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What does it really take to build a successful business while staying true to yourself, especially as a mama?

In this special episode, I’m sitting down with the incredible Cait Scudder… but I’m on the other side of the mic! 

If you haven’t had the pleasure of crossing paths with Cait before, you’re in for a treat. She is a wildly talented interviewer with a true gift for drawing out little-known insights from her subjects, which is why I couldn’t resist sharing this conversation with you.

In it, you’ll hear me share the raw, behind-the-scenes truth of my journey — from building a business in alignment with my values, to embracing the ebbs and flows of motherhood, and navigating the ever-evolving seasons of life.

Tune in to learn: the power of detoxing what no longer serves you, honouring your season (and trusting that nothing is permanent), why going off the path might be the most powerful move you can make, how motherhood reshaped my business, the link between vitality and postpartum depression, and the “needs matrix” that can revolutionise your family’s emotional wellbeing.

So if you’re building a business, a family, or simply a life that feels good in your bones, then press play now… This one’s for you!

About Cait Scudder

Cait Scudder is a high school teacher turned multiple 7-figure Business Mentor for Mother CEOs. A TEDx speaker, host of The Millionaire Mother podcast, and internationally recognized online business expert, as well as a loving wife and mama to three kiddos four and under. 

Cait’s mission is to empower ambitious mothers to create the wildly profitable businesses they dream of without sacrificing the rich motherhood experience they desire and deserve. Cait’s helped her clients generate over $30M in collective revenue, and her work has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, and Business Insider among several other publications.

In this episode we chat about:

• The real story of my journey into entrepreneurship… and what I wish more people talked about (2:39)
• The power of detoxing what no longer serves you (and why nothing is permanent) (16:37)
• How to dial up your health, wealth, and love — without following someone else’s path (20:19)
• The full picture of our daily life, and the unseen ways it impacts our business (25:47)
• How motherhood transformed my business and the support we called in to make it sustainable (31:03)
• The surprising connection between vibrancy, vitality, and postpartum depression (36:34)
• How we make sure everyone in our family feels nourished, supported, and loved (46:17)
• The powerful “needs matrix” Cait’s family uses to stay connected and balanced (51:46)

Episode resources:

• SheLaunch (join here)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
• Cait Scudder (Instagram)
• The Millionaire Mother (website)
• You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay (book)

Prefer To Read?

The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

Melissa: [00:00:00] The Melissa Ambrosini Show. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Melissa bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, open, wide, comparisonitis and Time Magic. And I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in your own life and become the best version of yourself possible.

Are you ready? Beautiful. Hey, beautiful. Welcome back to the show. I’m so excited about this episode because this is a conversation that I had on Kate Gutter’s podcast, the Millionaire Mother, and it was so good that I had to share it here. And then in two weeks time, she’s coming on my podcast. So I want you to listen to this episode first, and then in two weeks [00:01:00] time, like I said, she’s coming here.

So I’m so excited for you to hear this episode. It’s deep, it’s vulnerable, it’s raw, it’s real. Let’s dive in.

Cait: Hello and welcome to today’s episode of The Millionaire Mother Podcast. I am so freaking excited. It’s been a long time coming. For our guest today, Melissa Amber Sini in the house. Hello, Melissa. Welcome. 

Melissa: Oh, babe, I am so excited to be here and so grateful that we get to share this time together. 

Cait: It’s so perfect.

I’m so grateful as well. We’re doing that nap time hustle, toddler hustle, the whole thing. I feel like we have so much, I mean, just so much overlap, so much in common, but in a really similar moment in parenting right now. How many, so at the time of recording this. Prince is how many months old? Four. Three.

Melissa: He’s four months. And Bambi is almost four. [00:02:00] But my life is beautiful and full. And you know what it’s like doing business and babies. I mean, you’ve got three kids. Like, I can’t even, I’m like, how do you do it? 

Cait: Well, we’re gonna talk all about that today. I wanna hear how you are doing it. We can swap notes here, but as you know, it’s a juggle.

It’s a juggle and we’re figuring it out. And I love, I love knowing that Prince is three months, Bambi’s, almost four. So yeah, really similar ages. My daughter is four, and then we’ve got a two and a half year old, and I just turned 1-year-old. So out of that, like immediate postpartum, but okay. So I feel like our listeners now, I mean.

Probably already know who you are, but if they don’t, Melissa Ambrosini. I mean, you have an incredible podcast. You are a multi-time bestselling author. You run an incredible program called She Launch. But tell us a little bit more about, I mean, I would love to hear, you know, what got you on into entrepreneurship, et [00:03:00] cetera, et cetera.

I, I first I think, heard about you. I think actually when I was back in Australia, I met my husband and we lived together in Bali for a while, and I think it was around that time that you published Mastering Your Mean Girl, and I was like, oh, this woman, I’m really into this. And your name just kind of came up.

So I am so curious for you to, if you can sort of trace for us the evolution of your entrepreneurial journey, because I think the, one of the most beautiful things about having a personal brand and evolving over time is like our expression in business gets to morph and change as our expression morphs and changes and as our identity morphs and changes.

So talk to us about what you’re up to now and bring us back to, to the journey and the unfolding for you. 

Melissa: Yes. Okay. Let’s do this. And I just wanna say, I love that you are married to an Australian. I love that. It’s just awesome. So you have been following me since Mastering Domingo, which is my first book, which I [00:04:00] launched in 2015 or 2014.

So a long time ago. Now I’ll take you back though. So my first taste of entrepreneurialship was from my dad. So my dad always had his own business. And when I was about. Nine years old. He had some work shirts, so he has an air conditioning company, so he had some work shirts and I got some of his work shirts and went up and down my street selling his work shirts.

I don’t know if he approved of that, but it didn’t matter. But that was my first taste of the entrepreneurial world. I made my brother come with me. My younger brother, he’s five years younger than me. I made him model one of the shirts. And then I wrote on a piece of paper size, small, $2, medium, $3 and large $5, something along those lines.

