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Nick and I recently celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary.

This milestone in our marriage made me reflect on the past decade and all the relationship lessons we’ve learned during that time (some of them the hard way).

So in the spirit of sharing and growing together, I wanted to pass along my 10 secrets for a wildly fulfilling relationship that I wish I’d known 10 years ago. 

Whether you’re single, dating, or deep into a partnership, I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me.

In this episode we chat about:

• Why nothing good comes from closing down and shutting off (2:14)
• The crucial importance of doing the inner work (3:08)
• How to take responsibility for your own happiness (3:48)
• Why boundaries are essential for you both to thrive (4:34)
• Why you should treat your relationship like a houseplant! (5:55)
• My best-ever strategy to keep the spark alive — even when babies come along (7:02)
• This one simple thing is the glue in a lasting relationship (9:44)
• The life-changing power of active listening (10:38)
• Why I’m my husband’s biggest fan — and he’s mine! (11:36)
• How to be each other’s safe harbor (12:47)

Episode resources:

• SheLaunch (join here)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)
• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (book)

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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

[00:00:00] In episode 606, I am sharing with you 10 secrets for a wildly fulfilling relationship. Get your pen and paper and let’s dive in. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Best selling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide, Comparisonitis, and Time Magic. And I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the world, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in your own life and become the best version of yourself possible. Are you ready?

Hey Beautiful, welcome back to the show. I’m so excited for this episode because I love talking about relationships. And today I [00:01:00] want to share with you 10 secrets for a wildly fulfilling relationship. And I just want to also preface this by saying that a lot of these things I’m sharing with you, the 10 secrets, you can apply to all of your relationships.

Okay. This episode was inspired by in April this year, Nick and I celebrated 10 years, 10 years being married. Which is so cool. And we had such a beautiful, beautiful recommitment ceremony. And this milestone in our marriage made me reflect on the past decade and all of the relationship lessons that we have learned along the way and sometimes the hard way.

So in the spirit of sharing and growing together, I wanted to pass along these 10 secrets for a wildly fulfilling relationship. that I wish I had have known 10 years ago. Now, whether you are single, dating or deep into a partnership, I hope they help you as much as they have helped me. So let’s kick off.

Maybe [00:02:00] you want to type these in the notes section of your phone. Maybe you want to write them down in your journal, but whatever you do, take them on board and embody them because they are so powerful. So let’s kick off 10 secrets for a wildly fulfilling relationship. Number one, stay open. Now, this first lesson I share in my second book, Open Wide, A Radically Real Guide to Deep Love, Rocking Relationships, and Soulful Sex.

And what I say in Open Wide is nothing good comes from closing down and shutting off, ever. Whenever we feel ourselves wanting to shut down or close off, nothing good ever, ever comes from that. So we need to stay open. Now, when you embrace openness, you find that solutions are easier to find and conflicts easier to resolve.

So whether it is a tough conversation about finances, discussing future plans, or making up after a disagreement, staying open to discussion is key. Compromise and opposing [00:03:00] points of view is vital. So stay open, my friend. And again, like I said before, you can apply this to all of your relationships. Okay, number two.

Do the inner work. Investing time in understanding and working on yourself will transform your relationship, all of your relationships. So doing the inner work means addressing your fears, your triggers, your traumas, your wounds, your past experiences, and your emotional baggage that you may be carrying around.

Now this not only helps you become a better partner. It also enriches your relationship because you are bringing a healthier, more whole version of yourself to the table, and that’s when the magic happens. So do the inner work. Okay. Number three, your happiness is yours to create. Here’s the deal. Your happiness is not your partner’s responsibility.

It is yours. Now, when you [00:04:00] take charge of your own emotional and mental wellbeing, you remove unnecessary pressure from the relationship. resulting in a healthier, more resilient connection. And that’s what we want, right? And when both partners act as the architects of their own happiness, the foundation that you build together is unbelievably strong.

