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It’s now been one year since my husband and I stood in front of our nearest and dearest and said ‘I do’. It truly was one of the greatest days of my life, and the best part is, the love-fest has continued to grow and expand since then.
We celebrated our first year of marriage together with a weekend trip away to Hamilton Island. On our actual anniversary day, we sat on the beach and watched the sunrise (just like we did on our wedding day) and shared the biggest things we have learnt with each other over the past year. We also shared the three things we want to let go of and three things we want to call in more of.
I honestly had no expectations going into married life, I just knew it would unfold the way it’s meant to. And without a shadow of a doubt, it has blown my heart and mind wide open. It’s funny how social conditioning has led us to believe that once you’re married, the intimacy dissolves and the spark dims; it’s actually been quite the opposite for us. Each day our love deepens and our hearts expand. I believe this is because we are not only committed to each other, we are also fiercely committed to our own growth as individuals. I think this is a key reason why some relationships dissolve and others don’t. It’s that fierce commitment to our own growth and evolution that keeps us on track; it allows us to have a bigger vision, which easily outweighs any tantrums or petty arguments.
In saying this, I want to let you know, that yes, we have discussions. Not arguments, fights or rowdy disagreements, but open and heartfelt conversations expressing how we truly feel. I am telling you this because I don’t want you to think, ‘Oh she’s “perfect”, she and her man never fight’. On the one hand, yes — that’s kind of true. We don’t ‘fight’ so to speak, we never have (and if you met my husband, you’d see he is the most calm, patient and gracious man, so fighting with him would be… well, rather hard!) We do, however, have discussions or as I like to call them love chats, where we sit down and express ourselves from the heart. If one of us is not in our heart we won’t start talking until they are. We both need to be in that pure, open heart-space for us to truly connect. It’s like attracts like, really: if I am speaking from my Mean Girl (a.k.a. ego/fear), I will reach his ego; but if I speak from my heart, I will reach his heart.
My best advice to anyone in a relationship is to only start those important conversations once you are both sitting in that sacred heart-energy. I know what you’re thinking though: How (the heck) do you tune in to your heart-space if you’re feeling angry and heated? The answer is simple: walk away, sister! Take yourself to the bathroom, splash some water on your face, jump up and down, shake your booty, do whatever you need to do to shift your energy. And do not return to the discussion until you are smack-bang anchored firmly in your heart.
Now that I’ve run off on that little tangent, let’s get back on track! Today I want to share with you the four biggest game-changing insights I’ve had from my first year of marriage…
Lesson #1
The best thing you can do for your partner and marriage (or any relationship, for that matter) is to flex your self-love muscle. I know that the times I feel snappy towards my man are the times when I am feeling crappy within myself, and it’s actually got nothing to do with him. Maybe I missed a meditation, or didn’t get as much sleep as I would have liked, or haven’t taken time out for me in a few days. I can tell you right now: for me, that’s a recipe for disaster. You want to see cranky Melissa? Then remove those three things from my day and watch out sister, ‘cause it ain’t pretty!
My promise to me: Each day I will re-commit to myself. I will show up to my yoga mat and meditation pillow like a loyal Labrador and commit to flexing my self-love muscle. Because I know that when I do, not only is life juicer for me, but my marriage rocks.
Lesson #2
Being in any partnership — whether it’s marriage, friendship, business or family — you are committing not only to yourself, but to each other. And when you show up half full, that has repercussions — for both of you. This lesson ties into lesson #1 about flexing your self-love muscle. You have to take responsibility for how you are showing up. If I am feeling crappy and can’t shake it off, I will tell my husbo that I need some time for me. I may go have an Epsom salt bath, go for a walk in the park, have a cup of herbal tea on the balcony, or sneak off for a swim in the ocean, and I won’t return until I have shaken off that funk (FYI — sometimes I am gone for hours!). But when I return, I make sure I have dumped my baggage (whatever it was) and I don’t bring it in the door with me. This is huge! If we all left our baggage at the door each day before we walked in to greet our loved ones, imagine how much more present we would be and how much more enjoyable life would become.
