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Is Your Soul Craving Connection?

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I am a connector. So one of my most favourite things to do is bring people together (seriously — if I could have massive dinner parties every night I would!).

Part of why I love bringing people together so much is for the obvious reason — it’s a heap of fun! But there’s another, deeper reason too: our relationships with others are what makes us human, and yet way too often in this non-stop/go-go-go world, we don’t stop and make the time to really, truly and deeply connect with ourselves or others.

I think one reason for that is because there’s this common misconception that we have to do this thing we call life alone. Yet that’s not the way we’re wired, and it’s not the way that traditional cultures and tribes have lived for thousands of years. (Heck, it’s not even how our immediate ancestors lived just one or two generations ago!).

When you look back at how humans have lived throughout history, it’s always been about connection. Whole tribes would live and bring up children together. They would cook and work together. And when mothers would have their babies for months after they gave birth their primary role was to connect with their child. They weren’t cooking, cleaning and working. The other women looked after that for them and their focus was on healing and creating a bond with their new born baby. And when they weren’t doing that the women gathered nuts and berries together whilst the men went out hunting. Then after the day’s work was done, they would all join in unity around the fire for ceremonies and celebrations. They would eat, dance, sing, perform sacred rituals and celebrate life. Births, marriages, deaths and birthdays would be a full extravaganza where the whole tribe would get involved and contribute some form of offering. They would dress up, paint their bodies, and the celebration would last days — if not weeks.

Togetherness Was Life

But we have seriously lost touch with the importance of connection, community and celebration. Instead, work and hustle have become our default setting, and the relentless push to do more, have more, and achieve more has become a huge part of our daily life… often at great cost.

That’s why I started #30daysofcelebration

When people unite and come together, something magical erupts.

To coincide with my 30th birthday, I made a commitment to full-on celebrate something every single day for 30 days. From sunsets to morning strolls to delicious raw chocolate treats, it’s been a blast to deliberately create memorable moments each day, and boy has it made a difference to how I feel. Not only has it held me accountable (I was posting about the experience on Instagram, so I had to make sure I did it every single day), but it’s brought so much joy to my life, and it’s also helped me carve out more time for that thing that feeds my soul more than anything else… connection.

So when my husband asked how I wanted to celebrate my 30th birthday, there was no doubt about it — I knew I wanted to bring people together in unity, just like the traditional cultures of old did. I wanted to spend time with them connecting — through food, adventure, nature, ceremony and ritual. And I wanted everyone to feel as bursting with love as humanly possible… So that’s what we did! I hired the AMAZING Ocean House in Lorne, Victoria, and took 16 of my besties away for three days to stop, reconnect and celebrate life. It was truly magical! (You can see all my pic’s on Instagram using the tag #melslornelovefest). And one of the biggest things I got out of the celebration was just how powerful (and important) connection with others is.

This is the beautiful house designed by Rob Mills (one of my fav architects) that we stayed in.

Like traditional cultures, everyone brought an ‘offering’. Some people brought something physical (like Nat from Greene Street Juice, or Sarah from Matcha Maiden), others their skills (like Lee and Soulla with their masterchef qualities, or Emmily who did my make up and Bayleigh who took all these amazing images), and for others, their love and presence was truly enough.

There were also some divine souls who couldn’t physically be there but wanted to still contribute some form of offering like Charlie and her delicious bliss balls. We also had offerings of beautiful flowers from Hi Petal, yummy kombucha from Remedy Kombucha and the most delicious cake from The Original Totes Amaze Balls. My good friend and MasterChef Ryan also gave his amazing skills and cooked for us on the first night. It was truly beautiful how everyone came together.

Over the three days, we all came together to share delicious food. We all cooked together, cleaned up together, did yoga together, performed rituals and ceremonies together, looked in awe at the view together, played games like charades around the fire together, and hiked together. It reminded me of how traditional cultures used to live. And how I truly yearned for more of that in my everyday life.

I left the experience feeling completely inspired — and geared up to make some changes to my life. I spend a lot of time at home, either alone or with my boys, but it made me realize that I am responsible for creating my own tribe and community, no one else. That’s one of the main reasons why I started The Goddess Group — I was craving feminine energy and interaction. ‘Cos let’s face it: there’s only so much love you feel sitting behind your computer… And I wanted more! I wanted to bring like-minded sistas together, because I now understand the power of connection, supporting and inspiring one another. We don’t have to do life alone and sometimes it’s much more fun when you can share it with others.

So, my darling, now I would love to hear from you, how can you create more community in your life? How can you bring more people together?mShare with me in the comments below.

