I often find myself shrinking when people ask me about love. ‘Don’t brag Melissa, no one cares about your love — get over yourself!’ (Why hello, Mean Girl!) But screw that… I believe we need to celebrate love more. Love is our birthright! And if we all returned back to love a few more times throughout our day, a whole lot more magic would unfold in the world…
Of course, way too often, we don’t circle back to love at all. We do the opposite. We let our Mean Girls tell us we are unworthy of this and that, and we bring loads of suffering upon ourselves as a result. So today, together, let’s make a stand to consciously choose to return back to love... Deal? This means that when you overeat, you let it go, and choose to return back to love. When you yell at your kids or partner, you just let it go, soften, and return back to love. When your boss yells at you and you want to flip him the bird, you choose to soften, let go, and return to love. I know it's not always easy — especially if fear is your default setting — but you can make love your guiding star. All it takes is a commitment right here, right now, to consciously choose love in every moment.
The beautiful thing is that when you choose love you inspire those around you to also do the same. So by you simply being the example, you are making a difference. How beautiful is that?!
To get back to my original point about L.O.V.E., this week I celebrated my two year wedding anniversary. And although that may seem tiny compared to couples who have been married for 30, 40 or even 50 years, I wanted to share the three most powerful realizations that have kept the fire blazing and the love strong in our marriage.
Treat The Other Person Like Jesus
FYI, you can replace the word Jesus with the word Buddha/ God/ Love/ The Divine/ The Universe — whatever resonates most with you. But for the sake of this article, I will use Jesus.
Sometimes we forget that the other person is pureunconditionall love. (Heck, sometimes we forget that every single one of us is pure love!) Which means that sometimes, we can treat and speak to our beloved like a piece a s#%t... Guilty! But this is NOT ok! Not in my book, anyways. I don’t care how angry, upset or frustrated you are, take ownership of how you are showing up and do not projectile vomit your crap all over them.
Now, I don’t always get an A+ in this subject but it’s something I am super conscious of and want to work on daily. I want to treat him (and everyone, for that matter) like they are Jesus, because when I do, life is so much more full of love, joy and happiness. Think about it for a minute: When your beloved, or your children or parents or friend walks in the room, do you act like Jesus has just graced you with his presence? Or do you give your dog more love and attention? It’s time to step things up here and really remind yourself of this daily. Maybe put a reminder in your phone, write it on your bathroom mirror or on a Post-it note, or maybe you already do this — if so, high five to you. But it’s time to treat everyone like the embodiment of love.
See The Other Side
A while back, I invested $3000 in myself and enrolled in Dr John Demartini’s Breakthrough Experience — and holy smokes did I have a breakthrough! Learning the Demartini method was revolutionary for me, especially because I was feeling very stuck with one particular person in my life. I walked in on Saturday morning with anger, frustration and resentment toward this person... and walked out on Sunday evening with nothing but love and gratitude in my heart. Cool, huh?! It was awesome, to say the least, and was the missing piece of the puzzle I was needing at that exact moment in my life to return back to love. It was golden!
What I realized at the course was that there are always two sides to EVERY story, and when you are triggered by someone else, you have failed to see the other side. I now apply this concept to every area of my life. When I am feeling triggered by my husband I ask myself, what am I not seeing? When I am triggered by Leo I ask myself, what am I not seeing? When I am trigger by my parents, friends, the taxi driver, the waiter, someone on social media, or the stranger walking down the street I ask myself, what am I failing to see right now?
What this awareness does is give you back the power. And when you live by this rule you will never be disappointed, angry or frustrated with anyone else ever again. Sounds good to me! Now this doesn’t mean you will never feel those feelings ever again (I can promise you, you absolutely will), HOWEVER I can also promise you that when you live by this concept you can never feel disappointment and it allows you to take back the power, putting you back in charge of your happiness and destiny.
Dance Between The Masculine And Feminine
Understanding the energy dynamics and how to dance elegantly between the masculine and feminine has been crucial in all my relationships, especially my marriage.
I believe that there is a divine order, and when that order is interrupted there is disruption. For so many years I pushed, strived, and desperately wanted to buy my own house. I wanted to be furiously independent without a man, because my Mean Girl told me that I didn’t need one. She told me that I needed to push-push-push and be full-blown masculine (constantly hustling to save up for my own home) while simultaneously also being the ultimate divine feminine goddess around the house...
Can you guess how that went down?!
Not only is it physically impossible and unrealistic to fully embody both energies at the exact same time, but it’s exhausting even trying to. Instead, there is a dance we need to learn — a to-ing and fro-ing, just like a salsa. There are times when I am more in my masculine... Like when I am in the middle of a 3-hour strategy meeting with my team. Or when I am helping the boys put up the tent on our camping trips. Or when I am helping set up for a big speaking event. Then there are times when I am more in my feminine... Like when I am cooking dinner, having a heart-to-heart with a team member, connecting with Leo, or doing yoga, dancing, or writing (I feel so feminine and sexy when I write).