Relationships are our teachers. They are opportunities to step up and bust through fear.
My promise to me: I promise to make sure that when I walk in the door, I have checked in with myself and dumped any baggage that is no longer serving me. I fiercely commit to showing up as the full and present ‘me’ when I greet my loved ones. Life is so much better when I do.
Lesson #3
Always better together, united as one front. I believe any partnership is about being open, sharing, being supportive, truthful and authentic. In my past relationships, I was stubbornly independent out of fear. I felt like I couldn’t really open up 100% and be my true self because I was scared to death of getting my heart broken again. So I fenced off a tiny piece of my heart. But since meeting my husband, I have learned that being united and together is always better. I have also learned that the only way to show up is to be your true authentic self. Any other version of me — quite frankly — stinks.
My promise to me: Each day I will commit to being my true authentic self. I will be truthful, open, honest and vulnerable, and allow my man in. Even when I want to close off, run away and hide, I will practice opening up to the present moment.
Lesson #4
I recently caught up with some old friends, who spent the whole time complaining about their partners and married life. They then proceeded to ask me how my marriage was going, with the expectation that I was going to whinge about my man and how much married life sucked. Instead I responded with, ‘It’s the best thing ever; being married rocks!’ which is my truth but it totally took them by surprise.
There is a prevailing myth that marriage — or any relationship, for that matter — has to be hard work. And although it takes fierce commitment and dedication to showing up as your best self, it doesn’t have to be hard. It is what you make it, and I choose to make it blissful. Why? Because life is so much more fun that way.
My promise to me: I promise to speak my truth and remind myself that life doesn’t have to be hard. I am the one making the choices each day and if I don’t like what I choose, I can choose again.
Now I would love to hear from you, gorgeous: Do you have any big lessons you’ve learned from your relationship? Please share with the tribe in the comments below.
Remember to open your heart and share from love. Beautiful souls from all over the world come here every day, and your insight might be the one thing they need to inspire massive shifts in their own life. So open that big heart of yours and share from there!
Thank you — as always — for being so awesome and giving in the comments. You inspire me every single day.
P.S. You can check out our magical Love Fest video below.
Thanks Melissa! Those are some great lessons! I’m going to bring them to my relationships 🙂
Here’s my big lesson as of late…
I’ve noticed recently that when I’m having a crabby day with my partner I haven’t actually looked him in the eyes. I’ll be so fired up about something really petty, practically boiling on the inside, and then I’ll catch a glimpse of his eyes and suddenly my ego melts away… And I remember how much I love him and that petty thing is just not real in comparison. So simple. So grounding.
We try to have “eye contact” time for about five minutes everyday. It allows us to SEE each other and to be present in the love that we have.
xx
That is a great insight and great advice honey!
I love it!
xx
Lying in bed next to my gorgeous boy after a “discussion” , after reading this I’m ready to “discuss” in a different way. Thank you for bringing this message just at the right point … X
You are so welcome gorgeous
xx
This post touched my heart Melissa. I have a beautiful relationship with my fiancée but I often feel compelled to “balance” my friends perception of it. It could seem “perfect” from the outside so when they share with me, I let them know the challenges within it. I think your post was exactly what I needed to hear to let go of this. xx
Thank you for your kind words darling.
So glad that you enjoyed it.
And YES! Don’t let others relationships affect your own.
xx
Your beautiful, heartfelt words resonated so deeply with me today Mel. I have been married to my husband, best friend and soul mate for nearly 8 years. And I can honestly say that your recipe is spot on. And while we too have had our share of ‘discussions’, the underlying tone is always love and connection. The one thing (or 3 things really) that challenge us on a daily basis are our three beautiful children. Our eldest is 7 and youngest 9 months. It’s busy. I feel like there is always someone who needs me, and consequently my self-love needs are not being met. Not even close. I totally get what you say about taking time out to shift the funk, but for me, I can sit with my funk for days at a time until I get that window of opportunity. Even making time for my meditations each day is not always possible. So, it’s a challenge and one we’re constantly trying to balance. The troubling part for me is that I often feel like I am showing up as an inferior version of myself. I feel it and I’m sure the kids feel it too. I am definitely not my best, authentic self at the moment. I’m sure there’s a lesson here and somehow I’m meant to work through these challenges to expand my heart, but right now it’s tough. Lots of love to you xxx
Hey beautiful,
Thank you so much for your share.
