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Ever feel like part of you wants to grow… but another part keeps holding you back?

You’re not broken — you’re multifaceted. And understanding the different “parts” within you could be the key to breaking free from self-sabotage, quieting negative self-talk, and finally feeling like your full, whole self.

In this powerful episode, I’m joined by clinical psychotherapist and author Britt Frank to explore the transformative power of ‘parts work’ — and how it can help you access a deeper, more compassionate understanding of yourself.

Press play to discover: how identifying your inner parts can help you overcome self-sabotage, practical strategies for when your inner critic shows up, what to say to yourself in tough moments (and how to make self-compassion stick), the surprising wisdom behind feelings of jealousy, and one simple daily practice to build more inner harmony.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, scattered, or like your brain is working against you, then press play now… this one’s for you.

About Britt Frank

Britt Frank, LSCSW, is a clinical psychotherapist, speaker, and trauma specialist, and the author of Align Your Mind, The Science of Stuck and The Getting Unstuck Workbook. Her work has been featured by NPR, Forbes, Esquire, New York magazine, and The New York Times.

In this episode we chat about:

• The unexpected journey that led her to become a therapist and author (2:44)
• What your “inner parts” really are — and why understanding them changes everything (5:47)
• The surprising truth about why we sabotage ourselves — and how to stop (7:45)
• A powerful reframe for when your inner critic starts speaking up (10:33)
• The difference between ‘parts work’ and Internal Family Systems (13:25)
• Why you don’t need to fix yourself to feel whole (15:24)
• Daily practices to help you build inner harmony and self-awareness (19:39)
• The critical importance of changing your mindset (24:52)
• How to navigate this work when the people around you don’t understand it (26:09)
• What jealousy really means — and how it’s pointing you toward your next level (27:28)
• How to identify what season of life you’re in (and why that matters) (35:10)
• The one book she believes every child should read (38:08)

Episode resources:

• SheLaunch (join here)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
• Britt Frank (website)
• Britt Frank (Instagram)
• Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work by Britt Frank (book)
• The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward by Britt Frank (book)
• The Getting Unstuck Workbook: Practical Tools for Overcoming Fear and Doubt – and Moving Forward with Your Life by Britt Frank (book)
• No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Dr Richard Schwartz (book)
• The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About [Spiral-bound] by Mel Robbins (book) 
• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (book)

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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

Melissa: [00:00:00] The Melissa Ambrosini Show. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Melissa bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, open, wide, comparisonitis and Time Magic, and I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in.

Your own life and become the best version of yourself possible. Are you ready? Beautiful. Beautiful. Hey, beautiful. Welcome back to the show. I’m so excited about this episode because I love all things mindset. I love personal development. I love anything that is going to allow me to understand myself better and to work on myself and.

To be honest, my mindset has been a little bit stinky lately. So [00:01:00] this episode is jam packed with practical strategies on how to master your mindset and befriend it. You’re gonna love it. It’s so good. I’ve listened to it over and over again, and it is really, really powerful. You are going to wanna take notes.

It’s a goodie. And for those of you that have never heard of Brit, she is a clinician, speaker and trauma specialist. She is the author of The Science of Getting Stuck and Align. Your Mind and her work has been featured all over the place in NPR Forbes, New York Magazine and the New York Times. And for everything that we mention in today’s episode, you can check out in the show notes, and that’s over@melissaambrosini.com slash Britt, B-R-I-T-T.

Now, without further ado, let’s dive in.

Brit, welcome to the show. I am so excited to have you here. But before we dive in, can you [00:02:00] tell us what you had for breakfast this morning? 

Britt: What I have for breakfast this morning, a peanut butter protein pancake with my 30 grams of protein that I’m supposed to get first thing in the morning. Nailed it. 

Melissa: I mean, pancakes are seriously the best.

Like we have them every Saturday morning. My daughter looks forward to it. It’s seriously the best. I’m like, can every day be pancake day? But look, it takes a long time. I get it, but so delicious 

Britt: and so easy to sneak protein into. Just throw some eggs and cottage cheese in there 

Melissa: and boom. Oh my gosh. For me, it’s the almond butter.

It’s like get the lather, the almond butter, all over those things with some maple syrup, some berries. Mm. Chef’s kiss. Now I’m hungry again. So my love. How did you get into this work? Can you tell us your story? Take us back. How did you begin doing all of this? All 

Britt: of this because I was so healthy as a human and just knew how to be an adult who could do things.

No, absolutely not. [00:03:00] Like many people in wellness, I came to the work by being an absolute hot mess, just trying to figure out how to be a person, and I did a lot of really unhealthy things. I was a drug addict. I had eating disorders like all of them from the restrict don’t eat to the eat, to the eat and get rid of the food, just everything.

I tried being in a cult. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me that I didn’t feel like the way supposedly humans are supposed to feel. You sleep when you’re tired, you eat when you’re hungry. You make friends, you do things with the other humans. Couldn’t do it. And then I got to therapy and someone said, Hey, you have a brain and here’s how it works and here’s, you know, what’s going on with your life.

And it was, oh my God, wait. Other people need to know about this. So I just got obsessed with understanding that we don’t have to be at war with our own minds. They’re not out to get us. Your best friend actually lives right inside the skull of ours and just got obnoxiously obsessive about wanting to do this.

