Many years ago, I didn’t know that a life bursting with love was possible. I never knew such a thing existed until I hit rock bottom back in 2010. Lying there in my hospital bed, I was well aware that self-love — indeed, love itself — were not things that flowed freely through my veins. But why? I had grown up with a wonderful, loving family — how could I not have love bursting out of my heart? The answer was simple: because I had such a tortuous relationship with myself, my internal compass was permanently pointing towards fear, not love. A fear-based mentality was all I knew. (In fact, I soon realised it was all most people knew.) But once I reconnected with our shared sacred truth — that love is our birthright, and the most rewarding way to live — I began to explore ways to amp up that love and let it be my ultimate guiding force.
The Art Of Life-Styling (Part 3 — Love)
I did that by following these three steps…
1. Flex Your Self-Love Muscle
One of the starkest epiphanies I had in that hospital bed was when I realized that not only did I not practice self-love, I flat-out had no idea what self-love actually was. I literally didn’t know how to speak nicely to myself, or how to treat myself with kindness, or how to show myself a single iota of compassion or understanding. I knew how to do those things for other people, but myself? Not a chance. Heck, I was nicer to strangers on the street than I was to myself.
I quickly realized that I needed to strengthen my self-love muscle if I wanted things to change. Like any muscle you want to get stronger, it has to be stretched and flexed for it to grow. So I started doing more things that made me feel good, and stopped doing the things that didn’t. I then created a self-love menu (which you can get as part of the Mastering Your Mean Girl Mentoring) and made it my priority to do two things from this list every single day. Slowly but surely, that withered muscle began to grow.
I also noticed that the more I practiced self-love, the more love I attracted into my life. Flexing my self-love muscle became a magnet for more love. However, I also witnessed that when I got complacent or ‘too busy’ for self-love, I would manifest all sorts of icky situations.The Universe is always watching and working in mysterious ways, and it became obvious that when I chose love, it rewarded me tenfold, and when I veered off path, it would find a way to let me know.
2. Dial Up Your Worthy-O-Meter
The second big realization I had at that time was that I needed to dial up my worthy-o-meter. I talk about this a lot in my book Mastering Your Mean Girl. Everyone’s self-worth can be measured on the worthy-o-meter scale. If 10 is the most worthy (where you’re literally bursting out of your skin with worthiness) and 0 is ‘I feel like a worthless piece of crap’, where do you sit on the scale? Back when I was in hospital, I felt like a 0, but over the years I have realized that in order to experience more love in your life, you’ve got to dial up your worthy-o-meter.
A great way to illustrate the importance of this is to remember the Law of Attraction. A person walking around as a 3 on the worthy-o-meter scale is going to manifest level 3 experiences, whereas a person walking around as a 10 will be attracting level 10 experiences. So in order for you to be overflowing with worthiness, do you need to dial up your worthy-o-meter?
3. Give From The Overflow
The final (but arguably most important) thing that smacked me in the face was that in order to give wholeheartedly from a place of love, you must be giving from the overflow. Let me explain… if you have a glass of water and it’s only half full, how can you share it with anyone else? You need to keep that water for yourself, otherwise you may dehydrate. But if you had a glass of water that was absolutely overflowing — even spilling onto the saucer beneath it — you’d have plenty to give to those you love and care about without it affecting your health, right? So, in order to fully give to those you love and care about — whether it's your family, friends, clients or work colleagues — you have to be overflowing within yourself first. Only then can you truly give.
So the question, of course, is how do you get to a state of overflow? By flexing your self-love muscle and dialing up your worthy-o-meter, baby!
These three steps will dramatically increase the love in all areas of your life. You just have to be willing to show up and do the work.
Now I would love to hear from you, beautiful. Which one of these tips are you going to implement first? Share with me in the comments below. And remember, your comment could inspire someone else, so open that big beautiful heart of yours and share away!
As always, thank you for being here. I honor you for showing up and wanting to be the best version of you.