I totally get what you mean about not having the time, because when we have Leo (which is 50% of the time) sometimes that is the case for me too. But I have found having a shower and letting the water wash over me and wash away any stress, worry, concern or overwhelm really helpful. I visualise it literally washing off my back and that only take 1 minute. You could try that honey. Let me know how you go.
In regards to not showing up as your best self, let me tell you that yes your kids will feel it. They feel everything and will know when their mumma isn’t 100%. Grounding my feet and doing deep breathing really helps me to come back to myself. Maybe you could try that also darling?
Let me know how these suggestions go sweetie.
xx
I have been married for 37 years and I still love my husband as much as I did way back. I always think it’s me who can stir up trouble but as a couple we work it out. I’m so thankful I have him, he’s the best.
Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and congratulations on your 1st year of marriage. XX Karen
37 years, amazing honey! You guys sound like a great team.
xx
Oh Melissa. So wonderfully refreshing to hear this today. My husband and I are coming up to 9 years together (with three little ones) and it gets tiresome. It can be really difficult. Thank you for reminding me to come back to my heart. Really, truly beautiful.
You’re so welcome honey.
9 Years, WOW, that’s so beautiful! I excited for the day I get to say that 😉
Hi Melissa,
I was only married last November (together for 7 years) and made the brave decision a few months ago to leave my husband. Over the past 6 years I have had many medical dramas in my world and was very much coming from a place of fear; fear of my health, fear of letting others down, and fear of loosing control (of anything!). Over the last 12 months or so I have really come into my own, listening to my body, my soul and accepting my mind wholeheartedly. I made a very conscious decision to start acting, embracing and owning how I behaved and the choices I made and I started to come from a place of LOVE in everything I did. This lead me to the decision to leave my marriage. I worked out it was not what I wanted and I was not being true to me; I was being supressed by expectations I had of myself and that others had of me. I did not feel free to be who I was and do what I knew was right for me. I have made changes in my lifestyle and getting rid of toxicities in my world. I now come from a place of love and I am blissfully happy. Everything you have written above rings so true to me. Thankyou for your continued wise words, encouragement and motivation. You really are changing lives. XX
Thank you so much for your kind words Kate and for being so open, real and honest. I am so freakin’ proud of you for choosing love (I know it’s not always easy). But well done, virtual high fives to you sister. Keep going my love, keep choosing love over fear and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams.
xx
Once again, Melissa, you speak with such logic that has us all nodding our heads along with you. I am engaged to be married in November 2016 and feel very inspired by your marriage. My partner and I have been together for almost 11 years and have a 1.5 year old son. It has not been an easy 11 years, but every day I wake up so grateful for the life we have built together and I feel thankful that we have worked our way through so many challenges and love each other so much more for it. A big game changer for us was when I let go of the advice women in my family have lived by for generations. “If he has done something wrong, give him the silent treatment.”. If I had not opened my heart and spoken to my man about our issues in a real, loving way there is no way we would have the truly awesome bond we have now. I agree 100%, if you let what you do come from a loving place in your heart, not your mean girl, the rewards you reap aren’t measurable. I will take all of your marriage advice on board!
P.S – I saw you speak at Utopia in Melbourne and you have change my life. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and love with the world!
Oh Shara you’re such a sweetie, thank you so much for your beautiful words.
I am so glad you didn’t listen to the advice from the women in your family and did what felt right for you. I am so proud of you darling.
Keep going, keep choosing love over fear and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams.
I can’t wait to see you again soon.
xx
Hi Melissa,
I totally resonated with you saying that you always closed off part of your heart and were fiercely independent because you were scared of getting your heart broken again. This is totally me now! And I don’t think I’m giving my true self to my partner.
I am working on that and hopefully can be in a better place with that soon.
Thanks again for sharing 🙂
Michelle
Great work on acknowledging and recognising it, beautiful.