So it [00:04:00] was in my mid thirties that I became a therapist. I did not just graduate from school and go, here I am. Let me help you with your life. It was a little bit 

Melissa: messier than that. I think most amazing teachers are the ones who have been through the trenches, who have. Pulled themself out of the health issue or you know, had the multiple divorces or gone bankrupt or whatever it is.

They are the ones that are doing the work and then teaching other people how to do it. So I love that you have turned your mess into your message or your mess into your magic, and it’s really powerful. 

Britt: Thank you. And I think it’s, it’s human. Not everyone can relate to having a crystal meth addiction or an eating disorder or OCD or I have a long list of things, but we all know what it’s like to get stuck.

We all know what it’s like to feel like we’ve got all these people in our minds screaming at us all day long. Part of me knows, go to the gym. Part of me is watching season five of Yellowstone for the 10th time. ’cause that show is so. [00:05:00] Maybe the problem isn’t inside us. Maybe the problem is we weren’t given information about what’s inside us.

And of course, if you don’t know how to drive a car, you’re gonna crash. And our brains and minds are kind of the same. 

Melissa: A hundred percent my first book, mastering Your Mean Girl. It’s about mastering that voice inside your head and becoming friends with her. And for me, it was similar. I got to the point where I was like, oh wow, I have a really negative voice inside my head and she is running my life.

She’s dictating every move that I make. And it doesn’t have to be that way, and in fact, I have to change it. So that’s how that whole book came about. And then I started sharing about it on my blog, and then people were resonating so deeply that I had to write a book about it. So I get it. Now. You talk about the different parts inside of us.

What does that mean? Tell us. 

Britt: It sounds so mysterious and woo, like guess what? You have multiple [00:06:00] personalities, but. I do too, and so does everybody. And it’s in our language, right? Part of me feels this way. Part of me feels that way. We treat our minds like our mind is this big, giant monster that’s just waiting to pounce on us with anxiety and criticism and whatever.

But our minds are like our bodies. Our bodies have different parts and different systems that you have to take care of in different ways. And if you ignore the parts of your body, they’re gonna get cranky and they’re going to have symptoms. We have different parts of our minds. We have really cranky hungry toddler parts, and we have inner children parts and really obnoxious teenager parts.

And the problem isn’t that they’re there. The problem is if we don’t know how to care for them, then of course they’re gonna act out and we’re gonna not know why we can’t put down the thing or pick up the thing or start the thing or stop the thing. And the solution isn’t get rid of your parts. And so I love the mastering Your Mean Girl message because what if we could talk to our thoughts?

[00:07:00] You don’t just think them. You can actually have a conversation with these different characters inside your head. And then life starts to work better because at the end of the day, you go to sleep with you. You wake up with you, you’re born with you, you die with you. So what if all the different parts of you could get along?

And that’s really my passion in this work is to. Demystify having multiple personalities. We all have them. I mean, really you and I right now, and you’re so pretty and we’re all like doing our thing, but I’m gonna put on my comfy sweats later and I’m not gonna be, I’m gonna take my face off and take eyelashes off, and that’s okay.

It doesn’t mean we’re being fake. It means we have all of these different aspects, like a prism on a diamond, and so we need to get familiar with all of it, not just the shiny stuff. 

Melissa: Yes. So let’s talk about self-sabotage. How can understanding these different parts help us break free from self-sabotage?

Because inside She Launch, which is my signature business and mindset and lifestyle program, I teach [00:08:00] mindset because it is the biggest piece of the puzzle. 80% of success is mindset. 20% is tools and strategies and funnels, and I can teach you all that stuff, but mindset is such a huge piece and self-sabotage is such a huge piece.

I see so many women come into my program riddled with self-sabotage and worthiness issues and lack of self-belief, and then they go through my program and my methodology and it increases, which is amazing. Talk to us about how we can overcome self-sabotage. What do you teach? I wanna know your formula.

Britt: Hmm. So obviously we all do things that annihilate our wellbeing and totally go counter to what we’re wanting. And I mean, we all know what to do, right? Eat the food, move your body, connect with friends. But we all at some level get stuck in the why am I not doing the thing that I know I could be doing to make my life better?

But if you think of your mind like a cast of movie [00:09:00] characters or parts, self-sabotage is not this evil thing that’s trying to mess your life up. I teach self-sabotage as. Think of that there are parts of you who are not invested in your success. They are invested in your survival. They’re invested in you playing small because it’s more likely you won’t get eaten by a tiger if you don’t leave the cave.

And so they’re not bad. They just have a different objective. And so if you think like a negotiation table in business development, you would bring the two opposing parties to the table. Team sabotage team, do the thing. Let’s figure out where’s a solution we can all land on. Because if you start talking and getting like curious about your own mind, I’ll use my drug addiction as an example.

The parts of me that were using drugs really believed the best way to keep Brit from dealing with her feelings and having to accept all these horrible things is to keep her moving so fast. She never slows down. Team don’t do drugs. Obviously, drugs are [00:10:00] bad. You’re going to kill yourself. Your health and your mind, and your finances and your relationships are all a disaster.

