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Many years ago, when I first started on this spiritual journey inward, it all felt very overwhelming. I knew where I wanted to be — healthy, abundant, and bursting with love — but it seemed like there were a billion things I needed to do before I could get there.
Everyone I looked up to seemed to have found that magical sweet spot effortlessly. But not me. I felt like I was so far behind. As though I was constantly treading water — repeatedly getting knocked back, slapped down and hit with wake-up calls. I so desperately wanted to reach my end goal, and I didn’t want to stroll — I wanted to sprint.
Can you relate?
After a whole lot of angst and worry, I finally realized something that was revolutionary to me at the time: it’s not a freaking race to the finish line!
If you’re looking outside of yourself to gauge whether you’ve ‘arrived’, you will never get there. The truth is, it’s all a journey and of course I am still on mine. I always will be. No I am not perfect. What is perfect anyways?! There are still moments where my Mean Girl pops up. I am constantly refining and reminding myself of the truth (and let’s be honest, there are moments — even whole days — where I forget it completely). But meditation always brings me back.
It’s not about the destination, it’s the journey that counts.
In saying that, I do feel as though I have been through the thick of it now and I no longer fear the future. I know that I will experience whatever I need to experience, and always at the most divine time.
So why did I feel like it was a race?
Because I was comparing myself to others.
I was experiencing lack and I thought that others had something that I didn’t. I felt like I needed to fix, change, and improve myself in order to ‘arrive’.
But the truth is:
We already have arrived and we already are love and our natural state is presence! We don’t need to fix, change, or improve anything. We are perfect exactly the way we are.
So, if we already have all those amazing things, why are we constantly trying to overhaul ourselves? The answer is simple: it’s easier that way. It keeps us from really looking at the dirty mess we have created and piled up all around our life. It’s ‘easier’ to just point, judge, and blame things outside of ourselves instead of looking within.
Accept exactly where you are right now, because where you are is always perfect.
But if you’re serious about sparking change in your life, it’s time to clean up the mess you’ve created, just as you would a messy bedroom. It’s time to fold and put away the clothes. Let go of the old, smelly socks. Throw the rubbish in the bin. Make the bed. Pull back the curtains and open the windows. Ahhhh! Now you can see clearly. Now you can see what was there under that dirty mess all along: a perfect room.
Don’t get disheartened by the mess. Simply choose to clean it up. You can try and race to the finish line by buying new furniture and putting it on top of the old dirt and mess, but you’re only masking what’s really going on underneath. And if you don’t deal with it now, you’ll only have to deal with it later — whether it’s in two months or two years, it’ll inevitably rise to the surface.
So stop comparing yourself, my love. Address your mess, embrace your truth, and enjoy the journey. Remember it’s not a race to the finish line and above all…
Now I want to hear from you, darling. Are you trying to race to the finish line? Do you compare yourself to others like I used to? Share with me in the comments below.
Thank you for all the love and wisdom you pour into the comments. Your words are truly valued.
Comparison is an evil little one sometime, when I opened this email and arrived at your lovely landing page I had a moment of jealousy. I want a beautiful website and a rocking business too, and then I laughed reading this post. The universe never stops amazing me with her quirky sense of humor…
hehehe a nice little reminder huh!
You can have a beautiful website and a rocking business too my love. Just deiced and go for it. Don’t let your Mean Girl tell you you aren’t worthy, smart enough or good enough … you sure freakin’ are beautiful. You just have to believe it with every cell in your entire body.
xx
Hi Melissa, thank you for this post it was lovely to read. I just don’t understand how I clean up the “messes” I’ve made in my life. I understand the idea of cleaning a room, because that seems tangible to me, but how do I put away any hurt I’ve felt or regrets I have…that’s the part I just don’t get
Good question honey.
It’s about letting go of the past hurt or regrets and no longer bringing them into the present moment with you. Choose to let it go. Choose to not hold on to it and bring it into this precious moment. That is the best place you can start. There is nothing else you need to do right now other than be present. When you are present the hurt and regret do not exists. Remember your Mean Girl doesn’t want you to be present she want’s to keep you in the past agonising over the hurt and regret. Choose to not listen to her. Choose love instead. And choose to be here.
