42 comments

How to Speak Your Truth (And Not Lose Friends)

Continue

I am a massive advocate for authenticity. I have made a habit of always checking in with myself to make sure I’m being real. When I am, I feel aligned and energized. When I’m not, I feel flat-out yuck. I also seek authenticity in others. There’s nothing better than having a sincere, genuine convo and cuppa with someone who lives their truth.

I believe you can smell authenticity a mile away — it’s sexy and inviting. You can also smell inauthenticity and let me tell you, it stinks!

Even though I value this sort of honesty and openness so highly, I recently caught myself not being authentic. A friend came to me and shared something she was going through. Instantly, I could see that she was coming from fear. Her Mean Girl was ruling the roost and everything she was saying was old stuff. I could see it was residue from a past hurt, but she couldn’t. And that’s totally ok. But in that moment, I could have lovingly called her on it. Maybe even inspired her out of her fear. But to be honest, I was shit scared. Scared to say...

"Hey babe, what if that was totally your Mean Girl talking? What if that’s not your truth, and you don’t need to keep pressing replay on your past story?"

Simple!

But I was too scared. Scared to be rejected, really. I was having a human moment, and that’s ok. But those moments when we lovingly inspire someone out of their fear — or see something that maybe they can’t — are moments of growth for us, and allow us to be of total service to the people around us.

But to do this, of course, means putting yourself in the ringer. It’s a scary and vulnerable place to be — you’re opening yourself up for rejection and ridicule. But this is where we must go in order to evolve and go deeper within ourselves.

Speak your truth. It isn’t always comfortable, but it’s the most powerful way to grow.
Tweet this

To call someone on their stuff, you must come from love. This doesn’t mean you don’t let your friends feel their feelings or speak their truth. You are simply speaking yours, expressing what you see, and hopefully inspiring them to reconnect with their heart. I learned a lot from this experience. I learned that in that moment, I let my power be outside of myself. I cared what someone else thought instead of honoring my truth. In fact, I called my girlfriend up a few days later and told her that even though the moment had passed, I hadn’t spoken my truth in our conversation. I lovingly shared my insight with her, and she was still able to have a realization within herself. Brilliant! Here’s what I believe...

You are not being of service to others if you are not lovingly speaking your truth and calling them on their stuff. We aren’t here to tiptoe around each other — we came here to live fully, speak openly and be the fullest version of ourselves. By holding it in because you are scared of what the other person might say, you’re just giving into your own fear. Instead, choose to breathe into it. Let it go. Open up and speak from your heart my darling.

Have you found yourself holding back your truth before? If so, how did you deal with it? Share with me in the comments below. Thank you so much for all the love and advice you pour into the comments. You really are helping so many people.

Comments (42)

+ Leave a comment
    • DB
      September 4, 2014

      I love this post so much. Do you ever think there's a time to just let things go? I wonder if not every situation needs a response. Sometimes people just need a listening ear, or else words can even be not necessary or worsen the situation... what do you think? I'm always battling between speaking up and sometimes just letting it go.

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 4, 2014

        Hi honey,

        Always be your truth. Maybe sometimes your truth is to let it go and maybe sometimes it's to say something. Check in with yourself and you will know.

        I hope that helps.

    • Sandra
      September 4, 2014

      Mel, thank you so much for this, it's come at a perfect time for me, like these things usually do! The universe knows what it's doing! I'm in a place of transition and my friends have a difficult time accepting the changes I'm trying to instil in my life and in fact they constantly pressure me to revert back to my old lifestyle by making me feel guilty or like I'm dependent on alcohol and going out partying to be 'fun'. I guess I've been tip toeing around them and need to voice my true feelings about this to them. Thanks again, Mel! Your authenticity is inspiring.

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 4, 2014

        No worries Sandra. Remember no one can make you feel anything unless you let them ;)

        xx

      • Tash
        September 4, 2014

        Hey Sandra,

        I've gone through exactly the same thing. The way my friends and I connect used to be by getting drunk and getting with randoms is clubs. I've moved way way past this and find pressure and judgement from my friends now. It feels as though I need to excuse why I don't want to drink/eat the way they are.
        It's tricky because I love them so much but the relationship isn't authentic because I'm constantly anxious about being around them and what uncomfortable situation they'll put me in.

        Finding friends who love and serve me and my values has been my resolution I think.

