So many people who struggle with their body image or weight spend hours agonizing about their food choices and beating themselves up over what they ate (or didn’t eat) at their last meal. But the truth is, for most of us, it’s actually not about the food at all. In fact, the foods we’re eating are completely secondary to the way we actually feel about ourselves.

Now don’t get me wrong: of course what you eat matters. Of course it’s important to get enough veggies and fill your plate with healthy choices. But to truly get to the root of your relationship with food, you can’t just look at what you’re eating; you’ve got to look at why you’re eating and how you’re treating yourself and your body.

At first, some people might see this as being really depressing — You’re saying that it’s my fault I feel so crap? But in truth, it’s incredibly empowering. It means that if you can get your inner stuff sorted, then all the external stuff (for example, your ongoing food angst) will naturally and organically start to dissolve and sort itself out.

Before we dive in to the nuts and bolts of making this inner change, I want you to think about your relationship with food for a moment and ask yourself these questions:

Did you reach for junk food, a sugar hit or a caffeine fix this past week?

Are you turning to processed, fast or ready to eat ‘foods’ because you’re ‘too busy’?

Did you skip a meal or ‘forget to eat’?

Do you tend to snack a lot or crave dessert after every meal?

Do you use food as a reward mechanism?

When you ate dinner last night, were you watching TV, sitting on Facebook or surfing the net?

Now ask yourself — what’s really going on here?

This isn’t a time to play games with yourself or gloss over what’s really going on. Open up, take a good look at what’s going on here, and be honest with yourself. To start with, notice any emotions or feelings that come bubbling to the surface. Note the Mean Girl mind chatter going on inside your head. Is your Mean Girl judging you? Is it telling you you’ve failed? Are you feeling guilty or angry with yourself?

I want to remind you that that is just your Mean Girl doing her thang. Being harsh and fear based is its job, but it doesn’t mean it’s your truth.

Now I want you to take a deep belly breath and let it all go. Then take another one. Consciously choose to turn the volume down on your Mean Girl chatter, get present, and have full acceptance of what is. Because right now — in this very moment — you can heal your relationship with food.

Yep, you can.

And it’s as easy as choosing love over fear.

Don’t believe me? Let me tell you a story… For many years, I entertained quite a destructive relationship with food. I ate (or didn’t eat) out of fear of getting fat and I questioned everything I put to my lips. I was always repeating that age-old mantra of messed-up dieters everywhere — a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, chanting it to myself as the food went sliding down. To say I was a ‘disordered eater’ was an understatement.

I ate to numb emotions and block out sadness, anger and frustration. I ate to take the edge off the rejection and disappointment I felt in my relationships and career. I ate to squash down the fear inside me that I wasn’t enough. Why? Because I didn’t know there was any other way.

It wasn’t until I learned how to eat out of love that my torturous relationship with food began to turn around. As a mega bonus, I was also able to finally lose the stubborn weight that had been hanging on for years and keep it off for good. But let it be said: this is about so much more than simply losing weight; this is about ending your war with food — and with yourself.

Everything outside of us is a reflection of our internal state.

If you are eating out of fear, it’s time to stop. And if you’ve quit sugar out of fear, again: please stop. Quit sugar because you love yourself and your body unconditionally, not because you are scared it will give you cellulite. Eat to nourish that beautiful temple of yours, to keep it healthy and strong. Our bodies put up with a lot of crap; it’s time to give them back some love.

If you want to learn how to ditch your fear-based eating habits and heal your relationship with food for good, check out this targeted love over fear exercise. This is designed to dramatically shift your internal GPS and allow you to make deliberate and conscious choices from a place of love instead of fear. It’s a truly potent tool.

Make no mistake: this one simple shift will dramatically change everything in your life. All those things that I used to do out of fear — flogging my body at the gym, obsessively buying the latest clothes so I’d fit in, putting up with crappy relationship so I wouldn’t be alone, forcing myself to exist on salad and diet soda so I wouldn’t get fat — they’re all now a thing of the past. Once I adjusted my mindset, everything shifted.

So don’t underestimate the power of this one small change. It truly can transform everything. Click here now to watch the video.

How is your relationship with food? Do you need to give yourself some love? Share below the biggest challenge you face with your relationship with food.

I know food is a sensitive topic and I am so grateful for you to share your insights in the comments. Your words may be the one thing someone needs to read to inspire them to take action to end their war with food.