I have had two significant break ups in my life. Both affected me deeply, but they could not have been more different from each other.
The first time I had my heart broken was in my early twenties. My partner — the first person I’d ever been in love with — cheated on me. It was awful. I had never experienced such pain and heartache in all my life. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on with 8-inch stilettos. I was devastated and didn’t know how to cope or how I was going to move on with my life. I didn’t sleep, eat or work. I just laid in bed and cried… for weeks. Nothing could cheer me up — not my besties, not my favourite food, not even a family-sized block of Cadbury’s finest.
With the wisdom of hindsight, I believe the reason I reacted that way was because I had no sense of self. My worthy-o-meter was at zero, I had no idea how to flex my own self-love muscle, and I believed I was nothing without my boyfriend.
Change is uncomfortable, but it’s through change that we expand and evolve.
The second breakup was a lot more conscious. After three years, we both decided that our time together was up. We had a very beautiful and open conversation about going our separate ways and that was that. Yes, I cried and mourned. Yes, I felt pain, heartache and loss. But this time, I knew that everything was perfect (it always is). There was such a different energy underscoring our parting of ways. I knew there was a divine plan, higher than I could imagine, and my role was to simply ride the wave.
Break ups are uncomfortable, but remember this …
Everything Happens For A Reason
I know that when you’re in it, it’s incredibly hard to see the reasons or maintain perspective. But just know that everything is unfolding exactly the way it’s meant to.
Remind Yourself That, “This Too Shall Pass”
Whenever I am feeling sad, angry or hurt, I remind myself of this truth. That doesn’t mean I suppress my feelings. On the contrary: I allow myself to fully feel it, but I gently remind myself that it will pass … always. Even happiness, love, and joy. They are all feelings that come and go.
Let Go Of The Attachment
Clinging on to memories, dreams and expectations of the past is not constructive, and only serves to prolong your pain.
Trust The Process
Know that there will be different stages of grief and healing that you will journey through. Accept where you are and don’t try to rush things.
Ask Yourself, “How Can I Embody Ease And Grace Throughout This Process?”
Sometimes we do crazy things when we are angry, so try and move through this icky-ness which a sense of wholehearted ease and grace.
Surrender And Let Go Of Control
Control comes from fear, so release your tight grip and melt into love.
Most Of All, Know That You Are Loved, Supported And Always Guided
Ride the wave and remember: this too shall pass.
Now I’d love to hear from you, beautiful — what’s the one thing that has helped you through a breakup? Share with us in the comments below. Remember to open your heart and share from love — your words may be the very thing someone else needs to read right now.
Thank you so much for being so generous and honest in the comments. I love you so much.
I guess it’s a balance of realizing your ego is going to want to attach to things (similar to losing a loved one) along with giving yourself the space to feel the ego’s pain. It’s a challenging balance because you know what’s going on but you can’t seem to avoid being hurt right? We humans are strange aren’t we? Good thing we’re just passin through.
hehe us humans are funny creatures aren’t we.
I totally agree we need to feel what ever is going on in our body but know that this too shall pass 😉
Hi Melissa, your article reminds me and offers some practical and helpful advice.
Personally though, I am going through a break up (15yrs with my only partner) and I don’t know how people get through it. Some days are fine but the rest are so painful and lonely. The grief is heartbreaking & trying to overcome what should have been. I applaude those who have moved on but the question is ‘do you ever truly do?’
Hey Daniela,
You seem to be in the grieving stage which is totally perfect. Allow yourself to feel the pain and sadness but let it wash over you like a wave. Remember nothing is forever. This too shall pass. Remind yourself that love is your birth right and you can return back to love at any given moment. It’s just a choice my darling… YOUR choice.
It was my choice to leave but now its trying to process and accept it all… one year on and it feels like yesterday. Thanks Melissa x
Allow yourself to feel what ever it is you need to feel honey. Don’t judge it just allow it to be there.
Know that you are always supported and guided and this too shall pass. Keep connecting to your heart and get out of your head. Don’t listen to your Mean Girl darling, listen to your heart.
xx
I need this. All of this. The post and the comments.