And then I pinned it to the back of his shirt and I would go and knock on everyone’s doors and I would say, would you like to buy one of my dad’s work shirt that’s with his logo on it? And then I said, [00:05:00] this is what they look like. And then I made my brother turn around and model the shirt for everybody.

Cait: I just have to say, this is serious. Big sister energy, like little brother do the twirl. I love it. This is the best. 

Melissa: I made him do so many things. I would do his hair, I would put makeup on him when he got a bit older and when I got a bit older and I was into that poor kid. I think he’s still scarred from it.

No, he’s not. I’m just joking. But that was like my first taste of the entrepreneurial world. And like I said, my dad was an entrepreneur. My mother wasn’t. My mom was a midwife and a nurse, and I saw how she had to abide by someone else’s rules and timeframe, and she was a night duty nurse. So my mom left at like 10 o’clock at night to go to night duty nursing.

And I was like, oh, that doesn’t sound like fun to me. And then when I got into high school, I was a professional dancer and I loved performing. I did acting and singing and dancing, and I did TV presenting and. I [00:06:00] absolutely love performing and when I went into high school, I did not go to like a creative school.

I went to an academic school. It wasn’t like a Steiner school or a Montessori, it wasn’t like a creative school. The arts weren’t really celebrated and I always felt really different. I always felt like I was the odd one out. And when we were in year 12, and I remember we got given this big book and we had to like highlight careers that we thought would really interest us, and I was like interior designer.

I highlighted all of these artistic things and then I applied to go to university. To do a Bachelor of Business majoring in marketing. And I did that because that’s kind of what the teachers told me I should do and what I would be good at. And I applied and I got in. And at the same time, I also applied for a performing arts college that was in Sydney.

And so I got accepted into that and I went and did that year long course where we were just singing, acting, and dancing all day and night. It was just the best thing ever. Oh, 

Cait: so fun. 

Melissa: It was amazing. It was like that movie [00:07:00] center stage. It was the best. And then after that, you audition for a agent and you either get selected or you don’t.

And I got selected. And so I started working as a professional performer in Sydney. And then I auditioned for the Moulin Rouge in Paris and got accepted. And there was 500 girls at that audition, and they only chose five of us. So I got flown over to Paris and I lived there for a year. And then I lived in London for two years after that, again performing and loved it.

And then my visa ended and I had to move back to Australia, which I was completely devastated about. I did not want to leave. I tried every avenue to stay there because my career was taking off. I had so many amazing friends. I was being paid to travel around the world to perform. It was so much fun. I was dating this cute guy, like I literally was living my twenties dream.[00:08:00] 

And then when my visa expired and I had to move back to Australia, which I didn’t want to do, I had no job back here. I had no friends. ’cause the friends that I did have dumped me. The guy that I was seeing dumped me. I had no money and nowhere to live. I was living on my friends sisters’ couch because I had nowhere to stay.

And this was like the complete rock bottom for me. And it was in that moment where. I started partying a lot harder and like would look forward to the weekend where I could numb with, you know, partying. And slowly but surely I spiraled into a very dark depression. And it took one of my school friends, one of my longest friends who I’d been friends with since we were 13, I remember she called me one day and I was just in bed.

It was like 12 o’clock and she was like, get up. And she just said to me, get up and go to the doctor. And I was like, okay. And so I went to the doctor [00:09:00] and they gave me a whole bunch of sessions to see us psychologist. And the psychologist gave me antidepressants and I had some sessions with her and I remember going, I don’t know if this is depression, but I’ll take the antidepressants.

I feel like I’m just sad. Like I’m just, you know, I’ve just been through a lot. It was circumstantial. And so I took the antidepressants and started having these sessions with her, and at the same time started really investigating natural healing and natural health, and went to Kundalini yoga and started to surround myself and be more inclined and drawn to my yoga friends that I’ve just met, as opposed to my party friends.

And slowly but surely every area of my life I started detoxing my friendships, my products, my food, my thoughts, the work that I was doing, everything I started to change slowly. And I actually did this 10 day [00:10:00] Kundalini yoga challenge. And you know what, how powerful Kundalini is. I ended up in hospital after it, and not because of the Kundalini, but because of the upheaval of emotions of trauma.

And I ended up in hospital with a whole host of health issues and I had cold sores all over my face, in my mouth, down my throat. And it was literally like the universe was like, you need to stop. I’m gonna pull the rug out from underneath you. You need to look, look at your face, look at how you’re living your life and change.

And this was when I was 23, 24, and that was such a pivotal moment for me in that hospital bed. I had this voice come to me that said. If you get happy and healthy again, you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams. Wow. And my chills. I know. So powerful. And then my new Kundalini friends that had only probably known for like a couple of months, they sent me a care package to the [00:11:00] hospital.

’cause I was in Brisbane and they were in a different state. They sent me a care package. And in that care package was like Ayurvedic healing herbs, angel cards, crystals, teas, all of these beautiful things. And a book. And the book was Louise Hayes. You Can Heal Your Life. And I remember being in hospital for that week, reading that book and going, why has nobody taught me this?

Why has nobody said to me, Melissa, you create your own reality. And I turned to my mom and I asked her, and she was like, oh darling, you know, I was doing the best that I could. And I was like, yes, you were. But I got her the next day to come to the hospital with. A journal. Journal and I just started writing and writing and writing, and I literally wrote out my dream life.

What am I doing? Where am I? And I went about creating it. The first thing I did was I went and studied holistic nutrition because I was [00:12:00] so unwell and I had like eating disorders from my performing days. I had a very unhealthy relationship with food and my body. And so I went on this healing journey and I started with the physical.

I went on and studied like Ayurveda and really understood how to nourish my temple. But then I soon realized that it wasn’t just about what you put in your mouth, it’s what happens up here in your mind that really is so powerful and hence the whole mean girl stuff started to drop in for me and I started writing about it on my blog.