I hope this helps honey.
xx
I struggle with this constantly, I have no idea how to just ‘let it go’. I’ve been told I need to just let it go to move on… but how do I do that? And how do you know where to start?
I overcompensate with external distractions, study, work, cleaning, eating, working out but there seems to be a big disconnect from my mind and my body….
Hey Vikki,
You are not alone honey, I see so many women who feel the exact same way and I am about to let you know exactly how you let it go… by letting it go. That’s it! There is no magic solution my love. You have to decide that you are going to let it go, and the best place to start is right here right now. It’s just a choice beautiful.
I hope this helps.
xx
I can completely relate to this feeling at the moment. I have a massive shift happening in my life right now and my mind, body and soul are full to the brim with inspiration and goals that i want to reach. Its so hard to be patient as all i want is for those goals to come true and start happening now! I have been looking into ways to incorporate meditation into my days. hopefully it will teach me patience! Im going to buckle up and enjoy my journey as i know its going to be a good one 🙂
Thanks for the inspiring words xx
This couldn’t have dropped into my inbox at a more perfect time. A beautiful reminder of how to think about things and my current situation. Acceptance and gratitude for where I am right now makes everything seen much more manageable x
Thanks a lot Melissa….
I truly relate to what you said, as this feeling of never being enough, of being even less than other because my vulnerability is still there, my wounded child is still so open…
it is funny because I have discovered your website and also some others who are your friends, and I just feel I could never be like this, never find my health vibrant ( I have been struggling with eating disorder since 15 years), would never be so inspirand ( I am too shy)
I do my affirmations but I still feel and know that there is a part of me who is so afraid to be truly authentic, to truly say to the world ” you know I have a gift I read intuitivly the stars …I really feel connected to the sky, decifering the mysteries of the planets and I would love to use this gift to inspire, help people to find their inner sun making peace with their moon”
thanks so much, so grateful to all this things you are freely sharing they inspires me so much….
so much
Blessings to your soul and honesty
Caroline
Darling you absolutely can, but you need to work on that belief you have that you will never be inspiring or have vibrant health. Because if that is what you believe that is what you will manifest. Change that belief around. Remind yourself that it’s just your Mean Girl wanting to keep you in fear town. You don’t have to be there. You can do and be who ever you want to be. All you have to do it believe it from the very core of your being.
xx
This is so dead on and exactly what I needed to hear! I’m in the middle of Marianne Williamson’s book Divine Compensation and I’m getting hit with all these messages that support it. Yours included! Thank you Melissa!
Hi Melissa,
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear!
My boyfriend and I split up a couple of months ago and I find myself now on a journey of self love and healing. I am finding it really difficult to let go completely and feel as though I am pushing all my “true” feelings down by pretending that I am okay and happy, only for it to rise to the surface time and time again..
I am way too impatient and just want to be that “healthy, abundant, and bursting with love” person already!!!
Any specific tips to help me relax and get there slowly but surely? What kind of meditation should I be doing? I have a very restless mind so sometimes I honestly just forget to stop and sit and meditate.
Many thanks for all your love, happiness and wisdom, it helps immensely!
XO Em
Hi Emma,
I would start with my mediations. Do them daily, even twice a day would be great.
Acceptance of where you are at is going to be key for you. Instead of pushing and wanting to be somewhere else just be here – in this precious moment. Keep coming back to the present moment and reminding yourself to just be here.