So glad that you enjoyed it.
xx
Oh, Melissa. I love you! Hehe. This is such a wonderful post and it couldn’t resonate with me more. In any of my previous relationships I was stuck in fear town most of the time and it just didn’t feel great. Coincidentally, I took some years away from dating to learn about myself, and I truly believe that this is what allows me to show up so well in my current relationship. I think #1 is the absolute bees knees in relationships!! When I take care of myself, take responsibility for how I feel, and genuinely love myself…well, it’s all golden. It’s amazing how freeing this realisation is! Thanks for such a warm, honest and generally delightful post dear x
It is so important to practice self-love!
Super proud that you have done that for yourself, gorgeous.
xx
This is SO great! So relevant for me right now. Both my boyfriend and I have had an unbelievably stressful few days at work this week, and this is often when we as a partnership are at our worst as we are both stretched and find it hard to give the other person what they want and need. But this week we were able to give each other space and not take on each others problems, and just really be there fore each other by loving each other. I realised it isn’t his job to solve my problems or to tell me what I have to do, he is there to love me, give me a big hug and remind me to call on my inner strength, that I can do this and he believes in me. And we both did that for each other this week and it was awesome 🙂 EXACTLY what we both needed!
Thanks for always being so inspiring Melissa, I really appreciate it.
Kate xx
You are beyond welcome, darling
xx
Amazing, life changing insights. Thank you for sharing these beautiful words with the world. X
You’re so welcome Vanessa.
Glad they could inspire you.
x
What a beautiful post Mel! Such wonderful lessons you’ve listed here. I really resonated with lessons 1 & 2. Flexing my self-love muscle and taking responsibility for how I’m showing up are huge ones for me and keeping my relationship with my fiance blissful.
When I don’t get enough sleep or if I’m in a cranky mood from being overwhelmed, haven’t moved my body or haven’t taken time out for me – that’s when things begin to crumble!
Thank you for the beautiful reminder. And your Love Fest video!!! I had tears! So beautiful.
Love Liz x
It’s pretty beautiful isn’t it. I get goosebumps every time I watch it, it makes me want to do it all over again.
xx
I loved reading this Melissa! I’m getting married in 8 weeks and am beyond excited – thanks for the advice! Katy x
How exciting!
All the best with your upcoming wedding, beautiful.
xx
Thank you for these beautiful, truly important reminders Melissa. This is a really lovely post xx
You are welcome beautiful x
” life doesn’t have to be hard. I am the one making the choices each day and if I don’t like what I choose, I can choose again.”
Melissa, you are truly inspirational. Even though Im single, your post still a message for everyone. Thank you doesn’t even begin to express my gratitude xx
Oh thank you so much for your kind words sweetie.
xx
Thank you so much for sharing Melissa! Your wedding video is so beautiful to watch, you can feel the love and good vibes pulsating from it. Just loved it 🙂 xx
Glad you loved it!
It was absolutely the best day of my life
xx
Lessons #1 and #2 resonated with me. Sometimes when I walk in the door I bring my day with me and take it out on the people I care about. If I leave more time for myself… time to meditate, centre and breathe I will have a much more positive effect on others and feel better within myself. Thanks for the reminder, Melissa!
You are welcome sweetie
xx
Hey there Melissa, thank you for your all your special messages…and again today’s message is a beauty! I have been following you since I ‘met’ you! via Jesse’s Wellness Warrior and I think we are all blessed to have you in our lives….
Today I shed some extra tears of joy though, when I watched your fantastic Love Fest wedding day video! Within seconds I recognised your gorgeous Nick, one of my lovely ex-students from my teaching days!! You HAVE got yourself a wonderful fella there….and you look absolutely beautiful together.
All my best wishes to you guys on your first anniversary xxxx
What a small world!
I get goosebumps whenever I watch the video and just want to do the day all over again!
xx
Great insights, and congrats on your first year! I had a similar experience recently where someone asked me about married life and without thinking I said “our life is just awesome!” Which took them by surprise I guess. I agree with all your points, and for me I have found it helpful to keep my focus on what I love about our relationship and life, not the stuff I am less than excited about. It really seems to expand the good stuff and our life just keeps getting better in unexpected ways. Loving your articles lately, thank for sharing.