So when I began my nutrition journey and my nutrition study, I started a blog. This was back in 2011. And this was really niche back then. And I blobbed five times a week. Five times a week, Monday to Friday. Wow. And I was just blogging what I was learning and my struggles with my body image and what my mean girl was saying to me.

And people would stop me in the street and [00:13:00] say, that article you wrote about mastering Your Mean Girls changed my life. And I was like, what? I thought my mom was just reading that, you know? Like I didn’t realize the impact. And then later on, you know, I started a Facebook page and people would just stalk me in the streets.

I started getting asked to speak as a motivational and an inspirational speaker, and I was like. What, like people get paid for this. This is so cool. And my first gig was for Lululemon Australia in Sydney. I did a big speaking gig for them and I went and added other credentials to my toolkit. So I studied meditation, teacher training, yoga, teacher training, energy healing, life coaching, health coaching.

I just immersed myself in this world of personal development and entrepreneurship and healing because I loved it so much. I was like, this is my calling. This is what I’m meant to [00:14:00] do in this world. Yes, performing was fun for me, but I feel like that was the dress rehearsal for what I’m really meant to do in this world.

And all of that performing gave me the confidence and the tools to be able to. Speak on stages to be able to run a podcast. So none of that was for no reason. It’s led me to exactly where I needed to be. And from there I got my first book deal, which was Mastering Domingo with one of the biggest publishers in the world, Harper Collins.

I’ve since written four books and started my podcast, which has had 28 million downloads and kept on doing speaking gigs and running live events. And I just loved helping people with their health, with their business, and with their relationships. And that was my tagline, Health’s wealth, love. I’ll help you become wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy, and bursting with love, and [00:15:00] that I just have kept on doing one foot in front of the other.

And the most recent thing was She Launch, which is my program that helps female entrepreneurs, female coaches, and consultants grow their online business. To whatever they want, six or seven figures without burning out. So there’s lots of tools and strategies, and I can show you how to create an irresistible offer and teach you about marketing and AI and all of those things.

And there’s the mindset piece too, which is really important. That’s, you know, 80% of success is mindset. 20% is skills and tools and strategies. And you know, since launching SHE Launch, it’s just gone gangbusters. And I absolutely love mentoring these women with their business and with their health and their mindset and helping them take every area of their life to the next level.

So I’ve been on this journey since 2011, and I absolutely [00:16:00] loved working for myself. I love it so much. I don’t think I could work for anybody else. And one of the reasons. Why I’ve been able to create this is because I’ve just kept on showing up. Consistency, consistency, consistency. So that’s a little nutshell version of my entrepreneurial story.

Cait: I love it so much. I love every single aspect of it from enlisting, you know, getting your dad’s t-shirts and enlisting your little brother to be your model to the performing days. And you know, there’s just so many threads in there that I’ve, I wanna pick up on because they’re so important. The first thing that really stuck out to me is when you were talking about going through this massive detox, detoxing your body, detoxing friends, detoxing old ways of working and being.

I just had chills as you were describing that, because this process, I think we can often romanticize in the personal development world. You know, pursuing the life we love is just about like [00:17:00] frolicking in an open field, in a white linen dress and like our dreams just falling in our lap. But that process of like, my skin is breaking out, I’m like sweating, I’m crying, I’m, you know, sleeping on my friend’s sister’s couch.

There’s this, this shedding off of what it isn’t on the path to what is, and I just so appreciate you speaking about that part of the journey because I think that oftentimes when we’re in it, like I, you in that moment could never have imagined. I mean, maybe you could have imagined, but you could have never known.

I’m gonna be a bestselling author times four, I’m gonna have 28 million downloads on my podcast. I’m gonna build a seven multi seven figure business and create literally everything that I’ve ever dreamed of. It’s like in that moment you’re like. I’m itchy and my, I feel bloated and whatever. So I just, I love that you spoke to that detox piece because I think it’s such an important part actually of the creation process.

And what also struck me is like that [00:18:00] became, you know, your performing career even though you didn’t take that to be, you know, a full-time performer in the traditional sense, you compost it and you could use the, like the nutrients of that experience to nurture the next thing. So I just think, and it’s so great to know that you’ve been doing this since 2011, so what is that, 14 years now?

We are gonna shape shift and our career is gonna take on a new expression and we get to use all of it. That’s really something I’m picking up on so strongly in what you’re sharing. 

Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. And. I also wanna say like that rock bottom time for me, it’s kind of like the Saturn’s return. I feel like I had it early and it was so challenging.

It was one of the darkest and hardest times of my life. And I don’t want people to think that it’s all rainbows and butterflies. Ever since. Like there are still things that happen in my life, and I’m so much more aware that [00:19:00] everything passes and this too shall pass as one of my favorite mantras. And whenever we are in a season of challenge or struggle, reminding ourself that this too shall pass, because everything is in flux, always like nature.

We are always in flux. No one’s life is ever perfect. There’s no such thing, and that really allows me to soften in my heart. Whenever I do feel challenged or stretched is just to remind myself that this too shall pass. Mm-hmm. Nothing is permanent ever. 

Cait: Yes. So important. I’m so glad you said that. And it’s so true.

And I often think about, you know, what makes a successful, what’s the distinguishing factor? You know, you, I’m sure you get that question all the time. Like, what’s the one thing, what’s the one thing? And I love how you said at the end there, it’s like, I have just been consistent. I’ve been showing up [00:20:00] rain ha or shine, you know, through it all.

Because I think you stay in this long enough, you’re going to see the ups, you’re gonna see the downs, you’re gonna see the winds and the elation and the high, and you’re gonna experience the lows, whether it’s in business or in life. And it’s just keeping on, keeping on. So I love, love that perspective so much as well.

The other thing that I loved hearing you describe, I loved hearing your tagline of healthy, wealthy, and bursting with love. It’s so contrary to, I think, a lot of the popular messaging of, you gotta be known for just one thing, like narrow down. And I think, I’m curious what you would say for our listeners who have that, you know, multidisciplinary, multi-passionate, multiple sides of themselves, and what I really think you’re, you, you know, what you would say to them.