I hope this helps honey. Let me know how you go.
xx
Thank you for this fantastic post Melissa. I can really relate to your words…I’m going on that soul searching journey right at this moment. So many times in my life I have felt like; where am I going; am I living my passion; where did I go wrong, but reading your post has reminded me to keep faith and I truly feel things will open up as they are meant to. You have reminded me that it’s about letting go…but working toward that goal and dream so it will in a way come to me and I don’t need to fight for it. Whenever there is a ‘fight’ something usually seems to go wrong…
xo
Exactly honey! Try not to fight or resist it, instead let things unfold the way they are supposed to. The best thing we can do is get out of the way, trust and let go of control.
xx
Hi Mel,
Thank you for the above post! It’s something I needed to hear…especially “Accept exactly where you are right now, because where you are is always perfect.” Yes, I definitely do find myself comparing at the moment & this was a great reminder to snap out of it! Working through my lessons at present are valued just that bit more after reading your words. Thank you xx
Yes, I feel like I’m in a race but this is due to biological and financial reasons. I have large bills to pay and want to have a family. At them moment I have no income and the stress is affecting my relationship. I have been working on my inner self but I continue to feel even more stuck than before. Sometimes I feel I’ll never move out of this treacle-state.
Hi darling,
Instead of resisting what is right now you could accept exactly what is. Know that everything is working in your favour and there is a divine plan. I know it might be hard to see right now but everything is perfect and unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to.
Maybe use this as your mantra. “Everything is unfolding exactly the way it’s suppose to”.
I hope this helps honey.
xx
Thanks for this reminder Melissa.
I often get so busy trying to do instead of just be. Even when I’m looking internally I hear so many spiritual teachers and read so many self help books and I’m constantly trying to fix me instead of just accepting that I’m in the perfect place right now on my journey and I’m a human being not a human doing, and everything is exactly as it is supposed to be and everything I need will always be here. I just need to relax and enjoy the journey.
Thanks again Melissa, I appreciate you. Have a great day 🙂
A beautiful post, Mel! I really like your metaphor for cleaning up the bedroom – I feel like this is exactly what I’m doing in my life at the moment. I’m moving house, I’m changing jobs, I’ve got huge travel plans and I’m basically tidying up the mess, opening the blinds and truly seeing what gifts are present. It’s time for me to embrace these gifts and do what I was put on this planet to do! Thanks for a wonderful post x
Dear Melissa,
Thank you so much for this post it is exactly what I needed to be reminded of. I’ve recently been thinking that “the perfect me is just around the corner” but you are so right that its not about the destination and its the now that I need to be present for rather than looking ahead.
Please keep such wonderful reminders coming your emails are always the highlight of my day!
With love
Andrea
Hi Melissa! In the past, I have often compared myself to all of the wellness bloggers out there who seem to have everything perfect in their lives, including being spiritually enlightened. I always felt like I wasn’t as great as them, so I became addicted to always improving myself and searching for “myself” in ways that I felt a lot of my peers around me never had the urge to do. While I still LOVE reading self-improvement books and blog about it myself, I’m now letting go of the urge that I need to become better. I’m great as I am and have gifts to give people already. We’re all already wonderful without having to go through the spiritual sprint, as you call it. 🙂 Because I feel like if we need to rush ourselves and our pace in life to reach our spiritual goals, then we’re really not getting the whole point of it all, right? Anyway, I enjoyed your post and all of the thoughts it brought up! All the best, Caylee – gutsygirlwellness.wordpress.com
Hi Mel,