I wasn’t in a 15 year relationship. Not even NEARLY close, but still sadly find it hard to not have inner turmoil (I’m sure it doesn’t help that this ex has to still be in my life, so not only am I trying to move forward, but I also have to constantly forgive who they are every time I get upset that they’re still in my life “causing” havoc). Before I read these comments I said to myself “but it was almost a year ago that this had ended… why can’t it be easy and why hasn’t it passed?” (oh I know the reasons… thanks, fear!). I know the feeling of what Daniela said about some days being fine and others feeling like it happened yesterday all too well.
I’ve finally realized I need to stop ignoring this part that needs attention and healing (and this terrible pattern I need to face). I know change is coming. Actually, to be quite honest the last few days I’ve written in my journal & have asked in prayer “My lovely inner guide, please help me see a shift perception. Please help me work on me and learn that the universe has got my back”. And like magic I get this update in my inbox that this post has been created. Thank you.
Hey Kirsten,
Thanks for sharing. Remember you can choose love at any moment. Love is only a breath away my darling. I know it feels like the pain/sadness/hurt/anger will never end but trust me it will. Your birth right is love…don’t forget it.
xx
It has been a whole year since my first break up and I’m still struggling. The one thing that helps is when I eat well and exercise-it helps my outlook and mood sooo much. But I’m still not consistent with this… I get overwhelmed by these emotions and just binge on junk food. It’s not an effective or healthy coping method 🙁
Hey beautiful,
Catch yourself next time you go to binge and ask yourself, “how am I really feeling right now?” Tap into what’s really going on inside you. Feel into it and allow it to be there. Let it wash over you then remind yourself that love is your birthright and you can choice it at any moment my darling.
xx
Hi Melinda. Yes I know exactly how you feel, I don’t do the junk food but just end up eating too much extra food. P.S I got stuck into the coconut oil – now I don’t eat it anymore
Yes! Love this.
Trust is the biggest thing. And returning to a belief that this temporary pain is opening you up to receive something greater.
Melissa, you just blow me away. Everything you post is somehow in sync with what I am currently going through. What star sign are you?
I’m in my twenties and I had a terrible breakup. I hadn’t lost anything before- all my friends and family are healthy and happy. So when I was rejected from a love it thought was there it broke me. I soon after lost my dog. And then a dear friend. It all happened at once, so I had to learn how to grieve.
It made me realise that family and friends are your rock. But I woke up when I went to Europe and remembered all the things I love about life.
Eventually, I allowed myself to love again and enter a new relationship. I am now going through a break up again. This time, it was the same. Rejection. And I somehow don’t feel good enough for anybody anymore. My poor heart has taken a beating haha!
Though, this time I’m dealing with it much better because I know that ‘I will be ok’ and that the higher order has something planned.
I just want to tell you, that I love following your journey because you inspire me daily. I am also a dancer and feel I really connect to what you are trying to do here. Thank you so much, and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. AND to come by this post 😉
Hope you’ve had a good day,
Paige xxxxx
Hey sweetie,
I am an Aries baby. I love that you are a dancer. Are you doing it professionally?
I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me, however it wasn’t until I really turned up my worthy-o-meter that I started to own my worth. Remember you are worthy of love, but until you feel it with every cell in your entire body you will continue to create situations that show you otherwise.
xx
Thank You SO MUCH for the advice!
I dance leisurely and also teach dance 🙂
Dancing at the Moulin Rouge would have been incredible Melissa! You’ve very fortunate and no doubt you worked really hard to get there. Would LOVE to see you dance one day. Oh and I am a Capricorn!
What positive affirmation would you recommend for self-love? (I bought your book too)
We are talking again and it is clear we both love each other but he did what he thought was right by me in this point in time. He also doesn’t really love himself.
Do you think it is a bad thing to try again if you think it is right?
I read your comment about how you felt when you met your husband- it made me smile, how beautiful. I know this situation isn’t like that, but all are unique I guess.
I also knew that for some reason the divine wanted my previous partner and I together. But now it is like the timing is wrong or something, although the connection is still there. I’m just riding with the wind to see what happens but I will always love him. I’m a little lost.
You are amazing, and such a beaming light Melissa! xxx
Hi Paige,
I would listen to your heart honey, it always knows best. Trust it and honour it my darling. Every time you ignore your heart there is always a consequence.
