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The Art Of Life-Styling (Part 3 — Love)

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This post is part 3 of the epic series The Art of Life-Styling. If you missed part 1 or part 2, check them out before you dive in to this article. If you’re up to date, let’s get started…

Many years ago, I didn’t know that a life bursting with love was possible. I never knew such a thing existed until I hit rock bottom back in 2010. Lying there in my hospital bed, I was well aware that self-love — indeed, love itself — were not things that flowed freely through my veins. But why? I had grown up with a wonderful, loving family — how could I not have love bursting out of my heart? The answer was simple: because I had such a tortuous relationship with myself, my internal compass was permanently pointing towards fear, not love. A fear-based mentality was all I knew. (In fact, I soon realised it was all most people knew.) But once I reconnected with our shared sacred truth — that love is our birthright, and the most rewarding way to live — I began to explore ways to amp up that love and let it be my ultimate guiding force.

LOVE is our birthright, and the most rewarding way to live. Let it be the force that guides you
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I did that by following these three steps…

1. Flex Your Self-Love Muscle

One of the starkest epiphanies I had in that hospital bed was when I realized that not only did I not practice self-love, I flat-out had no idea what self-love actually was. I literally didn’t know how to speak nicely to myself, or how to treat myself with kindness, or how to show myself a single iota of compassion or understanding. I knew how to do those things for other people, but myself? Not a chance. Heck, I was nicer to strangers on the street than I was to myself.

I quickly realized that I needed to strengthen my self-love muscle if I wanted things to change. Like any muscle you want to get stronger, it has to be stretched and flexed for it to grow. So I started doing more things that made me feel good, and stopped doing the things that didn’t. I then created a self-love menu (which you can get as part of the Mastering Your Mean Girl Mentoring) and made it my priority to do two things from this list every single day. Slowly but surely, that withered muscle began to grow.

I also noticed that the more I practiced self-love, the more love I attracted into my life. Flexing my self-love muscle became a magnet for more love. However, I also witnessed that when I got complacent or ‘too busy’ for self-love, I would manifest all sorts of icky situations.The Universe is always watching and working in mysterious ways, and it became obvious that when I chose love, it rewarded me tenfold, and when I veered off path, it would find a way to let me know.

2. Dial Up Your Worthy-O-Meter

The second big realization I had at that time was that I needed to dial up my worthy-o-meter. I talk about this a lot in my book Mastering Your Mean Girl. Everyone’s self-worth can be measured on the worthy-o-meter scale. If 10 is the most worthy (where you’re literally bursting out of your skin with worthiness) and 0 is ‘I feel like a worthless piece of crap’, where do you sit on the scale? Back when I was in hospital, I felt like a 0, but over the years I have realized that in order to experience more love in your life, you’ve got to dial up your worthy-o-meter.

A great way to illustrate the importance of this is to remember the Law of Attraction.  A person walking around as a 3 on the worthy-o-meter scale is going to manifest level 3 experiences, whereas a person walking around as a 10 will be attracting level 10 experiences. So in order for you to be overflowing with worthiness, do you need to dial up your worthy-o-meter?

3. Give From The Overflow

The final (but arguably most important) thing that smacked me in the face was that in order to give wholeheartedly from a place of love, you must be giving from the overflow. Let me explain… if you have a glass of water and it’s only half full, how can you share it with anyone else? You need to keep that water for yourself, otherwise you may dehydrate. But if you had a glass of water that was absolutely overflowing — even spilling onto the saucer beneath it — you’d have plenty to give to those you love and care about without it affecting your health, right? So, in order to fully give to those you love and care about — whether it's your family, friends, clients or work colleagues — you have to be overflowing within yourself first. Only then can you truly give.

So the question, of course, is how do you get to a state of overflow? By flexing your self-love muscle and dialing up your worthy-o-meter, baby!  

These three steps will dramatically increase the love in all areas of your life. You just have to be willing to show up and do the work.

Now I would love to hear from you, beautiful. Which one of these tips are you going to implement first? Share with me in the comments below. And remember, your comment could inspire someone else, so open that big beautiful heart of yours and share away!

As always, thank you for being here. I honor you for showing up and wanting to be the best version of you.

Comments (23)

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    • Melissa
      November 5, 2015

      Love, love, LOVE this! I've been thinking about self-love and worthiness quite a lot lately, and how my lack of these in this time of my life are definitely holding me back. Saving this baby for some serious thinking/meditating!! xx

      • November 9, 2015

        Thank you Melissa. I found 1 Corinthians 13 writes on love, and is a perfect lesson on this subject. The Lords Love is shed abroad in our hearts as we draw close to Him in prayer and reading the Bible each day. The Holy Spirit helps me overcome the 'mean girl', instead replacing it with a heart overflowing with love. Without the Lord in my life I would not be able to nurse without judgement. He sets me free to be all I can be for Him, being His Hands and feet in the area of nursing, in my Family, friends and the wider community.
        So pleased you help people make a difference for the better in their lives.god richly bless and keep you Melissa!