Thank you for your interest in me. xo 🙂 Yeah I got caught up in the race a few years ago, as a lot of people do, especially us women. Married to hard working husband two beautiful teenagers!! Though my race, was interrupted by my body not coping with all my expectations, business, family, self. So now after hysterectomy, half a thyroid, I believe it is osteoarthritis, it is now a fight for survival, instead of a race to the end. I am now thinking deeply about how to improve my health so I can enjoy my journey, see my kids grow up in a healthy environment, do all of this without debilitating pain, or fatigue and also keep my brain working sharp, like it always did. I truly want to stop craving sugar, I have bought cacao powder, cacao nibs, Green’s calcium, Blackmores fish oil, lecithin, pepitatas, flaxseed, walnuts, brazil nuts, chia seeds, probiotic, frozen raspberries, blueberries, I eat Kale, Brussels, pumpkin, broccoli, zucchini, sweet potato, eggs, sometimes gluten free bread, brita filtered water. Sometimes LIDDELLS lactose free milk. Not a big milk drinker. Noticed after eating roast pork last night with some steamed veggies, that soon as I ate the pork my stomach started to get bloated. I had a fish oil supplement after, sprayed some magnesium oil on my legs behind my knees which is where you are supposed to spray for absorbancy. Was bloated this morning after the pork last night felt really heavy in my tummy. So not keen on eating meat any more. One interesting thing I have noticed in the last 2 days, after having berries, flaxseed, pumpkin seeds, lecithin, chia seeds, a little milk, Calcium supplement, for brekky and green tea and water with lemon juice. Then having my beef broth for lunch with some veggies and chia seeds. That please excuse this explanation. Though that combination of food really cleans out my system and also adding Love and Vegetables fermented vegetable which is the sea vegetables. So I just have to change my mindset into eating more of the above and less meat. Though my serious problem atm is absorbing calcium and improving my joints avoiding more degeneration, I feel I have osteoarthritis and inflamed bursitis in my right shoulder. So atm not a real happy chappy. Sorry to say Mel. xo 🙂 I think I will have a go at making a Turmeric drink which I have read is good for getting rid of inflammation in the most natural way. 🙂 Going to have a Epsom Salt bath to warm up it is freezing here. Got to work tonight. I have a lovely community where we live, so that makes me feel good. 🙂
Beautiful Melissa,
Thank you for this post, I also relate to it. I’ve been activily working on myself for almost 6 years now (since my split up, which was a very hard time for me then) and I am on this point excactly what you are writing about… Sometimes I didn’t gave myself what I needed, a loving relationship, because I wasn’t there yet. (I told myself)
I know this now and the next step is allowing that I am worthy of this and most important: that I have this loving relationship with myself!
Still learning and doing the best I can. And it is good to read that you also are just human and doing the best you can too. So thanks again for your wise words…
Yours sincerely,
Judith
Ps. And isn’t it weird that the things that are sooo good for us, like meditation, are also the things we find hard to do when we need it the most… Why is that?!
Ps.2 I loved your wedding video! Wishing you abundance of love, health and joy!
Hi Judith,
Thank you for your beautiful words.
It’s because our Mean Girl tell’s us not to meditate. Our Mean Girl doesn’t want us to be happy and present because then she can not exist. Our job is to choose love instead and not let her win 😉
Does that make sense?
Yes, that really makes sense to me!
At some moments in our life our Mean Girl protected us from being hurt, but now we don’t need her anymore and she actually causes the hurt. So yeah…we listened to her for such a long time (that’s also the reason that every now and then it isn’t easy not to listen to her or even know it is your Mean Girl talking)…it makes sense that she doesn’t want us to let her go, because then she will eventually disappear…
Thank you for your reply!
Hey mel,
I’m a dancer and I am constantly thinking about the future because I have to. I am also not happy with where I am because in dance there is always someone better and you always need to be better, in other words I never feel good enough. You were a professional dancer so what advice would you have in overcoming this? Sending you so much love xx thank you for any advice you have
Hey Mel,
What a timely post. I’m loving getting into and learning more about spirituality. But I so often gobble up all the books and blog posts so quickly that I don’t even allow it to sink in. Thank you for reminding me to slow down and enjoy the journey of discovery. Keep it coming, honey!
xxx
Hey Mel,
I am a dancer and as a dancer I am always trying to get better because you can always improve in dance. In other words I never feel like I can be good enough. Also dance is so competitive and it is an industry where comparisons are certain to happen so what can I do to try and stop comparing and enjoy the journey instead of stressing over not being good enough? Lots of love x
Great question honey. First, I would accept myself unconditionally. Second, I would choose to better myself because I love dance and want to keep growing and learning, not because I feel I am not good enough but because I love dance so much that I want to keep learning, growing and stretching myself. Does that make sense?
I hope that helps.