My fav self love affirmation is, “I love and accept myself unconditionally right now”. I repeat this over and over all day long in my head, whilst I am driving, at the post office or cooking at home. Give it a go and let me know how you go sweetie.
xx
Your’e truly amazing. Thank you so much for the advice
Have a wonderful day 🙂 much love xxx
Hi Melissa,
firstly thank you so much for this post.
i broke up with my first boyfriend and first person i’d ever loved 9 months ago.
Some days are good and others a really low.
He broke up with me right when my eating disorder had its toughest grip on me. which i can understand why he would want to move on from.
He’s moved on now, and i am still trying hard to let go but i can’t.
Its too painful to know that someone i loved so much for 4 years just replaced me like a dirty rag.
My sense of self-worth is so low and I feel trapped like ill never move on. i must ask. do you ever truly let go 100%?
thanks
Hey Tanika.
I think you said it perfectly honey, your sense of self-worth is so low. Once you really start to flex your self love muscle, dial up your worthy-o-meter, master your Mean Girl and return to the present you can move on. Remember we are creating our life moment by moment. In Conversations with God it says, if you don’t like what you are creating in your life, create again!
When I first has my heart broken I never thought I would ever heal. But I soon realised that everything is perfect and I needed to have that experience in order for their to be a shift within me.
Everything happens for a reason darling, don’t forget that.
xx
Melissa,
This has really hit home for me; having gone through a break up that happened about 4 months ago and that’s still slightly haunting me.
Though I have surprised myself and dealt with it a lot better than I ever thought possible. I have gotten through the toughest and ugliest parts with grace, composure and dignity – all because of your inspirational self.
(It sounds like we had similar circumstances; I am also early twenties and he was the first man I have actually fallen in love with, and this was so unexpected.)
I came across you & your blog around the same time (thank my angels!!!!).
I have read each post of yours and I continue to do so whenever I am feeling stuck or lost, sad or angry, confused or enlightened. Sometimes when I need a little more guidance or self love I even ask myself what would Melissa do? I look up to you very much and have found you to be the one thing that has helped me get through a very confusing and life defining time. I listen to your meditations at least twice a day (one always before I go to bed) it’s now a part of my daily non-negotiables and has helped immensely!.
For the first time in my life, I’m positive in all aspects of my life! And it has helped me come a long way, not just with this break up but for the rest of my life from here on.
I know I still have a long way to go but it is with your help I am healing wounds old and new and have never felt better. You are my true inspiration and I could never thank you enough
I hope you know just how special you are and that you are such a guardian angel and a good friend to so many.
Thank you for being you and for doing what you do. I hope our paths may cross one day.
Love & light
Emma
That gave me goosebumps, thank you so much beautiful Emma.
You inspire me honey and I hope I get to hug you one day. Please come to one of my events so we can make that happen 😉
Well done on sticking on your path. You sound like you are every driven, focused and committed to being the best version of you. Virtual high fives to you my love. Keep going and always reach out to me for support. I am always here for you.
xx
I’ve just ended my first relationship of seven years, it’s hard but time is definitely a big factor in moving on. Thank you Melissa xoxo
Hi Katherine,
Remember to keep coming back into your heart when ever you go up to your head. Let go of your Mean Girl thoughts (she is going to be really loud right now), and slide back into love.
Returning to love is the faster way to heal.
xx
Hi Melissa,
Beautiful said. Grief is such an import aspect of relationship breakdowns and it is often unrecognised by friends and family when a relationship ends. It is also important to note that there are professional support services such as counselling which can assist with the complexity’s of grief. You do not have to go it alone. Look up your local grief counselling services.
Sophie
Grief and Loss Counsellor.
xxx
Hey Sophie,
Thanks for that. You are absolutely right you don’t have to do it alone. There is a common misconception that we have to be brave, strong and do everything on our own. But the truth is, we all need support from time to time, and that’s totally ok.
xx
It’s coming up to one year since my long term relationship ended due to too many heart breaking events, chances and disappointments (and not necessarily due to not loving them anymore)….. I still have bad days now, and am still learning, but for me it’s been about recognising and knowing that this is a season and not the end of the world.