And what I wanna add on there is that it seems to me that the through line for you is like, I don’t know what word you would use to describe it, whether it’s vibrancy or vitality, but. Having our external [00:21:00] world or our financial world be in this vibrant, abundant, lush expression is the financial manifestation of our health being vibrant, our skin feeling, you know, radiant and dewy.

Our energy levels being high, it’s like is the same as our relationships feeling nourished and connected and supported from the inside out. So I see so much of the through line there, and I’m curious what you would say to somebody who is feeling at that crossroads in their business or their personal brand where they’re like, do I have to just leave all this other stuff behind and go in on this one thing?

How have you found that multi-passionate balance as an entrepreneur? I love this question so 

Melissa: much because it is so at the forefront of my world right now and the conversations that I’m having in masterminds with other seven figure business owners and my other entrepreneurial friends. So. This is such an important piece.

So I [00:22:00] started my business very much like more health focused, and then it kind of weaved into health, wealth, and love. So I will help you become wildly wealthy, which is like your business, fabulously healthy and bursting with love, self-love with your relationships, like parenting, all of those things. And I feel like when you’ve got your health, wealth, and love sorted, like, or it’s like humming along beautifully, like that feels good, life blows, right?

And so I very much shared all of those facets of who I am. Like I’ve shared all of that because that brought me joy. And then, you know, more recently everyone’s like niche down, niche down. Only speak about one thing. Niche down, niche down. Do not. Go off the path. And so I did. I was like, I’m just gonna speak about business and mindset.

I am gonna be, you know, that’s what she launches all about. [00:23:00] Business and mindset. Business and mindset. Even though my podcast still covered all of the areas that I was passionate about, I thought about, do I change my podcast to just be business and mindset? Like, I’ve literally thought about that. And so for like a year and a half, it was just all business and mindset.

Business and mindset. And I’ll tell you what, it took the joy out of it for me. It really pulled the plug on the joy. Mm-hmm. I was like, I don’t wanna show up online because I feel caged in. I feel like it’s stifling me as a person. I am a multidimensional, multifaceted, multi-passionate human being. I am not just business and mindset.

I am a mother. I love health and wellness and biohacking. My friendships and my relationships are so important to me. And so I’ve just recently, over the past couple of months, started to just share more [00:24:00] like dubal storytelling with the throughline of leading everybody to, she launched, like still leading with that as my core offer, but just bringing in more of the truth of who I am and mm-hmm.

It’s been so much more fun. And joyful. And playful, and I’m curious, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, like what comes up for you. I’d love to hear. 

Cait: Yeah, for sure. Well, so for me, I, I’m, first of all, I completely agree with what you’re saying. I love that so much. And I think that the irony is right, like when we bust through the rules and we share the full range of who we actually are.

We are gonna be more in our magnetism, which is inherently going to be good for business. And so I, I mean, I can share what that looks like for me inside of my own business and business evolution and expression, but I also, the way that I, I think about what you’re saying, it’s like [00:25:00] all of, if we have lined up in a row, your interest in your passion in health or your interest in passion in business and financial growth and empowerment for women and friendships, love relationships.

It’s not that we have to move any of them out of the frame. It’s almost like a camera, like the, we have to bring one into the foreground, but the others still get to be there. And I think that’s such a healthy way to think about, like to hear you say, all roads still lead to she launch. That’s still the offer.

So it’s like that’s the thing that’s taking the foreground, but instead of pushing the other things outta the frame, we’re letting them be there and be part of the whole story. And I think like that is the essence of. A personal brand and having, being a full picture and a full expression. So I just love that so much.

And yeah, I mean, for me, so I have been a business coach since 2017. I love business, I love marketing, I love storytelling. I love authentic sales as just like business, [00:26:00] as an expression of creative life force for me is just like such a turn on. And I, I started my business living in Bali and was really, you know, a bridge in many ways for a lot of my clients who had healing or spiritual businesses.

But, you know, the more practical, if you will, sides of business were sort of a turnoff. And I really loved playing in that space of helping, you know, multidimensional people be able to translate their gifts and turn it online. And then after becoming a mom in 2020, and then in 2022, having my second child, I was like, all right.

I can’t just pretend that like motherhood is this side conversation that I wanna have. I feel like I’m dying inside. Like it has changed everything about me. I need to bring that to the forefront like that. So in that analogy, I’m like, both of these things need to be sitting equally in the foreground.

And that was really the catalyst for my rebirth of my brand, from my name [00:27:00] Kate Scudder to the Millionaire mother. So I completely feel you on needing to bring the fullness of who we are forward. 

Melissa: I love the Millionaire mother, by the way. Like when I first saw your handle, I was like High five sister. Like literally, I was like, yes, yes babe.

Because you can have both. And that’s the same as me, babe. I felt like there was a part of me dying, like when I just spoke about business and mindset, I was like, if you look at my camera roll. I don’t have anything but my children, you know, and I’d go to poster reel and I’m like, I don’t have any B-roll footage because it’s all just my children.

And I’m like, this doesn’t feel, it just didn’t feel good and it wasn’t joyful. And so, you know, I’ve loved just drip feeding back in these different parts of me and weaving them into the story. And I recently started just writing a personal [00:28:00] email to my list. I’ve got hundreds of thousands of people on my email list, and I was like, I just wanna write a personal email each week that has no agenda, and it’s just about what’s going on in my life.

And it has gone gangbusters. The response from that email, people have just loved it so much and it’s allowed people into my world a little bit more, which I love. I’m a writer and I wasn’t doing it and I was like, I miss this so much. So this time in my life is all about bringing back more joy to what really lights me up.

Because like you said, when we are in our joy, we become a magnet for our dream clients. You can taste it, you can feel it, you can touch it, and people want more of that. And I know there’s probably so many business coaches out there that are like, these girls are crazy. They need to niche and they need to only speak about one thing.