They had the same objective, so it wasn’t like angel on one side, devil on the other. Self-sabotage is when two parts or two teams of parts are trying to get. To an outcome, but they don’t speak each other’s language. And my job as the person in charge of all the parts is to help them understand, no, actually we all have the same goal here, me being alive, but I also want to be happy and successful.

How can we find strategy that works for everybody? 

Melissa: So many people believe the self-sabotaging negative inner critic parts, they believe that to be true. And there’s been times in my life where she is Oscar. Worthy winning with her conviction, and I believe her. So how can we not believe those parts to be truth about ourselves because they’re not truth.

[00:11:00] And how can we come back to the truth? I love that question so much 

Britt: and there’s so many different approaches and I’m really big on there’s a seat at the table of wellness for as long as it’s not harmful. Almost everything. So for everyone, you know, do what works for me. The lying voice. I used to work with teenagers a lot.

I had a kids practice, so ages three to 17, if you listen to a 15-year-old talk. Everything sucks and everything is so big and every relationship that breaks up is the end of everything. I’m not gonna tell a 16-year-old who’s being dramatic that she’s a liar. ’cause then she’s gonna get really cranky and we’re gonna start fighting.

Right? What you tell a 16-year-old is, wow. Sounds like you’re going through some stuff. If you think of your inner critic, like a really, really overwhelmed teenager, like you’re not gonna believe a 3-year-old who says, I hate you, mom. It’s just. Kids say stuff when they have big feelings. ’cause they don’t have the skills.

If you think of your inner critic as a [00:12:00] teenager or as a little kid, not as your parent or your boss, that changes the whole story. ’cause an upset teenager really needs someone to be there with them and help them through it. Not to tell them, you’re being so dramatic, just knock it off or Shut up, or stop talking to me, you liar.

It’s like, oh sweet girl. You’re really going through it. Help me understand. It doesn’t mean it’s true. It doesn’t mean I have to take it on, but parts work allows you to be with that inner critic as a competent adult who can help her through it. So it’s about 

Melissa: befriending being soft and compassionate to that part.

Britt: Yes, and I can already feel my dms flooding with angry messages. It’s not about excusing behavior. It’s not about, oh, my parts are sad, therefore I get to act like a total. Lunatic and do whatever and say whatever. No, but being compassionate has real neurological benefits. If I’m telling my inner [00:13:00] critic, shut up, you liar.

I’m releasing cortisol because my brain thinks I’m being yelled at. If I’m compassionate, that opens up space for curiosity, which then keeps my amygdala from freaking out and I am not going into fight and flight. So compassion is not a soft skill that’s just like all poor you. There’s real brain body benefits to approaching our thoughts this way.

Melissa: So how is this different to internal family systems? I’ve had Dr. Richard Swartz on the podcast, which was incredible, and. Internal Family Systems has changed my life. When I first discovered it many years ago, I was like, mind blown. So how is this different or is it similar? 

Britt: So Internal Family Systems is my end game.

First Love. It’s the thing that changed everything. For me personally, I found Dr. Schwartz’s work when I was in a cult, a religious cult, and I was reading his book, hidden in the [00:14:00] book I was supposed to be reading. And it just, like you said, it’s just like, whew. So Internal Family Systems is the example of parts work that I practice the most.

There are lots of different ways of working with your parts. I like his model the best. And so in this new book, much of it is based off that model. I added a few of my own twists to it just ’cause Why not? And Dr. Schwartz so generously gave this really nice endorsement of the book, all of my parts that were like, oh my God, no one’s allowed to write about IFS except him.

We’re very relieved that he’s so generous with how we interpret and approach his work, but it’s not the same. But Internal Family Systems is the model that I draw from most heavily. It’s your flavor. My version of IFS, but it is IF and I’m very big on. That’s his model. Here’s what he says. Here’s my take on it.

You know, he talks about the different parts, exiles and firefighters and managers talking about their different roles. I share a little bit [00:15:00] of a different language, but it’s the same idea, and it is based off of the model he created. 

Melissa: Love it, love it, love it, love 

Britt: it. 

Melissa: And it’s gonna resonate with different people.

How people say things. It might resonate with someone and it might not, and then it might later in life, or it might never, and you might have to hear it 15 times from 15 different people for it to land. So awesome. I love this. Now, a lot of us, when we go into personal development work, we can feel like we are broken, that we need to fix ourselves, that something is wrong with us.

I know for me, when I first started on my personal development journey in 2010. I felt like I was broken and I was looking to all of these healers and therapists to try and fix me. So can you talk to that? Like how do we overcome that feeling and idea that we need to fix ourselves or that we are broken?

Britt: So I did the same thing. And [00:16:00] the problem is there’s a secondary benefit to feeling broken. When I was feeling broken, the idea that someone could fix me was actually one of my younger parts, secretly hoping that mom and dad are going to come, surely this time they’ll get it right. And I looked for mom and dad in relationships, in work, in being a perfectionist, in being an anti perfectionist.

I looked for mom and dad’s approval in the people pleaser, but when you start taking care of those parts that are craving mom and dad to, if you had good parents parts, crave them to still be there. And if you didn’t have awesome parenting parts crave for them to get the do-over. But once you start caring for those younger parts, then need to be fixed.

Goes away because there is an adult coming to save the day. It’s you. It’s you as you are right now. You are the adult that’s available 24 7 that can do the [00:17:00] things, assuming you have access to what you need. Privileges a factor in this too, and safety. But when your parts realize that they have a parents in you, then the need to be fixed goes away.