This is by no means easy on a bad day….but allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling 100% and have a bad few hours or day has helped me… a few steps backwards can be exactly what you need to propel you forward in the right direction again….but I won’t let it have control over me for any longer.
I also remind myself that being open and telling people how I am actually coping (being totally vulnerable) is a strength not a weakness. Stopping my constant looping of thoughts is still a challenge today, but can I also encourage you that seeking professional help is a sign of STRENGTH and not weakness – for me it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but definitely the most empowering.
Finally, I think the hardest thing at this time of year (almost a year on) is being kind to myself and not thinking negatively ie: its been a year, seriously why aren’t you better yet…. Christmas is coming up, and you’re still alone and miserable….etc etc! I really have to take captive of these dark thoughts, moments and memories and reflect on how far I have come and that I am now a stronger and better version of myself and value who I have become and what I have learn’t.
Thank you Melissa, such a beautiful post that everyone needs to read. x
Sometimes I wish that I could have the same faith in a ‘higher power’ helping guide my life, things would be a lot less stressful. But there’s nothing to lead me to believe that, and I’d rather not pen my future on a hopeful whim or wilful ignorance. Even if there was, who is to say that the destiny this higher power or universe has in store for us is the one that we want? If things always work out, I can’t see why there’d be so much suffering in this world of ours. Suffering isn’t always a means of growth, either – people die in suffering.
Such a perfectly timed post. I’m currently going through my first love break up but in much the same way as how you describe your second. These were just the reminders I needed to hear. All fairly obvious in a sense but all too easy to forget! Thank you!!!!
Thank you for this Melissa!
Wow my first breakup sounds exactly like yours!
I definitely put down my very dramatic reaction down to not
loving myself, and feeling incomplete without this other person in my life.
I was very attached the our life together.
Your tips are perfect.
Thank you x
Melissa, I just lost my boyfriend of 6 years, he doesn’t wana be with me anymore 🙁 Its just so hard cuz he was more than a bf, he was my soulmate.. and I just lost my dad in July as well.. Its just so hard and I feel so empty 🙁 How did u get through ur breakups and find ur partner? It seems million miles away for me, how I can I love someone else..
Hi Shali,
I remember feeling exactly the same way. But I want to remind you that love is a choice darling and you can feel it at any moment. It might feel difficult right now because there is so much pain, hurst and suffering on top of the love but know that the love is always there buried underneath. You just have to open your eyes to it.
xx
Hi Melissa
Thank you so much for sharing this topic.
I think what is really hard is not to blam anybody else or the life itself, I think I find a way, an issue by blaming life instead of accepted, trhough it and accept it that it happen for a reason.
I have to accept and understand that’s there is not right or wrong thing but just destiny.
Much love
Charlotte
Hey Charlotte,
I used to blame everyone else because it was ‘easier’ and I didn’t have to take responsibility for my own unhappiness. It’s just a way to avoid how you’re really feeling. The best thing I did was stop blaming others, own my shit and start to feel my feelings – the ones I have suppressed for so long. And you know what? It wasn’t that bad. Feeling them is part of the process, the work is reminding yourself you are not your feelings and that you are love.
xx
Hi Melissa
This post couldn’t have come at a better time! I really needed this and it seems like everything you write about is aligned to what I’m going through…your words are the inspiration I needed! Thank You!
I’m going through a break-up similar to your second break-up; it has only been 3 weeks since we ended it and I know deep down it’s for the best since our paths are heading in different directions… I can’t help but feel empty and very sad, some days I feel great, some days I don’t know where to get the energy to go through the day. Which is why I recently purchased your meditations and I’m doing the self-love and bursting with love meditations daily. They have helped tremendously! But I’m curious as to what else could I do to turn up my worthy-o-meter even more? How to flex my own self-love muscle? How to obtain back my individuality without feeling that something is missing? He left me empty! I know that this too shall pass but what can I do in the meantime to help ease this heartache, emptiness, feelings of solitude, and the urges to secretly hope to be in a relationship with him again (even though I know that’s not my destiny and that there’s a divine plan higher that I can imagine that will bring me better things).