Kirstin
It is freakin’ awesome! I love it!
Thanks for reading beautiful xx
Wow Melissa – I love your blog and read it of course every week as know 🙂
Sometimes it resonates with me more than at other times and now is one of those….. I have been in my relationship for nearly 7 years and it has been hard work especially the past couple of years since we have moved to Australia. Sometimes I wonder if I am in the right relationship and look at other people (yes I know I shouldn’t compare!! :-0 but it can be hard when you are not happy ….) to see what a ‘good’ or ‘right’ relationship is. To be honest I don’t know.
What I am going to do is think of your four lessons and reflect a bit more over the next few days and probably weeks and see how I can work on what I bring to the relationship and how I see things and then go from there. I can only work on me and what I bring to the party so hopefully that helps my boyfriend and me and at the very least, helps me 🙂
Love and big congratulations for your first happy year of marriage, you are both gorgeous souls xo Pippa xo
Always so important to focus on self-love first darling.
Let me know how you go, darling
xx
Lesson 4 was the biggest one for me. In the first year of marriage it really frustrated me when people would dismiss my contentedness as just a honeymoon period and that it would fade. But we are nearly at 3 years of marriage now and as time goes I only feel more and more contented.
That said its not easy. We do both work on our behaviour. It can be so easy to take out your bad day on the person you love most; instead we try to get it off our chests without dumping. We have a quiet drink together outside to talk about whatever’s on our mind and then we move on.
Random thing that works for us – gaming. When we were newly dating to impress my husband I played World of Warcraft with him. 9 years later we still play games together. There is nothing quite so therapeutic as taking out the bad guy together, as a team. Playing to each others strengths and making up for each others weaknesses. It helped us make team decisions in real life. Plus its super romantic to have your husband literally ride up on a horse and rescue you
Ha, my partner and I do that sometimes too! Love it 🙂
Having something to bond over is so important, whether it be gaming or otherwise!
So glad you loved the post beautiful.
xx
This is so beautiful! Thank you!
My man and I both struggle to have open- heart discussions. One or both of us will close off, although, we don’t yell either! We are in need of some serious ego-less conversation.
I’m forwarding be him this article, as well as taking on board the comments as well.
Thank you all for your help!
Hey Peta,
I love that you are forwarding this to him, that’s awesome!
Have a chat with him about having heart to heart talks from now on and see what he says. I am sure he will be open to it.
Let me know how it goes beautiful.
xx
I LOVE this Melissa! My fiancé and I are getting married in October and had let the influences and desires of everyone around us get in the way of enjoying this time for what it is and remembering why we are actually getting married! We have made a conscious effort to ‘speak kindly’ to each other and stop being so hard on ourselves. We are who we are and we love each other for those reasons. Whenever I am feeling cranky or annoyed at a situation or thing that has happened and I want to crack up at him, I try to take myself back to when we first got together and that feeling of being so excited to just see him let alone anything else! I’m so excited to be finally (we met 14 years ago!) marrying the person I have pictured myself with for so long! We have had our ups and downs and I’m sure we will have many speed bumps along the way but deep down, I’ll always be the girl who gets butterflies every time I see him. Thanks Melissa and congrats on your year of wedded bliss! xx
That is so beautiful honey, I still get butterflies when he looks at me.
Another thing I do is try to never think anything negative about my husband. Even if I want to chuck a tantrum like a child I will think only nice thoughts about him. This has been super powerful for me and sounds similar to what you do.
I wish you all the best for your wedding my darling. Please send me pic’s.
xx
Thankyou! Most people when they write posts like this write insights (or rules as so many phrase it) that apply to them but are not universal and could actually cause conflict in other relationships (as I’ve learnt to my detriment in my very unique relationship) whereas what you’ve written could genuinely apply perfectly to any and all relationships regardless of personality or seriousness. Reading this has made me so happy x
I am so glad Sophie. And yes your right this applies to any relationship in your life.