You can’t sit with your mind day after day and get really curious and learn about it, and then come to the conclusion that you’re broken. Even the most extreme, unhealthy, objectively bad behaviors. Again, it doesn’t mean excuse them, it does mean I understand now that I’ve talked to all these different parts of me, how I ended up in these situations, which then allowed me to take accountability and ownership and clean up my messes.

But no one is broken and I, I take psych meds, I go to therapy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do that, but having some sort of neurodivergent or some sort of mental issue that causes you to need meds doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s like if I get a cut on my arm and put a bandaid on, I don’t say that I’m broken.

It’s, I have an injury. A lot of what we think makes us broken, [00:18:00] our injuries, not identities. 

Melissa: I love that perspective shift. Look at it like an injury. Look at it like. You’ve fallen over and scraped your knee, that doesn’t make you broken or a bad person. My daughter, like she fell over the other day and she cut her leg.

That doesn’t make her broken. That doesn’t make her any less than, she’s just got a bleeding knee like. I love that so much. So we have to think of it like that for ourselves as well. It doesn’t mean we’re broken, we just have an injury that needs healing and tending to and love and care and time. I’m currently reading Mel Robbins book, the Let Them Theory.

Have you read it yet? 

Britt: I haven’t read it. I’m familiar with it. 

Melissa: Yeah. So I’m reading it at the moment and I love it. I love her work and in it, she says something along the lines of. When people act in a way that is irrational or whatever you wanna [00:19:00] label it presume there is a wounded 8-year-old inside of them that is acting out like that.

And that reminder has been so powerful for me. Like whenever someone does something that I’m like, whoa, that was totally out of like character. And even just like reflecting back on situations in my own life, I’m like, wow, that was just her wounded. 8-year-old that reacted that way and she was just, you know, looking for love or whatever it was.

So I think it’s really powerful, that perspective shift as well as what you said, just looking at like an injury. I love that. So powerful. So let’s put this into practice. Let’s literally talk about how someone can start to explore their inner parts. So let’s make up a scenario. Someone has debilitating self-belief around their business.

They are an amazing coach or whatever it is, amazing [00:20:00] naturopath or amazing fertility expert, amazing whatever. And they have debilitating self-doubt. They don’t wanna put themself out there. They are people pleasing. They don’t wanna charge what they’re worth, but they need the money ’cause they’ve got two kids or whatever it is.

Where did they start? Talk us through how to unpack that. 

Britt: So there’s a language shift that I think can be really helpful because if we say, I have self doubt, self is all of me. So if all of me, then there’s nothing I can do. I’m sort of out of luck. So even self-sabotage. If it’s self-sabotage, it’s all of me.

So I don’t like self-doubt. I use parts doubt because it’s parts of me that are doubting not all of me. 

Melissa: And it may even be one part, like it may not be parts as in like multiple. It may just be one teeny tiny part that is doubting you. Exactly. 

Britt: And how much easier is it to solve a problem when it’s one teeny tiny part?

[00:21:00] Even if it’s five parts, even if like every single one of my 13-year-old, 12-year-old middle school parts, if every single one of those girls is doubting themselves, that’s still, I am an adult woman. I can take care of that. And so if you think of self-doubt as parts doubt. Then the question becomes, which part?

It’s not. Why do I feel this? I know logically I’m awesome at my job. I know I should be charging more. Why can’t I? It’s, oh, which part or parts of me are struggling? How old do they feel? Someone who’s not charging what they’re worth? I guarantee if you look and you listen, you’re gonna find somewhere in their upbringing, a messaging about money, especially for women.

There’s so many messages that we learned about. What it means to ask for money or to charge money or whatever. Then that becomes, like you said, one little part. I have self, which is all of me is available to help that part, and that changes the [00:22:00] conversation. ’cause you’re not gonna logic yourself into charging what you’re worth.

You’re not gonna logic yourself out of imposter syndrome. You can’t. We’ve tried. I’ve tried. It’s not fine. But if you know the parts of you. Like, you know your body parts. I know when certain things are feeling a certain way. I know my body well enough to know what’s going on. It’s like, oh, my shoulder’s getting jammy again.

I need to go do acupuncture, or I’m feeling crampy. I should probably get a hot water bottle. With our minds. It’s the same enough practice. You learn everyone’s cues and then you don’t feel like, oh my gosh, this self-doubt is killing my business. It’s no. I have parts of me who are doubting and I have the tools I need in me to take care of her.

Or them, 

Melissa: what I’m hearing here as well, and I wanna highlight and underscore is the power of our word. Because our words are so powerful, our thoughts are so powerful, and I say what you say and what you think you will create, you will manifest, and I teach this inside She [00:23:00] launch because your words matter.

So the reframe of, instead of saying self-sabotage and there’s. Two, there’s a little part of me that feels like it’s sabotaging is such a monumental shift, and it takes work and it takes reprogramming and consciousness. But today, I want everyone listening, myself included, to start to be more mindful of the words that come out of our mouth, the thoughts that we think do not make big grand.