And I’m [00:29:00] like, you know what? For this time that we’re in right now, I think speaking about one thing is a good idea. But don’t forget to infuse yourself. I think because you and I have built brands and we’ve built that trust with our audience where we’ve kind of got more room to share all the different facets of who we are.

But I definitely think that whatever you do choose to speak about, whether it’s one thing or whether it’s five things that infuse more of you and who you are, because that’s why people are following you. There are so many business coaches out there. There’s so many health coaches out there, but what makes you different?

It’s you. So don’t forget to infuse that into everything that you do. 

Cait: Mm, I love this so much and it’s so beautiful as well. Melissa, this is like such a perfect weave in, it’s so [00:30:00] beautiful to hear for you how this particular season, you know, postpartum with your second, your eldest is turning four. I’m curious to hear you speak more on this, but my experience of this season of motherhood, it’s like everything gets reevaluated with the birth of every single child.

There is also a rebirth of the mother and to hear you say, okay, this has worked for this season, going all in and doing just business and mindset, but there’s this tug, there’s this knowing. Hang on. When I look at. My camera roll and I see all of these beautiful images of my kids like, how am I, what? What rules am I playing by and hang on, do I even wanna be playing by these rules in business?

And having the sovereignty and the bravery to rewrite that and be like, you know what? I’m gonna infuse more of the conversation about health and wellbeing and motherhood and relationship and love and marriage, because all of that impacts business. And to pretend like [00:31:00] it’s not would be doing a disservice.

I just, I love that. And I would love to hear you speak a little bit more about how motherhood, like truly in the trenches right now, from the ground, how is motherhood. Impacting and shaping your business, whether that’s in what you feel called to talk about, whether that’s in the flow of your day to day.

I know you also talk a lot about time and time management and time magic. So share with us a little bit more about how just field notes from the RealReal of motherhood, how is that shaping you right now in this season? 

Melissa: Well, like you, motherhood has changed me on every level. Every cell in my body is different, my beliefs are different.

Everything is different. And like you said, every child, every birth cracks you wide open. And I feel like this is the analogy, [00:32:00] so like you get cracked wide open. Like think of like Humpty Donkey, you know, he’s in a million pieces, right? And I only am saying that ’cause we were singing that this morning. So think of Punky Dumpty cracked wide open.

And then the beautiful thing about postpartum is you get to then choose, okay, I want that piece. No, I don’t want that piece. And I wanna replace that piece with this belief. I wanna replace that habit with this one. And I think that putting back together, it’s such a sacred and special time, but it’s also very confusing.

You can feel the most lost you’ve ever felt in your life. You can feel the most lonely you’ve ever felt, the most broken you’ve ever felt in your entire life. But as you put these pieces back, it’s a [00:33:00] slow process. It’s a rebirth. It’s a becoming the next version of yourself. And it can take time and it can take years.

And it also doesn’t have to take years, but it usually does take time. It’s a postpartum, it’s not a three month thing, it’s a forever thing. Mm-hmm. And so, like, definitely for me, that has been the case with each birth. And I had a miscarriage in between my two children, which I passed naturally at 12 and a half weeks.

So again, that was a, a birth, that was a huge shattering and coming back together, especially of the physical body, the physical body, and also emotionally. So be kind to yourself and be gentle and be soft. I don’t feel like there’s enough support for [00:34:00] postpartum women, especially in those earlier months. I really just don’t think there’s enough support, and we have to master our inner mean girl and ask for support.

You have to get really good when you become a mother or before you become a mother. I’ve got a tip that will change your life, master your mean girl, and get over asking for support and receiving it. If you can ask for help and you can receive it. Because asking is separate to receive it. Some people can ask.

They can say, you know, can I have some support? But then they’re like, oh, I feel guilty. You know, I should be able to do this on my own so they can’t receive it. So if you can master asking and receiving support, you are lightly as ahead of people. A 

Cait: hundred percent. I feel you so much. And it’s so, I, I could not agree more.

I say all the time, like my mantra is [00:35:00] like, widen the base of support, widen the base of support. And it does, it brings up all the things for mothers. The, oh, I’m not being a good mom, super mom would be able to do this. Gosh, I feel so guilty. Whether it’s I have a meal train organized for me and somebody says, what can I do?

And I feel bad saying, take out the trash. So I say nothing and then I end up doing it, you know, in my postpartum undies later in the day. It’s like, I love that distinction of the ask is different from actually letting our self receive the thing that we’re asking for. And I feel like the, that applies in postpartum for mothers and the ramifications of that are so far beyond.

Postpartum motherhood as well. It’s like we can ask for the thing that we want, but are we actually open to be able to receive it? And I just, I feel you so hard on that. It’s funny, when I was pregnant with Ella, we, so it was around the same time. My, she’s four and a half, so just a little bit before Bambi, but I was like, uh, one of my friends was like, can I make you a [00:36:00] meal train?

I don’t know if that’s a thing here in Australia, but like a website where your friends organized meals for you. And I’m like, oh no, it’s fine. I felt so guilty. I’m like, I run a super successful business. I’m not gonna ask my friends to cook for me. That would be so, or donate to a postpartum slush fund.

Like that’s, so I don’t need that. And then with my second, I’m like, absolutely, let’s go. And then with my third, I’m like, if I bump into you on an elevator and I’m pregnant, I’m like, here’s a QR code for my meal train. I’m just like, all the support, bring it on. There’s cannot be enough. Like it’s just such a paradigm shift.

And I think that. I’m so curious for you and the way that you see that playing out. I mean, I’m just like in awe of you, mama, you’re four months postpartum, you’re glowing, like just absolutely radiant from the inside out. And I, I can imagine that so much of that like true vitality from the inside out presence, like wellbeing on all these levels, not glamorizing that there’s not hard moments, but do [00:37:00] you notice that there is a correlation between your vibrancy state and your vitality, but also your ability to be present for your clients, be present for your children, be present for your husband, that is correlated to your ability to let yourself receive and be poured into.