And although in-person connection is irreplaceable, online is pretty darn good too. So another one of my favorite ways to connect with beautiful souls (like you) is right here in the comments, so share with me below how you’re going to create more community in your life. And just a little side note, I read every single comment you post, and do my very best to respond to any questions you ask, so open your heart and share away, sista!

P.S. All these beautiful images are by my soul sister Bayleigh Vedelago.

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  1. Stephanie says:

    This was a great read Melissa. When I gave birth to my daughter two years ago, I remember how alone I felt. Caring for a newborn baby was so amazing, and intense, and overwhelming. It only makes sense that women have leaned on one another during this time. In today’s world, I feel many women are doing it solo: raising children, cooking, errands, cleaning. Maybe that’s why we get burnt out! Little time for ourselves or to connect. I’ve made an effort to try to engage in small acts of daily self love to avoid the burnout. Some days it’s only a shower or whiffs of essential oils, but on weekends it could be something more like a yoga class. Even connecting with others in a yoga class can be amazing for my energy level. For me, I’m going to try to connect with others more in person and over the phone. I’d like to set up more play dates with like minded women who have similar views. How does one “find” their tribe? Thanks!

    • Melissa says:

      Hey honey,

      Great question… You find your tribe by first getting clear on the type of people you want to surround yourself with. Once you are clear you put yourself in those environments where those people hang out. Does that make sense?

    • Kaylee says:

      Hey Stephanie!

      I totally resonate with your comment about the modern expectations of women. I’m not a mom yet, but I still relate as a wife. There are days where my mean girl tries to convince me that I should have been able to work, keep things spotless, and nurture my husband’s every need. But then I remember that my mean girl is exactly that… Mean. We do our best and that’s all that matters:)

      As far as finding your tribe goes two things have really been working for me lately!

      1) Asking for them. Seriously, say a prayer to whoever you’re comfortable praying to (even if that’s to yourself) and ask for positive people to come into your life. It really works! I’m meeting people that I really connect with even in shopping lines since I started doing this!

      2) Instagram! I have the most beautiful, heart centered, and passionate people through this platform. I always leave it feeling inspired, connected, and elevated.

      Good luck with all of your connections and congratulations on the beautiful life you brought into the world!

  2. Stela says:

    Thanks for this Melissa ! It’s popped up in my inbox just at the right time. I’m going through a big change in terms of my friendships.. And have been feeling quite restless and alone needless to say. I’ve been spending lots of time on my own and with my partner but I’m seriously craving connecting with and creating new relationships with like minded people who get me ! I’ve recently lost my bff … In a way of ‘drifting’ apart and this has seriously affected me !! I’ve been mourning … But it’s been a few months now and it’s time to get out there and make new friends !! Hope you enjoy your day

  3. Alicia says:

    This email/article really hit home with me! The last week or so i have really noticed just how much ive been craving female interaction. I dont have any female friends that i can catch up with for coffee or go out with for dinner or just have a heart to heart with and im really missing this. I really want to meet women who i can connect with and have a great friendship with but i just dont know where to start. If you have any suggestions i am all ears

    • Melissa says:

      Join The Goddess Group On Demand honey OR if you are in Sydney come to The Goddess Groups, we would LOVE to have you.

      • Alicia says:

        Unfortunately im in Melbourne but i will definitely look into The Goddess Group on Demand. Thanks so much

      • Melissa says:

        Hey Alicia,

        I run Goddess Groups in Melbourne too.

        Click here for all the details.

        Hope to see you at one of them 😉

      • Vanessa says:

        Hi Melissa,

        For those girls struggling to ‘find their tribe’, an approach could be to let go of this as a goal. Perhaps try appreciating and nurturing ALL connections. Yes, communities in other cultures and eras have thrived with a tribal mentality. But if the focus is mainly on wanting an intimate group of select tribies, there is a risk of overlooking and undervaluing the many daily simple connections we all have. A sense of belonging can be nourished when we engage open-heartedly with everyone around us. Maybe in time, like-minded people flow together into an intimate group. But if not, it is possible that our lives can still feel socially enriched.
        Happy wishes for all that you do. x

        (I wrote a simple post along these lines here: http://bit.ly/1MXVx7m)

  4. Aida says:

    So synchronistic 🙂 I was just thinking about this very topic when your e-mail came in :).

    Lots of love, beautiful! 🙂
    Xx

    And btw, when are you coming to Europe? 🙂

  5. Krystle says:

    Ahh… It’s like you just read my soul! Thank you for this post! Everything you wrote and the birthday you created has inspired me to feel empowered to keep creating opportunities for connection. Oh how my soul is craving that divine connection- thankyou I feel a part of what you are creating xx

    • charlotte says:

      Hi Melissa

      This is a really great point.It is definitely very true we have lost touch with making and keeping close friendships and connections.