Statements like self-sabotage or I feel I is whole or I am. That is the whole, what we’re saying here is there’s a little part that feels not confident or there’s a little part that doubts or there’s a little part. I teach my clients, I like to throw in the word little as well ’cause [00:24:00] it makes it even easier to digest.

So there’s a little part of me that feels scared and it just makes it so much. More digestible to move through. But when you say I don’t have confidence, I’m self-sabotaging. Like you said, there’s nowhere to go. It’s full stop. So everyone listening, myself included, I’m talking to me. Let’s stop using those big grand statements.

I, I am self and insert. There’s a little part that is doubting me. Or there’s a little part that feels not confident, whatever it is, that shift alone, I promise, will make such a huge shift in your life. 

Britt: It’s true for relationships too, especially for women. If we’re navigating the compare, despair, jealousy thing.

I have amazing women friends who are doing amazing things in the world, and if I can’t work with the [00:25:00] parts of me who feel jealous, then the relationships aren’t going to go well. ’cause then people get, then my parts will get cranky or they’ll pick. But I have the relationships with people who have this language of parts I can say.

Hey, I just want you to know I’m so proud of you. I am so here for you. I have a little part of me who’s feeling a little pang of it’s never gonna happen for me. I’ve got her covered. I just want you to know like we are working it out, and I’m here for you because that allows you to make space for both celebrating others wins.

And also holding space for the pain that others wins will cause you. And that’s okay. People feel so guilty. It’s like, oh my God, I love my friends. What’s wrong with me? That I am jealous. You’re not jealous. A little part of you is I love the little too. ’cause if you look, it’s probably a younger part. So I have a little part who’s jealous ’cause she wants that.

Then I can problem solve. Well great. If we want that, what do we, we, all of us, in my head. What do we need to do? What? What skills do we need to get? You know, who can [00:26:00] we learn from that can help us do that thing? And then there’s room for our entire humanity instead of this toxic positivity thing. 

Melissa: Love this so much.

I’m curious, when you said that to your friends, you said that they understand this terminology and language. Has there ever been anyone who didn’t receive that? 

Britt: I wouldn’t say that to someone who I didn’t know for sure. Understood parts and parts language. ’cause then it’s sort of like, what are you talking about?

Like that I forget sometimes I’m like, Hey, me and all my personalities are gonna be late to this event, but you know, we’re on our way. It’s like, oh wait, these people don’t know what I’m talking about. I just sound weird. Let’s normalize the language of multiple parts of us because then everything starts to make sense.

Why aren’t I doing the thing I know I should do? Because there’s a little part of me who feels scared of rejection ’cause there’s a little part of me who feels scared of failing. But then you can rally and resource and support. It just makes. Relationships easier, work easier, habits [00:27:00] easier. Even with the let them thing, let them is still focusing on them and seeing their little parts is great, but that’s still focusing on them.

So if someone treats you poorly, which part or parts of me are feeling hurt? And then I can turn the focus inward where I have control versus putting it out there. So there’s different levels to that. One of which is. Let them, or which part of me, and then I contend to that part of me. 

Melissa: Yes. So just talking about the friendship and relationship stuff, because I was just reading about it in Mel Robbins book as well last night, the jealousy stuff, and she has an amazing story that highlights this story and how she moves through the jealousy.

And this was a story from her late thirties, early forties, because. Jealousy comes up a lot for people. I think more than ever now because of the highlight reels on Instagram, we’re [00:28:00] constantly bombarded and exposed to everyone doing all of these amazing things, and we were never exposed to this much data and this many people ever before in our life, ever.

So talk to me about what you would literally do to resolve this. Without expressing it to somebody who doesn’t understand. So say you’re scrolling social media and you see these other people who are absolutely slaying it, it brings up that jealousy feeling. What do you do then? 

Britt: I love this, and yes, I don’t share the jealousy thing at large.

This is inner circle people who know this work. So I love jealousy because I always say jealousy cues are clues. You’re not gonna get jealous over something that you don’t care about or wants. And so if you’re feeling that pang of jealousy, the next question is, which little part of me is feeling this?

Then the question after that is, [00:29:00] am I willing to do what would need to be done to have that? So one thing I love, I do it as a hobby, is circus aerial arts, and I have an amazing coach who is just, and she should be amazing. She spent her whole life working at this. When I see videos of her and I feel jealous.

I say to my little part, okay, but to do that, that’s great. I can see you really love that skill to do that. This is what it’s going to require. Here’s what we’re gonna need to eat. Here’s what we’re gonna need to sacrifice. Are you willing to do that? And most often the answer is no, which then turns jealousy into admiration.

And then I go, here’s the key question. What are my choices? What am I willing to do? Not just what are my choices, but what am I willing to do? I’m not willing to do what it takes to be a professional aerialist. I am willing to take classes a few times a week and make it a hobby, and that’s where you start feeling a sense of ownership.

It’s not just, oh, everyone is an expert. I stink. It’s, oh, my jealousy is pointing me [00:30:00] towards my true north. My jealousy is pointing me towards what I’m actually aligned with. If you think of jealousy as a little map and not who you are, it can be so helpful. Hmm. It’s a clue. It’s a clue. Mm-hmm. Yes. I love that so much.

Not an identity, not a bad. You’re a bad person ’cause you feel jealous. Jealousy cues are clues. 