So remember that your happiness is yours to create. Don’t outsource your happiness. You are the creator of your own happiness. Okay? Remember that. Number four, set boundaries around your work and home life. Now, for those of you who work with their partner like I do, setting healthy boundaries between work and home life is absolutely crucial because it is way too easy to let work conversations spill into dinner time or family outings.

or when you get into bed, which can lead to tension, [00:05:00] burnout, stress, and that feeling of never truly like switching off or relaxing, you know? So the remedy is simple. Establish clear lines, clear, healthy boundaries around when work ends and personal time begins. It is essential. Not only does this help keep the romance alive, but it ensures that your home and your relationship, they remain a sanctuary and don’t get eaten up by work talk and stress and to do lists.

You know, it’s very easy. Nick and I love what we do. We absolutely both love what we do and what we have created and the life that we’ve created. However, we need time for us to, to not talk about work sometimes, even though we love it. But we need that time to relax and rest and laugh and just enjoy each other’s company.

So this one is really important. Set healthy boundaries around your work and home life. Number five, water your relationship. Your relationship is [00:06:00] like a plant. It needs regular watering. Just like the peace lily on your kitchen bench that wilters without water, a relationship can wilter without consistent love, energy, time, and nurturing attention.

Okay? So pour love and energy into your relationship, into your partner, into in ways that are meaningful to them. Understand their love language. Discover their love language. Check out the book, The Five Love Languages for your partner and also for your children. It’s amazing. And then express love in their love language.

Okay. and actively support each other and most importantly of all, be present. These small acts of watering are crucial for keeping your relationship vibrant and thriving when life feels full. So make sure that you are regularly watering your relationship. And giving it the love and the time and the energy that it deserves, because that [00:07:00] is how it will thrive.

Yes. Okay. Number six, never stop dating. Some of my favorite memories ever of the dates that Nick and I went on in our early days. And you know what? That energy doesn’t have to stop. Continuing to date your partner, regardless of how long you’ve been together, keeps the romantic spark alive. Surprise each other, delight each other, be curious and maintain that delightful dating energy.

Something that I love to do is surprise Nick with a massage, an at home massage. So we have our favorite practitioner and I love just saying, he’s coming over at six o’clock tonight and you’re getting a massage. And he’s just like, his face just lights up because that’s something that he really values and something that he really loves.

That’s one of his love languages, you know, his acts of service. So, don’t forget to do these random acts of kindness for your partner, but never stop dating them, okay? And a little hot tip for you, your dates don’t need to [00:08:00] be complicated or elaborate, although they certainly can be if you like. Now, we love going to bed early, as you know, so we embraced the morning dates.

Now, once a week we would get our nanny to come a bit earlier, like at 5am. And then we would head out for a beautiful coastal walk together, a dip in the ocean, and then we would go to our favorite organic cafe for breakfast. And then we would head home, and usually Bambi’s only just been up for like half an hour or maybe she’s not even up yet.

So that has been really deeply soul nourishing for us. Although it is winter where we are right now, we have not been doing that because it’s been so cold, but we are going to start getting back into that. And it’s just the best way to start the day. We absolutely love it. And I’m so excited to dive back into doing that as soon as it gets a little warmer and a little brighter in the morning.

Cause it is very dark still at 5am right now, but never stop dating your partner. You can do temple nights at home where [00:09:00] once the kids have gone to bed. You get some beeswax candles and you dim the lights and you, you know, give each other oil massages on the floor and you just have time together, put your phones away, turn the TV off and just have some beautiful lover’s time together.

So you don’t even have to go out, but you do have to do something intentional. And ideally every week, ideally. And I just want to also say that sometimes we don’t get it done and that’s okay, but our intention is always there. And we were religious with this before Bambi, but as you know, life gets full, but it is something that we are actively working on now and really want to do because we just love it and we have the best time and we just laugh and it’s so much fun.

Which brings me to tip number seven, laugh together and laugh a lot. Like laughter is the best medicine. It is the glue in a lasting and thriving relationship. So find humor in your daily life and don’t be afraid to be silly together. [00:10:00] Not only is it a fantastic stress reliever, it bonds you together in the simplest yet deepest way.