      I wonted to say that I have just finished Mastering Your Mean Girl and it is so insightful and full of helpful advice which is helping me work through my constant low self worth, comparing myself to others and expectations of myself.
      It isn’t easy to find a good self help book but I’ve found a keeper with yours and I’m passing it on to family members to read as well

      thanks so much
      charlotte

  6. Victoria Dillon says:

    Ahh. Melissa, so much to say but I will try and keep it short.. Your #30daysofcelebration has been one of the most challenging things I have done this year. I knew April was going to be a difficult month for me, but I made a commitment to myself that I would find something to celebrate every day. I was faced with my biggest fear and overcome by so much anxiety but I managed to pull through, even when I wanted to quit! What I was going through was incredibly difficult and to splash it around Instagram on this particular day had exposed me in such a vulnerable way, I literally felt stripped down naked but it was also so empowering because it gave me a voice, and the love and support I received from followers gave me the strength I needed to get through it. Even though it’s been difficult the universe has opened up its beautiful arms and blessed my husband and I with a miracle. So thank you for inspiring me to take on this challenge. It could not have come at a better time.

  7. This is so on par with my life right now. As always thank you for inspiring me and being a light to remind me just how RIGHT the path I’m travelling is.
    So looking forward to seeing you on Sunday xo

  8. sian pratt says:

    Thanks Melissa for the article. So true!!! I have noticed with the fast paced life of today and the demands of family, jobs and….. everything else, we do feel isolated and lonely. I have found it very difficult to find my tribe, with working shift work away from home. When I do find someone that I have a connection with, my roster and sleeping take over because I’m unable to attend functions or RSVP to events. Even planning ahead with old friends seems tricky. And you’re right, we need to celebrate ourselves more and I give myself love through a morning ritual of stretching, mirror work and meditations. How do you find a tribe when you’re never around to make one?
    Also, I love love love your concept of 30 celebration challenge. I’m inspired to do one from the heart and do something everyday that my inner child would love to do to bring myself back to me, whether it be cartwheels, dancing or colouring. May fav at the moment is singing

    • Melissa says:

      Oh, I love this idea, Sian. It’s so beautiful! I might try it too 😉

      I would start with finding an online tribe. Have you joined The Goddess Group On Demand or got my Mastering Your Mean Girl 10 Week Activation Program or My MA Academy Business Bootcamp? All of these have amazing tribes and all but The Goddess Group On Demand have amazing facebook groups you can be part of.

      You could start with finding your support network online. What do you think?

  9. Buffy says:

    YES! YES! YES! My soul is definitely craving connection! My husband is great but its not the same as lady time! I have recently signed up for Goddess Group on Demand (which I am LOVING!) but after reading this post, I am going to make more of an effort to catch up with my girlfriends in person. Thank you for the reminder that nothing beats in the flesh laughs, hugs and connection! xxx

  10. Kate says:

    Like the other lovelies that replied above I am struggling to find my tribe and the connection and feeling of belonging that I so crave. I have been thinking a lot about this of late and love the initial idea Melissa of getting clear on what type of people I want to surround myself with – I am going to get clear on that as a starter! Thank you! x

  11. Samantha Pearson says:

    What a beautiful post Melissa. I was just talking about this concept with my husband the other day and how important it is especially when you are in a relationship married or not that, you both go out and create your own tribe. You can still have a shared tribe but having something separate to go to and connect with other like minded souls is so important. Thank-you for sharing your beautiful 30 days of celebration, I love seeing each and everyone of your Insta photos:)

    You are a beautiful soul and very inspirational.

    I so hope to get to one of your Goddess Groups very soon. x

    • Melissa says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words angel and yes I hope you can come to The Goddess Group soon 😉

  12. Lia Halsall says:

    The perfect post with perfect timing, thanks Mel. I’m going to create more community in my life by opening up, trusting and talking to people about my mental health so I don’t feel so alone and isolate.

    We all have to start somewhere.

    Lia xxx

    P.S. I see you now have email reply opt-in’s. 😉

  13. Arielle says:

    This post really resonated with me and I found myself rereading sections many times going YES YES!
    Attending a girls boarding school I have so many beautiful people around me constantly but I can often find myself having gone a whole day without really taking in anyone’s presence.

    Thank you for reminding me of the importance of appreciating every individual, their personalities and the fact that we are all learning about life together, as often as I can. X 🙂

  14. Julia says:

    Happy Birthday Melissa, what a beautiful thirty years.