Melissa: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. A hundred percent. I wanna talk about that. And I also just wanna say before I go there, I saw this, this reel on Instagram when I was like, I think maybe he was like one month old. It was about many hands. Let your children be raised by many hands. And I was just like, wow. It requires the village.

It requires many hands. It does. Even if you are not a working mother, like you still need support. Like it’s a lot. So I just wanna really like underscore and highlight the [00:38:00] importance of asking for and receiving support and whatever that looks like from your mother, from your mother-in-law, from paid help, the meal, train, whatever it is.

Like just soak that up. This postpartum has taught me so much and this one cracked me open more so than Bambi. It really cracked me open. It shocked me at how much it cracked me open because I thought, oh, I’ve done this before. Like it’s gonna be, I’ve been here before. The pregnancy was a lot more challenging.

My birth was a dream birth. I had an hour and a half birth. Wow. 

Cait: Wow. Mama, 

Melissa: that’s amazing. He flew out at home in the water dream home, water birth. He was just like oncoming mama. So this one took me by surprise. This postpartum, it got pretty dark and it was in [00:39:00] this time where I felt like I was in truly in survival mode each day.

And you know, the little sleep also contributes to that, but it was very dark. And I remember, like I was in the bedroom upstairs with all the curtains closed, very dark, just feeding him crying and crying and crying. Whilst I can hear my daughter downstairs laughing and feeling that grief. No one talks about that, by the way.

Cait: Mm-hmm. So true. 

Melissa: No one talks about that. And I would be wailing this beautiful boy in my arms just wailing at the grief of that relationship with my daughter shifting. Like it still makes me really emotional now, even just thinking about it. And it got very dark for me. Probably the darkest I’ve ever been in my whole life.

And. I was like, okay, Melissa, what do you need to do each day to just survive? Like, what do you need to do? What [00:40:00] is it? And I was like, okay. It’s just these little things. It’s like, okay, I just need to feel the sun on my skin for two minutes, or I just need to move my body for one minute, or go for a walk or dry body brush my body.

And so I made a list of like five things and I would just do one of those things off that list each day. And then what I realized I had this other big realization was I completely have neglected myself since kind of, you know, that whole conditioning of self-sacrifice when you have children. Like you cannot do anything you want when you have your children.

That whole old way of being and I, you know, and look at my mom and that’s what she did. 

Cait: Mm-hmm. Know my 

Melissa: mom. Gave up everything for her three children. She would work night duties for her three children so she could be there for us. Like I watched that, that’s what [00:41:00] I was modeled, and I was like, wow, that conditioning is so deep within me.

And even though like I still did things for myself when I had Bambi and Prince, I still filled myself up. But there was a belief like, and I know that I was in the season of devotion and there was this belief that their needs come before mine and therefore I do things for them before me. And then I had this shift where I was like, hang on a second, if this mama, if I am not thriving on a deep soul level.

Then the whole ecosystem in my home does not thrive. If this is deeper than me just going to Pilates for myself, like this is rewiring, this is like cellular beliefs, that generational stuff that I [00:42:00] had to move through here. And it’s about shifting the devotion light completely onto my children and putting it on myself first.

And I know there’s probably people listening here going, oh, how dare she, how dare she put herself first? But I cannot tell you since filling myself up, myself up, not I, I’m not talking about manicure and pedicures here. I’m talking about sitting with myself in stillness and taking that time, that honoring, that reverence, that devotion to myself.

And what that looked like this morning was my son woke at, I think it was four 30, fed him, put him back to sleep, and I could have gone straight back to sleep and I sat and I meditated for 20 minutes and I prayed and I do my mantras and I do visualization. That is what I’m talking about [00:43:00] here. Mm-hmm.

When we do that self devotion, we send a message to the universe, to God, to whatever you believe in that I honor myself and I matter. No matter what. No matter how much sleep I’ve had, no matter how many children I have, I matter. And this is what I’m now starting to talk about more, which is the self-led woman.

The self-led woman is that woman is that woman that goes, no matter what is crumbling around me. No matter how many children I’ve got and how many screaming is happening, I still am devoted and I’m going to honor myself no matter what. And this doesn’t mean four hours, this means whatever it is for you, it could be four minutes.

And this has changed everything for me. I haven’t even spoken publicly about this yet. Not even on like my own podcast, but [00:44:00] I’m running a workshop on Monday called The Self-Led Woman, and it’s, I’ve started sharing about it and it is resonating so deeply with women because they all feel it. And honestly, it’s just changed everything for me.

Cait: Mm. So beautiful. And thank you so much for being so just real and raw and transparent about the, the challenges of postpartum. I resonate. I, I am just so appreciative of you speaking to that because I think it really normalizes what. A large majority of women and mothers experience. I had a very similar experience.

And it’s so easy to think, well, I’m happily married. I have, you know, I had my dream birth an hour and a half at home in the water. None of that means none of that precludes us from experiencing the, the shattering and the harrowing, you know, lows of being [00:45:00] in that rebirth process. And I can’t remember where I first heard this, but I’m curious if this resonates for you, but just hearing, you know, the way you’re speaking like that this second birth with Prince being more jarring almost than the first, and it’s funny because when we crossed that threshold from Maiden to Mother in so many ways, that is such a revolutionary world changing identity shift.

And yet I had the exact same experiences you, Melissa, like. There’s something about going, what? What? I was gonna say that phrase, I heard that going from having one child, it’s an identity adjustment. Having your second, your first is like becomes an accessory and the second becomes a complete and utter lifestyle overhaul.

And I just thought that is so true. When you have one, you can do the juggle, you can bring one with you. When you have two, it ju the complexity just becomes astronomically higher. And that grief you spoke of, of the changing relationship [00:46:00] with your firstborn, there’s so many additional layers that come pound.