But in the meantime, how do I get through this? Would meditation alone help?
Thank you so much for your inspiration!
Hi Marcela,
Thank you for sharing.
No meditation alone will not help, you have to really feel how worthy you are from deep within your core. Remember sweetie no one can make you do or feel anything unless you let them. No one can leave you feeling empty unless you allow yourself to feel it. It can feel very scary when we are single however when you tap into the love within yourself you realise you don’t need anyone or anything else. When you realise how truly magnificent you are you see that you are a precious gift. Perfect and whole. Nothing needs to be changed, fixed or improved… you are perfect!
So how do you turn up your worthy-o-meter?
You close your eyes, connect with your heart and deep into the love. Feel what it feels like to be a 1 on the worthiness scale. Then feel what it feels like to be a 10. Stay connected to that 10 feeling. Take it out with you into your day, and remind yourself you can easily tap back into that 10 feeling at any moment.
How to flex my own self-love muscle?
By choosing love over fear in every single moment of every single day.
How to obtain back my individuality without feeling that something is missing?
Nothing is missing when you are coming and living from love. You are whole and complete within yourself my darling.
How do you get through this?
You breathe! You feel into what ever you are feeling. You let it wash over you and you remind yourself that you are love. And that you can tap back into love in any second.
I hope this helps my love.
xx
Thank you so much for your kind words!!! I really appreciate it!
Hey, Mel,
everything bad passes- but light will always be there, right? And we are always loved and guided and this will never ever change. I hope we’ll meet one day, beautiful, lovely Melissa. I absolutely loved your post about your godess circles, how amazing is that?
xx
Exactly right Antonia 😉 We are always guided and light is always there.
Goddess circles are the best. You should start one?
I hope to meet you too one day.
xx
Melissa, thank you for your amazing work. You’re inspirational and uplifting 🙂 I went through a few break ups…my last one being 2 years ago, after 4 years together. I realised how much I had grown and how I had learned to listen to my heart. I didn’t try to talk myself out of it and justify everything. The relationship seemed perfect on paper, but in my heart I needed to move on..without him! Our families took it badly, they couldn’t see how or why it wasn’t going to work. My partner at the time was ready to let go too…we both knew our paths were taking a different direction and the time had come to part ways, it was still painful but I felt safe in the knowledge that I was doing the right thing because of the relief I felt in my heart when we separated. I’ve grown so much over the last few years, I’m grateful for it all, I wouldn’t be who I am today without going through those lows. I’m happy, confident, at peace and content. I don’t need anyone to make me happy… I found my happiness within. I’m in my 2nd year of Naturopathic Nutrition and I’ve just completed my Reiki level 2. Life is good, no regrets. Everything is unfolding perfectly. Thank you Melissa, lots of love yo you and your new hubby 😉 xxxxxx
Hi Melissa,
Once again you have written another beautiful inspiring post. I had the pleasure of meeting you and hearing you speak when you came to Mildura for the women’s wellness conference, you were incredible and so inspiring. This is resonating with me at the moment not because of personal reasons but because an aunt of mine that I am very close with has just announced she is separating from her husband of over 30 years and my heart is breaking for her and I don’t know what to say, she is struggling with identity issues and definitely self worth issues too. I suppose that it is her journey and she’s the only one who can truly help herself through it and all we can do is shower her with love and show her what she means to us. Thank you for always being a kind, nurturing and loving voice of guidance, you truly have a beautiful soul.
Love elle xx
Thank you so much for your beautiful words Elle.
You’re exactly right it is her journey and all you can do is send her love and be love yourself. That is all we can ever do.
I hope to see you again soon.
xx
Hi Melissa!
This post was so perfectly timed, I couldn’t quite believe this was in my inbox today. Just this week myself and partner parted ways. I’ve been full of fear for such a long time about the relationship ending and hurting my partner but I know deep down that it’s not meant to be. Although on one hand I feel lighter, I also have a wave of other emotions too, but I know deep down it’s not meant to be and this will pass. Time to focus on my relationship with myself.
You are such an inspiration to me, I’m so grateful that I came across your website all those months ago. I feel like you have been a huge part of my personal journey and I really look up to you. I’m so thankful for you and your online home. Hope you enjoyed your honeymoon.
