I have had two significant break ups in my life. Both affected me deeply, but they could not have been more different from each other.
The first time I had my heart broken was in my early twenties. My partner — the first person I’d ever been in love with — cheated on me. It was awful. I had never experienced such pain and heartache in all my life. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on with 8-inch stilettos. I was devastated and didn’t know how to cope or how I was going to move on with my life. I didn’t sleep, eat or work. I just laid in bed and cried… for weeks. Nothing could cheer me up — not my besties, not my favourite food, not even a family-sized block of Cadbury’s finest.
With the wisdom of hindsight, I believe the reason I reacted that way was because I had no sense of self. My worthy-o-meter was at zero, I had no idea how to flex my own self-love muscle, and I believed I was nothing without my boyfriend.
Change is uncomfortable, but it’s through change that we expand and evolve.
The second breakup was a lot more conscious. After three years, we both decided that our time together was up. We had a very beautiful and open conversation about going our separate ways and that was that. Yes, I cried and mourned. Yes, I felt pain, heartache and loss. But this time, I knew that everything was perfect (it always is). There was such a different energy underscoring our parting of ways. I knew there was a divine plan, higher than I could imagine, and my role was to simply ride the wave.
Break ups are uncomfortable, but remember this …
Everything Happens For A Reason
I know that when you’re in it, it’s incredibly hard to see the reasons or maintain perspective. But just know that everything is unfolding exactly the way it’s meant to.
Remind Yourself That, “This Too Shall Pass”
Whenever I am feeling sad, angry or hurt, I remind myself of this truth. That doesn’t mean I suppress my feelings. On the contrary: I allow myself to fully feel it, but I gently remind myself that it will pass … always. Even happiness, love, and joy. They are all feelings that come and go.
Let Go Of The Attachment
Clinging on to memories, dreams and expectations of the past is not constructive, and only serves to prolong your pain.
Trust The Process
Know that there will be different stages of grief and healing that you will journey through. Accept where you are and don’t try to rush things.
Ask Yourself, “How Can I Embody Ease And Grace Throughout This Process?”
Sometimes we do crazy things when we are angry, so try and move through this icky-ness which a sense of wholehearted ease and grace.
Surrender And Let Go Of Control
Control comes from fear, so release your tight grip and melt into love.
Most Of All, Know That You Are Loved, Supported And Always Guided
Ride the wave and remember: this too shall pass.
Now I’d love to hear from you, beautiful — what’s the one thing that has helped you through a breakup? Share with us in the comments below. Remember to open your heart and share from love — your words may be the very thing someone else needs to read right now.
Thank you so much for being so generous and honest in the comments. I love you so much.