Melissa: Yes. I love that everyone tattoo that on their forehead note. Don’t, I’m just joking. But ride it out on a post-it note because it’s so powerful. But I can see a lot of people get stuck with the jealous feeling and then they don’t see it as a clue, and then they just sit in that jealousy and let it percolate.

But we have to see it as a clue because you wouldn’t be jealous if it didn’t mean something to you, if it didn’t light you up. That’s exactly, you know how I feel like if I saw someone doing aerial stuff, I would have no pang of jealousy one bit. ’cause I’m not interested in doing that. I’m not [00:31:00] interested one bit.

I might be, you know, down the track, who knows. But that doesn’t bring up anything within me. Yeah. So it is clues for us to go within. And look at where we’re not showing up. Look at where we’re playing small, look at where we might need to investigate a little bit deeper. So I love that jealousy is clues.

It’s so powerful 

Britt: and you don’t sit with clues. You don’t sit there and go, okay, here are all my clues. You follow them. Clues require you to then get curious and take an action. If all of the actions feel too big, I call these micro yeses. A micro yes is the smallest possible thing that you’re willing and able to do in that moment.

And so you might not be willing to go to yoga or run 10 miles or take a five minute walk, but if you’re willing to, I don’t know, throw your sneakers by the door today, that’s your micro yes. And a [00:32:00] micro yes will give you a micro hit of dopamine instead of beating yourself up, which floods with stress hormones, right?

So if you’re jealous, ask yourself what’s a micro yes related to that thing, and that’ll at least start you on the path. And just because they’re microscopic sized actions does not mean they’re not incredibly powerful. 

Melissa: I love that micro yeses and even micro wins. I am in this season of my life where I do not have the space for a four hour morning routine.

I have two little kids. I have a newborn and. For me, it’s like what is the absolute bare minimum on my self-care list that I can do that will make it feel like a ginormous win for me at this season of my life? And so literally I wrote down on a list what that would be. I shared it with my husband and I got him to do his.

And we literally tag team throughout the day to make sure each other [00:33:00] get to do those little things that fill us up. To feel like we are winning that day. And it’s so simple. These micro yeses, these micro wins, they’re so easy to do, but I always say they’re also easy not to do. The little things are easy to do, but they’re also easy not to do.

But when you do them, you just feel so good. You truly feel so amazing, and it compounds so it’s easy to sit and scroll. It’s easy to watch. A TV show for the fifth time, it’s not easy to get your butt up and put your trainers on and do a workout, but that’s where the results really start to unfold, and that’s where you body, mind, soul start to feel so much better, so much more in alignment.

You fill up your confidence tank every time you do something good for [00:34:00] yourself. You deposit into your confidence tanked, and that is what we need to do to show up as the best version of ourselves each day. 

Britt: Oh, I love that so much. But people think if I don’t get my butt off the couch, then oh, well, I guess I should just double down and spend another five hours on the couch and oh, well, I’ve eaten one thing now.

I’ll eat all the things, or whatever. Those micro yeses. Solve for the starting gate because most people will say, oh, once I get my butt off the couch and I’m at the gym, I’m fine. You know, once I get myself into action, I’m fine. Micro yeses solved for that sticky in-between space between when you start and get momentum, they don’t look like much.

And I love what you were saying with your husband. What takes people away from the micro yeses is devaluing them. Oh, well, you know, great. I had one cup of coffee at for five minutes in the morning. It’s not like I had a two hour journal [00:35:00] session. But if you don’t count those little wins as wins, your brain isn’t gonna know to do them again.

And so micro yeses compounded very quickly. I love that you use that language. 

Melissa: Yeah. And identify what season of life you’re in. You know, and this has been so profound for me lately, because I have a baby and I have a toddler. And so for me it’s like. This is the season that I’m in and I’m running a business and I wanna be the best wife that I can be, and I still wanna see my friends, right?

So it’s like, and, and, and so honoring what season you are in in your life right now, and don’t look back and go, well, I used to be able to have a four hour morning routine. That’s not helpful. You will get your four hour morning routine one day again. But for this season, like what is going on for you? And I know a lot of people listening to this are business owners, [00:36:00] they are mothers, you know, they’ve got, they wear multiple hats.

So understand what season you are in and don’t let that be an excuse as well. Like, don’t let that be an excuse to not fill yourself up. Okay? I am in the season of raising my children and I’ve got four kids, therefore. I do zero self-care. No. It’s like how can I make the season of life that I’m currently in work for me as opposed to against me?

So that’s where I’m at right now for this season of my life. 

Britt: I love that. And despite what season you’re in, there’s almost always something you can do. You may not have your four hour morning routine, but can you find a 15 second one? So that keeps you out of that black and white, all or nothing thinking.

That then creates those mindset loops that then take us down. I wish I missed, da, da, da, da. But micro yeses keep you solution [00:37:00] focused and that you get all that brain juice rewarding you when you stay. Solutions and what are my choices? What are my micro yeses? Keep me out of that victim mentality of I can’t do anything and nothing is available and everything is gonna be this way forever.

That sounds a little bit like a teenager part, and that’s where a little part of me is feeling like this isn’t gonna ever change. A little part of me is missing my morning routine. Okay, no problem. If it’s a part of you, we can deal with it. 

Melissa: Coming back to those big grand statements, always, everything, you know, those big statements, they’re not helpful and they’re not actually truthful.