Much love xx
I just wanted to tell you that I completely resonate with your thoughts. I too was the one who broke up with my partner (just last week) after months of agonising over whether or not to do it. I know the feeling of being the person who is crushing their world and getting off seemingly unscathed because you have mentally been breaking up with them over a series of months. This is the other side to break ups that you don’t normally hear about – the guilt for being true to what you know is right, even if they don’t feel the same, and had no idea it was coming.
SO EXCITED
I really needed to hear this right now. I am in the process of realizing someone isn’t who I thought they were. And accepting this is hard, as I also feel like I have no sense of self without them. I guess I was projecting things onto them and not willing to see them for who they really are. Now I just need to let go and find love for myself and not rely on someone else to give me love.
Love this Melissa. I have had a series of such traumatic relationships with men that I went ‘relationship sober’ just to clean the slate and get a sense of ‘self’ before going there again. It is truly so important. Would love to know how you found your husband to be the one for you.
Kelly
Hey Kelly,
I believe you should never enter a relationship until you are bursting with love within yourself first. Otherwise you will attract someone who fills your voids and you fill theirs.
You know how I knew my husband was ‘the one’? I just knew! No words can explain the feeling. It was like we knew each other in a past life or something. We were both so aligned and totally in sync. It just felt right and perfect all in one. There was no thoughts. Every cell in my entire body was screaming YES YES YES and my Mean Girl was on mute. Marrying him was the easiest thing (by far) I have ever done. People used to say to me ‘when you know you know’, and to be totally honest I thought that was a load of BS until I meet Nick. I just knew.
Does that help honey?
This is my first time on your site and I couldn’t have found this post at a better time. I found out that my boyfriend of 11 years (only boyfriend ever) had a relationship with another woman 4 years ago and saw her a handful of times in the years since. I’m still at a point where I haven’t decided how to move forward. Some days there is room in heart that thinks I can forgive him and move forward but then I read a post like yours and wonder if I am just holding on to the past.
I know that no one can make the choice for me but reading posts like this definitely help me see some light.
Hi Lauren,
Dig deep into your heart and do what feels right for you my darling.
xx
This is so true and I don’t think this blog post is just about a break ups I can so relate in the start of a relationship i’m entering knowing all of above.
I also went through a nasty break up or relationship actually, which if I didn’t find my self strength I wouldn’t have come out so nicely.
I got cheated on and I was the one saying sorry in the end – like really Emma?
But I found being with my cousin someone that I knew loved me but wouldn’t continuely ask how I am, I found that nice for me. I think being around people that you know love you that will hold your hand but also let you heal on your own is nice.
I read your ebook last year and getting the tools on how to self love really helped! and Now today I know my self worth and I can feel the strength I have and will not let anyone walk over me and when I do speak up I actually feel happy inside and then I know I do love myself! because when theres no one else around your the only one who’ll love you!
xx
So beautiful, Mel. Just beautiful. xx
“The Princess who Believed in Fairytales” written by Marcia Grad was and still is my bible for getting over broken relationships. It is an easy read and you won’t want to put it down. Carmen x
Hi Kim,
Thanks for sharing. I know it’s hard to believe sometimes but everything happens for a reason. Now is your time to fill your self-love mug up so you are overflowing with love. Use this time for you honey. Go inward. Let go of the past and forget about the future. Just be here in this precious present moment – the only moment that we have.
xx
Hey Kim,
You are allowed to feel sad and hurt honey. Allow yourself to fully feel it, embrace it, let it out, journal about it, cry… what ever feels right for you. Then remind yourself you are love and you can choose love in any moment.
xx
I just went through a break-up like your second one last month. It wasn’t dramatic at all, but it did leave me with a lot of loneliness… It’s hard to see too far into the future right now but the only thing I do see from here is opportunity. I am feeling a really big push to travel somewhere. Get outta town. Maybe even move. I feel like I want to start over, completely fresh, somewhere new. I just don’t know where!