        Xx

    • Brooke
      September 4, 2014

      Hi Melissa,

      Thank you for this post! I recently experienced this myself. I asked a friend about a situation I was in, and instead of expecting the same old 'it will come to you' or 'there is nothing to worry about,' I received a truthful answer from the person who struggled to say what I deep down was hoping someone would confirm with me. Strangely enough, this truth has allowed me to somehow move past this point. It has inspired me to be truthful in a kind way when others are seeking authenticity. What a great quality to possess. Thank you x

    • September 4, 2014

      "But those moments when we lovingly inspire someone out of their fear — or see something that maybe they can’t — are moments of growth for us, and allow us to be of total service to the people around us." - I absolutely live for these moments, but, as you mention my darling, I'm often scared that I'm being too harsh, or that someone will take what I say the wrong way.

      If we speak with love and authenticity, people will respect and thank us for it. This is such an important thing to remember.

      Thanks my lovely- what a lightworker you are- xx

    • Indra
      September 4, 2014

      Melissa I have been stewing on the same scenario for a few months now. I need to be honest to help my loved on but I've found (for some reason) holding back sits better with me. And yet it stews away inside me still. Speaking from the heart may be awkward at first but in the end it's the best for both of us. I'm of no help to anyone if I am holding back. You are beautiful, thank you for this post when I really needed it.

    • September 4, 2014

      Thank you so much for this post. I can totally relate. My friend recently told me that she wants the 'real me' back, not the 'coach' I've become. What I have learned from that expericne, is that there is no point of telling anyone what's good or bad unless they ask. But IF they ask, the only way is to speak up your truth. And if people think you've changed, I can guarantee you have simply evolved and become a totally different and happy person. So, that's quite a compliment!

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 5, 2014

        Absolutely Daria. I love this.

        xx

    • Nicola
      September 5, 2014

      Perfect timing - just what I needed to read at just the right time. I have come to recognise that this is exactly what I do with my fiancé and over the last week have been feeling like I need to really begin identifying the fear and/or feeling behind this so that I can connect with him from more of a place of love. I can see that some of his behaviours or beliefs come from his own past and places of fear but I usually don't speak up - probably because I'm sure he will raise an eyebrow and look at me like I'm a fruitloop once I start speaking from a truthful, spiritual place. But I figure he already thinks I'm awesome so I really don't know what holds me back ... but I shall figure it out because maybe it will benefit him and our relationship too.

      Thanks hun for the words I needed to hear xx

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 5, 2014

        Absolutely it will benefit you both my darling. Try not to worry about what he is going to think or say because you really don't know. Just do and be your truth. That is all we can ever do.

        Good luck my love.

        xx

    • Géraldine Deleuze
      September 5, 2014

      I have this issue right now, at my work. There is a lack of team spirit and of flexibility (or only flexibility from be.... not both side) with co workers and management.
      And honestly, I don't know what to do!!!!!
      I don(t want to become like them (selfish).... but it's hard when you are the only one to give....
      I really need help!

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 6, 2014

        Hi Geraldine,

        If I was you I would openly and lovingly communicate how you feel with them from your heart. That is the only thing you can do.

        Let me know how you go?

        xx

    • September 5, 2014

      This is great melissa its something I always struggle with. I often just agree with people to keep the peace and not to rock the boat but then afterwards wish I had said how I really felt. I think I need to maybe slow down and think before I speak.?? I guess I don't want to say the wrong thing and offend someone.

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 6, 2014

        The thing is Sharda when ever we don't speak our truth in a situation we always feel like crap when we walk away. We constantly think about it and wished we had of spoken our truth in that moment. You can tip toe around people all your life or you can speak you truth my love. Make sure you are fully present in each moment and you wont have to think about what you are going to say. You will be speaking from your heart (your truth). That's the juicy spot and the place we want to live from.

        xx

    • Alexia
      September 5, 2014

      I love this post so much! Speaking my truth is something that I am still struggling a lot with. It's so hard to speak my truth in those moments but when i don't i feel so awful.

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 6, 2014

        Hey Alexia,

        I know it's hard but keep at it honey and it will become more and more normal and natural for you.

        xx

    • September 5, 2014

      Thanks Melissa.

      I think this is really important - but sometimes I do get a bit tired of being the one who has the 'difficult' conversations all the time, trying to be in integrity and express my truth. But...I guess it would be harder not to say it.

      I guess we just need to keep opening everyone's hearts to being in integrity, and then we won't need to have the hard conversations all the time! :-)

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 6, 2014

        Hi Ellen,

        Focus on opening your heart my love. I remember feeling the exact same way as you many years ago, but then I just let it go and focused on constantly opening my heart and you know what happened? The people around me their heart started to open. Like magic ;)

        xx

    • Yvonne
      September 6, 2014

      Fabulous post Melissa and the reminder so timely for me. Be true. Thanks!