Thank you Mel xx
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Mel! I am constantly living with my head in the future anxious and worried that I am not going to get to where I want to be. Panicking that what I am doing today is not going to lead to where I want to be. I never truly savour a moment or ‘live in the now’. I don’t take the time to enjoy the present and stop thinking about the future and worrying about how I am going to get there. Your post has made me realise I need to get back to the present and stop running myself ragged for fear of missing out on something in weeks, months, years to come.
Brodie xo
Remember darling your natural state is presence. You were born into this world a whole present being. All you have to do is remind yourself of that my darling.
Melissa – this is such a powerful post! It’s so true – why do we always compare ourselves to others, always wanting to prove ourselves, rather than to soften and let our own journey speak our truth.
I have found that for me, it has mainly been because I was always looking to better myself – because I struggled with the concept of being happy with where I was at. It’s such a powerful lesson for me to just be content with how everything is unfolding, and to trust the process.
Thank you
X
Jo | The Mindful Morning
Hi Melissa,
So so true! This really resonated with me. All we seem to focus on is the end game, the destination and never really the journey and let’s face it the journey is the living, breathing, fun part of it all! Why are we so focused on rushing through?! We need to stop and enjoy the here and now and this adventure we are all on. I’m becoming more focused on my here and now and learning to enjoy my journey and boy is life much more fun that’s way.
Thanks for your inspiration Melissa 🙂
It is isn’t it honey. It’s SO MUCH FUN.
The reason we rush through is because we are not present. Our Mean Girl wants to keep us in the past or future because that is where she can run the show. She can’t live in the present moment. So she will do what ever she can to keep you out of it. Our job is to be in the here and now. Pretty simply huh!
Hi Melissa
i love read your article, being in France, it’s always good to read you, to find a spiritual person like you that we don’t have here.
I think I try to work on myself everyday but the hardest thing is stop comparing myself. Because the problem is, i believe so much in other and want push them for their dream, but I don’t really believe in me.
I am so impress by people like you who managed to push their limite and fight for what they wanted.
But more than ever thank you for all what you do for us with your articles.
Much love
Charlotte
You’re so welcome Charlotte, but it’s time to start living your dreams my darling. You are a beautiful person encouraging others to follow their dreams but it’s time for you to shine now.
Come on beautiful. Let’s do it!
Just what I needed to hear .. I feel like my choices are not getting me there . But how true it is not a race
Haha oh my goodness. I needed this. I freakin love you honey. Thanks for the insight, and the reminder. What a relief to release those undesirable feelings of inadequacy, comparison and to be honest, feelings of ‘fake’ because I ‘haven’t reached that higher self yet’ (because I don’t own this, or haven’t completed or achieved that..) aaaah a breath of FRESH air! <3
Melissa you are a breath of fresh air and I LOVE what you are doing!
Hope this video by our beloved Abraham Hicks assists some of our sistas reading this as it did me when I wanted to know how to clean up my room.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Zh2J965zCA
Much love & gratitude… xx
Mel, apart from my previous emails. You are a breath of fresh air to all women. What you have done with your Incredibly timed blog, is make us women, or me in particular, get of the treadmill that we are on, and we are on it for many varied reasons, depending on our lifestyle. Mel, you and the blogs are bringing us as women, back to our inner selves, what makes us tick as individuals, what makes our personality shine, what defines our character, what is our purpose on this planet. We get so caught up in our roles our mother, wife, etc which are endless tasks, which don’t get me wrong are rewarding, but at the same time can be exhausting. If you don’t get time to just reflect on your inner most self. Which means quite times, mediating and anything else that brings peace and fulfilment. Love and gratitude to you Mel and all the sharing of blogs from all the women who have sent emails to you. xo 🙂
Thank you so much darling. You touched my heart.
I am sure you would agree that sometimes the Universe just speaks to you. This time it was speaking through you! This is exactly what I needed to hear, as it is what I have been thinking a lot about lately. Sometimes I can get so sad and disappointed with myself because I am not getting “where I want to go” fast enough. But where am I really going? Life really is about the journey, and I have discovered I need to learn to enjoy the moment, no matter whether I think it is where I need to be or not. Sometimes you just have to trust in the Universe and the fact that you will get there, and sometime where you are is pretty great too!