So just be mindful of the language again, and the thoughts that you think and you know, it’s just so important. The more that you fill yourself up, you are going to show up as a better version of yourself. It’s so important and for whatever season you’re in, write down the couple of things that fill you up [00:38:00] each day.

Do those and watch your life transform. Share them with your partner, share them with your kids, and watch how your life transforms. Now, I’d love to hear Brit, if you could put one book in the school curriculum of every high school around the world, besides your books, let’s presume they’re in there. What book would you choose?

It can be on any topic. It’s for boys and girls around that 17-year-old. What book would you choose? No Bad Parts by Dr. 

Britt: Richard Schwartz. I, when I would work with. Kids and teenagers, and you use parts language, really big, scary things like depression and anxiety and even self-harm activities become so much more manageable.

When a teenager knows, I am not feeling this way. Parts of me are feeling this way. Then they feel like, okay, if it’s parts of me, there might be solutions. If a part of me is feeling like life’s never gonna get [00:39:00] any better. Versus I am just depressed and nothing is ever going to change. I think kids and little kids intuitively know this.

If I say to a little kid, oh, it sounds like there’s a little part of you who wanted to hit your sister. A little kid is gonna smile and giggle and say, yeah, that part of me was really angry. It’s instinctual when we’re little and we sort of tr inside out. The movie is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to this is how the mind works.

So I would put IFS books in every curriculum at every age available if I could. 

Melissa: You just reminded me to start using this language with my daughter because I don’t really do that with her, but I definitely can. And why not? She’s three and a half, but why not start now? Using that terminology. So I love that so much.

It’s never too early. Start using this with them now 

Britt: and 

Melissa: they’ll get 

Britt: it. They’ll, I mean, if you say, oh, part of you does not wanna get the shoes [00:40:00] on, oh, then it’s how can we, you and your child, how can we help that part? Then your child becomes part of the solution and they get to be the hero of the story instead of the villain or the victim.

And kids love being the hero of their story. Oh wow. It sounds like part of you doesn’t wanna go to school today. What, what do you think we can do to help? What? What do you think that part of you might need? What do you think that part of you might want? That part of me doesn’t wanna go to school ’cause it’s hard.

Oh, okay. So school’s really hard and as a parent you’re gonna get information when you use parks language versus how was your, how was school fine? What’d you do? Nothing. Right. The parts language opens up an entire world of information and language and kids are, they do this naturally until as adults we sort of learn, oh, I shouldn’t talk about my many voices in my head at gatherings.

’cause it’s not language that’s used. 

Melissa: Yes, we should, we all should. I agree, yes. Talk to us about your morning routine. I love [00:41:00] hearing about how people set themselves up for the day and set themselves up for success. So can you share with us? Your morning routine, routine and a typical day in your life. I know no two days are ever the same, but I wanna hear about what you do.

Okay. 

Britt: Admittedly, I don’t have kids, so I do have a four hour morning routine. It’s not a four hour morning routine, but I, I have a lot of traumatized that are injured, still working through their healing inner children, and they require a lot of management. So the first thing I do when I wake up. I take my mi and my supplements and make my cup of coffee, my one cup of coffee, and then I sit and I do a practice called Morning Pages.

It’s from a book called The Artist Way, Julia Cameron. I love it. I love it so much. It’s basically just brain dump. I’m not creating art, I’m not creating content. I’m sitting there with a marker, a piece of paper and just vomiting every thought I have out for 15 minutes. And what that does is that sort of slows the day down.[00:42:00] 

And I am, it’s sort of like. Peeing in the morning, you know, you wake up and then you eliminate what needs to be eliminated. Morning pages do that for your mind. So if I don’t do it every day, but when I don’t, I feel it. So I make sure my coffee, my morning pages, and that is the first thing I do. And then snuggle time with my dog.

And then my husband is out the door early for his workouts and his work, but that no two days are alike. But my morning pages are really, really important. Ritual. Ritual. And then at night, all the nighttime stuff that the list expands as we get older. But then I tuck my little parts into bed with me at night, so I’ll be obsessing about my day and the things I could have done right and what went wrong and all of whatever voices.

But the last thing I try to do is tuck myself into bed the way I would a kid. Goodnight little be. I’m proud of you. I love you. I’m here and I’ll be here in the morning, and I’m so glad you’re here. It doesn’t take long, but the book ending of the day [00:43:00] makes whatever comes at me that day a lot easier to manage.

Melissa: Beautiful, nice little conversation with yourself and like you said, you wake up with yourself, you go to bed with yourself. You are born by yourself, and you die by yourself. We might 

Britt: as well 

Melissa: make 

Britt: friends with what’s going 

Melissa: on. ’cause that’s, that’s who we have. Yes, absolutely. I love that. Such a simple little thing you can do like a quick little conversation with the parts that really makes all the difference.

Britt: And again, if something really traumatic or tragic is happening, I’m not saying they there, everything is all good. I’ll say, wow, today was really hard. I have no idea what’s going on or why. I don’t know when this is going to get better. And I’m here with you. So tomorrow we’re gonna do whatever comes at us together.