And I am so appreciative of you bringing into the forefront this real, like turning on its head, this idea of selfishness. Because as I, you know when you said there might be people listening to this thinking, how dare she, I actually wanna double down and drill into that a little bit because I think that.

Wherever. First of all, wherever any of us have that kind of response. It’s so important to examine what inside of me is being threatened or triggered. And I think that just like you spoke of your conditioning and, and the template in your family of origin, if we have been modeled that quote unquote, a good mother embodies this sacrificial gas mask on everybody else, first I come last mentality, then choosing to deviate from that path is inherently gonna feel so disruptive.

Right. But what I am experiencing as you’re describing this, is like how radically brave, and it’s actually the [00:47:00] opposite of selfish because as you say, I’m sure you’ve seen this, there’s like a trending thing on Instagram right now that the number one research shows us that the number one. Factor in determining a child’s happiness.

It’s not, if they go to a Waldorf school, it’s not if they have fucking bamboo clothes. It’s a mother’s happiness. And I just think that piece is so huge. So I’m just like, well fucking done babe. Like that switch and choosing to break out of, oh my gosh, I can feel the way that I’m giving to my kids first, and it’s like depleting me.

I need to be the line in the sand. I need to embody a different frequency. The ripple effect of that is so profound in your family, in your own wellbeing, but also in your body of work. It’s like, it’s just that model is so, it’s such a breath of fresh air and it’s so needed. 

Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. And. Just, I wanna give another practical thing for the listeners.

So [00:48:00] my husband and I wrote, time Magic, reclaim Your Time. Reclaim Your Life. And that was our, that’s my latest book, my fourth book. And we are super organized people. If you read that book, you’ll know you’ll be like Cure three, five Generator. Like she gets stuff done. Like I am not a procrastinator, like I get stuff done.

My calendar is meticulous. Like it’s perfect, right? And so people might be like, well, how do they fit it in? And the jump from one to two kids like Quantum, nobody talks about that. And I’m curious to hear your thoughts from two to three, because like, yeah, like you said, the jump from one to two, it knocked me off my feet.

I was not expecting that I had like such a different postpartum experience with Bambi. Like you said, it was like, it was a dream. I felt like I was on a retreat for three months. 

Cait: Literally. Literally like literally a 

Melissa: retreat. I had a meal train for a month. I’m like, this [00:49:00] is amazing. So it’s so different and I’m sure it’s different with every child.

So I just wanted to speak to, I wanna hear your perspective on what two to three is. Like if it’s as big. But what I was also gonna say is when it comes to like deep soul nourishment, being that self-led woman, what does that look like? So my husband and I, like we have in our calendar, like when we’re working out and things like that.

And so like today I said to him, he looked at me, prince was crying, he wanted me, I had a podcast interview with you and Nick had a a meeting. We’ve got our nanny and Bambi is with our nanny. They’re like playing in the other room. I. I was like, okay, we got Prince here. I’m like, Bambi’s all good. How can both of our needs be met right now?

Like we both need to get ready, we both need to fill ourselves up, whatever it is. And we literally, each morning, like we will just have a little chat and go, okay, what do you need? I need to meditate and I wanna work out. Okay, cool. Like this [00:50:00] is when we’re gonna do it. You do it, then I’ll do it then. And like we literally just have a conversation and we make sure that all of our needs get met.

And also, I don’t wanna forget this point, this is a family centric environment here. So it’s like how can Bambi’s needs be met? Because if she doesn’t get her cup full, then it’s not fun either. Like we all need to have our needs met. And this again doesn’t mean I spent four hours playing on the floor with Bambi.

You know what children are like? They just need 10 minutes of. Full. Yes. Honest divided love and attention. Not while you’re looking at your phone. Like you give them that time and they will be full. Mm-hmm. So, and whether it’s 10 minutes or two hours, it doesn’t matter. But like literally two days ago, Nick and I looked at each other ’cause Bambi was not acting herself.

And I said, she’s not full from either of us. [00:51:00] And we both had a lot going on. And I was like, okay, when are you having Papa Bambi time and when am I having Mama Bambi time looked in the calendar and I was like, cool, I’m gonna take her for two hours on Saturday for lunch. I’m gonna take her and she’s gonna do whatever she wants to do.

You can have her this time. And then of course in the days we like, do you know our, our 10 minutes or 15 minutes? She gets it every day. But like, when can we give her a big chunk of time with us? When are we gonna put that in? And so. That’s something that I just wanted to share because it’s a practical thing and I’m curious how you do it.

How do you make sure everyone’s needs get met? 

Cait: Yes. Oh my gosh, I love this so much and I’m just like over here snapping my fingers like this, this, this. Go back, rewind. Listen to that ladies, because that is truly, that’s the practice that we do and our family, we call it the needs matrix. So my husband’s like really into like systematizing everything.

So we have this needs matrix. It’s exactly what you just described. So this is the [00:52:00] thing that I think is so interesting in that quantum jump from one to two. And it definitely grows again to another exponential degree from two to three. And you know, for us, in our just like personal situation, we also have just made this huge relocation adjustment.

And so there’s all of these new needs on the home front. So the practice that I really like to do and that we do in our family is actually list out. In the family unit, what are all the individual entities? Not like weird spirits, but if you’re thinking about like what are all the individual constituents of this family?

There’s my husband, there’s me, there are each of our children as individuals. There’s five right there. But then we also have, you know, our various like properties needs. We have our individual businesses needs. We have the needs of each of the relationships. So like Daddy James, daddy Jack. So there’s like all of these [00:53:00] additional layers that have to be addressed.

And exactly as you say, it’s like what are the needs of the family? What are the needs of each of our kids? What does Toby need as a person, as a human? What do his businesses need? And then I think where a lot of couples and families start to get in trouble and where it starts to feel like the overwhelm just kind of compounds, it gets really messy.

Is when we’re not making those explicit, there’s all these implicit understandings of, oh, I thought you were gonna do this, or in this amount of time, you know, let’s just say, oh, we’ve got childcare for this time. Each of us are gonna do our things. But you know, and I’m assuming all of his needs have, he’s been able to take care of all of those needs in that time.