    Love- Julia.

  15. Charlotte says:

    Hi Mel,

    I love this article because it remind me how important it is to not just hang out with people but to truly connect with them.

    I have been reconnected with some of my friend by having true conversation, by not trying to hid myself but by being the real me.

    So thank you for remind us that.

    Much Love

    Charlotte

  16. LW says:

    Melissa, I too, have been reading your book and it really has been amazing! I’ve been trying to write down something I am grateful for everyday…..but it’s very difficult for me. I tend to come from a place of fear instead of love….so trying your 30 days would good for me! How do you suggest starting?

    Thank you for being inspiring.

  17. Claire says:

    Hi Melissa,

    Which tribes had the rituals you describe?
    Thanks!

  18. Pippa says:

    I struggled and still do struggle to find connections with people. I have not really ever had besties that I do everything with and would always go to my family for connection and try to get it from relationships (mostly ones that weren’t good for me)!!
    Since finding the Goddess Group and your BSchool group and opening my heart, I am finding connections all over the place. Also connections through friends of friends has also been beautiful and powerful for me!

    My big thing now is to believe I am worthy of these connections and not let my past situations stop me from enjoying the new connections that have come into my life!

  19. Carly says:

    Hi Mel
    Thankyou this is fantastic and I think you’ve summed up what we all desire really – beautiful connection.

    I have many lovely connections around me ( if not all local) even if for various reasons I don’t get to see them much. It’s a work in progress building your tribe isn’t it? And many factors mean it can take time . I’m reminded to devote effort to them and us when I’m able.

    Out of interest do you have a large UK godess on demand fb group?

    Many thanks Mel. I feel – as I often do – that perhaps I need to be the instigater in getting things organised for my tribe 😉

    Much love
    Carly xx

  20. Nicky says:

    I’m currently slowly reading your Mastering my mean girl book and am loving it. Just the right stuff for me and quite a few friends at the moment.
    I was only just wondering why I crave connection, whereas my family doesn’t. I often feel the odd one out. I know I wouldn’t be the only one in this position. I do get lady friends together and find this a great thing to do. I’m like you in that I love having dinner parties for the purpose of getting people together. I did it without knowing the good it brought to myself and those that come. My last get together was with the ladies and we had curry and a colouring in session. We are due for another soon. No great works of art, but just fun to be together, relaxing and taking time out.

    Thanks for your energy and commitment to help others like myself on our journey. I look forward to learning so many more things about life and connection and being true to myself and those around me. I am inspired and enthused by your life and work. I have felt a little lost lately, but know if I keep reading, connecting and looking after my self and those around me, it will all work out. Thank you.

  21. Gillian says:

    Hey Melissa, This was such a powerful and emotional read for me, as i think it really struck a cord with where I’m at right now. Everyone wants to be first to do stuff or be the best, rarely do you find authentic, honest people there always seems to be a constant competion which I really don’t want to enter. I lost my mum last year and amongst loads of emotion and turmoil I really realised what friends I really had. With this in mind I have been trying to find like minded people who are true to themselves and would be true to me, but i’m struggling. I’ve tried going to places I enjoy to meet like minded people, but no joy. I’m not giving up as I think one day it will just happen, but in the mean time I have your wisdom and insight and that is true.
    Thank You xx

  22. Clare Quinlan Quinlan says:

    I read this post when you sent it out Melissa, and I have just read it again now and I feel such a connection to this right now. I too am craving really connection. I don have many people around me that I truly connect with on a deeper level or who truly know me. And that fact saddens me.
    My brother and I are 11 years apart and although I have always craved that closeness that I see a lot of siblings have, we have never quite got there (yet, hopefully). So I think in order for me to get the love and connection I crave is to find some like minded souls.
    But the question is how? It also doesn’t help that I move every couple of years… it can be hard maintaining a close bond when you’re not physically there anymore. x

    • Melissa says:

      Hi honey,
      There are some great online groups you can join like the MA Adacedmy Business Bootcamp, The Goddess Group On Demand or the Mastering Your Mean Girl 10 Week Activation Program. Then if I was you I would go to the places that like-minded women hang out. And remember treat yourself the way you wanted to be treated and you will become a magnet for the type of women you want in your life.
      xx

  23. Cassie says:

    I can resonate with so much of the content in this post! Getting too caught up in your own personal world and not being in the present moment can really deter you from reality. It’s important to try to take some time out of our lives to catch up with others and ourselves–YES, you can get caught up in a false image of yourself if you don’t ground yourself!

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