When you do that, that language of we, you feel less alone. And when you feel less alone, you’re gonna be less overwhelmed, which will then allow you to stay in your prefrontal cortex, which will then help you access resources and solutions. [00:44:00] 

Melissa: Yes, but when you’re in that fight or flight, you can’t reach for the solutions.

Britt: No, and I hit fight or flight. I’m not perfect at this by any stretch, and when I have my big meltdowns, there’s at least usually one molecule in my brain that can say, okay, I realize my cards are having big feelings right now. We should probably call our therapist and get a session in on the books. But it’s helpful to know you’re not broken.

There’s no such thing as crazy. Crazy is a word people invented to judge. It is not a thing. Having a mental injury doesn’t make you crazy. Can 

Melissa: you tell my husband that? ’cause he is like, you are crazy. And I’m like, I’m female. And he’s like, well, you’re all crazy. Well, if we’re all crazy, then none of us are.

Exactly. Exactly. So I help people become wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy, and bursting with love. I help them with their health, wealth, and love. So I’ve got three rapid fire questions for you. Now I wanna know one thing we can do for our health today. Say yes [00:45:00] to a thing you don’t wanna do. Ooh. Like, what?

What are you gonna say yes to? 

Britt: Uh, I feel so called out. It’s cold and I really don’t feel like taking a walk outside. I have been traveling. I really need to take a walk outside, so the thing I don’t feel like doing, I will do. I’ll take a walk outside today. Good. Love it. Okay, next one. Wealth. What is one thing we can do for our wealth?

Start talking to your inner child because at the bottom of most financial issues is a scared inner child who doesn’t know that it is safe to be wealthy. It is safe to receive abundance, and she doesn’t have to feel ashamed of having it. Absolutely. 

Melissa: Last one. What is one thing we can do for more love in our life?

Tuck yourself into bed at night. Beautiful. I tuck my daughter into bed. I kiss her. I say beautiful things to her. I’m like, why am I not doing that to myself? 

Britt: Exactly. 

Melissa: It’s just 

Britt: natural. Like we don’t, and the men I work with, the same [00:46:00] thing that wonderful fathers who will tuck their kids into bed and say, I love you buddy, and I’m so proud to be your parent.

It doesn’t take long. It’s free. It’s silent. It’s in your head. Why not do this for ourselves when there’s so much benefit to doing it? 

Melissa: Yeah. And it doesn’t take long. 

Britt: I, it takes three seconds 

Melissa: Exactly. This has been so amazing and so practical, which is what I love. Is there anything else that you wanna share?

Any last parting words of wisdom or any tip that you think will really help my listeners? 

Britt: If you start with the assumption that your brain is on your side, that changes everything. 

Melissa: I love that. I’m just reflecting back on times in my life where I felt like it wasn’t on my side. Everything was against me.

What’s wrong with me is God punishing me. Like I’ve had those thoughts before, so I love [00:47:00] that so much. It’s on your 

Britt: side. Life is hard. Bad things happen. I’m not saying that it’s not, but what if your brain was on your side, on your team? 

Melissa: Yeah. What if you’re in a mingle was on your team? What if all of those little parts, the scared parts, the.

The part that doesn’t feel confident, the part that is sabotaging. What if they were all on your team rooting for you, being your biggest cheerleader? Instantly? I feel lighter. I love that. Beautiful Brit. This is such game changing information. I really hope everyone was taking notes and got a lot out of it.

What I love my listeners to do is to think about the biggest key takeaways from each episode. Write it in the notes section of your phone and embody it. There’s no point listening to podcasts or audio books or [00:48:00] reading books and not implementing what you. Have heard you are better off reading the same brilliant book 10 times and embodying it or listening to the same amazing podcast 10 times and embodying it as opposed to listening to or reading 10 different books, mediocre books, and not actioning them.

So I want everyone listening to action what we have spoken about. Reframe the words that come out of your mouth and your thoughts, and it will change your life, every area of your life. So thank you for this incredible wisdom that you’ve imparted on us today. For all the work that you do, you are helping.

You are. Serving you are supporting so many people. So how can I and the listeners give back to you today? 

Britt: This was so fun and I love your work and I’m so, so happy we got to do this. So my book, align Your Mind is available wherever you buy books. Follow me on Instagram [00:49:00] at Brit Frank and make friends with your minds.

Our whole world gets better when we all start doing this together. 

Melissa: Beautiful. Thank you so much for being here. What a delight this has been.

I hope you got so much out of this episode. I sure did, and I’m going to embody everything that we spoke about. This is my mission and I want this to be your mission too. So go back and re-listen to this one as many times as you need and embody everything that we spoke about. If you loved this conversation as much as I did, please subscribe to the show and leave me a review on Apple Podcasts, because that means I can keep getting on these incredible guests for you, and it also means that all my episodes will pop up in your feed so you never have to go searching for a new episode.

Now come and connect with me on Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini and tell me what you got from this episode. I love connecting with you and I love hearing your biggest key takeaway, so jump on over there right now. [00:50:00] Before I go, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here. Truly, it means the absolute world to me.

I’m so proud of you for wanting to be the best, the healthiest, and the happiest version of yourself, and for showing up today for you. You rock my friend. Now, if there is someone in your life that you can think of that would really benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now. You can take a screenshot, share it on your social media, email it to them, text it to them, do whatever you’ve got to do to get this in their ears.

And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy. Healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

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