Hey Khadia,
As long as that decision to move/ travel is from love and not fear then follow it.
xx
Hi Melissa,
I’ve just revisited this article since it now very much applies to what is going on in my life. A week ago, my partner moved to the other side of the world to do his army service for a year. We had mutually decided to end the relationship and remain friends, however I’m now struggling to accept this as I believe he is ‘the one’ and don’t want to lose him. I’m trying to get through this period as gracefully as possible and be supportive of his journey despite it not being the outcome that I wanted for us. However, I’m having a lot of fear-based thoughts come up – what if he decides to stay there, what if he meets someone etc and it’s just a struggle to respond to the situation from love when the fear part of me is so strong right now. Any wise words or insights would be much appreciated if you have any haha! Xx
Hi beautiful,
Thank you so much for sharing so openly.
Trust that what ever the outcome is is perfect. If he is the one it will come back. I know it’s hard, sad and painful and allow yourself to fully feel those feelings my darling but then return to your centre. Don’t get caught up in the stories your Mean Girl is telling you, “What if he stays, what is he meets someone else”… what if he doesn’t and he comes home and you fall madly in love again??? You just don’t know. Trust the process is unfolding exactly how it is meant to. It always is.
xx
Ive had a tough time trying to findmy way back to myself and it was only until my ex boyfriend decided to break up with me that i tuned into finding that confident girl that i lost. But now im struggling to come to terms with breakup. I have my good days and bad days and i hope for so much good but things just havent seemed to work out for me yet. Btw this ex boyfriend is still an immature 18 year old that i hope realises how ridiculous he is being but i just know if he will. Ahhhhhh i dont know
Hi Alana,
Right now all you need to do is focus on you. You are the most important person in your world. Forget about trying to make him realise anything and focus on you. Of course you are going to have moments where you feel different feelings eg sadness, anger, frustration, happiness etc. It’s all part of the journey. What you can do is when you feel sad or anger is allow ourself to feel it, don’t try and get ride of it. You could even try having a pity party dance off.
I would also try some journaling darling. Give that a go for a week and let me know how you feel.
Sending you so much love.
xx
[…] A key part of accepting yourself is letting go of past hurt, and I have found forgiving yourself for the part we play is just as hard as forgiving others. So if you’re newly single this Valentine’s Day, take some time to heal. Here is a loving post about how to deal with a break up. […]
My partner of 6 years and I just broke up a few days ago. It was very much how you explained your second break up. It was a beautiful and honest break up, with us both mutually ending our relationship with integrity and grace. I decided to be brave and choose love over fear and be honest about our relationship.
However, it doesn’t mean there aren’t moments where I miss him like crazy and just want to be with him, even though I know what we did was 100% for the best. There are moments where I am a mess, and moments where I feel just fine. I just wanted to say that this post really helped me. I’m allowing myself the time to properly grieve and mourn the loss of our relationship whilst reminding myself of why we broke up and that “it too shall pass” has been really helpful. Even though its still hurting and I’m still sad, I feel like your article here, meditations and love over fear philosophy has really guided me to cope with this break up and move to a more positive place in a short space of time. I feel like I have changed so much in such a short space of time because I am choosing love, over fear.
So thank you for promoting such a liberating and beautiful philosophy Melissa.
Love & gratitude,
Pip. xx
Darling girl, sending you so much love right now.
You will get through it and it lights me up to hear how you are choosing love over fear.
Love Melissa xx
I am curious how things worked out for you with this man Kim. Relationships began with two people cheating is always destined for disaster. How could either of you ever trust one another when you both cheated to be together.
Did you try to get your husband back once you realised this man was never going to leave his wife?
Melissa, I searched through all of your blog pieces to find this after the father of my children broke off our engagement because of my anxiety.
I needed to read every word of this and although I have an incredible amount of inner strength, I just needed to hear that this pain will pass.
Thank you, so much.
Lauren
xx
I really love this one Melissa!
Hey Melissa, how long do you think is acceptable to mourn after a break up?
However long you need angel. Everyone is different. What feels right for you?
I read this many years ago when I was single and had never experienced a break up. I am now going through my first one with a man I thought was the one. Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I have it saved on my phone to read many times when I’m struggling ❤️
You’re so welcome Amy. I’m sending you so much love and just know you are LOVE. xx
Any book recommendations when going through a break up? X
Open Wide honey. xx