Glad you like it sweets.
xx
Love this Mel! A huge congratulations on your anniversary x
I love this, I’m actually writing something similar myself! My hubby celebrated our first wedding anniversary in Feb & welcomed our first child in March, it’ll soon be our 10th wedding anniversary! We are happier, more in love & passionate about each other now than ever before. He is still the best man I know & my favorite person in the whole world. One of my biggest lessons throughout our time together is learning to understand what the other person wants & needs, we automatically give what we want to give but that’s not nessecarily what they want or need. For example, if I am sad or emotional I like cuddles & reassurance.. Steve likes to fix things, give me a plan. I don’t like that. I just want to be held, told that I’m loved & that everything will be ok. When Steve is in a bad place I automatically react how I would like him to react to me, so I overwhelm him with cuddles & love. Steve however needs time alone for a while.. Without me all over him. We now understand what each other wants & we give that rather than giving of ourselves what we want. We also created the love step! It’s a bit like the time out corner for kids… If we are allowing something to go on & on we call time out.. We head to the step, remind each other that we love each other & apologies & agree to talk when we are both clear of what it is we need to say… It has saved us many many time! Especially as I use to be the girl to drag out 1 simple thing for like a week!
Hi Charlie,
I LOVE the idea of the Love Step, this is brilliant! I am going to try it.
Have you read The 5 Love Languages, I think you would get a lot out of it. You’re so right we all have different ways we like to be nurtured.
Women = hugs and cuddles.
Men = alone time.
It’s quite universal.
When I am feeling sensitive or tired I will tell my husband (although I feel vulnerable in the moment to tell him) that I am feeling not 100% and that I would love some extra cuddles today. BOOM! There’s no tip-toeing around each other or spending hours in our head trying to figure out what the other person wants and needs. Simple! Just communicate openly with each other.
Have a read of the book and let me know your thoughts.
xx
I have totally never understood the “marriage is work” thing. Everyone has kept saying that, but my husband and I will celebrate our twelfth anniversary this year and I have never once felt that it was work. We’ve had some hard times, but even in those I still felt like I had the fairy tale. But they say that you are more likely to get divorced if your friends get divorced and I totally believe that. If friends always complain about their marriages they will feel their relationships are worth complaining about. And so will we! But the opposite is also true, when friends (like you) gush about how amazing marriage is, it allows it to be true for all of us!
Happy anniversary girl!
So true honey. I love that you feel like it’s a fairy tale. Me too! When I first got engaged the way we got together my mum said, “it’s exactly like a fairy tale” and I always agreed. I am so glad you feel the same.
Here’s to surrounding ourselves with inspiring, happy, loved up couples 😉
xx
Thank you Melissa, some valuable lessons. I sometimes find if I’m feeling crabby or don’t like myself very much I can take it out on my lovely husband. Definitely something to be worked on!
Congratulations on your first year and wishing you many more x
[…] 3) 4 Game Changing Insights That Will Change Your Relationship. […]
I love how you are continuously challenging the status quo! Yes, relationships don’t have to be a constant battle and we don’t have to complain and whinge, love and connection doesn’t have to fizzle, just because it’s common doesn’t mean it is normal 🙂 my man and I are not perfect but 4 years on and our relationship is still so open and loving xxx
Exactly Jemma, just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s normal.
Couldn’t of said it better myself.
xx
One more time, this is one of my favorite article. It is so fresh and it is so good to have someone who tell us that yes marriage can be the best thing that happen to us.
As well I am so thankfull that you said that marriage does not mean that we stop to being an individual who nees to grow up.
I am leaving a relationship distance and even if it breaks my heart much of the time to not being everyday with the one I love, I always think that, as we are young, this distance give us the opportunity to realise our own individual dream and give us the chance to grow up more and more and learn as nuch as we can before, one day, being able to live together.
Much of the time people agree with me but I know they do not understand really, they are more like “you should have someone who can be everyday with you”. So readinh your article make me feel like I am not the one who is wrong.
Thank you so much for everything
Charlotte
Hi Melissa,
First of all Congratulations for your one year of marriage 🙂
and Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, special and wise message with us all.