Thanks for sharing<3
Hei Melissa!
I believe that the right things happen it the right time. You`re wonderful post is the proof of that. Right now I am living in that stage like you described. I compare myself with others. I blame external conditions instead to get strong and change it! I have to clean my mess. I have mess in my mind, my heart, my room.. So I want to thank you for everything! You`re posts give me believe that it`s possible to change life! Thank you!
With love,
Elizabete
Melissa, I know I should be grateful to ‘just be’ who I am right now, however I always feel like I am on my way to being something else. I reach out for it and always have that feeling that I want to speed it up so Im already there. Then when I am it doesn’t feel right and I go off searching again. I have spent the over a decade studying post high school, with some small gaps.. I turn 30 tomorrow actually 🙂 I haven’t been studying the same thing mind you. I know I have accomplished quite a bit, I have a degree, a cert IV, 2 diplomas and currently doing an Advanced Diploma in another area. Im looking for that strong draw card to one thing as I flip between teaching/ educating and studying areas of health. I don’t know who I want to be, so how do i find a way to feel comfortable with the journey instead?
Hi Amy,
Why don’t you just be you? You are perfect!
This Post couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you Melissa for your wonderful insight. It’s very reassuring to know that I’m not the only one that has $h!t to clean up. Rolling up my sleeves now and about to dive into it, hoping to find my truth at the bottom of it. Wish me luck x
This made me smile. Everyone has stuff honey, but be sure not to compare yourself to others. And remember you can connect back in with your truth (love) at any moment. It’s only a breath away.
xx
Yes, Yes and Yes Mel! I cannot tell you how timely this post is for me. I have been feeling exactly how you described. Spiritual Sprinting is such and a great term for it. It has only been in the last few weeks that I have come to this same realisation myself; that I need to slow down (ironically I didn’t feel like I was going anywhere anyway), learn to accept where I am and enjoy the proccess. It’s so nice to know that there are others out there who have been through what I’m experiencing. Thank you for sharing x x
I relate to this 100 percent! And I actually found this post at the perfect time! I am 15 years old and I am constantly, if I’m going to be totally honest; hating my body, my personality and the way I spend my days, I am constantly beating myself up for not being skinny enough, fit enough, pretty enough and I can’t seem to stop comparing my life and appearance to others who look so much more inspirational and beautiful than me. I only ever want to perfect myself and treat myself badly in order to get there, and just like you did, I want to sprint there, I want to be as fit and skinny as those ‘fitspo’ people I see on Instagram!
I would just love to say, before I go how much you inspire me in my life! You are one of my absolute idols in my life! Thank you so much for all your inspirational and uplifting posts! I love your outlook on life 🙂
– Kate
Thank you Kate, you inspire me.
xx
Relate to this so much Melissa. Beautifully written.
Understanding and relating brings peace.
Sending love,
Jing xo
I think the best way I can explain how I have moved forward in my life is by first making a list of things I am no happy with in my life and then putting a plan in place to resolve those issues. I just concentrated on one thing at a time and once I has free of that issue I would move on to the next. it felt like a hugh weight was lifted and I could move forward in my life. It was not easy and it has taken about 5 years but being present, liking myself, mediation evey night before bed, counselling and hypnosis has now enabled me to wake each morning with a smile knowing I am living the dream and not someone else’s.
I have a reason for being here on this earth and I will do my best to fulfil it. My life has never been as good as it is right now and I know it will stay there if I follow my heart
I used to live a fairly healthy , spiritual and balanced life I took the time to nurture myself and my life …then things changed and it all got left behind it’s taken it’s toll on my soul then I came across your first book and gave it a read it truly changed my life and helped me make that shift back to self love ! Your kindness and encouragement helped me imessurably so today I picked up your second book open wide and am so excited to dive in and thank you for your books melissa they are beautiful and came at a time in my life where I needed someone to tell me I am still worthy when I could’nt even beleive it myself !❤️
You’re so welcome sister and yes you are worthy darling girl, you were born worthy! Don’t forget it. xx