But if there’s something he hasn’t been able to do, he needs to make it explicit to me. And then we can sort of plan and organize. So I, we do a very, very similar process to what you’re describing, and it’s really been just revolutionary. So game changing to get so explicit [00:54:00] about all of the different needs of all of the different.

Individuals and then group dynamics inside of the family. The one thing that I’ll say, and I, I love hearing you talk about how you do this with Nick. The one thing that’s so that is exponentially more challenging with three is almost just the white space to be able to have almost that like five minute planning meeting of like, cool, babe, tell me like, let’s check in about your needs.

Because with two toddlers and an exclusively breastfeeding co-sleeping baby who James is like my little koala, he, Ella was sleep trained at three months, Jack would sleep in a crib from about eight months. James is still in the bed with me, still like exclusively nursing won’t even like lick a bottle.

And so I’m just like, it’s an extra kind of draw. So that is, that’s our challenge of like. Actually just getting the white space to have those meetings becomes harder. But, you know, not all resistance is bad. It makes us work a little harder to have that happen, but the [00:55:00] payoff is just so huge when we do, so I’m right there with you.

Melissa: Yes. Yeah. It’s the white space, you know, and like I often think about this too, like it gets to seven o’clock and both the children are in bed and I’m like, I just wanna go to bed. And one of my spiritual mentors said, it doesn’t matter how tired you are, Melissa, sit with Nick, sit on the couch and touch each other.

Mm-hmm. And hold, give each other a foot rub. It can be, yeah. Five minutes. And we’ve been doing that and it’s made such a difference. Really? Yes. Because what usually happens is the kids go to bed and I’m like, goodnight, I’m gonna bed. Because, you know, he’s only breastfed. So I’m like, I’m gonna bed and see you late.

I’m goodnight. Like I’m just like, get into bed as quickly as I possibly can. And you know what? It’s like during the day, there’s no time to lay on the couch and cuddle. But this season of our life, and you know, I look at him sometimes and I just go, we’ll have that again. One day. Like we joke, we’re like, what would it be like to lay on the couch and watch a [00:56:00] movie on a Sunday afternoon?

And we just laugh and I’m like, you know what? Like this season, I love it and I’m gonna embrace it. And there will be a time where our house is quiet again and we will miss this so much. So I’m just like, I’m here for it all. I’m soaking it up. I’m like, you know, bring the chaos or whatever it is, I’m here for it.

Because like I said at the very start of this, everything is in flux. Yes, everything is moving and changing, and the more we can just soften and lean into it and embrace it, the easier it will be on everybody. 

Cait: Mm. So beautiful. And I think that’s so perfectly said. I was gonna ask you if you had to, just as we’re wrapping up here, just give some just direct words of advice to a mama, fellow mama in the trenches building her business while tending to her family.

What would it be? And I, I [00:57:00] love what you just said, if there’s anything else you wanna add to that, but I just, I love that perspective so much. 

Melissa: I think definitely reiterating that like everything is changing, like nothing is permanent. Like you will sleep again. You will sleep again. And you know, for someone who’s as health conscious as me, like, you understand how important sleep is.

And you know, when I, I’m not getting my full sleep, I’m like, what is this doing to myself? This is aiming me, you know, I freaked out and then I was just like, you know what? We’re built for this. We are built for this and there will be a time when I get my eight hours again. And I think, you know, when with each child you do realize even more that the seasons always do shift and change.

So just go with it. And then also the other thing that I wanted to leave everybody with is like, [00:58:00] there is this conditioning from society, from the patriarchy, from the generations that have come before us, that, and it’s deep, that we are inherently broken. And I just want everyone listening to know that you are not broken.

If you have dark thoughts, if you have, if you are stressed, if you don’t show up as the best version of yourself, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are a human being, having this spiritual experience here, and it’s not rainbows and butterflies all the time. And go gently and, and be kind and soft to yourself.

And I’m speaking to myself here as well. 

Cait: Mm, so beautiful. Melissa, thank you so much. There are just so many gems in here. So beautiful to drop in with you. Tell us where we can stay connected to you and you. Incredible content [00:59:00] and everything you’re putting out in the world, my dear. 

Melissa: Well, firstly, I just wanna say like, I feel true Soul Sister connection with you so much, right?

Yeah. I feel like I’ve known you for years. I just feel such a deep. Deep connection to you. It feels really beautiful and effortless. And so I just wanted to say that. So thank you for having me and for allowing me into your space. And come and follow me on Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini. There’s my website, melissa ambrosini.com.

Come check out my podcast, the Melissa Ambrosini Show, and if you wanna join she launch, she can come and join that. That’s at she launch.com. But yeah, I would love for you to come and tell me on Instagram, send me a voice message and I’ll send you one back or, or write to me and let me know what your biggest key takeaway was from this episode.

I’d love to hear and I’d love to connect with you. 

Cait: So beautiful. You heard it, ladies, go follow Melissa and all of [01:00:00] those places, definitely tuned into her incredible podcast, and we’ll put all of those links in the show notes. Thank you so much again for being here. So good.

Melissa: I hope you got a lot out of this conversation, and I’m so excited to share Kate on my show in two weeks time. If you love this conversation, please leave me a review on Apple Podcasts and send me a screenshot of the review to hello@melissaambrosini.com, and I will send you my wildly wealthy guided meditation as a little thank you for taking the time to leave the review.

Now come and tell me on Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini, what you got from this episode. What was your biggest key takeaway? Come and share it with me. I love connecting with you and love hearing from you. And before I go, I wanted to say thank you so much for being here, for wanting to be the best, the healthiest, the happiest version of yourself, and showing up today for you.

You rock. Now, if there’s someone in your life that you can think of that would really [01:01:00] benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now. You can take a screenshot, share it on your social media, email it to them, text it to them, do whatever you’ve got to do to get this in their ears. And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy.

Healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

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