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Let me kick off this post by dropping a big old truth-bomb on you: it’s really easy to see other people’s ‘stuff’… and much, much harder to see our own. When you’ve got the luxury of a little distance — meaning, when you’re not actually bogged down in a situation — it’s much easier to notice patterns, identify solutions, and see what other people ‘should’ be doing. And because we all want our loved ones to be happy, healthy and fist pump their way through life, it’s really easy to start trying to tell them how they should change, or what they should do to ‘fix’ their current circumstances.

I notice this happening a lot in people who have just discovered the wellness or spiritual path. They feel amazing after cutting out gluten or ditching sugar, and want to shout from the rooftops about their newfound ways so that everyone around them can feel just as good. (Full disclosure: I definitely fell into this ‘uber passionate’ category when I first started on my path to wellness!)

But it doesn’t have to be health-related. It could be about someone’s relationship, their life choices, their career, their spiritual path… anything at all, really. It can also crop up a lot if you’re a coach and you’re further along in your journey than your clients, so can see the bigger picture more easily. Basically, if you’ve got experience in a certain area, it’s only natural to want to share your wisdom and help the people around you.

But of course, this usually has the opposite result of what we intend.

The problem is, no one likes to be preached to. No one. As soon as we are told we ‘should’ do something, our inner-toddler stamps their foot, digs their heels in, and walks staunchly in the opposite direction. I often hear my tribe talk about this phenomenon in frustration: they so badly want to help their partner, their parent or their bestie, and feel like they’re beating their heads against a brick wall trying to help them or ‘fix’ them. No matter how much they preach, poke, and prod, nothing seems to work. They just find themselves completely exhausted — and sometimes even alienate their loved one in the process.

Here’s the thing we all need to realise: When it comes to our clients and loved ones, trying to jam our wisdom down their throats ain’t gonna work, sister! Trust me, I’ve tried! We have to take a different approach. One where softness replaces sternness, where ‘walking our walk’ is more important than ‘talking our talk’, and where we lead with our heart, not our head…

Here are three beautiful ways to lead with your heart and help the people around you…

1. Be The Example

Us humans learn best by following along. Just as a child mimics their parents, we do the same as adults. So when you choose to focus on inspiring people and leading by example, they are a million times more likely to follow you than if you simply boss and lecture them. The biggest thing to remember is that in order to inspire someone, you have to genuinely walk your talk and live your message.

But what if you can see someone you love or a client suffering? Is it okay to tell them what to do then?

I know it’s hard to sit back and let that person go through their own journey —  especially when you can see the bigger picture —  but the reality is, we cannot save another. Sure, we can inspire them, but we cannot save them.

Remember: you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.

You have to be the example; the shining light that inspires that other person into their brilliance. That’s all you can do!

This is a toughie for the parents out there because we so desperately want to save and rescue our children when they are in need. I see it all the time. But by doing that you are actually doing them a disservice. Yep, it may sound counter-intuitive but it’s true: Every time you stop someone else from going through whatever it is they need to go through, you are interfering with their soul lesson and growth process. So, by letting them go through whatever they need to go through, you’re actually allowing them to have a true experience. But when we interfere, we stop that process. Same goes for your partner, parents, friends, family, clients, everyone: your job is simply to inspire.

The best way to inspire someone else is by being the living, breathing example.

I do understand that it’s not always easy. Just recently, I could see a very good friend of mine suffering. It broke my heart to see her in pain, but I knew deep down that all I could do was be the light for her, be that example. I let her know I was 10,000% there for her, but I could not interrupt her healing process. So I gently kept reminding her that I loved her, that I was here for her whenever she needed, and that all she had to do was reach out and I would be there.

A few weeks later, when she was ready, she did reach out. Vulnerable, raw and so beautiful. She thanked me for holding space for her and was grateful she got so much growth out of that particular experience.

Remember all you can do is be the light. Be that beautiful, shiny beacon ahead for your clients or loved ones.

2. Let Them Know That You Are 100% There For Them

When we are processing something, we can feel extremely isolated. So simply letting them know you are truly there for them can be incredibly powerful. Sometimes they might not want to hear it, but keep letting them know that you are there whenever they need. I do this by sending text messages, soul shares, ‘just thinking of you’ emails, or by simply sending them love at the end of my meditation. You don’t want to be too over the top with this — know your limits and don’t be annoying. Use your intuition and gauge when enough is enough with both your loved ones and clients.

3. Stay Soft

I know it can sometimes feel heart-wrenching and frustrating watching someone struggling, but the last thing they need is you barking down their neck. Stay soft and anchored in your heart — they are more likely going to turn to you when you are in your heart space.

Also, I firmly believe that ‘when the student is ready, the teacher appears’. When I first started on my spiritual path, I got so excited by this way of being that I wanted to teach everyone in my life how to meditate, do yoga and practice self-love. But after exhausting myself (and getting nowhere) I remembered that on my own journey, I had to reach a state of readiness in myself before I was able to make change. Then once I was ready, the teachers and wisdom I needed seemed to appear as if by magic. Remember this when it comes to your loved ones — when they are ready, the Universe will send them what they need.

Now I want to hear from you, beautiful. Do you have any tips on how to lead by example and hold space for your loved ones or clients? Please share with us in the comments below.

Remember, thousands of people visit this site every day and your comment might be the one thing they need to read to spark massive shifts deep within them.

Thank you so much for being here. Here’s to stepping up as the luminous shiny light for the people in our lives.