So what do you guys laugh about? Is it funny memes or reels online or Is it watching some comedy? Like, what do you guys laugh about? Whatever it is, make sure you’re doing that regularly. Nick finds the most hilarious little memes and reels and things like that. And he’ll bring them to me and we will just have such a laugh.

So, find things that you laugh about together and make sure you’re doing that at least once a week. At least once a week. Okay, number eight, listen to understand not to respond. Active listening is a game changer. I teach this inside SheLaunch. If you want to be a good coach, you’ve got to be a great listener.

Now, instead of formulating your next point while your partner is speaking or anyone is speaking, your client, your children, anyone, truly listen to [00:11:00] understand their perspective. You will both instantly feel the difference, okay? So really work on your listening skills. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a conversation with someone where you can tell that they just want to say what they want to say, or they just butt in and interrupt you and you haven’t even finished.

It’s annoying, right? Okay. So really listen, feeling like you’re really being heard is so powerful. You know, it’s just such a beautiful quality to have. So really listen to your partner, really listen to them. Number nine, support each other’s dreams. So be each other’s biggest cheerleaders, biggest fans, celebrate both their big victories and their small wins.

Now, when you both know that you have such strong support at home, it not only empowers you to tackle challenges and achieve great things in life, but it also fills your journey together with more joy and fulfillment. Yeah. And [00:12:00] also be interested in each other’s dreams and hobbies. Now, whether it is like a career move or a personal project or just a small hobby, like show genuine interest and excitement for the things that your partner is passionate about.

You may not be interested in a sport that they love, but at least just listen, you know, practice that point number eight, listen to understand, not to respond. Just really, really listen. I could definitely work on this because sometimes if there’s something that I have no idea what he’s talking about.

technically or something like that, or I’m not interested. I have this tendency to just like kind of glaze over, but I need to really listen and practice. Point number eight, listen to understand. So support each other’s dreams and goals and vision. Be each other’s biggest cheerleaders and fans. Okay. And this brings me to the final point, number 10, be each other’s safe harbor.

At the end of the day, be the peace and comfort that your partner needs. Life throws us enough things, okay, [00:13:00] so don’t let your partner be another one. Be a soft place to land always, be the safe harbor for them. Yeah. I always say this about Bambi. I am her safe harbor. I am her safe place and we can be that for our partner as well.

So there you have it, my friends, 10 secrets for a wildly fulfilling relationship. Which you can apply to all of your relationships, your friendships, your work relationships, every single relationship. So let’s recap. Number one, stay open. Number two, do the inner work. Number three, your happiness is yours to create.

Number four, set boundaries around your work and home life. Number five, water your relationship. Number six, never stop dating and have fun with it. Number seven, laugh together a lot. Number eight, listen to understand not to [00:14:00] respond. Number nine, support each other’s dreams and goals. And number 10, be each other’s safe harbour.

So I really hope that you take these, you share them with your partner, keep them in the notes section of your phone and regularly revisit them And try and maybe work on one of them a day. Go, okay, today I am going to be their safe harbour and really actively work on it until you embody it so much that you don’t even have to think about it anymore.

It’s just like brushing your teeth. That becomes your default. Yeah? So take one of these per day, embody it until it is like, So deeply embedded within you that you never have to think about it again. That is what I do. So I hope you got a lot out of this. And if you did, please subscribe and follow the show.

And if you haven’t already, please leave me a review on Apple podcasts. That would mean the absolute world to me. It means that I can keep getting on amazing [00:15:00] guests for you and keep doing this show. Now come and tell me on Instagram at Melissa Rambrosini what you got from this episode. I love connecting with you.

And I love hearing your biggest key takeaways from each episode. So jump on over to Instagram and share that with me right now. And before I go, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here, for wanting to be the best, the healthiest, and the happiest version of yourself, and for showing up today for you.

You rock. Now, if there’s someone in your life that you can think of that would really benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now. You can take a screenshot, share it on your social media, email it to them, text it to them, do whatever you’ve got to do to get this in their ears. And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

Thank you so much for listening. I’m so honored that you’re here and would be SO grateful if you could leave me a review on Apple podcasts, that way we can inspire and educate even more people together.

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