This is really a very important message and I think I have read it twice and will copy it so not to forget such lessons!
As i recently shared with you how difficult some relations were in my life and following your advice I have reconnected with me and feeling much much better and look forward to bursting with love and be fabulously healthy.
I had problems into expressing my feelings, in controlling my anger ( my words hurt a lot when I speak with anger) but I realised I behaved like this because I was hurt in the past and to prevent this I thought I should be strong and not let anyone dictate me or control me so to say.
But I was mistaken…it is only recently that it all occurred to me.
So now I’m working on changing these things that do not form part of me.
They belong to my Mean Girl 😉
Taking my case into consideration :
1. How do I make my fiance realize what you wrote up there if he is not a great fan of reading posts nor listening for too long?
(We often get communication problems because of his behavior)
2. How do you deal with your in-laws?
( I realized that my in-laws interfere into matters that concerns only my fiance and me and when I’m with them they talk as if they let him be free of his decisions- I’m very often annoyed at them because i feel that they are not true to me and do not really love me)
3. I want to help my fiance be free mentally..help him let go of negative vibes and realize his worth as a human being..how should i support him best to help him be a better version of himself?
Hey Tan,
Thanks for your questions. Please see my answers below…
1. You can’t make your partner (or anyone for that matter) do anything. The best thing you can do is lead by example. Be the light!
2. Regarding your in-laws again you need to lead by example here. Stop talking to them about what is going on for you and your man, that’s your business and you don’t need to speak of it to anyone else.
3. Again honey lead by example. You can not save anyone else, all you can do is be the best version of you and lead the way. If he is open you can guide him toward books, meditations and podcast’s but if he is not open just be the example.
Does that help darling?
Hi Melissa,
Hope you doing fine. I read your reply and your advice is logical and totally true. I kept it in mind but as the days passed by, I got to know more about my in laws and now i’m in tears,heartbroken.
Seeing the real face of someone can be quite emotional for someone as sensible as me.
Today I confirmed with myself that the person I love does not understand me fully and when i try to explain we end up in an argument.
I noticed that and I kept everything inside me that it boiled up and I ended talking with anger in my voice.
I love him but I’m asking myself is it enough?
Will we (our love) survive?
Especially with my in laws who assumed to know me and already etiquette me. For them I am supposed to be sacrificing everything : my principles,my way of living to adopt their way. To please them.
I’m asking myself if I should get married at this point of time?
Honey, only you can truly answer that question. Whatever you do make sure you deeply connect with your heart and go from there. That’s all we can ever do.
If I was you I would meditate and do some journalling every day to support yourself right now and remember to close the door on your Mean Girl and practice self-love.
I hope that helps darling. Keep me posted!
Sending you so much love.
xx
Hi Melissa 🙂 Your first Love video is amazing. There is so much love, happiness and fun :))) I’m not married nor I’m in a relationship, but let me tell you that this post and this video made me want to fall in love again. Love is the most powerful emotion and I wish you your love always grows 🙂 Congratulations for your one year of marriage!
Thanks for sharing! This is great to hear! Growing up I always had the misconception that marriages are not forever or that eventually love will die and you would end up cheating. I associated relationships with lies and hurt. So every single time I would enter a relationship I wouldn’t open up completely because I knew it wouldn’t last forever and I would end up either hurt or I would lose interest. I now know that this is not truth, I have chosen to live out of love and not out of fear. I also noticed that when I was in those relationships I was constantly afraid that I would be cheated on at any time, I noticed that when I didn’t feel pretty because I was stressed or just feeling crappy overall (you know those days) my man would see me like that too. But the days I was feeling great and confident…well he would see me that way too.
However I know know better and relationships is more than just physical attraction but heart/souls connections. I have really worked out my self love muscle and I am much more confident that I would attract the right man into my life who would see me as who I really am and I would not be concerned about projecting myself as anyone else but myself.
Hey Laura,
I totally agree with you a relationship is so much more the physical attraction, it’s about true alignment and soul unity.
Keep flexing your self-love muscle daily honey.
xx