ago and I'm definitely coming back :)

    • Nicole
      April 11, 2016

      I read The 5 Love Languages a couple years ago. I took the quiz and asked my boyfriend to take it also. Physical touch was number one for both of us. Quality time came in a close second for me. I don't remember the order of the rest. I grew up with my mom rubbing my head, back, arms. She was always very affectionate, so I guess that is where my desire for physical touch stems from.

      I also want to say I just finished Mastering Your Mean Girl and I loved it! I've designated a special journal to work on the inspo actions. Thank you for living your truth and sharing it with the world.

      • Melissa
        April 12, 2016

        You're so welcome angel. I am so glad you loved it. What was your biggest 'aha' from the book?

        Please leave a review on Amazon if it feels true for you to share ;)

    • Alana
      April 12, 2016

      Hmmm I can't open the link! Would love to read this book. I would love a blog post on recommend books from you to Melissa! I'm a sucker for self development books, I just finished my latest Polishing the mirror by Ram Dass, which was amazing. As yours is too :)

      • Melissa
        April 13, 2016

        Thanks honey. If you loved my book please leave a review on Amazon if you feel to ;)

        Which link can't you open?

        I have already writen a post with 15 book recommendations which you can read here. Check it out!

    • Tash Brown
      April 13, 2016

      Yes! Absolutely love this book...

      Read it years ago, and still keep the love languages in the back of my mind.

      Another great read is Gary Chapman's "The five love languages of your family"
      it is two books in one volume. One for children, and one for teenagers...

      Fantastic xxx

    • Pink
      October 10, 2017

      I have to say I disagree with the premise of "they would've grown up with this" type of thing. I came from a parent who wasn't really touchy feely but thats probably one of my biggest things is touch. I think it can also have to do with what you were LACKING as a child as much as what you were used to.

      Anyway halfway through your book and it's helping a lot. <33

    • Marielle
      October 21, 2017

      I read this book this past spring. The funny thing is, I already knew what my boyfriends language was but I didn't know to call it that. It has been enlightening to better understand one another. Your podcasts have been extremely helpful! Especially the one with Lori Harder!

Please share your thoughts...

Your email address will not be published.