For many years, I put everyone else’s needs before my own. I was a gold medal people pleaser. I grew up watching my mum, my nonna and all the other women around me put everyone else before themselves at the detriment of their own health and happiness. So basically, I thought that’s just what women did! Then at the age of 24, I ended up in hospital incredibly unwell and unhappy after I’d burnt the candle at both ends and doled out more energy than I had to give. All that Oscar-worthy people pleasing had finally got the better of me.

You see, I grew up with the belief that you ‘should’ do things for other people, even if it isn’t your truth. If someone needed something, it was your job to do it — even if it conflicted with your own needs, beliefs and priorities. But today, I’m calling BS on that, once and for all!

Now before you get your knickers in a knot, I am not saying that you shouldn’t do nice things for other people. Abso-freaking-lutely do millions of nice things for other people — all the time if you want to — but do them ONLY because you are bursting out of your skin to do it. Do it because you would love to, NOT because you think you ‘should’. There’s a BIG difference.

You see, when you become a ‘should-er’ and a people pleaser, what happens is that every time you do stuff for other people out of a sense of obligation, it unconsciously builds resentment deep within you. And over the years, if you continue to ‘should’ all over the place and become world-class at people pleasing, that resentment builds and builds and builds until eventually you either burst, pop, get sick, have a break down, or experience some other life-altering wake up call. Don’t wait until then, sista! Life is too short and too sweet to do anything that isn’t your truth, and our time here on earth is such a precious commodity that we can’t afford to waste a moment more of it mired in resentment.

Let me put it into perspective for you. Did you know the average person gets 27,375 days in their lifetime? To work out how many days you have left, take your age and multiply it by 365. Then, subtract it from 27,375 days. For example, if you are 30 years old, you have 16,425 days left to live (that is 27,375 days – 10,950 (because 365 x 30 = 10,950) = 16,425). And beautiful, let me tell you, 16,425 days is NOT forever.

It took me hitting rock bottom and ending up in hospital to get this lesson. Don’t wait for that to happen to you. You can make the shifts today.

That’s why I started #selfcaresunday

Self Care Sunday was birthed to inspire you to do one thing for your beautiful self every Sunday. It’s a time where you can relish looking after your spirit and soul, when you get to spend time doing the things that light you up from your core.

To be totally honest, I practice self care every single day, not just on Sundays, but I know a lot of people have very loud inner Mean Girls that tell them, ‘You’re not allowed to go take a bath, your kids need you!’ Or, ‘You’re not worthy of a massage, get back to work!’ Or perhaps even, ‘Who do you think you are, taking time to go to your fave yoga class or sit in the sun with a cuppa?!’ Can you relate? Again, I call BS on all your inner Mean Girl excuses. At the end of the day, you can not fully give to others if you are not full within yourself. And in order for you to be full and overflowing with love, you have to fill yourself up first. You know the saying: put on your own air mask first before you help the person next to you. It might be a cliche, but it’s true: you are no good to your partner, kids, friends, family, team or anyone if you are empty. And when you fill yourself up first, you show up to the world as the best version of you, which is essentially you being of best service to the world. And let’s face it — you’re no good to anyone half full. Got it? Good!

Quit ‘shoulding’ all over the place and do only what comes from love.

Now, for most women, once they’ve mastered their Mean Girl, got over all their ludicrous excuses, and are ready to tackle self care like a champion, the next question I usually get asked is, ‘But Melissa what does one do for Self Care Sunday?’ The answer is — wait for it — ANYTHING! You can do absolutely anything that lights you up. Anything that makes you feel alive, sexy, and that sets your heart on fire.

See below for 50 ideas you can incorporate into your #selfcaresunday

One of my missions in life is to encourage women to be kinder to themselves, to remind you that self care is not selfish, and to take the utmost care of your beautiful self. Why? Because our role as women is imperative here on earth. We are powerful healers and nurturers and we have to show up.

I am often reminded of that beautiful saying by the Dalai Lama — ‘The world will be saved by the western woman.’ I believe this with all my heart. Our capacity to love, to nourish, to teach, to listen, to hold space, to lift, to elevate, to rise, to inspire… there is simply nothing on earth that compares. And yet, if we’re not looking after ourselves, how will we have enough love leftover to pour into the world? If we’re stretching ourselves too thin and pushing ourselves too hard and always enabling others’ dreams at the expense of our own, how (in the name of Zeus) are we going to show up in our full power and be the blazing beacons of light our world so desperately needs?!

Repeat after me, lady…

I want you to say this to yourself 10 times a day, if need be. Plug it into your phone, set it as your desktop wallpaper, stick it up on Post-it notes throughout your house. Heck, go and tattoo it on your forehead if you think it will help.

So… with this in mind, your homework is to whip out your calendar right now and schedule in some time this Sunday for #selfcaresunday. You can take the whole day, or you can take a single hour, or if you’re truly pressed for time, even 5 minutes is better than nothing — whatever works best for you. The next thing I want you to do is tell me in the comments below what is the one thing you are going to do this Sunday? And if you have any other ideas of things we can do, please share them in the comments below and together we can create a massive list of #selfcaresunday ideas that you can come back to and visit time and time again for loads of inspiration.

Don’t forget to tag me in your photos as I love seeing them. And please share the graphic above across all your social media channels to encourage the women in your life to take more care of themselves. Be part of the ripple effect and together, let’s spread the message of self care far and wide.