    • September 8, 2014

      I agree that you're only living in more fear when you don't speak your mind. The best way I've found to do this is to live in the "question". So instead of coming off like you're attacking somebody (even though you know you're not) you can ask very loving questions where your opinion is implied. But being bold and unapologetic about who you are is truly freeing isn't it?

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        September 9, 2014

        Totally Justin! Very freeing.

        xx

    • Felicity
      October 9, 2014

      This is perfect Melissa! I love this to pieces. I feel like I should always have this thought at the back of mind "Speak my truth but come from a place of love" as you so eloquently described so that I don't keep being too afraid to speak up! I feel like I constantly don't speak up in situations that I should and then I reflect it on afterwards and as you said I just feel "yuck" for not being genuine and especially when I collude in behaviour I don't agree with but don't want to call others out on it instead. Thanks :)

    • November 15, 2014

      Very good information. Lucky me I recently found your site by chance (stumbleupon).
      I have saved it for later!

    • Gemma
      February 13, 2015

      Absolutely perfect! I have studied at an agricultural university for the last year and have increasingly found it oppressing as speaking my truth is often considered la-dee-da Magic stuff. Organic is almost considered to be a dirty word as most of them are wired to increasing profits which they associate with using all manner of chemicals. More and more I try to engage in open-minded conversations with them but it is steady progress to change such entrenched mindsets!
      Love your work Melissa, always a beautiful reminder to be authentic and the people I have come across through your various collaborations are just sensational too!
      Xx

      • Melissa Ambrosini
        February 13, 2015

        Thank you so much for your kind words Gemma.

        I stopped trying to convert people to my way of thinking and instead just did what was true for me and that became a magnet for ears that wanted to listen.

        Thank you for the beautiful work you are doing in the world. Keep going!

        xx

    • February 15, 2015

      I blog often and I genuinely appreciate your information. This article has truly peaked my interest.

      I am going to take a note of your site and keep checking for new details about once a week.

      I subscribed to your RSS feed as well.

    • December 6, 2015

      Thanks ffor the auspiciouis writeup. It in fact was
      a leisure accunt it. Glance advanced to far delivered agreeable
      from you! However, how can we be in contact?

    • January 19, 2016

      I read this post completely regarding the difference of most up-to-date and preceding technologies,
      it's aweesome article.

    • January 23, 2016

      Greate post. Keep posting such kind of info on your
      blog. Im really impressed by your site.
      Hello there, You have done an incredible job. I'll definitely digg it and for my part suggest to my
      friends. I'm sure they'll be benefited from this website.

    • April 10, 2016

      Your style is so unique in comparison to other people I've read stuff from.

      Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I'll just book
      mark this site.

      • Melissa
        April 11, 2016

        Please do angel <3

    • August 5, 2016

      It's actually a nice and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you
      simply shared this useful information with us. Please stay us informed like this.
      Thank you for sharing.

    • November 12, 2016

      I am now nnot certain where you're getting your info, however good topic.
      I needs to spend some time finding out much more or figuring out more.
      Thanks for excellent info I was looking for this information for my mission.

    • February 17, 2017

      I truly wanted to jot down a word so as to thank you for some of the fabulous tips you are giving on this site.
      My time-consuming internet lookup has at the end been rewarded
      with sensible strategies to talk about with my best friends.
      I 'd tell you that many of us site visitors actually are rather
      lucky to exist in a decent site with very many wonderful people with interesting methods.

      I feel quite privileged to have encountered your entire web page
      and look forward to plenty of more excellent moments reading here.

      Thank you once more for a lot of things.

    • Fiona Cameron
      March 14, 2017

      I really needed to hear this. Whenever I am alone I feel totally in my truth, but sometimes my mean girl gets the better of me when others are around and convinces me to act of fear of being ridiculed (though I'm getting better!). If other people don't like what I have to say, or don't believe the same things as me, then that is totally fine. I mean I came out years ago, if I could tell everyone that I'm gay I can easily speak my truth of my spiritual and self beliefs! No more fear, only openness. Thank you Melissa!

    • June 24, 2017

      Thank you for your own efforts on this blog. My aunt delights in getting into investigations and it's really easy to understand why. My partner and i hear all concerning the lively mode you deliver rewarding guidelines through the web site and even recommend response from other individuals on the idea and our favorite daughter is now studying a lot of things. Enjoy the rest of the new year. Your conducting a really good job.

    • October 24, 2017

      good!

    • November 28, 2017

      Fantastic web site. Lots of helpful information here.
      I'm sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious.
      And certainly, thank you to your effort!

Please share your thoughts...

Your email address will not be published.