For many years, I put everyone else’s needs before my own. I was a gold medal people pleaser. I grew up watching my mum, my nonna and all the other women around me put everyone else before themselves at the detriment of their own health and happiness. So basically, I thought that’s just what women did! Then at the age of 24, I ended up in hospital incredibly unwell and unhappy after I’d burnt the candle at both ends and doled out more energy than I had to give. All that Oscar-worthy people pleasing had finally got the better of me.
You see, I grew up with the belief that you ‘should’ do things for other people, even if it isn’t your truth. If someone needed something, it was your job to do it — even if it conflicted with your own needs, beliefs and priorities. But today, I’m calling BS on that, once and for all!
Now before you get your knickers in a knot, I am not saying that you shouldn’t do nice things for other people. Abso-freaking-lutely do millions of nice things for other people — all the time if you want to — but do them ONLY because you are bursting out of your skin to do it. Do it because you would love to, NOT because you think you ‘should’. There’s a BIG difference.
This Sunday I would like to go up on my hill and just sit amongst nature without anyone else.
Sounds amazing. Enjoy honey.
I enrolled myself to a 3h seminar about the healing kitchen for healthy teeth.
By the way: This post was absolutely in time for me. I do struggle with telling a loved one that I can’t make something happen, the way she wants it to be. Even though I know, that it’s best for us both, I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
From now on, whenever I get back into situations like that, I will repeat your quote: “QUIT ‘SHOULDING’ ALL OVER THE PLACE AND DO ONLY WHAT COMES FROM LOVE.”
Nice one sista! Proud of you.
Hi Melissa,
Thank you for the lovely reminder of the importance of self love! I also love seeing your Self-Cafe Sunday posts. This Sunday my laptop is going to be in the hospital, so I am going to spend the day bike riding and exploring new places, and I’ve booked in for a Yin yoga class too – can’t wait!
Love always, Erica x
Sounds amazing honey. I LOVE yin! Enjoy and don’t forget to tag me in your pic’s ;)
What a great post Melissa, thank you! I always hear the “should” voice too. I grew up watching my mother people please and putting herself last to raise her children and take care of everyone. I grew up thinking that you just had to suck it up and do it all by yourself. It’s so interesting to see things in a new light and I’m slowly teaching myself that I MATTER TOO! Sure my daughter and husband need me, and I “should” be keeping a clean house, and I “should” be able to keep everything organized, etc. etc.
But the truth of the matter is, my to do list will never be done as a stay at home mama, and unless I start embracing these messy moments and taking time for myself, I’m truly missing out. I treated myself to a massage yesterday and walked around a bookstore all by myself and truly felt like it lifted me up and filled me up to the core. It’s so nice to remember to just be me sometimes and not “mama” “wife” “daughter,” etc. These are simply roles after all. I can tell I’ve been neglecting my soul. Thanks for the beautiful list of ideas. They are so wonderful! (and I’m thankful some of them can be accomplished quickly!)
You DO matter honey. Don’t forget it ;)
This list is amazing, Melissa, thank you for the inspiration :)
Today (Sunday) I smoothed my skin with a homemade sugar and coconut oil body scrub in the shower. Then I oil cleansed my face with a mix of castor oil, sweet almond oil and a few drops of vitamin e oil and luxuriated in the feeling of a steaming washcloth draped over my head for a couple of minutes. Bliss! Yesterday’s treat was a friend giving me a guided chakra cleansing (she’s so awesome) and later on I had an epsom salt footbath with an aromatherapy twist of tea tree oil, patchouli and lavender. I’m drinking water today from a glass with a gorgeous rose quartz crystal in it, too. So much happy self-care. :)
Sounds like heaven honey ;) Enjoy you goddess <3
I loved this article so much. Your suggestions for self care sound so enjoyable and doable. I want to start making #selfcaresunday a weekly routine. Hopefully, it will spill over into the rest of the week, too. xo, Marie
Great idea. Keep me posted with how you go honey ;)
This morning l chose to relax cuddled up under my blankets reading.
Writing all l am grateful for and forgiving.
Reflecting and letting go ..
I feel absolutely in touch with myself and have nothing but love ..l can feel it so strongly.
Xxx happy sunday everyone
Such an awe-inspiring & eye-opening blog post! Your suggestions for self-care look so enjoyable and doable! I can’t wait to use these in my day-to-day life, and hopefully this will help me choose love over fear in every moment! It always seems that I neglect myself when my real life gets too busy.
I especially love your quote, “Life is too short and too sweet to do anything that isn’t your truth, and our time here on earth is such a precious commodity that we can’t afford to waste a moment more of it mired in resentment.” So true!
Thank you so much for everything that you do.
Leni
Hi Melissa! I am looking forward to a very quiet Easter Sunday and intend on doing some art and having a bath – all whilst listening to some of my favourite music! Your SCC’s has inspired over the last few months as I turn down everything else ‘noisy’ and I turn up the music and things I ‘used’ to love (I still do!) and left for dead in a busy lifestyle! Thanks for the never ending Inspo beautiful lady xx Rochelle
This Sunday after finishing work I am going to open a good bottle of wine and enjoy some music with wine and cheese on the floor in my lounge room.
Thank you for sharing this! I’m a recovering people-pleaser and that behavior got me no where but having anxiety attacks in a bathroom stall. That’s no way to live a life that has so much to offer. Ever since I started communicating my boundaries, saying No, and understanding that I AM worthy of these things, my life has completely changed for the better.
I am so happy for you angel. Keep up the awesome work. xx
Make yourself some homemade vegetable soup and relish drinking it.
YUMO!
As a mother of four girls , I just go, go , go !I am lucky enough to live on a beach but I rarely walk it alone so I will take a nice long walk all by myself and sit with alittle meditation along the way and see how I feel ….I feel guilty if I don’t include everyone but know how much alone time helps !
It sure does. Even if it’s just 5 minutes. Make sure you take that time for you everyday honey. You are worthy of it. xx
I have taken myself on a date the last two Sundays trying out a different Cafe for lunch.
Such a beautiful thing to do honey, How did you go? Did you love it?