      • December 30, 2015

        I pray Love surrounds,Amount ts to uncountable, sharing, recieving to help and return to a stranger ,A Mirical unaware, Blessed out of no where somewhere Jesus ahead of any thought or plan I speak it for You Love without knowing it has always been You.Keep Inspirational moving forth for it is a Heavenly Gift, on the frontline be Love unmeasurable. In Jesus Name Amen

      • Tash
        December 31, 2015

        Thank you for reminding me of this verse :)

    • Riza
      November 5, 2015

      but how do i flex my self-love myself and how do i dial up my worthy-o meter? :(

      • Melissa
        November 6, 2015

        Hey Riza,

        I talk a lot about this in my book Mastering Your Mean Girl but to give you a little run down. You flex your self-love muscle by choosing love over fear and you dial up your worthy-o-meter by again choosing love over fear and doing things to help you dial it back up. Have you checked out a few of my goddess group videos? I think you will get a lot out of them.

        Have a watch and let me know what you think.

        xx

    • November 5, 2015

      Giving from the overflow is such a wonderful concept. It'll be the hardest one for me to honour, because I have such special people in my life who totally deserve time and attention, but maybe it doesn't have to come from me all the time. I'll remember that forever. Thanks Melissa! x

    • Jasmine
      November 5, 2015

      Just what I needed to read! I feel like I'm at rock bottom right now, again, and I am only just realizing that self love is the answer. Even though doing the inner work is hard, I think it will be the key to healing my relationship with myself.
      Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Melissa!

      Love Jasmine xx

      • Teena
        November 10, 2015

        I am in all
        Sorts of low
        Have moved house to live with my man
        In a house I don't like
        With his kids
        sold my business and trying to re start again ...
        It's all very new and not having the clientele and wage I had is making me sad
        I try hard to stay positive and find self love although I'm finding it really hard
        I've lost my happy

        • Melissa
          November 13, 2015

          You’re happiness is always only one breath away darling. Close your eyes, place your hands on your heart and remind yourself happiness is right here in your heart <3

    • Jo
      November 6, 2015

      Yes! This is such an important message Melissa, thank you for reminding me. As someone who has suffered from bouts of depression and used to have a very low worthy-o-meter reading, I know the importance of practicing self love, but it can be easy to slip back into old habits. I'm definitely going to make sure I'm including in my routine things that I love, but more importantly, saying no to things I don't.

      Thank you for such a beautiful message as always xxx

      • Melissa
        November 6, 2015

        Great place to start Jo, let me know how you get on ;)

    • Emma
      November 6, 2015

      Dear Melissa,
      Once again your words of wisdom have hit home and sent me soaring into the clouds with happiness. You truly have become a beacon for me on my continuous journey of 'me'. Thank you for being you and sharing this with us. I am ever so grateful.
      Oodles of love, joy and mindfulness, Emma x

      • Melissa
        November 13, 2015

        Right back at you beautiful Emma. Thank you for being here and sharing your love with the tribe. Sending you bucket loads of love.

    • November 19, 2015

      Thanks so much for sharing this, Melissa - I really appreciate everything that you share with your audience.
      Tonight I sat and worked on my 'self love menu' and came up with a list of things that I can incorporate into my day to day life to help me feel more connected with myself. Like you, I'm starting out with two - getting more sleep (at least 8hrs a night) and getting some high quality greens at every meal.
      Thanks for the life-styling series - such inspiring posts to help us all live our best lives and at the end of the day, that's what life is all about! xx

      • Melissa
        November 20, 2015

        Exactly Shelley, you got it!

        Enjoy doing things from your self-love menu and have fun with it ;)

        xx

    • Antonia
      November 21, 2015

      Dear Mel,
      I am incredibly happy for you and your book release. I am so excited.
      Thank you for the awesome work you do, for living your life to the fullest and inspiring everyone to do the same.

      I also have a question for you and I have seriously no idea whether you can answer it: What do you think of contact lenses, have you heard of an organic brand or something similar?

      x

      • Melissa
        November 23, 2015

        Hi Antonia,

        You're so welcome and thank you so much for your beautiful words.

        To be honest honey I have never even thought about it, but now that you mention it if I was you I would seriously do some research and find out exactly what is going in your eyes, not only the lenses but the solution that get's in there is something to really look into and think about if you want that in your body.

        Have a look on Google and I will ask around for you also. Keep me posted with your findings and thank you for bringing it up darling.

        xx

        • Antonia
          December 28, 2015

          Hey there!
          I read something about "orthokeratology", a non-surgical method which reshapes the front surface of your eye (cornea) so you can see clearly the following day after you remove the lenses when you wake up.
          I wish you an awesome start into 2016 filled with joy, love and endless possiblities.
          x

    • Erika
      November 22, 2015

      Hi Mel!

      Another great post! I'm going to start today by filling out your self-love menu and then doing something from the list every day like you mentioned. That's such a simple idea and I can't wait to start working on my self-love muscle! Grow baby grow!

      xo,
      Erika

      • Melissa
        November 23, 2015

        That's if girlfriend ;) What's the first thing you are going to do from your self-love menu?

    • Jo
      February 29, 2016

      Hi. I am loving your book. Picked it up randomly just before my life changed completely and unexpectedly. Trying to find the worthiness meditation. Help

      • Melissa
        February 29, 2016

        Hey Jo,

        So glad you love my book. The meditation is in my Mastering Your Mean Girl free toolkit. Have you downloaded that yet?

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